Chapter Two
Li'ili'i Kaikamahine
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AN: first of all – WOW! The response to my question and the first chapter. 28 reviews! Thank you sooo sooo much! Here's my plan for the rest of the fic then:
I think I'm going to do 2/3 more chapters of Gracie being little and then do older and how Steve copes :)
Also thinking of bringing a old character back (no one everyone hates don't worry)
I had the idea of doing older Grace Saturday morning but thought I'd better check with people so that everyone doesn't go 'AHHH WE HATE THIS WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOONNNNEEEE!'
Also, heads up - I'm not bringing the season finale into this because I think that it would muck the story up.
Please carry on reviewing!
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'I want to adopt Gracie.'
The moment the words were out of his mouth Steve realised the enormity of what he had done. For a moment he felt sick, as though he had made the wrong decision. But one look at the sleeping girl curled up around the stuffed dog made him recognize that what he was feeling wasn't regret, it was dread.
The dread that every new parent feels.
The dread that they won't be good parents.
That their child will hate them.
Although Steve could never replace her real family, he was her new one.
She would never see him as her real father, nor would he want her to.
He felt the dread of the fact that she wouldn't have a mother figure. Sure there was Cath, but she wasn't around enough to be considered a real figure in Grace's life.
'Are you sure this is what you want Steve?' Governor Jameson asked, sensing his pause.
'Never been as sure in my life, Governor.' Steve nodded to himself.
'I'll see what I can do. It may be a few days though. I assume Grace will be staying with you?' she clarified.
'Yeah, I'll contact her school. When I'm working I'll sort something out for her until she's okay to go back to school.' Steve told her.
'That's not necessary, I'm putting 5-0 on compassionate leave until everything is sorted and that little girl is back on track. HPD can manage until then.' Governor Jameson stated, the sharp tone in her voice warning McGarrett against trying to argue with her.
The commander sighed 'okay.'
'Good, I'll be in contact with you as soon as I have news. Goodbye Steven.'
There was a click on the line as she hung up, not waiting for him to reply, sensing that the conversation was only going to go downhill and bailing before it had the chance.
Steve clicked the 'off button' and slumped down into the armchair across the room from Grace.
He rubbed his forehead with his hand.
He needed to shower and sleep, but he knew that sleep wouldn't come easily.
The images that were avoidable in the daytime he would fall prey to in his sleep. Just as they were haunting Grace.
Jesus, Steve thought, poor messed up kid.
Working with him had finally killed her father.
Steve remembered Danny's warning 'I am not getting myself killed for your vendetta.'
In the end Danny had been proved wrong. He had died for Steve. Because both him and Steve had gotten too close to the truth.
Steve's vendetta had cost Danny and his family their lives.
'Fuck.' Steve muttered angrily.
He wanted to punch something, to beat the hell out of anybody or anything.
This was all his fault.
Standing quickly, Steve stormed over to the fridge, pulling out a carton of pineapple juice and taking a swig.
He could almost hear Danny's scolding, what are you an animal? Use a glass!
As he shoved the carton back into the fridge he glanced at its contents, realising just how un-child friendly it was.
Beer, more beer, wine for when Cath came, some cheese that looked like it was from 1960 and not really much else. He needed to go to the store.
Steve sighed as he looked from his fridge to the little girl.
He couldn't bear to wake her.
Takeout it is tonight then, Steve resolved looking at Grace again.
Her face was peaceful in sleep, if not for the raw red colour of her eyes it could have almost been as though nothing had happened, as though he was just babysitting her while Rachel and Danny went out to the nice diner by the beach they loved so much.
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It was almost an hour later when someone knocked on the door.
Steve jumped up, having been dozing off, and sprinted to the door before the person had chance to knock again, drawing his gun as he did so.
He looked through the peep-hole, relaxing as he saw the worried face of Chin outside his door rather than a Wo Fat assassin.
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Chin breathed a sigh of relief when Steve opened the door to his house and there was no hysterical girl attached to him.
'I thought I might have woken her up,' Chin said as Steve put his finger to his lips in a 'shush' gesture.
The commander looked a mess, bags under his eyes and his brow pinched with stress.
Super SEAL had cracked.
It wasn't something Chin could say he was pleased about. Their fearless leader was an asset to the team, he got the job done.
Steve stepped aside to let Chin Ho come into the house.
The first thing Chin noticed was Grace, curled up on the sofa, still in the underskirt of the dress she has been wearing yesterday.
Steve frowned more as he looked at the little girl.
'My mother sent these until you can go and get her stuff,' Chin held up a bag of clothes.
'You're a life saver,' Steve breathed 'I hadn't even thought past dinner tonight.'
'I figured as much,' Chin nodded 'so I got pizza on my way over.'
Steve had never looked as relieved, Chin thought, as he handed the man the bag of clothes and headed back out to his car to retrieve the pizza boxes that were piled in the front seat.
'Beer?' Steve offered quietly as Chin set the pizza down on the coffee table in front of the television.
'No thanks brah, can barely stomach food.' Chin shook his head 'I can't stop seeing it over and over in my head.'
Steve sat back in the armchair 'me neither, all I can think of is that she saw everything too. She didn't deserve this. Danno and Rachel didn't deserve this. Hell no one deserves that. If I hadn't pushed and pushed and pushed at my mother's murder, none of this would have happened. Danny would still be alive and Grace would still have her family.'
'It's not your fault Steve. It could have been any of us. The cases led back to him, no matter whether you'd been investigating your mother's murder or not, the cases always linked back to him in some way. It was inevitable.' Chin shook his head, surprised at how calm his words came out.
'Kono's a wreck.' Steve stated.
'We all are, shit happens, she'll have to learn to deal with it if she wants to make it in this line of work.' Chin's words sounded harsh and cold even to himself.
'I'm sorry, that's not how I meant it.' He corrected.
'I know what you mean.' Steve nodded 'it was the same when my father died. I blamed myself for letting Hesse escape. But what can you do. I was a grown man, not an eight year old girl.'
'She'll be okay,' Chin nodded 'she's a tough little cookie, just like her old man.'
Steve smiled slightly before sighing and then allowing a grimace to creep onto his face 'I gotta wake her up to eat something.'
Chin flinched 'poor kid. Before you do, what's going to happen to her?'
Steve paused in his way over to where Grace slept.
'I called the Governor to see about getting the ball rolling with her adoption. I can't let her go into care. I'm hoping I can get her adoption papers sorted before social services come knocking. The Governor said she'd pull some strings. She doesn't need to be stuck in foster care and then sent to another home, like a dog no one wants. She can stay here with me, I owe Danno that much. She was his life; I could never forgive myself if I let her be shipped off away from school and her friends. Not after everything he went through to keep her life as normal as possible.' Steve shook his head.
Chin nodded 'I was about to offer the same thing myself.'
'Kono already did too. You're good people; you've got your lives to live. Kono especially, she's too young to make that kind of decision.'
Chin nodded 'but still. You need anything, just give me a call.'
'Thanks brah. I appreciate it,' Steve turned back towards Grace and gently nudged her shoulder.
When she began to stir Steve knelt down beside her, keeping one hand on her back.
'Hey, Uncle Chin brought pizza. You gotta eat something.' He whispered, hesitantly waiting for the hysterics to appear.
Instead, when Grace turned towards Steve, she took a shaky breath and looked up at the SEAL, all Steve saw was nothing. No emotion, none of the old innocent sparkle.
Her eyes were dull and dead.
He recognised those eyes, he had seen them in himself when HPD had come and told them his mother had died and in his father when he had sent Steve and Mary away to the mainland.
Her eyes were soulless, as though she wasn't there anymore.
To Steve they were worse than the hysterics. At least with tears there was emotion.
Grace sat up and allowed Steve to carry her over to sit next to Chin.
'I got you cheese pizza. That ok?' Chin asked her, opening the boxes of food.
'Yes thanks.' She said quietly, her voice rough and croaky.
Steve watched her take a piece of pizza and eat it slowly. But it was food.
Anything was better than nothing; he hadn't expected her to even consider food so he tucked in too.
'Good girl,' he heard Chin praise her.
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'So what are you going to do now?' Chin asked.
'Call for backup,' Steve told him.
Chin almost smiled 'oh dear.'
'I'll see you tomorrow.' Steve said to the detective.
'Me and Kono'll call round. I'll watch her and you can go and get food.' Chin told him.
'Mahalo,' Steve said gratefully.
'Aloha Gracie,' Chin called.
There was no answer from the little girl but she raised her hand in a tiny wave.
'Aloha.' Steve said as Chin started to head towards his car.
'See you tomorrow brah,' Chin replied opening his car door.
Steve watched him drive away before heading back into the house.
'C'mon Gracie bedtime. Chin brought some clothes but we got no jammies.' Steve told her.
Grace nodded and waited for him to come up with a solution.
'I'll go look in Mary's room. Stay here okay?' Steve told her, watching the expression on her face turn from pain to panic in a split second.
'No! No! Please don't leave me, not on my own, please.' She flung herself at him, clutching him t-shirt 'please Uncle Steve.'
'Okay, okay,' Steve rubbed her back soothingly 'we'll both go and look.'
He straightened up, holding Grace to him tightly before heading upstairs.
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Eventually, after finding her a long t-shirt, Steve persuaded her to sleep in a room of her own, promising to be either in the living room or in his room next to hers at all times.
'Night Steve.' She mumbled drowsily, everything catching up to her all at once.
'Night Gracie, see you in the morning.' Steve smoothed the hair out of her face, feeling a rush of emotion towards the little girl.
When he was sure she was asleep he crept downstairs and picked up the phone, dialling the familiar number.
'Who the hell is this? Do you realise what freaking time it is? No, in fact I'll tell you, it's one in the morning!' came the angry voice who answered.
'Hey Mary, its Steve. Look I need to tell you something. And I need your help too.'
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Hope this is okay and didn't disappoint you too much? The time difference (according to my research is three hours – Hawaii apparently is three hours behind LA) correct me if I'm wrong.
P.s – this is not a Steve/Kono fic – I just like the idea of Kono helping with Grace.
Please review – they make me so happy :D