I was having a brief fit of sleep, entirely blissful in that my dreams were of Miss Asahina. We were having an SOS Brigade fashion show and as Miss Suzumiya would put it, out little moe mascot with the perfect body was strutting clumsily across the run-way in a range of outfits. It started out innocent enough but then her outfits were becoming increasingly bizarre. I only sensed something was wrong when I noticed the baby-faced model trot out on all fours in a sheep costume.

Her timid, blushing face was of course so damn cute that I wanted to sheer that sheep and uncover what lay underneath!

…

Actually that sounds rather creepy. How about we just say she was cute? Sorry Miss Asahina, your beauty consumes me sometimes...

Now where was I? I forgot the minute I started drooling. Oh right the sheep thing (Not the New Zealand one, sorry. Wait how do I know about that?) Now Mikuru Asahina trotting about in a sheep costume is something you don't see every day, but I've seen it before and I fear I know what's coming next.

Yep, as expected, Haruhi crossed into my field of vision in a full-body dog suit. I must say it lacks the charms of the bunny suit but that is to be expected of course. But this dog suit, let me explain. Sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep (Okay it's not every time, just sometimes!) I try to count sheep. It's supposed to work and I need all the help I can get usually.

The unfortunate thing is. Every time I count sheep, Miss Asahina and Haruhi always pop up out of nowhere, dressed as a sheep and herding dog respectively. Haruhi observes that I'm trying to fall asleep and then attacks the adorable little lamb with a whip until either she jumps into a hoop with tears in her eyes, or has an emotional breakdown and I suddenly pass out.

I feared the same would happen here but in my dream state I was powerless to stop Haruhi as she stepped right in front of me and smiled. "Hey, it looks like Kyon is trying to fall asleep."

I would have flinched if I could. I would have leapt out in front of the little lamb and sacrificed myself for her. Or maybe I should just punch Haruhi? I've always wondered what that would be like, but I've never tried it...You know, because of the whole 'she can destroy the world as she pleases' thing. But this is a dream so surely giving her a shot to the chops won't bring about the apocalypse right?

Meh. I'm a spineless coward. Even in my dreams...

I caught the nervous gaze of the lovely little lamb and a wave of guilt flooded over me as I started blinking rapidly. This was no good. Haruhi was brandishing a whip she had procured from no-where. She raised it high. A deceptive smile crossed her face and her eyes seemed to burn with frenzied excitement.

Sorry Miss Asahina...

"Bad!" Haruhi shouted so suddenly I almost fell of the hypothetical chair in my dream. I watched as the whip moved so fast it became nothing but a blur. I wanted to close my eyes to spare myself the pain of watching Asahina be tortured like that, but I was surprised when the whip sailed straight past the little sheep and cracked down on the edge of the seat so dangerously close to my groin that I felt the air vibrations all the way down my legs. I yelped like cat whose tail had just been stomped on. Haruhi just laughed before immediately launching into her angry mood again. "Wake up Kyon!"

The whip lashed out again, but this time it was on a crash course for the target missed before. I screamed and screamed and-

Woke up.

I sweating profusely like an overweight person in a sauna. In fact it felt like a sauna because my cheeks were burning. I was also curled up in a ball like a wounded animal. My hands were protectively covering my crotch and my convulsive fit of fear must have been translated into real life too because everyone was staring at me. Asahina was cowering behind Koizumi, her face a perfectly readable mix of fear and disgust. PLease Miss Asahina, don't reject me...

Koizumi was smiling. I should have seen that coming but because it surprised me for some reason makes it worse. In fact seeing him smile like that pisses me off more than anything! I'd rather he be staring at me with his jaw dropped or shaking his head in shame than wearing that bloody smile!

Nagato stared at me in the way you watch an animal at the zoo, only with a lot less enthusiasm. That was to be expected I guess. I've never seen a blatantly obvious expression on her face. In fact the difference between her smile and a straight face are so minuscule there probably aren't even sufficient measurements for it.

Haruhi looked utterly repulsed. She looked like someone had just thrown up on her favourite dress. She crossed her arms and scowled at me, turning her nose up and scoffing, "Disgusting!" loud enough for me to hear it and blush madly.

But that is beside the point. The important thing is why the hell the entire SOS Brigade is gathered in my room! And also, why is my room completely different from- Oh damn it!

I glare at Haruhi and she steps back and frowns, "Hey! Don't look at me like that you creep! I hope you weren't dreaming about me?"

I shake my head and sigh. What an idiot. Just like Haruhi to miss the point of something completely and obsess over the most insignificant, unrelated detail. It's so predictable it feels almost normal. But it's not normal! How can any of this be normal? And ebsides, why would I dream about you? I have much better things to dream about...Like Mikuru in a sheep costume...Laugh all you want but if you saw her you would be salivating like a dog faced with a juicy steak.

But more importantly something about this place is very, very wrong. For you see, we are all trapped in a void, unsettling Hell known as...

Closed space...

Why me again? Why the entire SOS Brigade? Oh well. If the world is destroyed and we need to repopulate I call Miss Asahina to be my Eve! The angelic creature in question retreats further behind Koizumi's back and Haruhi's expression of disgust turns even worse.

"Keep Mikuru out of your twisted fantasies Kyon!"

Oh shit, they're onto me! I keep forgetting that whenever I think about Miss Asahina I always end up looking at her with sparkles in my eyes and a stupid smile on my face.

Hey wait a minute! Sparkles...Closed space...

…

Shit!

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