Here it is, as promised the official first chapter of Ways To Torment the Fellowship. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I promise not to sell this story, do you promise not to sue? I don't own any of the characters/ places/ items except for Steph, Jess, and my authors baton.
1. Unleash an army of rabid Legolas fan girls.
Frodo was sitting on a rock, watching Merry and Pippin train with Boromir, Sam was cooking something, Gimli was smoking his pipe, Gandalf was lost in thought and Legolas was watching the path that they were to take. All of a sudden, he heard a yelp as Pippin feigned being hurt by Boromir, and watched as Merry and Pippin tackled the Gondorian to the ground. Aragorn was also dragged into the mix as he tried to stop them but was tackled as well by the hobbits. Suddenly, he heard Legolas cry out in horror, and when Frodo turned to look at what had scared the elf, he saw something so horrible, that he had to run and hide behind a boulder. He heard Boromir call " quick, hide!" and moved aside as the big Gondorian dove behind Frodo's boulder. The man and the hobbit peered out from behind their hiding spot and watched as an army of females, of all ages, came marching up the hill, frothing at the mouth, obviously searching for something. " Find him!" the apparent leader barked at the others, " we will not rest until he is found." The strange females dug around in crevices and bushes looking for " him", whoever that was. " I FOUND HIM, I FOUND HIM!" shrieked one of the younger ones, dragging a petrified Legolas behind her. All of the girls screamed when they saw him and charged over to the girl and the elf. Legolas managed to shake off the girl's grip and decided it would be a good idea to run. No sooner had he started bounding up the slope of the mountain, the girls noticed their captive had freed himself, and ran after him, arms stretched out in an effort to catch him. Legolas' screams were heard from miles away.
Two sisters rode through the nearby forest on the horses that the fangirls had given them in exchange for Legolas' location, although where they had gotten them, was a mystery to the sisters. " Steph, do you think we're almost there?" asked Jessica, the younger of the sisters, but the much, much more normal one of the two. " Yep" replied Stephanie, her older sister, and the nerd in the family. " I can see Caradhras from here"
" English please, I don't speak nerd"
" Ugh, the mountain that the Fellowship climbed to get to Moria"
"... oh..."
Stephanie rolled her eyes and the two girls continued on in silence, until Jessica asked " do you think we told them the right direction?" Steph grinned " did you hear Legolas' screams?" " yep" came the muffled reply. Steph turned her head to see Jessica fixing her hair and holding the elastic she used in her mouth. She sighed " Anyways, as I was saying, that's how you know they found him." Jess rode faster to catch up with her older sister, " Why do you study Middle Earth and all the histories, legends, and stuff like that"
" I enjoy it, I find learning about the creation of Middle Earth, the Valar, the Maia, Elves, Dwarves, the coming of Men into the west, learning about elves that actually had flaws, reading about all the times men have failed epically, fascinating."
" Then why do you hate history class so much"
"It's all about men messing up then doing something wonderful, messing up then doing something wonderful, mess- you get the point"
" sort of"
Steph shrugged " oh well, we're almost there anyways" and she instantly sped up, racing for the mountain with Jessica right behind her.
The fellowship watched in shock as the Legolas was chased up the mountainside by an army of, apparently, rabid females. " Should we try to rescue him?" Pippin inquired, still staring at the mountainside,"Don't bother" came a cheerful voice from behind them, the fellowship all whipped around, only to see two girls sitting calmly on a rock, acting as if nothing had happened. " They promised to stop chasing him once they reached Moria", suddenly all of the fellowship started asking questions at the same time. " Who were those people that took Legolas?" " Why did they take him" " What do you mean they promised to stop chasing him once they reached Moria?" " Who are you?" " Where do you come from?" " Why are you here?" Only Gandalf and Aragorn were silent, obviously pondering something, Meanwhile, the older one of the two girls decided she was tired of all the questions, she jumped up shouting and pointing a strange stick at them, " SHUT UP OR I'LL USE MY AUTHORS BATON ON ALL OF YOU!" they all stopped talking abruptly. " I will answer your questions one at a time." the girl announced, seeming to calm down almost immediately, " those girls that chased Legolas were called " Fangirls" a very dangerous form of monster, but you can bargain with them" she stopped and pointed to the horses standing off to the side, " those fangirls gave us those horses in exchange for the location of Legolas" she pointed her baton at Aragorn who had opened his mouth to say something as a warning, " They took him because, well,... they're obsessed with him, think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and keep him for themselves" both girls shuddered " Like I said, we made a deal with them, if they gave us horses and promised to stop chasing Legolas once they reached Moria, we would give the fangirls his location" the younger girl hissed " hurry up, I want to get to the fun stuff" the older girl rolled her eyes " in time my young tormentor, padawan, in time"" anyways" she continued " My name is Stephanie and this is my younger sister Jessica" she pointed to the other girl, " we come from a country called Canada in a world called Earth, not Middle, Upper or Lower earth, just plain old Earth" Stephanie paused for a moment ," and we're here to... well, you'll find out later." Both Jessica and Stephanie grinned evilly at the fellowship. " I strongly suggest you allow us to journey with you, or there could be consequences" Stephanie informed them casually, tossing her " baton" into the air and catching it again, as if to threaten them. " very well" murmured Gandalf, speaking for the first time since the " fangirl" incident " you two may travel with us"" but on one condition" the crazy old wizard added sharply " you must never tell ANY " fangirls" our location again." The two sisters looked at each other and nodded, " agreed" Jessica smiled as Stephanie had another evil grin on her face. The whole fellowship sighed, this was going to be one long journey. " As for poor Legolas, I suppose our only option is to go through Moria" Gandalf announced. The two sisters grinned at each other and hi-fived, everything was going as planned. " We're just getting warmed up" Stephanie hissed to Gandalf " that wasn't even the worst thing we could do." The look on the old wizard's face was priceless.
Thank you to : Geni, DragongirlIM, Tiara d' Cullen and The Awesome One for reviewing! :D You guys made my day. Thankyou to DragongirlIM, Tiara d' Cullen, and The Awesome one for favouring me! :D I know this one wasn't very funny but I promise the next chapters will be. Remember guys: R&R
P.S. I will only be updating once or twice a week due to my crazy life. I'm posting this chapter now because I 'll be away at camp without internet next week. It will most likely be once a week especially once school starts up again...