Consolation Prize
Disclaimer: See previous.
Alex lay on her bed, a gin and tonic in one hand, an emergency cigarette in the other. She was clearly NOT thinking straight. She went to the liquor store and picked up the gin and a pack of cigarettes, taking 3 out of the pack and giving the rest to the guy behind the counter after making sure he was legal enough to smoke. Well, Alex mused bitterly, maybe I'm not all that crazy. The rain poured down in sheets, hitting the windows in Alex's apartment with such force Alex wondered if she should get some plywood ready. She took a drag off her cigarette and exhaled, somewhat startled as her phone rang beside her. She looked down at the display, not that she really had to – Bobby. For the first time since that morning she picked up.
"What?" She took another drag off of her cigarette, exhaling angrily.
"Alex, let me up. It's pouring out here," Bobby yelled into the phone, trying to be heard over the rain. Alex sighed and hung up on him. She walked over to her kitchen, the window with a view of the street. There he stood, soaked to the bone. Alex buzzed the front door and watched as Bobby bolted inside. She ran her cigarette butt underneath the kitchen tap and threw it in the garbage. She could hear Bobby running up the stairs. She opened the door and lit up the last of the three cigarettes, almost regretting giving up the rest of the pack. Seems like I'm always giving up something, Alex thought nastily as she walked back to her bedroom. Bobby walked in, catching the sight of her walking towards the back of the apartment. He followed her into her room. Alex lay back down on the bed, tapping the ash from her cigarette in the ashtray on her nightstand. "Don't lecture me, Goren. I do not need it right now," Alex said flatly as Bobby looked at her in surprise. She used to get so annoyed when he'd smoke for fun, on undercover jobs. It was disconcerting to see her with one now.
"Alex, I read the brief. I'm sorry –," Bobby started before getting cut off.
"Bobby, this isn't your fault, so stop right now," Alex said, smoke escaping from between her lips. Bobby paced her room, his hand raking through his curls.
"I should've read the report first. I always read them first, but I had to email Lewis back about something important." Bobby stopped to sit next to her on the bed. "You shouldn't have had to see that. I told Ross we'd refuse the case." Bobby tried to read the look on Alex's face, to no avail.
"You told him my business?" Alex stared at him icily. Bobby shook his head vehemently.
"No, I told him I strongly felt we should turn this case over to some one else, and if he had a problem with it, that was too bad. He was just going to have to trust me on it," Bobby responded. Alex looked at him in disbelief, and then gratitude.
"I couldn't believe it when I read it. I thought it was a sick joke. But honestly, there were times I felt like keeping him all for myself. I wanted to take him and run away from the hospital when they brought him in for feedings, just up and leave. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to my sister. And now," Alex stopped for a moment; the tears that were lodged in her throat now fell. She sniffed and continued. "Now, when I see him, I still want to leave with him. I wouldn't ever kill some one just to do this, certainly not a stranger, let alone my sister…but sometimes I still want to scoop him up and run far away and go where not even you can find me." Alex accepted the tissue Bobby held out to her. "It hurts so, sooo bad, Bobby. Seeing him on holidays, at parties…it's not enough. It's almost like, well thanks for carrying him; you can see him on Christmas. Some consolation prize." Alex stopped her tirade and closed her eyes. Bobby moved closer to her on the bed and reached out for her hand. He squeezed it gently, letting her know he was.
"You're a wonderful woman who did a difficult, selfless thing. I, I admire you for that. But you shouldn't be forced to work on a case that hits so close to the heart," Bobby said leaning in to kiss the top of her head. She looked up at him suddenly.
"The ugly thoughts won't go away, Bobby. Help me…" Alex trailed off as Bobby's lips met hers, tears still slipping down her face.