It was mealtime at the Slifer Dorm, but the food wasn't what everyone was expecting. There was a single small fish on everyone's plate with a small serving of rice and tofu.
Chazz: What's with the food?
Syrus: Yeah. Once we got a better budget, the menu shot up in quality, but now we're back to square one.
Drake: Sorry everyone. We had to make some emergency repairs to the dorm, so I'm afraid you'll have to put up with the food for now.
Bastion: Well, I suppose there's no point in complaining then. Wait, does anyone else smell that?
Syrus: Yeah, and it smells great.
?: Attention Slifer Students! Soup, as they say, is on!
Everyone went outside and saw a man wearing an apron, a cape, and a mask fashioned from a paper bag stirring a large pot.
Syrus: Look Chazz, someone who dresses weirder than you.
Chazz: You wanna tell us what's going on?
?: Of course. My name is Don Simon, here to dazzle your digestive tracts and tantalize your taste buds.
Bastion: Come again?
Syrus: Wait, can we eat this?
Hassleberry: Get in line son.
Simon: Smells good, no? I use only the finest ingredients whenever I create my famous curry. However, if you wish to taste it, you must first defeat me in a duel. However, should you lose this duel, Seniors Hassleberry, Truesdale, and Misawa, you will all return to Ra Yellow.
Hassleberry: Wait, how do you know our names?
Bastion: And more importantly, why do you want us to leave this dorm?
Syrus: Who cares? We promised to protect the dorm while Jaden is gone.
Meanwhile, Bonaparte was standing off to the side watching the scene unfold.
Bonaparte: Très bien. I like his style, except for the paper bag. Once he moves those three out of the red dorm, it'll be that much easier for me to get rid of it.
Alexis: You can't accept this duel Hassleberry. If you lose, who will be left to defend the dorm?
Hassleberry: Sorry ma'am, but I never shy away from battle. I accept this challenge.
Alexis: You'd better not lose.
Simon: Students, spectators, food lovers of all ages, I hope you brought your appetites, for I am serving a large portion of defeat.
Syrus: A mystery chef verses a sergeant wannabe.
Alexis: Another typical day.
Hassleberry: Alright soldier, time for combat. Remember, when I win, it's chow time.
Simon: And if you lose, then you shall taste nothing but defeat.
Hassleberry: Don't threaten me pops.
Simon: I'll be tasting victory soon enough.
Both: Let's duel!
Simon: 4000 LP
Hassleberry: 4000 LP
Simon: I shall take the first move. I draw! First, I summon Carrotman in defense mode.
Level 3/Earth/Plant
ATK 800/DEF 900
Hassleberry: A carrot?
Simon: And now I play the continuous spell Curry Pot. While this card is in play, all monsters that would be sent to the grave are added to the pot instead.
Bastion: Wait, does he mean they're banished?
Alexis: Well, he must be cooking up something.
Simon: I'll simmer for a while.
Hassleberry: I'm guessing that means you end your turn. Alright then, I'm gonna turn up the heat by summoning Black Stego in attack mode.
Level 4/Earth/Dinosaur
ATK 1200/DEF 2000
Hassleberry: Now attack Carrotman!
Stego charged Don Simon's monster, turning it onto carrot slices that fell into the curry pot.
Hassleberry: I'll place this card face-down and end my turn.
Simon: You're quite the assistant chef. You've just added the first ingredient to my curry surprise.
Hassleberry: Come on. Vegetable men and curry bowls? Are you a duelist or a short order cook?
Simon: A cook? Please, I am a culinary connoisseur.
Hassleberry: A what?
Simon: A guru of the gastronomic arts, the captain of first-class cuisine.
Bastion: He forgot leader of the loonies.
Simon: Now serving. I draw! And I summon Potatoman in attack mode.
Level 3/Earth/Plant
ATK 900/DEF 800
Hassleberry: Give me a break, are all your monsters edible?
Simon: Of course. But they are much tastier when I add some seasoning, or in this case, spices.
Hassleberry: You're kidding.
Syrus: What's he doing?
Dorothy: He's spicing things up.
Syrus: Ms. Dorothy? What are you doing here?
Dorothy: I was nearby and saw there was a duel going on.
Simon: I hope you like it hot, because I activate the spell Red Pepper Spice.
A red dust cloud blew through the area, causing Black Stego to start panting.
Hassleberry: What's the matter boy?
Simon: I guess he can't handle the heat. Red Pepper Spice raises the attack points of my monster by 300 and lowers the attack points of yours by the same amount, but only until the end of this turn.
Potatoman: 900-1200 ATK
Black Stego: 1200-900 ATK
Simon: Now show him what a root vegetable can do with Spud Smash!
His monster ran forward and tried to punch Black Stego, but it batted the monster away with its tail.
Simon: What happened?
Hassleberry: Black Stego's defense instinct. Whenever he's attacked when he's in attack mode, he switches himself to defense, and with 2000 defense points, your Potato can't touch him.
Simon: 3200 LP
Simon: Very well. I play Spell Spice Cinnamon.
Hassleberry: Not more spices.
Simon: You know what they say: a dash of cinnamon goes a long way. This card causes both our monster to change battle modes, so my Potatoman goes into defense and your dino goes into attack. Next, I'll place a card face-down and end my turn, which means the effect of my Red Pepper Spice wears off.
Hassleberry: Cinnamon on taters? Where did you learn to cook?
Simon: How dare you! I'll have you know my cinnamon spuds are very popular.
Hassleberry: Alright, fess up pops, it's time to lose the paper bag. Who are you and why are you here?
Simon: I already told you, I am Don Simon, master chef extraordinaire.
Hassleberry: Fine, I'll unmask ya soon enough anyway. My draw! Alright, I retire my Stego so my Dark Driceratops can report for duty.
Level 6/Earth/Dinosaur
ATK 2400/DEF 1500
Hassleberry: Now attack with Jurassic Jolt!
His monster roared, sending a barrage of sonic waves that cut Potatoman into pieces.
Hassleberry: And due to my monster's special ability, even though your monster was in defense mode, it still deals damage to ya.
Simon: 1600 LP
Simon: I activate the trap Counter Spice Cumin. Since you destroyed my Potatomon in battle, I can summon a level 4 or lower monster from my hand in attack mode, such as my Onionman!
Level 4/Earth/Plant
ATK & DEF 1200
Hassleberry: A trap for a trap. I play Hunting Instinct! Since you special summoned a monster, I can special summon a dino from my hand, so Black Tyranno, front and center!
Level 7/Earth/Dinosaur
ATK 2600/DEF 1800
Hassleberry: Now mince that onion. Forward march!
Black Tyranno charged forward and stomped on Onionman, turning him into slivers that fell into the curry pot.
Simon: 200 LP
The shock from Black Tyranno's attack caused Don Simon's mask to fall off, revealing his identity to everyone.
Syrus: Wait, who is he?
Bastion: I'm not sure.
Simon: Well played senior Hassleberry. It is true ladies and gentlemen, the chef is out of the bag, and now my identity is revealed.
Alexis: That's great and all but,
Syrus: Anyone know who this guy is?
Chazz: Search me.
Bastion: He looks familiar, but I can't place a name.
Hassleberry: Ok we give up, who are you?
Drake: Professor Sartyr?
Bastion: Wait, wouldn't that make him the headmaster of the Ra Dorm?
Sartyr: Indeed, although I'm surprised you don't remember me. What do I have to do, become headmaster like Crowler? Or disappear like Banner? I've been working at this school since day one and still no respect. I was there last year at Bastion's welcome dinner, I have attended every graduation ceremony, including last spring's, and not to mention all of those tedious staff meetings.
Drake: Sorry to interrupt, but Ms. Fontaine wanted me to remind you we have a meeting at 4 pm this Thursday.
Sartyr: Oh, thank you. Now where was I? Right, no matter who hard I tried to be a good headmaster, I walk these halls unnoticed, so I decided to try something different.
Hassleberry: Like cooking wearing a paper bag? Clearly you need attention. But why'd you challenge me to this crazy duel?
Sartyr: Because everybody has abandoned me. Have you even visited the Ra Yellow Dorm lately? All my best students have either graduated to Obelisk Blue or choose to spend all their time at Slifer Red. Sure, yellow isn't the best dorm, but you didn't have to leave.
Chazz: Is he for real?
Bastion: Now this duel makes sense. Sort of.
Sartyr: I thought if I prepared some delicious food, you might come back to Ra. The mask just gave the whole thing a touch of flare. Well, now the truth is out, so let's all head back.
Hassleberry: Sorry, but I'm not leaving the red dorm.
Sartyr: Why? Sure it's a lot nicer than it was last year, but at Ra Yellow you'll be surrounded by duelists at your level, instead of being dragged down by the bums in red.
Hassleberry: Say what you want about the Red Dorm, but I made a promise to my best friend that I'd make sure nothing happened to this place, and I keep my promises.
Chazz: Like Jaden's ever coming back.
Syrus: It's only been a day.
Chazz: Try two days.
Sartyr: Very well. If you won't come back by choice, then I'll bring you back by force, or rather, Don Simon will!
Hassleberry: You're putting the mask back on? We all know who ya are, so just lose the paper bag.
Simon: Don Simon always stays in character when he duels, it's part of the whole mystique.
Hassleberry: Bring it.
Simon: Oh bring it I shall. To the table that is. You see, all the preparations are complete.
Hassleberry: What preparations?
Simon: For my curry. You see, due to the effect of Curry Pot, when Carrotman, Potatoman, and Onionman have all been banished, I can banish all monsters on the field, and then from my hand or deck, I can summon Curry Fiend Roo!
Hassleberry's monsters turned into giant pieces of meat and flew into the curry pot, and a giant monster appeared on Don Simon's field.
Level 8/Fire/Fiend
ATK & DEF 0
Hassleberry: All that for a monster with no attack points?
Simon: Don't be so sure. You see Curry Fiend Roo gains 200 attack points for every spice card in my graveyard, and 300 more for every banished monster.
Hassleberry: What?
Bastion: There are three spice cards in his graveyard and six monsters banished, which means his Curry Fiend gains 2400 attack points.
Roo: 0-2400 ATK
Hassleberry: Not good. I'll place a card face-down and end my turn.
Simon: It's my turn. I draw. And thanks to my Pot of Greed, I can draw 2 more. Now I play Spell Spice Caraway. This card takes away 200 or your life points and adds them onto mine.
Hassleberry: 3800 LP
Simon: 400 LP
Drake: And with another spice card in his grave, his Curry Fiend gains more points.
Roo: 2400-2600 ATK
Simon: And because you can never over-season, I play Mix Spice Garamasala. This card lets me add three spice cards from my deck to my hand.
Roo: 2600-2800 ATK
Syrus: If he plays three more spice cards, won't his monster gains 600 more attack points?
Bastion: I'm afraid so. Which means this duel comes down to what cards he picks.
Simon: I choose these three cards. I activate one Red Pepper Spice and two Spell Spice Caraways, so my fiend gains 300 attack points, you lose 400 life points, and I gain that same amount.
Roo: 2800-3100 ATK
Hassleberry: 3400 LP
Simon: 800 LP
Simon: And don't forget, the more ingredients in my grave, the stronger my Curry Fiend gets.
Roo: 3100-3700 ATK
Syrus: It's got 3700 attack points?
Hassleberry: I've gotta think of something. I can't let my best friend down.
Syrus: I know what you're thinking serge, and Jaden's my best friend!
Hassleberry: Is that boy a mind reader or does he just have good instincts? Wait, instinct!
Simon: Curry Fiend Roo, make a meal out of him!
Hassleberry: Not so fast, I play the Survival Instinct trap card! With it, I can banish any number of dinos from my hand or graveyard, and then for every monster I banished, I gain 500 life points. I'll banish the Element Saurus and Hyper Hammerhead in my hand to gain 1000 life points.
Hassleberry: 4400 LP
Bastion: But since two more monsters are now banished, his Curry Fiend gains 600 more attack points.
Drake: Maybe, but he still has enough life points to take the hit.
Roo: 3700-4300 ATK
Simon: Very well. Go Curry Fiend Roo, Montezuma's Revenge!
His monster dipped the spoon in its hand into the soup boat that served as its head before throwing some of the liquid inside at Hassleberry.
Hassleberry: 100 LP
Alexis: He just made it out of that one.
Simon: I'll end my turn, which means the effect of Red Pepper Spice expires.
Roo: 4300-4000 ATK
Simon: Don't you see that living in the red dorm has weakened you? Your dueling is predictable and your friends are pathetic.
Hassleberry: You need to take that bag of your head and open your eyes pops, because I've learned more than you think.
Simon: Like how to rip off your sleeves?
Hassleberry: I've learned that dueling's not about dorms, it's about heart, and making sure you cover your best bud's back, even when he's gone. No matter what you think, I'm a red, and let me tell you, if you think dueling is about luring people away from where they belong with a sad story and sack full of spices, then you're even more pitiful than I thought.
Simon: I might be moved if you weren't losing. Now, make your final move.
Hassleberry: Alright then. Like my pal Jaden says, just when you think you know how a duel is gonna end, one draw can change everything. And it looks like he was right. I summon Tyranno Infinity in attack mode!
Level 4/Earth/Dinosaur
ATK ?/DEF 0
Simon: Its attack points aren't determined?
Hassleberry: My Tyranno's attack is equal to the number of my banished dinos times 1000, and I've got five banished.
Tyranno: ?-5000 ATK
Simon: This can't be. My glorious feast, ruined.
Hassleberry: You know, there's something I've been wanting to say all day, so here goes. Bon appetite!
On those words, Tyranno Infinity ran forward and bit down on Curry Fiend Roo, destroying him.
Hassleberry: I'd like to order a hot plate of victory, and as for your life points, I'll take 'em to go.
Simon: 0 LP
Winner: Hassleberry
Bonaparte: Well, that was a bust.
Sartyr: I guess I'll be alone forever.
Hassleberry: Hold the phone pops, you got it all wrong. We didn't leave because of you. We left to be closer to our friends, but we'll be back.
Sartyr: You mean you'll visit me? Maybe stay for dinner, and desert? I will cook up whatever you like, let's set up an evening next week.
Hassleberry: Here's an idea, let's eat now.
Soon, everyone was eating Sartyr's curry, and they couldn't get enough of it.
Chazz: This is pretty good.
Hassleberry: Agreed.
Bastion: Bit too spicy for me, but still good.
Hassleberry: Hey pops, we gotta do this again. How about tomorrow at the same time?
Sartyr: I would be delighted.
Hassleberry: 10-4. But leave the mask at home.
Syrus: It's a shame Jaden isn't here. He loves spicy food.
Alexis: We just have to hope that wherever he is, he's okay.
Bastion: I'm sure he is.