Disclaimer: Me no own Glee...

A/N: This fiction will be very triggering; the italics are the 'voice' of anorexia, and this is completely based on my own experience with the disease; so please take this into account before reading the italics!

Finn walked into the choir room, after having called a meeting with the club, walking to stand in front of them. "I need your help." He looked at them all, shaking his head as he told them everything that had happened last night with Rachel, what she had said to him, what she had looked like. "Did she eat yesterday at lunch?"

Quinn shook her head, biting down on her lip, "She wouldn't eat at first.. she nibbled at some salad.. said she was just cutting some stuff out.. she was stressed.. I-I um.." She sighed, "I heard her throwing up in the bathroom.. when she came out, she looked terrible but I didn't say anything to her just in case.. But I don't know.."

"I don't understand.. how did this happen in such a short amount of time?" Puck wrinkled his nose as he thought about the past few weeks and how strange Rachel had been acting lately. He was confused about how this could happen to someone, especially his American Jewish Princess.

"Wait.. what? You think she.. made herself sick?" Finn was still staring at Quinn, taking ages to process the information she had given him, as his heart dropped at the thought of his suspicions being true – he had spent the night on google, trying to decide what was wrong with his girlfriend.

"I should have said something.. I could have stopped her."

Finn frowned and shook his head, "No.. she.. I just, we've discovered this in time, right? I mean.. it's only been almost a month since she began acting like this. We can pull her from this before it gets worse." Finn sank down on his chair, putting his head on his hands as he tried to think about what he could possibly do.

"What do we do?" He finally looked up to face his friends – his family – as they all shook their heads, all of them unsure.

"Nothing yet.." Quinn finally whispered,

"Nothing?" He stood up, making his seat fly backwards, hitting the floor with a loud bang, his fist clenched as he glared at the girl, "There's no way in hell we're allowing this to continue, she'll end up killing herself! I'm not losing her, no." He shouted at them, not even realizing they weren't even looking at him.

"F-Finn." Tina murmured, her eyes avoiding his, her eyes glued instead to the person standing behind him. He slowly turned, already knowing who was behind him, "Rachel.. I'm so sorry." The girl shook her head, tears running down her face as she took a few steps back, aware everyone was staring at her. And then she turned and ran out of there as fast as she could.

"What the fuck do we do now?" Finn sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to think about the Rachel he loved so much. He turned towards Quinn – she seemed to understand the most, even if her and Rachel weren't the best of friends.

"I'll try and talk to her.. I think I know where she will go. She'll be okay, Finn.." She patted his shoulder awkwardly, still keeping a distance between them before she walked out to find the other girl. Her hunch had been correct – backstage in the auditorium, Rachel was curled up in a tight ball, sobbing.

"Tell me what's wrong, please, Rachel."

"Nothing, what do you care?" She whispered, trying to wipe away the tears, only for more to come running down her face, "I'm sorry.." She bit down on her lip after snapping at the girl, "I really am but.. I don't need help." Quinn did something then that neither of them expected, she walked up to the shaking girl and wrapped her arms tight around her.

And now they know, they're playing the game now, they're part of this and they want to stop you. She's telling you she won't, but she will. You can't trust her, you can't trust anyone anymore. Look at what Finn did, he ran straight to them – and why? Because he knew that would get to you more than anything, he know they can stop you.. stop us! You're going to lose me, tell her anything then I will be gone forever. She wants to know our secrets, but she will never know.. she will never fully understand. I know she wants to help, but the moment you're okay again, this will be around the school quicker than you could ever imagine.

"Just leave me alone.. nothing is going on." She pushed away the girl, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling trapped.

"No.. I know we're not good friends, but I still care about you, Rachel.. as much as it kills me to admit that, I can't watch yourself do this."

"I'm fine."

"I wish I could truly believe that." Quinn shook her head, wishing she could go back to not caring about the other girl, it would be so much easier. "Rachel.. you're bleeding." She finally said, after a few moments of silence, not hesitating to roll up the girls sleeve at the sight of the blood. Rachel didn't even pull away, she just sat there not moving, staring ahead of her, not even flinching at the sharp gasp coming from Quinn when she saw the deep cut, "Oh fuck.. Rachel, look at me.. Rachel!" She forced the girl to look at her,

"Please, explain to me."

"Not allowed." The girl could only murmur, ignoring the desperation in the blonde's voice, looking away to curl up into a ball once more, refusing to look at her again. "Tell me why you're starving yourself, you can die.. you know that, right? I thought you wanted to go to New York. Just answer me, Rachel."

She wrapped her arms around the girl, sighing, "I'm scared." She finally whispered, after what seemed like the longest time, "I'm scared of getting fat, of losing control, of losing Finn, of leaving Lima... I'm scared I won't get into NYADA, I'm scared I'm not good enough for Broadway.. I'm scared that none of my dreams will come true. And now, I'm too scared to eat anymore.. I don't know what happened, as you know I've always been conscious of my diet as I am a strict vegan but now it's so much more. I actually feel like I can control something."

"W-when did you stop eating, altogether?"

"I don't know.. I woke up one morning and decided.."

"It's not that simple, Rachel." Quinn shook her head, remembering the amount of pressure she had felt as head cheerleader, the amount of times she had starved herself under Sue's request and how difficult she had found it.

"It is, though.. once you decide you're not going to eat.. there's no more decisions to make. I made that choice and now there is no going back." Rachel was in a trance-like state, scaring Quinn as she looked at the girl, the deep cut on her arm only increasing the amount of fear she felt for her.

"You're hurting yourself.. you're suffering.. w-we think you have the.. beginning of an Eating Disorder.. if you get help now, it'll be so much better than deciding you want help in a few months."

"I don't.. I'm fine. I'm not suffering.. I enjoy this, I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not thin enough, anyone can see that." She smiled, nodding in pride at her own explanation,

"We all see you wasting away, anybody can see that.. just.. just grow up!" Quinn stood up, tears running down her face as she walked over to the other side, away from Rachel, "Don't you care what you are doing to us? To Finn?" She cried, turning around only to see Rachel curled up in a tight ball again, "Oh shit.. I'm sorry. I'm worried about you.. I didn't mean to shout."

"I'm so sorry..." She whispered as she walked back to the girl, about to put her arm around her, only to be pushed away, "No.. I didn't mean..." She sighed, clueless as to what she could do now.

Ignore her. You let her know but I will forgive you, just this once though. There was no way out this time but next time, you will have to get clever. They can't stop us, she doesn't know what to do. None of them will ever understand, they're jealous.. especially Quinn, she is so jealous of the control you are making for yourself. You are losing weight and they will get fatter. I would hate to be them right now, just jealous of what we have, you have something they don't – control. Our bond can never be broken, you can make the choice right now though, do you want to be 'normal' like everyone else? Or do you want to be exceptional?

Which one, Rachel? I know which one, I know what you need. Remember that.. I am the only one who understands you, I know what you are going through, I will be here all the time.

Starvation is control, control is tough, bones are beautiful when thin just isn't enough.

Just remember, you will never get there by making pathetic excuses, you won't get there if you keep getting pressured into eating. You will only get there by listening to me; only by allowing the hunger to continue, exercise. You won't get there by imagining it, you will do this, you can do this. They don't think so but I know so. Now go, leave her, stop seeing them, stop seeing him, dump him! And your silly friends, your stupid Glee club.

I am the one making decisions right now, make sure you remember that.

Rachel looked up, standing up quickly, "I'm sorry." She whispered, pushing past the girl before running away. Everyone had found out her secret, and now she had to be careful. She ran all the way home from the school, not daring to look behind her in the fear one of them had followed her.

"Hey," Her dad – Hiram – greeted her as she ran through the door of the house they shared with her daddy – Leroy. Rachel looked up at him, noticing the concern in his arms. It broke her heart to see what she was doing to everyone, she didn't want to do this but it was something she had to do, it was out of her control now – she couldn't stop. She smiled at her dad the best she could and ran over to him, kissing his cheek gently before running to her bedroom. She wanted to let him know that she would be okay, she would be good enough one day, so she turned around quickly,

"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, Rachel." He whispered, smiling at her, watching his daughter walk into her bedroom before closing the door behind her. She slid down the door, tears falling quickly down her face as she wrapped her arms around herself. She had that horrible feeling of being watched, even though she knew nobody was there, it was a feeling that followed her all the time, the feeling that someone was behind her. She hated it so much, she wanted to be perfect, she wanted to be strong, she wanted to be the girl who got all her dreams.

She sighed and stood up, wiping her tears before looking at the mirror;

Look at yourself, take one hard look at yourself. You are not good enough yet. You are pathetic, Rachel. I mean, come on.. caught after one month? What the hell is wrong with you? You are not perfect, nor will you ever be, they all know now.. soon enough everyone will know and they will laugh at you while forcing you to eat. They say they are concerned about you, about your health but Rachel.. they want to control you. Everything will be lost, they are going to pin you down and force feed you with their lies, with what they deem to be love.

Rachel couldn't take it anymore, breaking down as she heard the voice; she didn't understand what was going on, she was too scared to understand. The voice frightened her, making her do stuff she wasn't too sure she wanted to do. The truth was, the only truth that Rachel fully understood was that she is scared. She has always been scared. She was scared when her dads split up that one time – they had gotten back together a year or so later – but she had been scared at the fact her daddy had no control over the fact her dad left him, leaving him for a job. Neither of them had any control over him coming back.

Everything from then on had never been the same, even after they made up and became the loving couple they once were. She wanted to be like everyone else, her whole life in school had been her trying to fit in, until she got to high school and just gave up, but she still longed to be a part of something, to have friends. She wanted to one day be able to look in magazines, and the internet and be proud of herself, to have people point out the nice things about her. She shook her head and sighed, deep down she always cared about what people thought of her.

She walked over to her bed, sighing as she slipped a hand under her cushion, pulling out the shiny knife. She loved the feeling of it sliding across her skin, the sight of her own blood. It made everything real, let her know she was alive.

Do it, Rachel.. you've been such a bad girl today. You betrayed me and yourself, you let people in, you let people know! Punish yourself! You know you want to, you know you have to.

Rachel nodded, smiling as she dragged it across her wrist, "Are you happy now?" She whispered into the empty room, tears trailing down her pale cheeks, leaving a mark of despair and hurt. She knew that the voice would be happy now, so she lay back on her bed and watched the blood drip down. The world was getting darker by the second, voices could be heard in the distance but then they went away and soon it was just her.

Then she saw someone just in reach, touching her shoulder lightly, gasping a little at the sight. She immediately knew who the little girl was – the owner of the voice, at last had a face. She was just a young girl, with long hair that reached her hips. She was so tiny and fragile, her eyes were big and brown, and they widened as she stared back at the girl who's mind she had inhabited for the past month.

Rachel couldn't help but notice the natural beauty coming from the girl, her sparkling eyes as she grinned, showing how happy she was. She held her hand out for Rachel, who gladly took it, both of them smiling. This was what true happiness felt like, Rachel told herself.

Why can't they realize our strength, Rachel? How much it is going to take, and how much it has taken, to make so little of yourself?

I am not letting you go just yet, we're not good enough yet. Let's starve right down to the bone, you're starting to look a little better already.. who needs a figure anyway? No, stay with me, please don't leave me, I can't do this on my own. I need you just as you need me. Stay with me so I can dig my nails deep into your skull, it feels better without control, I am the one in control now Rachel, no use trying to deny it now. I am part of you now and it will remain this way.

You're looking better my blurry angel, who needs to be clean when this world is so dirty anyway? I will keep you warm, I will keep you safe, stay with me.

~ .. ~

"Mr Shue, may I speak with you for a moment?" Quinn walked into his office without knocking, knowing there was no time for that as she sat down quickly without waiting for an answer. She knew Rachel would hate her for this but she had to do it, it's not as though their relationship could get any worse than it already was anyway.

"Sure, what is it?" He looked up at her, putting down the paper he held in front of him,

"I need your help.. well not me, but.. Rachel does." She took a deep breath, not completely sure what to say next, hoping the teacher and their Glee leader would know what to do,

"What about her?" She could see the growing concern in his eyes, Mr Shue spent a lot of time with all of them, and she knew they had all become one huge family over the past three years. "I don't know how to help her, I have tried but she ran away from me. I don't know what to do.."

"Is this to do with her sudden weight loss?" Mr Shue had noticed the girl becoming more and more withdrawn as the weeks went by, asking for less solo's, not mentioning sectionals for once.

"She won't eat.. and when she did nibble something the other day, I heard her throwing it back up.. it's been a month, so I think we have caught this in time.. but then when I went to help her today, she had a cut on her arm and it was bleeding a lot.. I don't know what to do, I was hoping you would."

Mr Shue nodded, "Come on, we can go to her home and see if she is okay, and make sure her dads know what is going on before this gets any worse."

~ .. ~

"Rachel, are you in there?" Leroy knocked on his daughters bedroom door, slowly getting more worried about her. He had noticed the abnormal behaviour recently and had been wishing the girl would just tell him what was wrong because he had no idea what to do. There was no answer again, and he turned around to shrug at his husband – both of them assuming she was just asleep or something. They had all set up certain boundaries, they knew not to disturb each other when they wanted or needed privacy. So, they both shook the bad feeling they had, fighting the urge to run into the room and check on their only child.

Hiram was about to go knock again, walking past Leroy when the doorbell rang. They both sighed, and went to answer it together, smiling when they saw the familiar Glee club director standing on their doorstep with one of the girls from Glee. "Is Rachel here?" He asked softly,

"She won't come out of her bedroom.. she won't answer either of us." Leroy put a hand on his husbands back and sighed,

"It's okay, I will go check on her." Quinn smiled gently, leaving Mr Shue alone with the two to explain what was happening. She knocked lightly, waiting for an answer, turning around to shake her head at the three men who were waiting at the bottom of the stairs. She put her hand on the doorknob, suddenly feeling more worried than she had been on the drive here, had she run away? Or something worse? Then again, she told herself, she could just be sleeping.

She gasped as she entered the room, "Oh my God, Rachel? Answer me please.." She ran up to the tiny girl laying on the bed in the large room, blood dripping from a deep cut on her wrist. She heard the three men come into the room, and sobbing from the two dads as they held each other. She grabbed the girl, shaking her before feeling for a pulse – thanking God that there was a pulse.

She stared at the girl she held in her arms, hearing someone in the background on the phone, not really paying attention until she heard him shout for them to hurry up. Hiram and Leroy found themselves frozen, both of them in shock as tears ran down their face. They had both realized how different she had looked lately, but they had no idea how lost she was. If they were honest, Rachel would have been the last person they thought capable of doing this. She was so strong, she was the one who never broke down and cried, the one who would do anything to make other people smile.

They found themselves wondering what happened to make her this way, why she did this to herself. Neither of them able to stop blaming themselves, they should have noticed, they should have said something – they could have stopped this.

It all happened so quickly, the paramedics rushed in and checked her over before rushing her back out into the back of the ambulance. The dads climbed in with her, as Mr Shue and Quinn told them they would follow behind in the car. Leroy clung into his daughters hand, trying to think what could have happened to her, he understood this wouldn't have come out of nowhere, something must have happened. People don't just change so much overnight.

"I have to phone Finn." Quinn whispered as the ambulance drove away, getting into the car and grabbing her phone, she felt numb inside as the dialed the number. She didn't know what do, could they even trust Rachel? Was she going to continue anyway?

Mr Shue bit his lip and sighed as he drove, listening to Quinn trying her best to explain to Finn what had happened, he heard the boy crying on the other end before they ended the call. "He said he's on his way." Quinn finally managed to say as she stared down on the phone,

"Good.. Rachel would want him there."

"Should I phone everyone?" She looked at her teacher, tears falling down her face as she looked down at the phone in her hand again,

"Just send them a text, I don't think either of us are up to explaining it again." Quinn just nodded, putting her head in her hands as she looked out the window, wondering if Rachel would be okay. She didn't know what to say to the rest of the people in Glee – how do you tell someone that one of their friends, their fellow Glee club member had tried to kill herself?

She sighed, slowly typing out the words on the screen, tears coming down her face as she looked at the words before pressing send.