Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I do not and I never will own Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, Logan Henderson, Carlos Pena, Jr., and James Maslow. I do own, however, Catalina "Cat" Aragon, Michael and Andres, and Junior Detective Keller. I semi-own Detective Spencer.

Read CheekyBrunette's things! She is amazing and is promoting this story like the awesome person she is. Read Some Wild Behavior, that is one of the most amazing stories ever. And Halfway There! READ THEM!

Downhill From Here

Chapter 12

Mikkal

Kendall choked and covered his mouth, trying to muffle the noise so Logan wouldn't hear. Did Logan say...what he thought he just say? Granted, at least he remembered something and didn't have total amnesia, but losing 5 days?

Especially five days of torture?

Luckily Logan didn't hear Kendall and was just listening as Dr. Johnson explained, in simple words, that he had been taken five days ago and only recently had been found. His hands were hurt terribly and may become infected, and he's come down with pneumonia but he should be on the road to recovery.

For some reason he never questioned who took him, what happened in those five days, or what happened with Michael Morgan...after he was told it was the man who messed with his bit...

This was all so confusing.

And Kendall couldn't figure out what happened to the old Logan, the one who would immediately be suspicious and questioning what the hell was going on.

This Logan was too quiet, too timid, too much like he was when he first moved to Minnesota. It was like...he remembered partly what happened, but his personality reverted back to 7 years old.

"When can I go home?" Logan asked shyly.

Dr. Johnson looked like he didn't want to answer that. "In a few days," he answered. "When we're sure you're not going to come down with an infection."

He nodded mutely and laid back down, making sure he never made eye contact with the doctor. He always made eye contact as much as he could with people he trusted, and Kendall was glad to see that hadn't changed.

"Where are James and Carlos?" Logan asked again, sounding so much like a child it hurt.

Kendall brushed his hand through his greasy hair. "They're coming. We're going to stay with you tonight, okay?"

He nodded and smiled slightly at him, but it was wavering and broken. Kendall had a feeling that Logan had no idea why he was scared or why he was suddenly so meek, but he would bet his hockey stick that Logan was feeling safer with those feelings.

Having Kendall close by helped.

Since this time Logan was in ICU the guys could stay with him over night.

Carlos was looking worse for wear and soft trembles coursed through his body every now and then. James was unnaturally pale as he thought back to what Kendall told him as he watched Logan sleep restlessly.

"Why can't he remember?" Carlos whimpered.

Kendall sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "The doctor said he's blocking it out, something about trauma. He doesn't want to remember so he's not going to and something's telling him not to ask about it."

"What," James' voice shook. "What's going to happen when he does?"

"I...I don't know."

Something bad, really bad.

Logan sobbed and whimpered, tightening his grip on the hospital sheets despite the pain. Everyone held their breath as they waited for another outburst but all that happened was that Logan shook violently and shot his eyes open.

"No!" He gasped and looked around wildly, not seeing what was there but what was in his mind.

Kendall was the first to take control and place a gentle hand on his arm, just above the bandages. "It's okay Logan, you're safe."

He stared at him, not sure what was going on, and then, suddenly, tears poured down his cheeks. A sob choked his breath and he clung to Kendall's shirt.

"What's going on?" He wailed. "Why can't I remember? Why am I so scare?"

Kendall tried his best to provide as much comfort as he could, but he was falling short. How was he suppose to answer that without completely ruining Logan's fragile mind state?

He held him close and rubbed circles on his back, frowning when he felt heat through the thin cotton shirt. Kendall pulled him away and looked closely at his face, noting the flushed cheeks and the fever glazed eyes.

Oh crap...

"James," he said softly. "Call Dr. Johnson."

He quickly ran out the room to find the doctor, leaving Carlos to clutch the arms of the chair with white knuckles.

Logan suddenly let go of his shirt, like he was just realizing it hurt too much to hold on anymore, and looked at him in confusion. "Kendall, what's wrong?"

Kendall smile gently and felt his forehead as causally as he could. "You feeling okay there Logie?"

He nodded slightly. "Yeah, I mean. The best I could be feeling right now."

Dr. Johnson walked in, looking worried, and smile at his patient. "Hey Logan. I'm just going to check your arms, okay?"

Logan looked away from him and mumbled a quite "Okay."

His smile got softer as he unwrapped the pink tinged bandages from his arm, the smile turning over into a frown when he noticed the red, irritated skin around his scratch and the odd amount of blood coming from the wounds. There should not be that much blood at this stage.

"Well, it looks like your arms have become infected," he said, technically telling all of them. "But don't worry, because Kendall's caught it early we can treat it. You'll be healed in no time."

He nodded. "Okay," he said again.

The doctor patted the bed, careful not to touch him at all, and walked out to got fetch even more antibiotics for the poor teen.

Logan glanced at Kendall, for some reason he never looked at James and Carlos despite him wanting them here. "Kendall, can you tell me what happened?"

All he felt was panic. He wasn't suppose to be asking that!

He cleared his throat. "I can't Logie. I don't know what happened, you're the only one who does."

"But...I don't." He frowned. "I'm tired," he said, changing the subject.

"You can sleep Logie," James spoke up, his hand back to cupping the back of Carlos' neck in a comforting gesture. "You're safe with us."

He finally make eye contact with the hazel eyed teen and a ghost of a smile appeared on his tired, paler than usual face. "Thanks James," he whispered before laying down and closing his eyes.

He was having another nightmare, but this one involved no noise. His mouth was opened wide in silent screams and James decided this was the worse, watching his best friend writhe in so much agony but never making a sound.

The grip Carlos had on his arm was painful but solid, he was there and he was stable. Both of them were each other's anchors as Kendall worked with Logan.

They wanted to help, but for some reason Logan wouldn't trust them. It hurt, but understandable. James just wished there was a little bit of that old Logan in there, the one who trusted everyone in their family and who would sprout out annoying facts about all of the drugs he was getting.

Like how the steroids he was getting for the pneumonia weren't the steroids idiot sport jocks used and they made your eyes sensitive as hell.

He wanted Logan to tell him that, not some random nurse who could care less about him.

If he had any power in the world he would want the power to turn back time, back to before Griffin ever suggested the stupid horseback riding thing.

He wanted to help his friends, they just looked so guilty and hurt, and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. Why couldn't he remember anything? It couldn't be that bad, could it?

Logan watched his friends sleep in awkward positions. Carlos sat in a chair, legs stretched out in front of him and head leaned back with his mouth wide open in soft snores. James had his arm wrapped around one of the legs of aforementioned chair and his head rested on Carlo's hip, his hair was a mess and there were heavy bags under his eyes.

If Logan felt bad earlier, then seeing James not care as much about himself made it even worse.

The comforting weight on his shoulder (the non-injured one, didn't he dislocate one before? Why hasn't anyone mentioned it? Guess it wasn't as bad as before...) told him the Kendall was still there, thank God. He didn't know what he would do if Kendall wasn't here.

Kendall sat in the other chair, his back bent in a uncomfortable position. One hand rested on his shoulder while the other one wrapped around Logan's stomach, keeping him place so he wouldn't disappear.

He smiled softly. He felt safe here, with his friends surrounding him, but he didn't want to go to sleep. Sleeping meant nightmares, ones he didn't understand. They were terrifying and he didn't think he could go through another one of those without completely breaking down...

All he wanted to do was remember, just so he wouldn't hurt his friends anymore. Just sleeping hurt his friends, his nightmares made him a pathetic mess while he slept. James looked on the verge of tears and Carlos was sobbing when he woke up, Kendall was the only one who was still strong.

But even he looked like he was about to break.

Logan flexed his hands experimentally, hissing as quietly as he could when they spiked. Why did he keep doing that? They hurt every time, it's not like that was going to change.

What the hell happened?