Disclaimer: See last chapters.

Warning: Bad language used in this chapter!

Rachel's POV

I lay here waiting, waiting for someone to save me or for someone to realize I don't belong here. I am waiting for someone to notice I don't want to be here. I never wanted to be here, I tried my best to move on from this but it got too hard, everyone just expects me to get better all of a sudden and I did try, I just wanted to make people proud. I don't care now though, nobody even comes to see me, nobody cares about me. It's just me and the voice inside my head right, the one who is doing the exact opposite of what the doctors want – she's getting stronger and stronger every single day. She is the only thing keeping me going right now, she is the only reason I have to live.

I have been refusing to eat since I arrived her, I stupidly believed that they would send me home if I continued, they would get fed up of me like everyone else has and send me to someone else, for someone else to look after me, but no. I woke up this morning with a tube pumping food into my body. I felt like crying when I saw it, the sugary solution inside of it finding it's way to my rolls of fat and trying to make me even fatter.

I stared at the simple device, thinking what would happen if I pulled it out. Nothing could happen, not that I thought. Just a little pull, it wouldn't hurt anyone other than myself.

Pull it out, Rachel.. just think of all those empty calories. They are breaking everything we made for ourselves, they will shatter our world into tiny pieces and then you will be fat again, do you want that? Do you?

I shuddered, silently agreeing with the voice. I knew she was right, it was wrong to keep this thing inside of me for as long as it has been, I had to do something about it. I looked around, making sure nobody was around before I yanked it out. I smiled to myself as I watched the blood drip as the needle fell to the floor. I had done something good and worthwhile for the first time, if only they could see my strength – how much it had taken for me to make so little of myself. But no, all they could see was this fat girl who needed to be fatter. They all wanted me to be normal, whatever the hell that means. I don't want to be fat anymore, I just want to be free.. I just want to feel loved.

Slowly, my world faded to black.. I could hear voices around me and I smiled, maybe now this was my time. Maybe I could be free now, free to live the way I wanted. I just want to be alone, I just want everything to be okay again, I just want it all to be a secret.

When I woke up, I noticed the tube again and I groaned loudly – after all my hard work to get it out, the ruined it.

Pull it back out, they can't do anything about it. The will get fed up soon, they will give up on you like everyone else and let you go home.

I nodded, trying to lift my arms to pull it out once more, staring at my arms in shock when they wouldn't move. I froze when I realized why – restraints.. how dare they? I didn't even do anything wrong, I didn't deserve this. I cried out for someone to get them off of me, I just wanted the tube out, why wouldn't anyone help me?

I gave up in the end, lifting my head to try and bite it off, I had to stop it all getting into me. I was only thinking about getting out out of me – as long as I didn't have it polluting my blood then I wouldn't gain weight and I wouldn't get fat again; simple, right?

"Don't." I heard someone speak from the door, I looked up at the person standing there and shook my head, tears falling as I pleaded with her to help me. "Just leave it alone." Quinn whispered, walking into the room.

"Why?"

"Because we love you and we don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen me." I whispered,

"Just leave it alone." She repeated,

"It hurts too much, please get it out, please help me.. please." I noticed the look in her eyes, how dark they were and how much pain could be seen in them. Was it because of me? "Please." I whimpered, crying out when she shook her head.

"No, just don't try and pull it out."

I lost it then, "I can't fucking pull it out, can I? I hate you! I hate all of you. Just get out of here, leave me the fuck alone. Just get this stupid thinking thing out of me and let me go home. I don't want to be here.. just.. fuck off!" I screamed as loud as I could, my throat felt dry and sore when I finally calmed myself down.

"You know what, we will all leave you alone if that's what you really want, but you are not leaving here until you are better."

"I want to die.. let me die." I whispered,

"At this rate, Rachel.. you will die pretty soon." I watched her run from the room as tears ran down her face, I looked away from the door and refused to let myself cry. Good, I told myself, I want to die. It was the only way out. I want to be alone, I was never left alone. If it wasn't the voice, it would be my friends, my family or Finn. I just want to be alone and safe.

Half an hour after Quinn ran out, a doctor came in. I didn't want to see anyone, and he was the bottom of my list. He was one of those people, the ones who tried to force feed me, the liars, the one who wanted me to eat again so I could fit into a society they deemed as being normal. I didn't care anymore about anything or anyone. "Rachel, look at me."

I rolled my eyes and turned to glare at him, "You need to start eating, you don't want to die, do you?" He asked gently, I shrugged,

"May as well." He looked at the tube of fat – yes, I renamed it.

"You're putting a lot of pressure on your heart, the weaker your body gets then the weaker that vital muscle becomes, and one day it will give in." I shook my head, not even caring.

"What is your point?" I replied, trying to sit up, giving up quickly when I realized I was still too weak.

"You've lost more weight, you're lighter than you were when you came into our care and we don't know what to do."

"So... I can go home?"

"No.. if you continue like this, you will be sedated at all times, while we force feed you using an NG tube.. do you know what that is, Rachel?" I shook my head, "NG means Nastro Gastric.. it's a tube that is inserted into your nose, giving you the essential nutrients you need to stay alive. It will help you gain weight quicker." I could feel my heart beating faster, I was panicking, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want that, I want to be alone. "You have to try and eat."

I shook my head, "You don't understand, none of you do. I want to try.. but I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't know.. I don't want it enough." He sighed and shook his head,

"We want to help you but you need to get it into your head – we are not the enemy." I felt the tears fall down my face as I nodded, I didn't want to be force fed and for the first time, I didn't want to die.

"Please.. h-help me.." I whispered, finally.

"How do you want us to do that?"

"Make her go away.."

"Who is she?" He pressed me gently, never losing that patronising smile and tone of voice,

"The voice.. in my head.. she won't leave me alone. I just want her to go away, I want to be happy again."

"We can help you with that but you will have to help yourself as well. You need to start eating.."

"She won't let me.. I'm scared." I sounded so child-like, I sounded terrified and I knew for once, the man believed me.

"We will start with the thoughts then, okay? We will work on them first, before focusing on the eating side of things.. does that sound safe?" I nodded, trying to stop the tears falling. And then I felt it. I cried out in pain, grabbing the sheets that lay beneath my hands, trying to think past the pain, instead focusing on the beeping in my ear. Then I realized what the beeping was.

My heart machine.

I could feel my world going black, then nothing. No voice, no little girl, nobody. I was finally at peace. I was finally alone, just like I had always wanted. And for the first time, I realized I didn't want it.