Disclaimer: See last chapter.

Finn slowly walked into the choir room, he held his head down as he tried to think of what to say. If anyone was looking closely enough, they would be able to tell he had been crying. They all looked up the moment they saw him, knowing something was wrong, they saw the tears forming in his eyes again and he saw a tear running down Kurt's face already as the boy jumped to conclusions.

"She's okay.. I think." He finally said, taking a deep breath.

"What is wrong then?" Mercedes asked, frowning,

"R-Rachel.." The tears began all over again, Kurt looked terrified as he gripped onto Blaine's hand as tight as he possibly could. "She went into cardiac arrest this morning." He looked at the tears falling down the Glee club members faces, and he shook his head. "She is stable now, her heart stopped for a while but they managed to get her back. She hasn't woken up yet.. I just came to ask if anyone wants to come see her with me." Everyone nodded apart from Kurt, who was clearly more upset than those around him.

"I left her there when she begged me to help her." He whispered, "She asked me for help and I walked out of there. She told me she wanted to die and I never helped her. I just left her." Blaine wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, and rubbed his back,

"It's okay, Rachel isn't in the right state of mind at the moment and you were upset." He whispered, as the rest of the club nodded all in silence.

"Come on, she needs us now." The drive there was quiet, nobody knew what to say. They all wondered about Rachel, and if she was okay, and how she would be when she woke up. They were all thinking about how she used to be, Finn smiled as he remembered spending time with her.

Finn and Rachel were walking, eating their ice cream (Rachel's was vegan, of course), hand in hand. He grinned as he pulled her towards him, only for the romantic move to backfire when she crashed into him, her ice cream splattering all down his top. He gasped as she laughed loudly, "You uh.. you should really watch where you're going." She smirked.

"Oh, you really want to take me on?" He looked down at the stain before stepping towards her, putting his finger in his own ice cream before putting it on her nose.

"Bad move." She laughed and ran away from him, giggling when he ran after her, finally they stopped when he caught up to her, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her in and kissing her gently. She stopped suddenly, and looked away from him shyly. She put her hand in his as they continued walking, happy to just be together.

Finn smiled at the memory, he loved her so much, even then. So early on in the relationship he knew he loved her. Rachel was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he wished he could have helped her sooner. He could have told her she was perfect. "What are you thinking about?" Quinn whispered, looking at him.

"Just something Rachel and I did a while ago, when we started dating again." Quinn nodded and bit her lip,

"She loves you so much."

"What happened?" Brittany asked, curious to hear the story,

"We were just messing around, walking around the mall.. we were eating ice cream." Tears fell down his face when he mentioned Rachel eating, she wouldn't eat in front of him or anyone else anymore. "She got it down on my top and then I was messing around.. put some on her nose... she was just so happy, we laughed for ages. She was amazing and she still is but back then, even though it wasn't ages ago.. we could have a laugh and I never had to worry about her dropping dead at any moment." His grip tightened on the wheel, as Quinn put a hand on his arm.

"It's okay, we'll be there for her.. she will get better." He nodded, calming down a little, he hated remembering what she used to be like. Wondering if she would ever be the same person again.

"She can get better, you know." Kurt spoke up, his voice broken. "She needs us."

"Will she ever be Rachel again?" Brittany whispered, as Santana grabbed her hand,

"Of course, we'll have Berry back with us soon. But it will take time." They all looked up, all hoping she would get better. They loved her so much, they couldn't lose her, not to this. They rushed into the hospital finally, looking for Rachel's room. They had all been here so often they knew where it was, they looked outside at first before entering just in case her fathers or someone else was already there with here. Once they saw the coast clear, they all smiled at each other before walking in.

"Hey, Rachel." Finn whispered to the sleeping girl, "I missed you.. I don't want anything to happen to you. Please, Rachel." He began to cry when he held her hand in his, smiling down at her, "I love you so much." He whispered as he smoothed the hair from her eyes.

A doctor came in shortly after they arrived, as they all spoke quietly amongst themselves, "You must be Rachel's friends."

"Yeah.. um.. how is she?" Kurt asked, biting down on his lip.

"She is stable at the moment but it was a close call. She could have died and she almost did.. I was kind of hoping she would be awake by now." Finn shook his head, looking down at the girl. "I was speaking with her.. we were getting somewhere. She wasn't lying about wanting to recover, I could tell that much. She asked for my help, she was upset at the time. She told me she wanted to eat but the voice wouldn't let her.. she finally admitted she had a problem, and that is the first step to recovery. Then she asked me if the voice would ever go away... and before I could answer, her heart machine began to go off." He sighed,

"Because she is so thin, her heart has weakened under all the pressure and it gave in. She suffered a severe cardiac arrest, it took us a few minutes to get her heart beating again and that is why she is on oxygen right now, we're not sure if there was any brain damage and we won't know until she wakes up."

And on cue, Rachel began to wake up as the doctor ran to her to help her with her breathing tube, quickly getting a nurse to help him replace the tube with a new one for her nose, just to make sure she could speak. "F-Finn?" She croaked, looking at him,

"Hey, baby... I was so worried about you." She nodded, muttering an apology before looking at his hand which grabbed onto hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She whispered, "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"This.. any of it."

"Do you want to recover?" He grinned when she nodded, looking up at the Glee club as they all shared his smile.

"I miss the real me." She whispered sadly, he nodded in agreement and carefully wrapped his arms around her.

"I will help you." She nodded and hugged him back, murmuring a thank you as she held onto him even tighter.

You are going to lose me, Rachel, you think you don't care now but imagine a life without me. Imagine who you will be without me, you will be nothing. I am your everything and without me you are nothing. Don't you stop thinking about me.. don't wish I was not here. No, Rachel.. stay with me!

Rachel sat alone in her hospital room the next day, wondering what would happen to her now. She knew she had to recover, and she knew she wanted to recover but she didn't know how she could. She knew the voice wouldn't give up and go away, and she wasn't sure how to live without it. She sighed, looking around the room, she had been here for so long, she was getting used to it. Maybe this would be her life from now on, maybe this is how things were meant to be.

Finn watched his girlfriend from the door, she had no idea he was there. He just liked to stand there and watch her sometimes, he couldn't help but think she would be so much better off without him. He worried about holding her back, if he was the one who began this. Maybe she would recover without him, she didn't need him. He sighed, walking away from the room, he just needed a break from everything – even the girl he loved.

The Glee club sat in the waiting room with Shelby, all of them looking down at the floor, "What can we do?" Quinn whispered, as she remembered a similar experience to Kurt's the last time she had visited Rachel – the girl had begged her, cried, sobbed.. and she had done nothing but walk off. She felt tears run down her face again,

"It'll be okay.. go speak to her.. I'm sure everything will be okay between you two, Quinn.." Santana whispered, grabbing her hand before watching the other girl get up, walking to the room slowly.

"Hey." She muttered as she walked in, Rachel grinned and sat up in her bed, greeting her kindly. She wrapped her arms around the tiny girl, the girl who had been so happy once, the girl that always had a bounce in her step, a grin on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. And now there was none of that, the smile never reached her eyes, the sparkle was now just a dim light, she couldn't walk without collapsing, she just wasn't Rachel anymore.

"I am so sorry for what I said to you before." Quinn whispered,

"No.. I was being unreasonable.. you were right."

"I love you so much.. you're like.. one of my best friends." She smiled and bit down on her lip, "I want you to get better.. I want the old, annoying Rachel back. And I will help you however I can."

"Quinn.. I don't know what to do anymore." A lone tear slid down Rachel's face, dropping down onto the covers, "I am so scared of losing everything I have made for myself but I am scared of losing everything else.. everyone else."

"You don't need to be scared, look.. you've lost so much weight that you're here in a hospital room. You are stuck in this hospital bed because you are too weak to move. You need this Rachel, you need help and you need to recover. I promise you that losing everything you have made yourself is not a bad thing.. it's a good thing.. a great thing. We all love you, we really do but we miss the old you." She took a deep breath,

"We miss the Rachel who would dance her way around a stage, the Rachel who would offer us criticism on our singing.." She rolled her eyes and laughed a little, "We miss you. Please, let yourself live again."

"I know I have to recover, I don't know how though."

"You will soon, it's going to take some time.. but we're all going to get through this."

"Where's Shelby?" Rachel whispered, chewing on her bottom lip as Quinn shook her head,

"She is.. she can' see you like this..."

"I don't blame her.. I'm.. this is too hard.. too much." Quinn nodded, trying to understand how Shelby could stay away from Rachel for so long now.

"It's okay though.. because when you get out of here, you're coming to stay with me."

"What? Why?"

"Your dads are worried they won't be able to fully support you because of their jobs, they don't want you to be left along because they know they can't help it." Rachel shook her head and sighed,

"I can't do that to you."

"You're my best friend and my mother doesn't mind..."

A nurse walked in and smiled kindly at the two girls, "Sorry, you have to leave now. Rachel's first counselling session is in five minutes." Quinn nodded before giving the girl a quick hug, quickly walking out.

~ .. ~

Rachel was sat up in her bed when the psychologist walked in. She was a short woman, of healthy weight and she was pretty. She was younger than the clothes she wore and when she walked in, she grinned and if there was something Rachel hated – it was fakers. She had done enough of the show grins to last her a lifetime, she had no idea if she could stand others doing it to her.

She didn't want to be here, she didn't want this woman telling her how to recover and why she should. She could feel herself begin to panic, hearing the heart machine going off again causing her to panic even more. She could see a nurse running to her side, trying to calm her down and then Kurt ran in – much to Rachel's delight. She could feel herself calming down, Kurt could help her, he wouldn't smile at Rachel when he knew nothing would be alright. He wouldn't lie.

"Calm down, sweetie." He whispered as he rubbed her back, smiling when Rachel's heart machine went back to normal pace, but the girl still clung onto him as tight as she could. "Thank you." She whispered, not noticing the psychologist observing the scene in front of her.

"Kurt, is it?" He nodded, smoothing down Rachel's hair as he fussed over her, "Maybe you should stay here while Rachel and I talk. Would you like that Rachel? Would it make you feel better?" Rachel just nodded, finally letting go of the boy.

"Okay.. so, how about we start with why you do this?" Rachel just shrugged, staring at the wall in front of her, she didn't know herself, how in the hell did this woman expect her to know? "Now this is going to be hard, I accept that. Most people have no idea why they are the way they are and why they do this to themselves but this is what I am here for."

Rachel didn't say anything, she didn't even look away from the wall. She felt Kurt squeeze her hand, and she turned to look at him, sighing. "Rachel, in order for me to help you, you have to help yourself. And a good start will be to talk to me."

"I know, but I don't know why, or when this began. I have two gay dads who have been amazing, a mom.. a mom who walked out on me..." She heaved a deep sigh, she had no idea what she could say about her life, there was nothing much to say.

"It's okay.. we won't be seeing each other for another two days so I need you to write everything in this diary." She handed Rachel a small, purple book and Rachel took it, confused. "Just write anything you feel, anything you remember, how you feel right now. Write down your dreams." Rachel nodded, looking down at the book.

"And then what?" She whispered,

"I will take a look of it, then we will do it together, we will try and work out why you began starving yourself." She nodded and frowned.