Yes, Chapter Two!
Don't own Bleach, only Aubrey
......
"AAAAAH! OMIGOD NOOOOOOOOO!!! Please," she begged, gasping for breath. "PLEASE STOP IT, REY-CHAAAAN!"
"Never," Aubrey declared before laughing maniacally.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"What are you doing?" Ulquiorra asked from the now-open door, struggling to maintain a cool lack of emotion. Before him sprawled the two crazy girls on one of the couches (now knocked backwards), one in tears and the other displaying immense sadism.
"He-help; she's-she's—" the first gasped.
She was asking him for help? What could have possibly—
"SHE'S TICKLING MEEEEEE!!!"
"Like this?" The second jabbed her fingers along the first's sides, relishing in the screams that followed. Ulquiorra resisted the urge to stab his fingers into his ears, waiting for the humans to remember his presence. This was a relatively new thing to wait for, and Ulquiorra honestly couldn't say that he was enjoying it. The one with glasses paused eventually, but not before wearing his patience uncharacteristically thin. Why had he ever given his support for having her come here? Why had he been in the group to go and invite her here?
"In any case," the more annoying one began, standing and helping the normally quiet one as she did so, "did you need something?"
"The other residents would prefer that you keep quiet," Ulquiorra told her.
"Oh. My apologies." Unlike the redhead, this one didn't look too penitent, or embarrassed. "We'll keep it down, then. Ne, Ri-chan?"
"Ha-hai!"
The new one was giving the girl confidence. Humans, Ulquiorra inwardly sighed. "Then I will go."
"Oh, one other thing," Glasses girl said.
"Yes?"
"Where can I get some food around here?"
Ulquiorra wanted to ram his head through a wall. "I will send someone to show you."
"Thanks. Can Ri-chan come?"
Finally, a chance to strike back. "No."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Alright then; have a nice night, Ulquiorra-kun." Yes! She went there!
Not even that had phased this one? Curses. Wait… what? "What did you call me?" The less annoying girl's face looked like how he felt.
"Ulquiorra-kun." This one kept a straight face, as if she didn't know what she had done. "Would you prefer Ulqui-kun?"
Of all the *~#^#&^&! Despite the obscenities jumping around in his head, Ulquiorra maintained his cool, somehow. "No."
"Alright, Ulquiorra-kun."
"You may not call me that, either." Aizen-sama; if the other Espada heard that..!
"Alright, Ulquiorra."
At this point, he could live with that. And so, he closed the door without looking back, and proceeded to continue a mental session of WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
That was one of two things that Ulquiorra had found himself doing recently: asking that question, and variations of it, at a ridiculously high rate. The other was waiting for lesser beings, humans, to acknowledge him. It was infuriating and annoying and he just wanted to boot this little monstrosity straight back to the Human World. She was even worse than General Gin!
And speaking of more annoying people, here he came now, the only other one in the hall.
"Ah, hey, Ulquiorra! How ya doin'?"
If only there were a way to remove this one. Wait… A little blacklight bulb lit up, visible only to Ulquiorra who couldn't care less. "Hmph."
"How's the new girl?"
"Trash who still needs to be shown around."
"But didn't she just get here? Wouldn't that be natural?"
Ulquiorra chose not to answer.
"So if she's still new, why ain'tcha showin' her around?"
"Why should I bother with such garbage?"
"Hm? If ya don't want ta do it, I will."
Perfect. "Do as you will, General Gin."
"Okay, see ya later, Ulquiorra-kun."
He couldn't have. "You…"
"I'm really lookin' forward ta spendin' time with this one, ya know." And off General Gin went, whistling down the corridor to join another bane of Ulquiorra's existence. Where was Yammy, anyway? Ulquiorra needed to hit someone.
......
"Re-Rey-chan, y-you just..!" Orihime was still a fair bit speechless.
"I know. Did you see his face?" Aubrey relished in the memory yet again. "He was trying so hard not to kill me on the spot."
"Tha-that's not a good thing, Rey-chan!"
"Bah, like he can. And if he does, I'll just reincarnate again."
"But still…"
"Don't worry; Casclu'll take care of you."
"That's not what I meant!"
"Anou, knock knock!"
Orihime froze. She knew that voice..!
"Who is it?" Aubrey knew the voice, too, but didn't seem too affected by it.
"Ichimaru Gin."
"Would you like to come in?"
Orihime made furious nonono motions, but Aubrey just winked at her.
"Uhhh, if it's not too much trouble…"
"Alright."
In walked a still-smiley Gin, which hadn't changed since Aubrey had first met him. If her previous actions had been any indication, she was going to have as much fun with this as possible. "Hey, Aubrey-chan; Hime-chan."
"Hello," Aubrey smiled. Orihime nodded, trying not to look judgmental over what this man had done to Rangiku-chan. Somehow, she knew that he could see it, anyway.
"Well I'm here to escotcha 'round Hueco Mundo, Rey-chan."
"Coolness! Thanks."
"It's the least I can do for a new face. Wanna go ahead and get started?"
"Sure. C'mon, Ri-chan."
"Uhh, sorry Aubrey-chan. Ulquiorra might get mad at me if I allow that."
"Huh?" Aubrey kept up an innocent act to rival Gin's. "But don't you outrank him?"
"Yeah, but since the orders came from Aizen-taichou…"
"Ah." Aubrey rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, Ri-chan…" She couldn't even leave Casclu with her roomie, given her mission.
"Don't worry about it, Rey-chan!"
Aubrey could tell that Orihime was faking that smile.
......
"And this is the cafeteria, where the Arrancar get souls and we get actual food."
"In all honesty, I prefer option two."
"Ha, thought so."
"Where do the souls come from?"
"Right now, the Congo."
"Ah. I half-expected you to say 'The Middle East' or 'Canada'."
"Ora? Why?"
"Probably because I grew up in America."
?
"Cultural running gags. Hm? Is that Ulquiorra?"
"Aww, I thought you were gonna call him Ulqui-k—"
"Hey, Ulquiorra. I thought that you were too busy to show me this place."
"…I am." LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
There's anger buried down there. "Alright, then—"
"Huh? Who the Hell're you?"
Ah, it's Grimmkitty. "Aubrey Malgen. You?"
"Nun've your business, human."
"Oh-kaaay, then…" Aubrey turned her attention to the menu. OMG, chocolate pudding.
"Ohayo, Jerry-san," Gin smiled.
It was morning? Aubrey turned to look at this "Jerry-san," thinking of D.G-M and THAT WAS -MAN'S JERRY. This fic had turned into a crossover now. Ah, and there was a mask remnant forming a funny hat. This made Aubrey smile.
"AAAH, a new face!" Jerry declared. "What do you want to eat? I can make ANYTHING!!!"
Aubrey thought, and got an evil idea. "Button mushrooms and shrimp in a cayenne-accented white sauce with angel hair pasta?"
"Yo-you cook!?"
"Yep," Aubrey beamed. "Ooh, and chocolate pudding?"
"Hai! But where are your fruits and vegetables, little human?"
"Hrm… Could you toss some cherry tomatoes into the pudding?"
Even Gin got a funny look on his face.
"… Yes," Jerry finally answered.
"Arigatou," she beamed.
......
"Are ya sure that's edible?"
"Yeah, the acidity of the tomatoes compliment the chocolate perfectly."
"If ya say so…" The nice way of saying, "no way in Hell will I try that."
"Yep. Thanks for the tour. What do I do with my plate?"
"Someone outta be by ta get it. Or you can stick it on the cart Ulqui-kun has taken to Orihime-chan…"
"Would that annoy him?"
"I hope."
"I'll have to try it, then."
Gin chuckled. "Gotta say, though, you're already doin' a pretty good job 'a it…"
"You think so?"
"Ah, yeah, like when he saw you in the Caf…"
"And that look on his face…"
"He was tryin' pretty hard ta hide the anger…"
"I know! It was perfect!"
By this point, both were giggling. This would be fun, indeed.
End of chapter
Yes, I am enjoying this immensely. Pity Ulqui-kun, ne?
Review, please.
Next time…
"I would like for you to demonstrate your powers for me."
"Yes, sir. Against who?"
"Yammy."
"Oh, yeah! C'mere, human!"
Aubrey smirked, but was disappointed. Why couldn't Aizen have given her Grimmkitty?
Unfortunately, I am running out of ideas, so the next update is waaaay in the distance. Sorry…