Disclaimer: I don't own any of Marvel's stuff, yada yada yada, Sophia is mine along with Ace and Sophia's inner voice!

A/N: I just found out that the same person who voices Cyclops in 'Wolverine and the X-Men' along with Pyro and random SHIELD agents, is also going to be voicing Deadpool in the second series...That should be interesting.

Chapter 8: Stupid Cat!

I looked up at the cat sitting precariously on the highest branch of the tree and sighed. Why do cats always have to get into trouble?

I think its part of the appeal of owning a cat.

What- how does that work out?

Cat gets stuck in the tree.

Of course.

I scratched the back of my neck uncertainly while the old lady looked at me hopefully, with her hands clasped together. Okay, how am I going to get him down?

I think you're smart enough to figure this one out on your own.

But, we're the same person, so if you help me it's like helping yourself!

I'm too lazy.

Oh yeah? Well so am I.

That's too bad.

Why?

You could've saved some people someday.

Is that a challenge I hear?

No, it's a fact.

I take it as a challenge!

…You do that.

I will! I'll show you!

…Uh huh, you keep believing that.

What do you mean by that?

Oh never mind.

You say that a lot.

I took out two knives that just so happened to be in the pocket I chose, and stabbed them into the gigantic tree's trunk. I stared up at the cat and I swear it stared back at me evilly. Did I tell you I don't like cats? Seriously, they annoy me so much. They never listen to me!

I would say something spiteful, but then I'd be insulting myself.

What is it with you and insults?

It's my shtick.

What's my shtick?

Right now it's the fact that you can hear me, and you sometimes listen to me.

Hmm… I'm not sure if I like this shtick.

You don't have to like it for it to be yours.

True enough.

By this time I had managed to use my knives like ice picks and reached the first of many branches. I looked down at the little crowd that had started to gather at the base of the tree. Weird how somebody using knives to climb a tree in order to save a cat named Mr. Mittens can draw people's attention.

Did you know Deadpool has the attention span of a dead squirrel?

No, I didn't. Why is it dead?

He killed it.

Of course he did.

I continued to stab my knives into the tree's trunk, gradually increasing my distance from the ground and drawing me closer to the 'evil' cat at the top that was still staring at me. Man, can that thing stare! It's like it hates me or something! Wait, are its eyes yellow?

Believe it or not, that's actually a pretty common eye color for cats.

Really? Shows how much I know about cats.

Really. Can't you climb any faster? You are as slow as a tortoise.

Hey, slow and steady wins the race.

Yeah, but are you the hare or the tortoise?

Um, which one is better?

Depends on the situation…and the person.

What do you-

Look out!

What?!?

I turned around as something unexpected came at me. Nothing.

Ha! Psyche!

If we weren't the same person I swear I'd try and kill you, or threaten you at the very least.

Ooh, suicide? Suicide is NEVER the answer.

Plus you'd probably haunt me after I was dead.

That's true. I'm stuck to you like glue.

What a morbid thought. Let's move onto a happier topic, like rainbows, and unicorns, and whatever's at the end of a rainbow.

Why would I want to talk about those things?

I don't know. I was just suggesting topics that might interest you.

I take great umbrage to that remark! How dare you even suggest that I like rainbows and unicorns and whatever's at the end of a rainbow!

Waaahhh?? You don't want to find out what's at the end of a rainbow??

Hmm…I'd have to think about that one some more.

Yeah, so would I. Man, how tall is this tree? It's taking me forever to climb!

I'm not a very good judge of distances, so don't ask me.

Of course you aren't.

I lifted myself onto a final branch and cast a glance at the cat that was still staring at me. Wait, is it possible for cats to have 'powers'?

Why do you ask that?

Well, think about it. It would explain why it hates me.

It doesn't hate you. It just…dislikes you. A lot.

Whatever.

I drew myself up to my full height in order to get the best vantage point at which to reach the cat. The cat hissed at me as I reached for it.

"You will listen to me," I said to the cat in a mesmerizing tone I didn't know I possessed. The cat swayed back and forth for a few seconds, shook its head, hissed at me, the backed up towards the edge of the branch.

"No! Bad kitty! Come here kitty, kitty, kitty!" I pleaded to the cat. The cat hissed at me again and continued to back up towards the tip of the branch. Stupid cat.

Maybe it's not stupid; maybe it's incredibly smart and knows you don't like cats.

Yeah, sure, and Domino will come to hunt down Deadpool.

You never know. She is a mercenary you know.

Hmm…

Hurry up and save that cat!

I reached for the cat again, and (surprise, surprise), it hissed at me again. It backed up towards the edge of the branch and looked at me evilly once more. Then, it did something I didn't think cats would enjoy doing: it jumped off the edge of the branch. I stared at the cat as everything moved in slow-motion. And I mean everything; the cat fell in slow-motion, the crowd below looked up in fascinated horror in slow-motion, Deadpool was eating a snow cone in slow-motion, a cab driver crashed into a tree in slow-motion, the old lady opened up her arms in slow-motion. It was weird.

And, then it was like someone had pushed the 'play' button on a universal remote, because everything was moving at normal speed again. The cat, the crowd, the cab driver, Deadpool, and the old lady were all moving at normal speed. The cat fell gracefully into the outstretched arms of its owner, who looked up gratefully at me. I smiled confusedly back. Then I began my long descent back to the ground.

Once I had touched down, I was immediately enveloped by the crowd once more. Random people patted me on the back and congratulated me on a job well done, even though the cat had basically gotten out of the tree itself. The cat's owner walked up to me and said, "Thank you, miss. I owe Mr. Mitten's life to you."

"Um, no problem. It was a cinch," I said back uncertainly. The cat glared at me from its owner's arms. Wait a minute, that lady looks awfully familiar…

I wonder why… You only almost ran over her twice with a shopping cart.

Oh yeah! Jeez my memory sucks.

Yeah, it's like trying to keep track of a stick in a tornado in here!

In where?

Your mind, of course. Where else would I be?

Um, I don't know. A coffee shop, perhaps?

What? Why would I be in a coffee shop?

Because you love the taste of coffee.

How would I get to the coffee shop? I exist in your subconscious.

There can only be one possible explanation for this!

And what might that be?

You are a telepath who loves coffee and has somehow gotten me under the impression that you exist in my subconscious! You are currently laughing at me from an undisclosed location where you are drinking coffee!

What-? That's ridiculous! How could you possibly think that?

Anything goes in this universe, especially the ridiculous!

You know what, never mind. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a telepath.

That's what you want me to think.

You're insane.

That's also what you want me to think. But your mind tricks won't work on me!

That's because I'm not using any mind tricks on you! I'm not a telepath!

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

You're impossible!

My mind may be wildly out of my control, for all I care.

I pushed my way through the crowd in order to reach Deadpool and Ace, who both had snow cones. And now I'm hungry. Saving cats stuck at the top of really tall trees is hard work!

I'm not a telepath!

That had nothing to do with any of my thoughts about snow cones!

Anyways, as I looked longingly at Ace's snow cone, a shadowy figure danced across my peripheral vision. I turned around slowly, but there was no-one there. Creepy. Tingles ran up and down my spine as the crowd drew ever closer to my position on the sidewalk.

They ran up to me and bombarded me with ridiculous requests like: "Can you save my dog from the pound?" "My baby has the hiccups! Can you help her?" "Can you help me cross the street?" "My car broke down up the street, could you take a look at it for me?"

To this last question I replied, "Do I look like a car mechanic to you?"

The man jumped back in fright. Then I realized that I was actually pretty good with cars so I replied back to him, "Fine, show me where it's at. I'll take a look at it."

The man looked pleased with himself as he led me up the street. Ace followed along behind me, surrounded by a crowd of girls. Deadpool got up from his position on the curb and casually tossed his snow cone onto the nearest car. The car swerved wildly out of control and the driver leaned his head out of the window and yelled at Deadpool.

"Thanks a lot, jerk!"

"No problem, it was my pleasure! In this economy you need all the free hand outs you can get!" replied Deadpool cheerily.

"Aren't you Canadian?" I asked him.

"Shh! You know that, and I know that, but he doesn't need to know that." He jerked at thumb at the swerving car.

"Why not?" I asked, watching as Ace flipped his hair for the group of girls, who squealed with delight.

"Why not?" he echoed. "Why not? I think that serum might be getting to your head now."

Ya think?

"Maybe just a little." I said aloud.

"You might not be in the best of circumstances to be around people…but who am I to spoil the fun!" came Deadpool's response. "Continue with this ridiculous errand and we'll see where it takes us."

Sophia's mind is spiraling wildly out of her control! Is there really a telepath behind the voice? What is up with these crowds of people? Who was that mysterious shadow in Sophia's peripheral vision? Why am I asking you all of these random questions? Tune in next time to find out!