Fire rained down from the sky, incinerating the landscape and reducing it to ash. The fearsome rumbling roar of thunder was so powerful that it smashed windows and cracked the Earth. Ashen clouds spewed acid rain upon the dying world as life on earth ended in an apocalyptic storm from Hell.

That's what I was envisioning in my head while I watched on, dumbfounded by Nagato's sudden outburst. Of course I was thinking of other things too but I would never tell you that.

Now I knew Nagato was interested in Miss Suzumiya but for God's sake this is just...Just...I don't know how to finish that sentence. Too many conflicting answers are crowding my over-worked mind.

Haruhi was originally beating her fists against the little alien in an attempt to stop her but I think somewhere along the line she was knocked out cold. I couldn't help but wondering if maybe Nagato had the right idea behind her unorthodox solution. I mean after all, Haruhi wanted to experience the extraordinary did she not? Well I'm sure an experimental weekend with another girl would suffice as out of the ordinary?

Still, I think maybe I was only thinking such things because I was praying that this little escapade doesn't result in the destruction of the earth and all life too. Or maybe I just wanted to see it again? Hmm...I think I'll wait until the storm clouds clear before I decide upon that.

It should be pointed out that Haruhi had lost consciousness three minutes ago. Either she was too stunned by Yuki's advances, or maybe the pseudo-alien slipped a fast-acting drug down her throat during her kiss. Or maybe Haruhi just couldn't breathe. Either way her knees turned to jelly some time ago and her body slumped. But Nagato still held her close like a python and kissed her passionately.

I know this is going to sound weird but...This is the most emotion and passion I've ever seen from Nagato. What the Hell did that Data Overmind thing teach her?

"M-Miss Nagato?" I asked, my voice cracking.

She showed no response to me. She didn't stop either.

"Nagato I think that's enough..." I coaxed gently.

Still nothing.

"Please stop."

Nope, still going. If she doesn't stop soon I'm going to have to lie down.

"Nagato!"

She paused. Her entire body went rigid as if someone had tripped over her power cord and knocked it out of the socket. She glanced up at me with eyes full of life, well for Nagato's standards anyway.

"That is enough. Let her go." I spoke slowly, mostly because I was trying to remember how to breathe again.

She dropped her carelessly, letting the supposed God slap the wooden floor with the side of her head. The very odd alien looked to me expectantly, like a dog waiting to be praised for dropping the ball. Well Nagato definitely dropped the ball...Figuratively and literally...

But don't look at me like that! What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? I'm so confused right now I can barely even remember my name. Wait what is my name? Oh that's right its-

"..." Nagato said very loudly. She was still staring at me. I had the feeling that even if I ignored her she wouldn't look away until I acknowledged her efforts.

So with no other choice and without really thinking I patted her on the head as you would a dog. Any normal person would have felt so patronised that they probably would have punched me in the stomach, but Nagato...She smiled. Sure her smile is tiny and if you blinked you would miss it but I noticed the faintest little twitch in the shape of her mouth. That rare little smile...No wonder she has secret admirers...

"Good job!" I spurted out like an idiot, even throwing in a little thumbs up. I felt like I'd seen that before but who cares.

Nagato's eyes were positively gleaming (Slightly) but before she got too carried away I decided to rain on her little parade. "But, I don't think it worked." I explained.

Nagato bowed her head and for a moment I thought she was going to start crying but then she just sort of stared at Haruhi's motionless body with child-like curiosity.

"Well," Koizumi finally found his voice. I think I took a bit too much satisfaction in seeing him without his dumb-ass smile. I probably had a smug grin like his on my face at that moment. "That was...An interesting plan miss Nagato." Koizumi's cheeks were as white as a sheet.

"I replicated the actions which resolved the prior closed space incident." Nagato explained her master plan in her usual blank tone. "Unfortunately, Miss Suzumiya has not reversed the process. It did not work."

"It would appear so. Though you have helped prove something for me, so I thank you." Koizumi smiled again. Dammit!

"What did it prove? That Haruhi isn't a lesbian?" I asked.

"No!" Koizumi lifted a finger and grinned, "It proved that the Snow White plan only works with you."

"Oh shut up!" I snapped, "I'm sure the reason Nagato's plan failed was because Haruhi is here for something else." I could have said something else, but I didn't want to hurt Nagato's feelings, supposing that she actually has them.

Koizumi looked intrigued. Nagato looked uninterested as always. Miss Asahina was unconscious.

"Haruhi created this place because she hated that stupid movie right?" Koizumi nodded. "Well then simply kissing it better isn't going to work is it? Haruhi probably wants something else instead."

"I see." Koizumi stroked his chin. "Perhaps Miss Suzumiya created this closed space to find real vampires?"

"Vampires? Where?" A shrill voice echoed from across the hall. "Oh right, sorry. Never mind..."

We all turned in unison and stared at a figure draped in the shadows further up the hall. It was moving closer to us with slow, shaky steps. I couldn't make out any details while they were shrouded in the surrounding darkness but I swear...I swear I saw it sparkle.

"What the..." I grumbled.

"Is that..." Koizumi began.

"Edward Cullen." Nagato confirmed.

Sure enough, the creature that stepped out into the dim light was indeed the character from that awful film. His skin was coated in white powdery make-up that looked like he had fallen into a bath-tub full of flour. His cheap clothes were all in dull colours which made his pale, sparkly skin stand out more. He had women's lip-stick painted on his mouth to look like a cheap street working tart. His presence made me feel nervous.

Koizumi looked to me and then asked calmly, "Excuse me, who are you?"

The stranger bowed and announced that he was indeed, "Edward Cullen. I'm sure you've seen my films."

"Yes...We have..." I turned to Koizumi and frowned, "What is he doing here?"

"Well, maybe Miss Suzumiya created this closed space to exact her revenge on him or perhaps the entire Twilight cast?"

"What? She's going to kill them?"

Koizumi didn't answer with words, but his expression hardened into a serious face rarely seen behind his confident smile. I understood now. Haruhi brought us here because she wanted us to help her destroy Twilight. It seems I'll have to get my hands dirty again, but when have I ever done something as part of this stupid meaningless little club where I haven't had to do bad things? At least this time I don't have to embarrass myself by pretending to be Prince Charming in a childish fairy-tale. I'll let Nagato do that from now on, she seemed to have had a ball earlier. That was probably her first kiss anyway. She must have read enough about it in stories and those weird games on her computer.

"So...Are you like, one of those Twilight fan-clubs? OMG that is so sweet! Thank you so much." He spoke like the pre-teen girls that adore him.

We didn't even get to answer his question and he was already going on about himself as if he's a god. I've seen proof that Haruhi is something special but this guy is just an asshole. He's just a self-obsessed, narcissistic fool who happened to conspire to make a movie that is even worse that our movie! How he has any fans at all amazes me. Are there people out there that are really that stupid? I thought only Haruhi was that dumb. I must have been wrong...

The sparkling vampire laughed at some joke he had told that no-one was listening to and then instantly launched into another story about himself and his supposedly fascinating life. I tuned out again and glanced down at Haruhi.

If she wants to exact her revenge on this guy and erase him from existence that is fine by me, just hurry up and do it!

"Oh my god! Come meet my friends!" Edward ran off back down the hall, squealing like an excited little girl. I think he wanted us to follow him.

I looked to the others with a frown. "What should we do?"

Koizumi shrugged, "We have no other option. If Miss Suzumiya is here to find the cast of Twilight we had better follow him. The sooner she deals with them the sooner we can return to our world."

"We shall make the hunt easier for Haruhi Suzumiya." Nagato picked up the unconscious girl in question and marched off. I guess that meant we were going then.

Koizumi moved to pick up Asahina but I dived past him and snatched up the sleeping beauty in my arms before him and cradled her like a baby. I couldn't help but share one of Koizumi's smug smiles but he just returned it with an even cheesier smile and strolled off. Damn I wish I could wipe that smile off his face! But that can wait; I'm much more focused on Miss Asahina's body heat emanating from her gently resting form and the cute little sighing breaths she makes.

I look around from left to right, making sure no-one is watching. Then I nuzzle Asahina's cheek like a cat. Her skin is so soft I giggle like a complete idiot, but I don't care. Haruhi is unconscious so she won't ever know and Koizumi and Nagato are gone. No-one would ever know so I might as well...

Unfortunately there was someone who did notice. Someone I had forgotten to take into account. Someone who screamed so loud in my ear that I dropped the sweet little time-traveller and in a fit of panic tried to run but tripped on my own feet to land on the floor with a deafening thud.

I'm so sorry Miss Asahina...

20 points to anyone who understood the reference Kyon made when he congratulated Yuki. It should be an easy one, there are several hints.

70 points to anyone who reviews!

Where did the rest of the points go? I used them to bribe Yuki in the last chapter...

REVIEW!