Okay, I wanted to do this gradually, but typing out "Perry Who-Is-No-Longer-the Platypus" is a bit much, so Doofenshmirtz will probably start calling her/him simply "Perry" a lot quicker than I had originally planned. "Doofenshmirtz" gets to be a lot to type, too, but that one will have to stay as is for the time being. I doubt Perry would ever be as quick to be on more familiar terms with his enemy as Dr. D would.
Also, I've decided Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" is the theme song for this story. Or, really, just Perry and Heinz in general. Listen to it sometime with these two in mind. It's great.
Chapter 3 – What'cha Doin'?
Perry gave a contented little growl/click as he drifted toward wakefulness. He cuddled up a bit closer to Phineas's body and smiled at the comforting warmth of his owner. In response, he felt Phineas's hand pet him on the head lightly.
Hm. Phineas must be going through a growth spurt. His hand seemed bigger.
"Good morning, Perry Who-Is-No-Longer-the Platypus." A voice with a somewhat German-like accent said softly.
That wasn't Phineas.
Perry jolted up on all fours in the bed, the sheets and comforter still hanging over his back.
Doofenshmirtz? What the heck was he doing in bed with Doofenshmirtz?!
The day before came back to Perry like a shock, and she came off her hands to plop back to sit on her knees, the bedding sliding off her back. She could remember everything. The fight, being knocked unconscious, waking up as a human female, the embarrassing scene back home, and the even more embarrassing return to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc…. and the agreement to be the evil genius's girlfriend for a week in exchange for a place to stay and a way back to being a platypus. What she couldn't remember, however, was getting into his bed.
Doofenshmirtz's sleepy smile turned into a very awake frown of fear for his own safety as he watched Perry's face go from udder confusion to slit-eyed anger.
"P-Perry? Sweetie?" Doofenshmirtz tried.
Wrong word choice.
When Dr. Doofenshmirtz' mind was able to catch up, he was being held upside down by one ankle, staring at the street twenty stories below, and screaming like a little girl. He hadn't even known his voice could reach that pitch. On the up side, he had worn pants to bed under his nightshirt so he wasn't mooning the entire tri-state area. Yay for small miracles.
"What are you doing?!" He cried. "I haven't even had time to do anything evil today!" Seeing Perry's eyes narrow further at this, and suddenly remembering his promise, Doofenshmirtz backtracked quickly by adding, "Not—not that I was planning to do anything evil today. Just that I haven't had time to do anything today. Especially anything that might get me thrown out a window…" he looked down and swallowed hard. "…of a very tall building… Actually, now that I think about it, this kinda reminds me of this time when I was a child… When my father was angry at me he would tie me upside down in trees. It wasn't too bad, but we didn't have piñatas… so…" He looked back up at the furious platypus-turned-woman leaning out the window. She was now looking rather annoyed and her grip loosened just the slightest bit. Doofenshmirtz panicked. "But that can wait for another time!" He folded his hands in a pleading gesture. "Please let me back in, Perry Who-Is-No-Longer-the Platypus. Please?"
Perry considered dropping him, but it was obvious the man had no idea why he was being placed in mortal peril and that just made it a wasted effort. Grudgingly, Perry hauled him up over the window sill.
"Oh, thank you, Perry Who-is—oof!"
Keeping hold of his ankle, Perry dragged the doctor across the room and pointed at the bed with the other hand, glaring at him.
"What?" Doofenshmirtz demanded. "You want me to make the bed?" Perry's glare hardened. Doofenshmirtz sighed in annoyance. "This would be a lot easier if you would just tell me what you want. Why can't women ever just say what they want? And don't try and use the whole I'm-a-platypus-I-can't-talk thing. That doesn't work for you anymore."
Perry stopped at this. Could she talk? She didn't see any reason why she couldn't. She knew the English language perfectly and now possessed a mouth and vocal cords that could form the words. But she wasn't about to try it now and give him the satisfaction of being right. If Perry talked, it was going to be when and what she wanted.
Shaking her head, Perry pointed toward the door then back at the bed, giving the pajama-clad evil genius a glare that should have had fire in the background. This time, Doofenshmirtz got the point.
"Wait… are you saying that you don't remember coming in here last night?" He asked. He sounded slightly hurt, but more bewildered than anything. He frowned then. "And I suppose you think that I brought you here." Perry just kept up the glare. "Well, I've got news for you, Missus Throw-Innocent-People-Out-of-Windows: you came to me! Ha!" Perry's surprise probably would have saved Doofenshmirtz from any further harassment had he stopped talking there. But he didn't. Instead, he added, "See? You like me better than you let on."
And he was back out the window.
"What'cha doin'?"
Phineas sighed. "Hi, Isabella."
Isabella frowned and tipped her head to the side a bit in worry. Phineas and Ferb were sitting under their usual tree, but there weren't any plans, blue-prints, or outlines in sight. Both boys looked run down and miserable.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"We can't find Perry anywhere," Phineas replied.
"That's not so unusual," Isabella reminded him. "He's usually gone at this time of day. He'll be back."
Phineas shook his head. "He's been gone since yesterday afternoon. We searched everywhere. Ferb even called some of the neighbors. Nobody's seen him."
"Oh," Isabella began to feel some concern for the little creature. "Have you tried singing the 'Come Home Perry' song? That worked last time."
"Twice," Phineas replied miserably. "But nothing."
"Oh…" Isabella sighed then perked up a bit. "Are you sure you used enough bass? That could have thrown off the song."
"The bass was perfect," Phineas assured her.
"Oh." Isabella plopped down to join the brothers against the tree in their depression.
The three of them remained in silence like this for a few minutes. The empty space where Perry usually laid seemed to have its own presence.
The silence was broken suddenly by Phineas giving a frustrated growl. Ferb and Isabella stared at him in surprise as he jumped to his feet and began pacing back-and-forth under the tree.
"This is no good!" He told them as he walked. "Sitting around under a tree is good for planning, but not for finding! If we just sit here, we'll never figure out where Perry is! There has to be some way to find out where he went…"
"The worst part is the not knowing," Ferb agreed.
"Exactly!" Phineas exclaimed.
"But usually we do just wait for him to come back," Isabella reminded him.
"Well, this isn't the usual deal," he insisted. "I just know that if we don't find him, Perry's not coming home this time." Ferb gave a solemn nod.
Isabella looked worried at this announcement. "Do you really think It's that serious?" She asked. Then another thought, "You don't think he's hurt, do you?"
"I don't know," Phineas admitted, looking a bit nervous at the thought. "All I know is if he's not coming to us, we have to go to him." He stopped walking with a start and his face lit up. "That's it!" He turned to look at the two still seated under the tree. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"