So...

This is what death feels like. I've always wondered, you know, in the club room. Many a time while playing the thirtieth consecutive game of Othello against Koizumi, always wearing that phoney smile whether he's winning or not. Many a time when I try to converse with Nagato only for her to respond with deafening silence. Many a time when Haruhi forced me to do stupid things that I would only do out of obligation for a world I was supposedly trying to save...It was times like those that I would often ask myself that question.

This is the answer. It's not like I expected.

There is no release. I still feel pain, excruciating pain. It's not peaceful either. There is a lot of yelling and crying. It's a complete let-down. I mean if death is just as bad, then why don't I just keep on living? Well it's not like there's much chance of that happening. I doubt Haruhi can reverse what she has done. I know she's got some strange powers but I don't think a rewind button is one of them.

Looks like this is the end.

Hmm, that sucks.

I didn't even get to go on a proper date with Miss Asahina. I never got to wipe that grin of Koizumi's face. Hell, I haven't even met a slider yet! There's so much I'm going to miss, is this really it? That's bullshit! I want a refund! No, I don't have the receipt, but you could at least give me a store credit or something, right Haruhi?

Wait, what the Hell am I mumbling about? Is my brain shutting down? Have all the well-read cells in my brain clocked off early for the day? No! I need my fancy metaphors! Without them I'm as useless as...As...Uh...Needle in a haystack? Oh god it really is over isn't it?

This isn't fair! I'm the normal guy! I'm not supposed to die yet! If this were a movie we all know the black guy would die first. Sure there is no black guy, but then next it's usually the shy and nervous one. So Miss Asahina should be-

No! Don't ever think of that! Bad Kyon, bad!

Oh for fucks sake now even I'm calling myself that!

I can't think straight, partially because I'm practically empty inside and I'm not talking about some kind of adolescent psychological crap either, I mean like literally empty inside. Nagato drank just about all of my blood using my neck as a drinking straw. But no the real distraction are the tears. Tears that aren't mine. Tears that are dropping into my eyes and getting really quite annoying.

I force my head to one side a little and glance up at the source of my irritation. It's not too surprising that it's Haruhi; I mean when have I ever been in a bad situation that wasn't revolving around her? Still seeing her sob like Miss Asahina often does is compelling viewing.

I smile like a dumb-ass, attempting to chuckle but only forcing a wet, gurgling cough out of my shrivelled lungs. It hurts terribly but whatever, what's done is done. I stare up at her and study the thin, glistening trails cascading down her soft cheeks like diamond waterfalls. I feebly reach out to wipe them away but my hand only gets about half a foot off the ground before it sags back into place and stays there.

"Kyon..." Haruhi chokes on the damned nickname making it sound more like an incoherent noise than a name. Her hands tremble as they reach out towards me and as they hover over me she seems to hesitate. Her expression shifts between conflicting emotions and Haruhi seems to be struggling to make a decision for once. I can't believe she is actually unsure of herself! This is a world first. It must not just be the end of me; surely it's the end of the world too.

Anyway after some kind of intensive deliberation, Haruhi's slender little hands wrapped around my back and soon enough she was cradling me in a half-hearted embrace. I was absolutely freezing but her touch seemed to spark a few fires and I was beginning to feel tingles all over.

I gazed into her eyes, mesmerised by their beauty. I'd never really paid attention to her before, what with Miss Asahina being the walking embodiment of moe, but now I've come to realise just how beautiful Haruhi looks when she's not smiling like a hyperactive toddler or scowling like she'd just had to sit through the entire Twilight film.

Our faces came close, close enough that I could feel her shallow breaths against my cheeks. I stared at her and she returned my gaze and together we just sat there, basking in the moment. Haruhi's lips quivered and then her cheeks started turning bright pink.

I think I get the message.

"Kyon...You asshole!"

Ok, I wasn't expecting that.

"How dare you...How dare you abandon the SOS Brigade! How dare you abandon me?"

Aw how cute. She's so upset she's forcing herself to uphold her image as the leader of that crappy little Brigade we were part of. You know in this position a bright little idea comes to mind. Well, it's not a bright idea, it's really kind of stupid, but it's been proven to work before so I might as well give it a shot. Besides, if I can return us back home then maybe, just maybe I can survive?

Here goes nothing.

I whisper for Haruhi to lean in closer. She obliges and leans down a little until there's merely an inch or two between us. I whisper even softer then and Haruhi strained to hear. She leaned in closer still until our noses were almost touching.

I can't help but laugh.

Snow white eh?

Without warning it happened. I barely even realised what I was doing until I felt the comforting embrace around me relax. Haruhi was stunned, her hands momentarily dropping by her sides while she regained her bearings. Soon enough she closed her eyes and joined in.

Two in one day, she's on a roll...

Now I must point out I was doing this out of desperation (No not that kind!) I was dying. Nagato was advancing again. Nobody else had any ideas, or maybe they did but they weren't really doing anything were they? Besides, half the work was already done for me. I was already propped up at her eye-level with barely a hairs breadth between us. Call me opportunistic if you will, I just wanted to go home.

But that being said, it's not like it was bad or anything. Her lips are soft. She shivered a little and so I lazily draped my arms around her in a half-assed embrace of my own. She didn't protest, not like she did when Nagato tried it, though there were several differences there. One being Haruhi's lack of consciousness and the other being the oddly aggressive attack on Nagato's part.

When eventually I ran out of breath and the pain was becoming so intense that I couldn't enjoy myself anymore I withdrew my lips from her and sank back into her arms. I lay there and waited, counting Miss Asahinas in sheep costumes clumsily bound over a fence.

I waited.

I waited some more.

Nothing.

A weak laugh escaped me, "Damn, at least I tried..."

Haruhi stared at me in disbelief, "Kyon..." she muttered. It seemed she was stuck on that for the time being. Shock seems to stunt a person's vocabulary. A shame it's not my actual name, but whatever...

The faintest sound of Nagato's footfalls become thunderous in the dead silence around me. All eyes turn on the ghostly data interface/alien/vampire.

Haruhi sets me down and grabs the smaller girl by the collar, lifting her off her feet. Nagato looks entirely unfazed.

"Snap out of it Yuki! What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?"

"You caused all of this," I mumble only just loud enough for her to hear. "Only you can fix this...Haruhi..."

"Me? But why? What am I supposed to do?" frantically she searched the room, dropping Nagato and shoving her aside. She looked around at the horrid and bloody mess and eventually found that worthless excuse for a vampire cowering in the shadows. A look of pure rage crossed her features and in the blink of an eye she was off.

Edward scrambled away from her on all fours, scuttling like a mentally handicapped beetle and barely making any ground on the vengeful god. The vampiress ran into an invisible barrier and spun on his heels to face his pursuer. He desperately rummaged through his pockets and procured a small case. It was a DVD, a peace offering it seemed.

Unfortunately, it was the Twilight DVD. The catalyst for this whole damned circus freak show. Needless to say it didn't work.

"You!" Haruhi snarled like a ravenous beast, possibly even a true vampire? She pointed an accusing finger at the weeping little mess of a man and roared, "You did this didn't you! You must have bitten Yuki and made her one of your kind! How dare you try and steal my Brigade members! I'll make you pay!"

"W-w-wait! You've got it all wrong-"

"Aha! So you recruited your minions to do the dirty work for you! That's even worse, you lowly coward! I'll still have you pay for what you've done!"

Yeah, so like Haruhi to completely misinterpret reality for her own deluded vision of the world. But still, I guess there is still hope. As long as Haruhi quickly beats the living shit out of the damned fool with baby powder pallor before I drift off to the eternal sleep we might just be able to return home. Come on Haruhi! Give him one for me too! I'd love to do it myself but I'm kind of hard pressed to lift a finger right now.

Anyway a very anti-climactic stand-off ensued. Inevitably Edward lost, curling up into the foetal position and crying much like he always did. Haruhi charged with a mighty war cry and at last the final battle had begun.

Forgive me for not being more excited, I'm still kind of dying over here you see? Oh well, with nothing else to do, even if I wanted to, I sat back and watched on from the front row seats. I already knew what the outcome would be, it wasn't half obvious already. The only thing was, there was an unexpected time limit on this bout. A countdown to my own death.

I'd never cheered for Haruhi before, but now seemed a better time than any to start.

"Go Haruhi! Kick his sparkly ass!"

The vibrant young god turned to me and nodded.