July 9

I have no idea how to say what's happened. I guess all I can do is start from the beginning.

Himura peered out from under the bridge as the sun rose this morning.

"I think most of the fighting's over," he said. We tentatively left the shelter of the bridge. Around us were the smoking remains of charred buildings. In a single night, so many homes and businesses were destroyed. I felt sick looking around.

Himura led me through the streets. They were crowded with panicked mobs last night- but this morning, they were bare except for a few refugees.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"There's a bridge," Himura explained. "It's a meeting spot that was established months ago if there was an emergency. If Katusra-san survived the battle, then he'll meet us there and tell us what to do."

He led me to another section of the city, and then to an old bridge. We stood on it, looking out below us at the ruined city. People wandered by us, with nowhere to go. In the distance, I could see a family staring at the charred remains of their home. There was a little girl with them, and suddenly, I remembered the little girl I saw the day I left Edo. How is she doing? I hoped that she will never be as hurt by this war as the other girl, now homeless.

Around sunset, Himura stiffened. I looked around, but couldn't see Katsura-san anywhere. It wasn't until Kenshin nudged me and nodded at a homeless man sitting down directly beneath us underneath the bridge. I glimpsed his face- it was Katsura-san!

"I'm glad you survived," Kenshin said. "We need you now more than ever."

"I think I can say the same to you," Katsura-san replied. "I don't have much time. We need to be quick."

Himura sighed. "That ill-fated meeting at Ikeda-ya was intended to plan the retrieval of the Emperor during the chaos created by setting fire in Kyoto. You were against such an atrocity. Katakai-san said it was ordained by the heavens that you were the only survivor."

"But look at me now," Katsura-san said. "The Choshuu party is being annihilated and being chased down as the enemy of the emperor. The conservatives have regained power in Choshuu's capital, Hagi." He paused. "I will be in hiding for a while. I cannot return to Hagi, but if I stay here, I will be caught."

"What will I do?" Himura asked. "The Kohagiya has been burnt down."

"I've prepared a house in a farm village outside Kyoto," Katsura-san stood up. "Lay low until our next action is decided. I will contact you through Iizuka. Tomoe-kun?"

"Yes?" I asked.

"If you have nowhere to go, I'd like you to live there with Himura."

My breath caught in my throat.

"A young couple blends in more easily than a young man," Katsura-san explained, walking away. "The arrangement can be entirely for appearances. Take care of Himura."

And then he walked away. We watched him silently, before I turned to Himura.

"What shall we do?" I asked. "I don't have anywhere to go…"

"Everyone has somewhere to go." Himura stared straight ahead of him, refusing to meet my eye. "If you need travel funds, I'll provide them."

We were quiet again. I watched his eyes grow softer. He sighed.

"I know that's the coward's way out," he said. "It's wrong of me to leave it all up to you."

He looked over at me, his eyes wide and gentle.

"Stay with me," he said. "I don't know how long I can be with you, but I don't want it just for show. I want you with me."

We stared at each other in silence. The setting sun caught us in its glare. I barely heard what Kenshin said next, it sounded like a whisper from the wind:

"Till death do us part."

Suddenly, I realized that there was no turning back from this point. If I married Kenshin, there was no return to Edo, Father, and Enishi. No return to Akira. My former life would be completely over.

But I can't leave him. He needs me, maybe now more than ever. And I need him, in some mysterious way. Maybe I passed the point of no return long ago.

"Yes." I whispered.

And then Kenshin smiled, the brightest, sweetest smile I've ever seen. Did I cause this? Am I responsible for his transformation from monster to man?

Tomorrow, we'll marry. And then we'll set out for our new home, wherever that may be.

July 10

I always imagined how my wedding would be like. When I was a little girl, I had vague daydreams. Once I was engaged to Akira, I had solid plans for how my wedding would go. I never imagined that it would end up like this.

In Edo, I would have married in the large, beautiful shrine that my family has visited for years. Everyone would be wearing their best clothes, and I would outshine them all in a new white silk kimono for the ceremony. Father, Enishi, and the Kiyosatos would all be there, as well as our friends. If we were lucky, perhaps one of the Shogun's vassals would attend in order to honor Father and Kiyosato-san, as well as Akira and myself. And of course, I would be marrying Akira.

Of course, what actually happened was nothing like I thought it would. Kenshin and I had to search the city until we found a temple willing to help us out. We had nothing except the dirty, soot-stained clothes we had been wearing for days. And our witnesses were a geisha and a homeless man, drawn in with the promise of a safe place and free sake.

But I wouldn't have it any other way. At least not with Kenshin. I don't mean to demean him, but I can't imagine myself marrying him any other way. To do so would be disrespectful to both Kenshin and Akira.

"I don't know if you two are crazy or genius," the priest told us as he finished the ceremony.

"Perhaps both," Kenshin replied. He spent the entire ceremony gazing into my eyes with a smile on his face. I've never seen someone filled with as much hope as he was when we were declared husband and wife.

But as we left the temple, Kenshin's expression changed. He suddenly became serious. A moment later, I saw why- Iizuka-san was across the street. Kenshin's talking with him now while I write this. I think they're exchanging information. Iizuka-san is probably telling Kenshin where the safe house is, and updating him on any news of the Choshuu. And Kenshin is probably telling him about our wedding.

Do I love Kenshin? I don't know. Maybe I do. But I can't pretend anymore that I want him dead. I've come to care about him, and I don't want to see him harmed.

Does this make me a traitor to Akira? Under different circumstances, I'm sure that Akira and Kenshin would have liked each other. They might have even been friends. But things are the same, and I can never change the fact that Kenshin murdered Akira. Will Akira's ghost punish me somehow?

Akira, forgive me. But I don't regret marrying Kenshin.

Himura Tomoe. That is who I am now, for better or for worse.