The Revenge of Jusenkyo Chapter 7: Cologne, a ranma fanfic

The Revenge of Jusenkyo

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: side effects of fanfiction include… insanity, paranoia, over-thinking, love sickness, madness, obsessiveness, excessive anger, misguided fact thoughts, horniness, sleep deprivation and depression. If you start showing signs of wanting to kill and or maim people, please, call the fanfiction disease hotline or watch the actual canon material. It can save you life and your brain will thank you.

Caution: don't think about this too much, or else you won't be able to enjoy regular fiction again. Seriously, don't think about this too much. I'm the Text, so I'm right. I think.

Attention: attention, this just in, a fanfiction chapter is spotted below. It is armed and very dangerous. Hide your potato chips and Girl Scout cookies. Fanfiction has been known to contain these in their fossilized remains. Attempting to read could result in death. That is all.

You have been warned…

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chapter 6: Cologne

Jusenkyo loves animals. Jusenkyo loves them very much. They make the best children as no matter how angry they are at you, they look soooo cute! Maybe that is why Jusenkyo is full of tiny animals from cats to piglets to ducks. They are so tiny. So very, very tiny. You can squeeze them, and hold them, and pat them on the head. Throw them in the oven before the baby says. Wait… that is the downside… cute animals are the best tasting after all. It's why baby cows are so expensive. And not just because it takes more ink to write it in menus than before. Just like someone who said things but name was forgot onto history. Or maybe because no one knew him? Or was it a her? Was it a person after all? Maybe it was a seal… anyway the saying is… "Penguins taste good with ketchup." It's true, so very true.

The Jusenkyo water continued on, swimming in its clear glass jar.

All this thinking was giving it a headache.

"So… Great Grandmother get cursed, yes?" Shampoo asked, eyebrow raised, as she was in a booth being informed by Cologne.

"Yes, child. This water is the living embodiment of Jusenkyo, but why it is here, I don't know." Cologne continued. "Too bad it can't speak."

"What you turn into Great Grandmother!" Shampoo was as giddy as a school girl, odd as she never went to school.

"That's not important right now."

"You no tell Shampoo because it ugly? OW!" Shampoo rubbed her head from where the staff bonked her.

Cologne sighed and brought her staff down. "Just bring the box."

"Yes great grandmother." Shampoo got the box and placed it on the table.

Suddenly, a flying duck smashed into the table, tipping it over and causing the jar to fall on the floor.

*Shatter*

The Jusenkyo water dashed away, well, as well as it could considering that its water.

"Quack!" the duck with glasses quacked.

"Stupid Mousse let water get away!" Shampoo dove for the water, only getting wet.

"Meow… Nyan?" Shampoo was a cat again.

Cologne had her face in her palm. "It took forever to get it the first time."

The water that was Jusenkyo, sloshed on its journey into the night.

'Well… this is taking forever.' It thought as it kept on moving towards Uchann's.

Being that it was night, the moon shone on the water puddle as it kept going towards the restaurant. It was enough reflection to reflect someone's reflection clearly.

The face of one mega cross dresser, Tsubasa, currently pretending to be a schoolgirl.

Jusenkyo 'looked on' as the boy who looked like a girl, sneaked his way towards the restaurant.

'Hmm… he is annoying… ah, oh well he's next then.' Jusenkyo made its move.

Over at the Tendo dojo everyone was arguing over whose fault this is. Needless to say, the culprit was found rather quickly.

"Husband! I can't believe you would do this!" Nodoka shouted, once again mad at the Panda.

[It's not my fault!] A panda sign read.

"Shut it pops!" Ranma yelled, annoyed.

[Hey! I thought it might cure me!]

"But, to put it in the bath!" Akane screamed.

"That wasn't smart at all Saotome, how could you?" Soun didn't cry, hey, he doesn't cry all the time, idiots.

"Didn't Akane beat him up for this already?" Nabiki asked, watching anime.

"Even though this might work for the best, you are still stupid sometimes." Nodoka tried her best to not put her hand on her head, she failed.

"Yes, the Master is a skunk, but this is not your high point Saotome." Soun sighed.

"An ugly skunk." Ranma pointed out.

"I thought it was hideous, even if he could hide the smell, I wouldn't want to touch him." Akane put in her two yen.

"Oh My!" was heard in the background.

"You said it sis, now, can you all be quiet? I'm watching anime here!" Nabiki was annoyed.

"Honestly! You only think of yourself! Wait… how are you watching that? Doesn't that not come out until…" Akane was cut off by a yell that went like this.

"Eeep!"

Yeah, like that.

Everyone was covering their noses.

"Nnnono! Nnot te olllddd freek!" Ranma said, nasally.

Happosai, the still spewing, stinky, ugly skunk jumped in and tried to molest Akane, but missed as she fell backwards due to the stench getting through her fingers.

"Eep." Happosai sailed through the air, and hit a male Ranma in the chest.

Ranma picked him up and threw him away as far as he could.

"Oh My!" came a voice from the kitchen, exactly two minutes since the last one.

Meanwhile at the cat café! Our trio of Amazons does… stuff.

"Alright Mr. Part time, explain yourself! Why did you let free Jusenkyo?" Cologne asked, rubbing her forehead.

"It was Jusenkyo water! How can I not try to use it to cure myself?" Mousse retorted.

"Stupid Mousse is too, too stupid." Shampoo shook her head in disgust.

"Shampoo, you are the one sounding stupid right now." Cologne pointed out.

"Shampoo no sound stupid!"

"Child, you really need to work on your Japanese."

"Shampoo no need to, it fine!"

Mousse started to sneak away.

"It's been a year now, and you haven't improved a bit!"

"Shampoo speak good enough!"

"Then why do you sound like a five year old?"

"Shampoo don't!"

"Yes you do… but that's not the point right now."

"Why Great Grandmother angry anyway? It no Shampoo fault!"

Mousse was now in the kitchen.

"I'm just reminded that you have been here a year and still haven't gotten Ranma to love you yet. Although after the bombed wedding, I don't know how you can do it."

"Shampoo find way! Akane no deserve Ranma!"

"Be as that may, when was the last time you were with him and he liked being around you?"

"Shampoo NO LOSE TO VIOLENT GIRL!"

Mousse filled a bucket of water.

"The only way I see that you could win is if you get him a real cure, which I might have been able to set up if the water hasn't gotten away."

"That one Mousse fault!"

"Yes, we were interrogating him when you just kept insulting him!"

"Great Grandmother insult too!"

"Yes, but you are… let's stop. I'm getting angry again." Cologne took in a deep breath. "I guess I'm just mad that the water escaped that's all. But seriously Shampoo, work on your Japanese. By this rate we'll be here for many more years to come. Now, where's Mousse?"

"Right behind you old Monkey!" Mouse proclaimed as he dumped the bucket of water over Cologne's head. This only happened because he used reverse psychology on tricking his brain to dump water on Shampoo, thus leading him to Cologne, dumping the water on her. He still got some on himself and Shampoo though.

"Quack!"

"Hiss!"

"How did I know this was going to happen?"

In the Tendo home, everyone that was there was trying to air out the smell of Happosai.

"Damn… it… Pops!" Ranma spewed out, trying his best to air out the house.

"I have a feeling this is going to change everything, right?" Nabiki asked the air as she had her face in a pillow.

"Genma, you are helping too!" Nodoka was dragging a panda. "Where's Kasumi?"

"I… I don't know." Akane looked troubled. "Nabiki have you seen Kasumi?"

"Oh My!"

"See!. She's in the kitchen." Akane walked in there. "Hey Kasu-"

A tape recorder set for every two minutes was sitting on the counter.

Meanwhile nine thousand and one feet in the air Kasumi was enjoying being an angel. Even if she was an alien Angel.

"I haven't had this much fun in… well… never." Kasumi smiled as she continued to fly through the air, way up high.

"This is so... much… fun!" Yep, Kasumi enjoyed this.

Kasumi enjoyed her curse, unlike the others. In fact, it would probably be a tossup on who enjoyed themselves more, Taro (first name not mentioned, for fear of life.) or Kasumi Tendo.

'It's getting late… but this is fun, I'm enjoying myself. Who knew that flying was so… so… I don't even have a word for it.'

And that's how a quick two minute break can last hours.

"Wheee! Oh, My! I shouldn't say that…."

"Meow?"

"Quack Quuaackk?"

"I know. I'll get the hot water." Cologne pogo-ed away.

"Nya? Mew Mew?"

"Be patient."

"Quackk quakkk!"

"Mew mew mewwse!"

"Quack quakkc!"

"It'll be a while… I know this is weird…"

"Quakkk Quacxcxk!"

"Nyahn! Nyah!"

"After this we'll visit the Tendo's we have much to discuss."

"Nyahn, meow mew mew mew…"

"Quak! Quackkk! Quack!"

"At least I'm still the same size..."

"Nya, Nyahn, mew merow ny!"

Cologne sighed.

The Jusenkyo water reached Tsubasa right before he got to Ukyo's restaurant. The water splashed onto his leg as he felt the changes come over him.

'Well, this one fits, but so does that one… hmmm… what to choose, ah… ennie menie miney moe…' Thought Jusenkyo as it changed the cross dresser.

"Dahh!" Screeched Tsubasa as Jusenkyo kept wavering on its choices.

Jusenkyo finally made up its mind right before it started raining…

The Tendo home was in panic as no one could find Kasumi. Well, scratch that, almost everyone was in panic, Nabiki was still watching anime.

While this was going on, there was commotion at the door.

Ranma went to open it only to find a duck, a pink cat, and…

"Ah! It's a raccoon on a stick!" Ranma yelled as he saw what was on the other side of the door. How he didn't see Shampoo, nobody knows.

*Bonk*

"Just don't look farther down, son in law."

"Ahh! A talking raccoon!"

*Bonk*

After some more screaming, everyone was around the table; those who were in the house at least.

"Now we have a talking raccoon. When will I wake up?" Nabiki drawled as she looked at the ceiling.

A human Mousse scratched his head. "I was hoping she would have been an old monkey."

*bonk*

"We have a problem on our hands." Cologne, still a raccoon, said.

"Yeah, you're freaking me out! It was hard enough getting used to a talking frog!" Ranma cringed.

*Bonk*

"I don't want to do this all night." Cologne said, annoyed.

"How Great Grandmother talk!" Shampoo wanted to know.

"Crazy dream, huh Akane?" Nabiki was on her back, out of it.

"Nabiki! You know this isn't a dream!" Akane yelled.

"Ayhiah! Violent girl right! Mercenary girl no dreaming!"

"Oh my! Nabiki, is this another one of your 'not possible' episodes? You haven't had one since you were almost killed that one time."

Everyone turned to see a smiling, angelic, Angel that is an alien Kasumi, right in the doorway, eyes half closed and glowing.

*thud* let the bodies hit the floor...

"Oh my! Is it something I said?"

Author's notes: yes, a talking raccoon. Yeah… I know, I asked why when I read this and all Noy could say was… "Telinú watched too many DreamWorks movies." So… that's all you get. I don't get it either. On with the story! By that I mean next month. It's hard for Noy to write these when Telinú is bringing up so many ideas. I think I counted 14 on my last run... I sure hope this gets updated... stupid Telinú. Till then, I'm the text.