Chapter- Nothing is ever simple...
AN-Been really busy, So I appreciate you wonderful, beautiful people for being patient and thanks for all the kind words considering I'm a hack, xoxo.
It's been three weeks and everything still feels unfamiliar to Bonnie, her home, her friends, her life, but the only thing that does feel right is reading the letter that Klaus left her, it brings her a certain comfort and anguish, because she isn't suppose to miss him or wonder if he's alive, if he's safe but she does. And Bonnie can't help but feel like it's a betrayal to her friends because they risked everything to save her, they did everything to bring her home and she's missing the very person who has caused them so much grief, but she can't help it Klaus became something too her.
She misses him, she wants to see those baby-blues, she wants to relish in his devilish smile, she wants to feel the danger and excitement she gets within the very essence of her body when she's near him, a feeling she seems to be craving, a feeling she doesn't want to stop.
What is wrong with me? She questions she doesn't need him, she doesn't really feel these things, does she? Bonnie thinks it's impossible, it's the letter, that's what it is, a guy writes a couple of sweet words to her and she loses her shit, not! Because, she knows, she loves Jeremy and not Klaus.
"I love Jeremy and he loves me, Klaus doesn't know the meaning of love," She assures herself, nodding as she opens the letter once more.
She reads it one last time before slipping it under her pillow; she checks herself in the mirror she didn't put on anything fancy for a house party, she opted for a classic white tank top and blue jeans her favorite pair with the rip in one knee, retouching her lip-gloss she felt sick for a moment a dread came over her suddenly, snap out of it Bonnie commanded to herself their doing this because they love you, Elena and Caroline thought it would be a smashing idea to throw a welcome home party for her and Stefan as if they hadn't suffered enough, they now have to pretend that the world is back to being roses and rainbows, which couldn't be further from the truth.
The doorbell rings, Oh great she thinks to herself, time too slap on a smile and pretend to enjoy this party.
She opens the door to a smiling a Elena and Stefan who's face twitched in the motion of a smile but never fully reaching climax she understood, she noticed how Elena clutched to his arm holding tightly to Stefan afraid that if she let go he'd be gone again, Stefan unhooked himself long enough to embrace Bonnie, they share the same look of dread and guilt for not appreciating their friends wanting to celebrate their triumphant returns at least she's not alone, Elena hugged her warm and tight but just as quick as she had hugged Bonnie, she attached herself to Stefan once more, she could see the distant look in his eyes like he weren't really here his body was here but a part of him was still with Klaus, still with Dmitri, still with his own demons and Elena couldn't touch that part of him.
Not too far behind was Damon who strolled and squinted towards the door he parted his lips to say something but Caroline through her arms around Bonnie's neck pulling her into the house before he got anything out.
Damon stood there for a moment as Alaric, Jeremy, Matt and Tyler approached.
"Who invited you?" Jeremy asks nastily.
"I didn't need an invitation... you should realize that now," Damon smirked heading to the house.
"I hate that guy," Tyler says with a deadpan nonchalance.
"Join the club," Matt adds calmly,
Alaric looks at them all, "He's not so bad once you get to know him,"
"Do you honestly believe that," Tyler asks with disbelief, Alaric opens and closes his mouth, "Nope, he's an ass."
They guys have a moment laughing, heading into the house; the guys approach Bonnie giving her hugs and smiles.
"Good to have you home," Matt hugs Bonnie tightly, he smiles brightly pulling back, his blue eyes glossed over with joy.
"Thanks," She smiles warmly at one of her oldest friends, Tyler hugs her quickly his eyes landing on Caroline a smile forcing its way through because he can't help it when he sees her.
Matt notices and wraps his arm around Caroline who looks away from Tyler a bit startled by Matt's embrace for a split second, he wasn't giving up on them just because she was vampire and could possibly have feelings for his best friend he wasn't sure if he could lose someone else important in his life and Caroline is an important part of his life.
Elena clears her throat at Damon who was off in the corner drinking Mr. Bennett's scotch, she nods for him to give Bonnie a proper welcome home, Damon pouts at Elena approaching Bonnie.
"Bonnie, I just wanna say welcome home and thanks for . . . you know,"
"Thanks and you're welcome," Damon puts out his arm out going for the hug sort of tapping her back, she looks at his arm suspiciously feeling super weird, "We don't need to hug,"
Damon looks relived. "Oh thank God, because that what of been awkward."
"Extremely,"
"Okay." They both say "okay" in unison.
Bonnie and Damon walk away from each other quickly; Jeremy pulls her to the side. "Let's go upstairs; I have something for you,"
"What about them?"
"They'll be fine, without us," Jeremy waves them off smiling down on Bonnie.
Bonnie smiles as they head upstairs, this will be the first time they've been alone, since she's been back he was thoughtful enough to give her some space and let her readjust to being home, she loved that about him, his thoughtfulness his willingness to put her needs above his own, it's also a quality shared by someone else, but that's not the point, the point is that it's Jeremy she loves.
"This is for you," He gives her a heart necklace, she looks up at him in awe she feels this jolt of warmth flow through her, how could she ever think she'd want anything other than this anything other than him, " I saw that you didn't have your necklace anymore, so I went and had one made just like it,"
"You didn't have to do that,"
"Yes I did, your grams brought you that and I love you Bonnie," His lips curve into a crooked smile,
She rubs her hand against his smooth cheek, gazing into those deep brown eyes, she kisses his lips softly, he has a moment of hesitation but he gives in and kisses her roughly, he couldn't remember the last time he had wanted something so bad, he let his hands roam up and down her back, his tongue was wild and full of fever and hunger.
He lifted her shirt above her head throwing it to the floor along with his own, she run her hands down his slender six-pack abdomen she reached for his belt loosing it as he kissed down her neck and chest he kisses the top of breast pressing his lips back into hers once more, Bonnie felt like her body was on fire, she wants this, she wants Jeremy, so why can't she shake this feeling that this isn't what she wants right now, as Jeremy and Bonnie kiss heavily, he feels the distance between them even though she seems to want him more than he wants her right now.
"Are you okay?" Jeremy brushes his lips against her neck, "Yeah, I'm fine," She says putting her hand down his pants, he's ready but Bonnie pulls back as her other hand touches the letter underneath her pillow, "What's wrong?" He stops kissing her, panting heavily.
"Nothing, but we shouldn't do this everybody is downstairs, I just don't feel comfortable, that's all."
Jeremy exhales deeply sitting up as she hands him his shirt, Bonnie stands heading towards her dresser putting on her own shirt, Anna and Vicki appear,
"What a letdown, tisk, tisk," Anna retorts with a certain satisfaction. Jeremy ignores her putting on his shirt quickly.
"Just ask her all ready, you know you want," Anna teases,
"You don't anything," He says under his breath, "What?" Bonnie asks, Jeremy shakes his head, "Nothing."
"But it's not nothing, ask her," Vicki also demands,
"Both of you shut-up," Jeremy snaps at Vicki and Anna," Just ask her, you'll feel better," Anna taunts.
Jeremy debates with himself for a moment but it's time to find out what went on between her and that bastard who has delivered unbelievable grief into his life, he lost his aunt and uncle, his sister narrowly escaped her fate, he isn't prepared to lose Bonnie as well not to Klaus not to anyone.
"Did something happen between you and Klaus?"
Bonnie turns to face him a bit shocked that he assumes something had happened, "Why would you ask that?"
"Because, it's a simple yes or no question," Bonnie sighs, "Nothings is ever as simple as yes and no,"
Jeremy clenches is jaw and the tension in the room bubbles to the surface. "So, something happened, what happened? Tell me, I can take it,"
"Jeremy-"
"What happened?" He interrupted her quickly, "Just tell me."
"We kissed,"
He tilts his head with a subtle anger shifting in the room and in him. "That was it?"
"Yes that was it, nothing else happened." Bonnie took a step closer to Jeremy who took a step back.
"Do you have feelings for him?"
Bonnie averts her gaze because she wasn't sure if what she felt for Klaus was real or not.
"Answer me," He grabs her roughly by the shoulders, "Answer me," he yells demanding an answer.
"Let her go, right now." Elijah demands of young Mr. Gilbert, stepping easily into her room. Jeremy looks at Elijah and back at Bonnie he does the smart thing and releases her.
"Are you alright?" Elijah asks, keeping his eyes on Jeremy he didn't appreciate what he just witnessed he feels it's so ungentlemanly to put your hands on a woman.
"I wasn't hurting her." Jeremy defends the situation and his actions.
"That could be left up to interpretation," Elijah says coldly, not letting Jeremy off the hook.
"Elijah, I'm fine we're just talking,"
Elijah tilts his head at her, "If you say so,'' he says it condescendingly; Bonnie rolls her eyes because she recognizes the tone.
"What are you doing here anyways, Elijah?"
"I actually never left." He takes a sit comfortably in the chair in the corner of her room.
"Why?" she turns to face him puzzled about why he never left, she wants to know why he's been sticking around.
"Who let you in?" Bonnie couldn't imagine no downstairs willing letting him in.
Elijah smirks, "I came in through the back,"
"You broke in," Bonnie corrects,
"I simply walked through the back door."
Bonnie stares at Elijah for a moment, "So what do you want?"
"We need to talk," He pretended to pick at something in his nails,
"I can't imagine about what?"
Elijah looks at Jeremy with annoyance, "It's a private matter."
Bonnie pulls Jeremy aside, "Can we talk later, I'll tell you everything . . . I promise."
Jeremy looks down sorrowful rubbing her shoulders, "I'm sorry, you know that I would never hurt you."
"Yes, I know," She nods kissing his lips. Jeremy looks back at Elijah stepping out.
"You missed a button, by the way," He says to Jeremy, as Bonnie's closing the door.
Bonnie looks at Elijah who as this weird smirk on his face, he noticed something familiar in Jeremy it was something he saw in Klaus in the presence of this witch.
"He's worried that he's going to lose you,"
"He's not!" Bonnie takes a seat on the edge of her bed, she won't elaborate on the subject matter anymore, "You never answered my question, why are you still here?"
Elijah cocked his brow, he studied her for a moment and for a for a few moments he let his eyes do the talking, he drank her in with his eyes he wanted to see, he wanted to be a part of it this thing she has that makes men crazy, "I'm fascinated, I want to know what it is about you, that made my brother care so much,"
Bonnie moves away from the door and closer to her bed, "So, you think what he felt was real,"
"Feels, what he feels . . . I believe there could be . . . some truth to It," Elijah pauses," So, when did it change, between you?"
"Nothing really changed he was just curious to know me, and then use me for his own selfish reason's" She crossed her arms over her chest, she was curious about why he was still in Mystic falls.
"Why haven't you gone after them, yet?"
"He asked me to stay and look after you encase Dmitri shows, I'm his protection with love to you," Elijah stood as well; he moved closer to her he can't quite see it yet, where does she stand? What are her feelings? "What do you feel for him?"
"What I feel is not important, because if we were a movie, I'd be crazy to fall for him."
He tilts his head staring intently into her greens eyes beautiful and bright he thought, "But, there was something?"
She flopped back down on the bed this exhausted expression forming her face,
"The unexpected thing is that I actually grew to care about him too, and that is truly frightening to me."
Elijah smiles; he understands what it's like to be dragged down with unwarranted feelings,
"It's easy to care for someone like Klaus, he's so charismatic, I know firsthand because not even in death and all the betrayals have I ever been able to not care about him,"
"Why is that?" She asks, truly curious about this part of human nature.
Elijah taps his finger on his lips, this has also been a question that has plagued him, "Because, were all a bunch of captured hearts and love is a slow burn, and were not meant understand it."
Elijah takes a seat next to her, he remembers a time he once had a talk with a girl who was naive about love, he remembers so vividly that he had given up on fathoming what it means to love.
"I care about him, I really do but I shouldn't! Because he's everything I'm suppose hate,"
"Clearly... that's why people try to avoid what's bad for them,"
"You can't avoid when the devil comes knocking?"
Elijah smiles bright and warm at her, "Ah . . . but it's up to you whether or not you open the door,"
"And if he comes in uninvited,"
"Well then, you're screwed." Elijah stands and with a slight shrug he gestures to depart... And Bonnie ponders this conversation for all of two seconds stopping him before he leaves. Bonnie thinks of doing something uncharacteristically like going after Klaus, she did promise to kill Dmitri after-all.
"When you go after Klaus and Dmitri, Am coming to because I did promise to kill him, and a promise is a promise,"
"Klaus loves you and he will be very cross with me if something happened to you,"
"Nothing will happen to me, and he loving me that has to stay between you, him and I, understand,"
Elijah nods leaving, a smile on his face he's starting to get it, what makes the men so crazy about her . . . she's worth it he thought to himself.
Bonnie returns to the party and she feels a since of relief calm inside of her but now it was time to have some fun before she throws her world into chaos again.
Caroline lies down on Bonnie's bed, with Bonnie sitting at her vanity, "So what's been going on?, how does it feel being home?"
"It's going good, I'm glad to be home, I missed you all."
"Bon, I don't know what we would've done if Klaus had hurt you,"
Bonnie scoffs, "He was pretty harmless,"
The bubbly blonde cocks a brow, "Are we talking about the same Klaus?"
Bonnie smiles shaking her head appealing her strawberry flavored lip-gloss, Caroline stretches her hand landing somewhere it shouldn't. "What's this? Secret love letter," Caroline wiggles the letter; Bonnie turns around mortified dammit she really should have found a different place to hide that.
"...Don't read that," Bonnie quips quickly, trying to take the letter back.
"Who's it from? Jeremy or somebody else," Caroline laughs playfully keeping Bonnie from taking the letter from her, Caroline reads it looking up at Bonnie shocked.
"What the hell is this?" Caroline repeats her original question with a little more humph this time.
"It's nothing," Bonnie takes the letter from Caroline quickly,
"You don't like miss him nor have feelings for him, do you?"
"Of course not, he killed Jenna and Elena and tried to kill me… I'd have to be freaking crazy to feel anything for him," Caroline's mind is blown, she trust Bonnie above all others but she wasn't sure if she believed her, hell Bonnie wasn't sure if she believed herself either.
"We should get to the grill before everybody, thinks I got kidnapped again,"
Caroline looks put-off by her glib remark, "Too soon?"
"Just a tad," Caroline and Bonnie walk out of room arm and arm laughing, Caroline stops in her tracks still arm and arm with Bonnie,
" Bonnie you know that you can tell me anything, I'll never judge you... so, if something happened between you and Klaus, you can come to me if you need to talk about it, I'm here for you always,"
Bonnie smiles the biggest smile since returning, "Thank you,"
"No problem," Caroline smiles back.
Somewhere in the deepest and darkest of places sits a Bar where the extremely lonely frequent, and the truly desperate hope to forget.
". . . Bar keep I'll have another,"
"I think you've had enough."
Klaus looks up from his shot glass and smirks, "I'm going to give you two choices, and this is something I don't normally offer . . ."
The man saw his eyes darken he could see something sinister and he started to pour without hearing the offer, " Thank you, actually just give me the bottle," The bar keep hands him the bottle of tequila.
Klaus takes the bottle staggering away from the bar, he pulls out his phone he presses talk, he tells himself that he just wants to hear her voice; he'll hang up after he hears her, that's all he needs.
"Hello!"
He parts his lips to say something, he hears the music in the background she's at a party he suspects she's enjoying herself and he's about to ruin it if he says anything,
"I can't hear hold on, don't hang up," Bonnie goes outside, she looks the unknown number, "Klaus, is this you?"
He breaths heavily through the phone, "Say something?"
"Are you at a party?" Klaus slurs, he can hear a song playing in the background.
Bonnie closes her eyes smiling, "No, But I'm hanging out with friends, what about you?"
"I'm great," He scoffs taking a swig of tequila, "Are you drunk?"
"Very, it took some doing but I finally got there and I'm very, very drunk right now." He sounded all innocent.
Bonnie clinched her teeth, "You can't be drinking while you're looking for Dmitri,"
He scoffs again, "I let go of you, so you don't have to care or worry about me, we both know how much that pains you,"
Bonnie smacks her lips, "For your information smart ass, you can't let go of something you haven't had yet,"
He thinks his drunk mind is playing a trick on him because he heard the words had and yet. "And yes, it pains me that I care about you, but that doesn't change the fact that I do, so pull yourself together and find Dmitri, so that I can sleep without fearing for my life,"
Klaus stands up straight 'damn, if he didn't miss this girl, "Bonnie," He sounds child-like and cutesy.
"Yeah," At this moment she could picture him all cute and drunk off his ass.
". . .I wasn't prepared for someone like you . . ." He hangs up without saying anything more . . .
"Touché" she says to herself just as Jeremy comes looking for her, "Who was that?"
"Nobody," Bonnie pulls Jeremy closer as they walk back inside….
I feel wrong
I'm so human and flawed
I'll break down even though I'm still strong
And time...will make fools of us all
Builds us up and then laughs when we fall
You...pull me through
When I'm alone in the dark and the fear is my truth
Yeah all the things that you are beautifully broken alive in my heart
And know that you are everything
Let your heart sing and tonight we'll light up the stars all that you are...