Title: The Truths of Being Alive

ChapterTitle: 2. Shattered Reality

Author: Primal Red

Character(s)/Pairing: Kamichika Rio. Orihara Izaya. Ryuugamine Mikado. Sonohara Anri. Eventual Izaya/Rio (IzaRio)

Genre: General/Angst/Drama/Romance

Rating: R for psychological and philosophical themes and eventually quite a bit of sexuality.

Warnings: Dark themes and disturbing perspectives on humanity in general.

Summary: For most people, life had a way of turning out fine eventually. For Rio, life was full of her own mistakes. Or so she thought. [Eventual and gradual Izaya/Rio]

A/N: Dedicated, again, especially to the two who have inspired me infinitely on this work, Renn-kun and eclats_de_voix. ;) Keep the Izaya/Rio flame going! This pairing is so dark that it's riveting and fascinating. And, Izaya! You are so damn difficult to write! Oh, well, I forgive thee. XD

"I can't help this longing…

Comfort me…

I can't hold it all in…

If you won't let me…

Heaven holds a sense of wonder.

And I wanted to believe that

I get caught up

When the raging does subside…"

—Delerium's "Silence" (Michael Woods Remix)

Chapter 2: Shattered Reality

For the first time in days, fifteen-year-old Ryuugamine Mikado was pleased and calm with his routine. After the scenario where Kida-kun had almost lost his life while fighting the Blue Square gangsters and after he had taken his best friend to the hospital, Kida and another girl at the hospital had disappeared for some reason. At first, he had been overwhelmingly worried and depressed—and not to mention, guilty—but as the days passed, he realized that Kida was most likely safe and well, just at a different location.

For some reason, a part of him wondered if he could go and see his friend for once.

Then again, with so many problems occurring outside these days, and with Dollars needing to be watched so often…maybe not. Things were too hectic to such a degree that he and Anri and the other people would need to keep an eye out for any trouble.

Though…with Celty-san helping out, things won't turn out too badly. She happened to be a very capable individual, even though she was a dullahan from Ireland.

Mikado smiled and glanced through page 14 as the teacher began to explain the phenomena surrounding centripetal motion. So far, he was starting to pick up on the pace of the studying, and though it was a miracle that he had managed to have decent grades during the unrest in Ikebukuro, he didn't want to take any chances.

And, so far, it seemed as though things would turn to normal for a few days. He knew that the Dollars have been calm and busy as usual, and it seemed that no major news in the area seemed to be that particularly outlandish.

Unless something comes up from something not so seemingly strange at first, that is.

Chances of that, however, were more likely than he thought, however. He had not known, for instance, that Kida was the leader of the Yellow Scarves, and the fact that Anri carried a blade was a strange thing for him to see. However, given that Anri meant no harm and that Kida also wanted to stay quiet about the fact mainly because he didn't want to trouble Mikado with his problems…it was likely that it was a misunderstanding.

A coincidental misunderstanding that he would have to prevent next time, especially if he wants Kida-kun to return safely and well.

Mikado felt his expression become determined, and for the rest of the lecture, his resolve went with him as he finished his notes with everyone else.

Mikado was about ready to pack his schoolbag when he noticed that Anri was walking over to him. Blinking, he wondered for a moment whether it had to do with something important other than school, then brushed the thought aside. No need for that now. He shouldn't think about things like that in school too much.

The bespectacled dark-haired girl walked up gracefully to Mikado after most of the class had left. "Ano…Ryuugamine-kun, do you think we should form another study group?"

"Er…yeah! Definitely. Sonohara-san is right. We need a study group for the next exam, just in case."

Anri nodded, and Mikado felt a pang of anxiety rush through him as he realized that he didn't know what else to say to fill in the silence. Way to go, Mikado, he thought glumly. You're definitely not changing much of yourself even now.

"Um…I was wondering…if you wouldn't mind if someone studied with us?"

"Huh? Oh…uh, who?"

"Kamichika Rio."

Oh. That girl. Mikado felt his expression relax for a moment, and then realized the reasoning behind the idea.

"Yeah. I mean…yeah. Why not?"

Though he and Anri were very good students in the class, the fact was that the two of them alone wouldn't necessarily be enough to study even better for a more difficult set of exams. It was the second year of high school, after all, and the two of them were in need of strengthening their grades even more if they were to go to a good university.

It was a pity, though, that they didn't have Kida-kun to study with them on this.

However, the idea of studying with the top-scoring student was a great idea. It sure helped that Kamichika-san was also a very close acquaintance of Anri's and knew Kida as well.

Mikado watched as Anri relaxed at his answer, and smiled. "Yeah, why not? How about…we ask her about this sometime, and see if she has any time available for this."

For just a girl at the age of fifteen, Kamichika-san was very accomplished and revered by almost all the other students around her, especially the male students.

She was very beautiful, as well, just like Sonohara-san. She wasn't as approachable as Sonohara-san somehow, but she had a certain nature in her strides and pace that made her seem very graceful and becoming, a trait that stood out over time the more one watched her.

The first year that she had shown up at Raira Academy, she had worn her hair dyed light brown and added flower clips for a pair of ponytails that cascaded in waves to the sides of her face, a look that had been at odds with her mature, taciturn and reserved personality and top-notch grades. Kida had told him once that the girl, even with a more-or-less fun type of appearance, seemed to hold an aura of mystery that many boys—inside and outside homeroom B-1—felt strangely attracted to. What was even stranger, according to Kida, was the fact that she never seemed to see herself as above others despite the way she carried herself.

Surprisingly, Kamichika Rio was quite a modest, sensible girl.

She seemed to have difficulty finding close friends in the school, though. From what he remembered, Kamichika-san usually walked home alone, though she did speak to people and assisted others when she could. It was true that she associated herself with a number of fellow students, but he had heard from those same people that Rio was a bit reserved to a fault, even though she was kind and considerate to everyone who she met.

Somehow, though, she ended up getting to know Sonohara-san through a project between the two first homerooms.

It was likely that, with Anri's help, that Rio eventually began to grow out of her shell to an extent. It was about a year later that she began to accept her natural, much darker hair color and allowed it to grow straight and long below her shoulders—a look that fitted her nicely along with her elegant willowy figure, long lashes and almost almond-like light brown eyes.

Not that she ever flaunted it much, if at all. Kamichika-san almost always wore glasses in the class times and in between whenever she went to study, and Mikado knew from what Anri told him that Kamichika-san was hardly seen without a book in her hands whenever she was at school. The fact that the girl seemed so determined to get somewhere and to do well with her studies—to the point of even being able to surpass every other top student in the entire Tokyo school district—was downright impressive.

And it sure didn't help that she attended Math and Science contests. What's more, she did so well in them that the universities were taking note of her.

Girl students who scored that well with academics and held themselves to such high behavioral standards were often revered amongst their peers and teachers.

Add in good looks, and one could definitely see fascination from admirers—and jealousy from rivals.

Mikado flinched as he continued thinking. From experience, he knew that Anri also had difficulties in the past in regards to dealing with admirers and bullies due to her pleasant appearance in her own right. He knew, however, that Sonohara Anri was learning to socially improve and strengthening her ability to make friends over the time he got to know her—something that Rio never seemed to have done.

From what he had heard, even though most girls in the school seemed to respect Kamichika-san, there were a few who belonged to unsavory crowds and disliked the attention that the taciturn girl was getting from most of the male students. In ways, jealousy did have that kind of factor, and Mikado somehow knew that Anri had probably dealt with the same before as well.

He just hoped that Kamichika-san knew how to deal with such attention.

He wasn't sure if he could be of help, but…when the time came to it, he and Sonohara-san—and if possible, Kida-kun—would be more than willing to lend a hand if Kamichika-san was willing to let them in. He didn't want to intrude on anything impulsively, but…the fact remained that Kamichika-san was a friend of Sonohara-san, and he knew that it was at least some form of responsibility he had to help out others in need.

Kamichika Rio pushed open the door of her house calmly and walked in. "I'm home, mother."

"Rio-chan! It's nice to see ya come home so early. Your father and I want to talk about something with you."

Rio kept her expression calm even as she felt herself freeze internally. She had been dealing with speaking to her parents out in the open in the last few years, and though she had not gotten through to them completely in every way, she knew that she understood them better now. The fact that they were now talking to her so openly now meant a lot of trouble in ways.

The only reason why two parents would want to talk to their sole daughter would have to mean change. Drastic change.

"What is it, mother? Father, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. It's just that…your mother and I think it's about time you get ready to choose a good university to attend."

Rio felt herself relax. So it was THAT instead. Her parents weren't going to do anything drastic that will destroy and disrupt the household. For two years, she had been fearing the worst of situations in this regard, mainly her parents divorcing and her having to choose either her mother or father over the other parent. But, the fact that they were going to discuss her college prospects made her relax.

It wasn't the most fascinating topic, but it was at least a change from a nightmarish event.

"Erm…I'm sorry. I don't know exactly what major I want to be yet."

"I see." Her father stared at her for a second. "Perhaps you would like to look at the colleges out there and see what environment you would like to study in?"

"Well…the thing is, I…kind of…want to be a medical specialist, but…I don't know which branch it should be exactly."

"Ah, Rio, don't worry about that. You're only fifteen. As long as you have the idea of being a medical specialist in a way, then it shouldn't be a problem."

"Exactly! Rio-chan, I suggest that you might want to take a few summer classes, just in case they might have something that could help you figure out what you like as a job."

Rio nodded. Medical specialist was a vague term, after all, and though she knew that being a doctor was a good idea, she wasn't completely sure about if it was the thing she wanted after all this time.

She did, however, need to figure this out within a year or two. By that time, she would be seventeen, and she would be applying for the universities that fit the standard for Raira Academy. The school she attended, after all, was a decent one, and chances were that if she studied well, she might even end up going to a good university overseas or at least in Tokyo where she could stay with her friends to an extent.

As long as she found a way to stay away from HIM…Nakura-san.

Something about that felt wrong, though…as if she was running away from him.

Away from his questions.

Away from the way he would laugh as he gave her the worst answers.

Rio quickly then excused herself and went to take a bath to prepare for dinner, but the feeling of Nakura being left behind laughing at her made her stomach churn in anger.

She didn't know what she could do. She didn't want to acknowledge that he was right, that was true, but the fact remains that she didn't want to run away from the truth, either. She hated running away from what was reality.

Or was it a fake reality that he was giving her? The Black Biker had told her that the world wasn't as bad as she thought it was, and in ways, she knew that the Biker was right. People were indifferent at first, mainly because they didn't know each other's secrets. Nevertheless, when someone knew another person's secrets well enough, they would begin to care about the other individual as well, and it was from here that friendship came to be.

Rio didn't have many very close friends, but she did know that there were some people who she knew to be trustworthy and kind enough to be with.

Sonohara Anri.

Ryuugamine Mikado.

And, though she didn't know him as well as she would have liked, Masaomi Kida.

So far, these people have stood out to her the most in regards to how they have treated her.

Unlike most of the people in the class of her year, Anri had reached out to her—albeit hesitantly, like herself—and yet unflinchingly allowed herself to reach back to her. In ways, though they couldn't say that they have spoken on the phone for so much, they did know that they understood each other perfectly well—both of them carrying a calm, taciturn aura and an uncertainty of socializing. The two of them didn't have to talk to know what the other girl was thinking.

Mikado was also a phenomenon. Though he was timid and shy and quiet to a fault, he had a way about him that made him seem like an individual who cared strongly for his friends. Kamichika Rio would not say that she was the best judge of people, but even she could say that Mikado cared about individuals greatly in a way that made him outstanding.

As for Masaomi Kida…the boy epitomized warmth in his personality, and though she didn't know of his background, she could tell that the boy cared about people very well and had a very strong comradery that rivaled Mikado's considerate nature. He had a humorous side that made her smile in ways, mainly because he was the kind of individual who tried to make people laugh and be cheerful despite himself. It was a major pity that he didn't appear in class later on, though.

She didn't know whether she could call herself to have real, in-life-and-death friends, but these people were individuals who she felt cared about her genuinely—and whom she cared about genuinely in return. She didn't want to ruin their kindness, and in ways, she wished that she was worthy of the great friendship that those three offered to her.

Knowledge is power.

The more information you get about an opponent who might be interesting, the better.

Izaya smirked dangerously as he glanced at his watch. So far, though he didn't know the exact place Rio lived, he did know that walking straight into the house would not be an ideal situation. What's more, the fact was that he wanted to talk to Rio. Alone.

Said girl would, however, take this road down Shibuya to the store where they sold writing paper. And said girl was also the same person who would go to the store to buy plenty of paper all the time by the pocketful.

At first, he didn't take much note to these miniscule details, but the fact remained that Kamichika Rio was the winner of the latest Nationwide Mathematics contest and Physics contest in Japan, and had been taking constant trips to the stores where they sold pencils and paper and all sorts of writing materials and books for studying.

Impressive girl, indeed.

The fact also remained that he had heard from the other people at Raira Academy that Rio was a major idol AND model student at the school. He wondered for a moment whether she might be able to be of use to him, then came up with the idea of having her under his thumb so that she would have to do his bidding and spy for him in the school.

Why didn't he think of this sooner? It was such a terrible waste of him to not mess with the school teenagers and see what Mikado and Anri-chan would do about it.

Now, as long as he stayed here at the right time—which was probably in about 10 minutes, she would be going down this road to the store.

And he would corner her there. Just to see what has changed.

It's so interesting these days to toy with high school girls.

After dinner, Rio went out to take the waste materials from the garbage can to the bin outdoors. So far, things were looking up, and though she didn't know if life was going to give her a break, she would hope that her world would improve with her efforts.

"Mother, is it alright if I went to the store to buy some more paper? I think I'm running out of writing paper these days."

"Rio-chan, it's kinda late. How about I drive you there?"

Rio smiled. At least her parents cared and worried about her. "It's okay, mother, the store isn't that far away, and I didn't take those self-defense classes for nothing."

"Alright, then. Though…just be careful, okay? Stay safe!"

"I will, mom!"

She walked out the gate, and then ran towards the crosswalk that led her to the subway. Rio flipped her card out onto the scanner, slid the card through, and walked into the subway with the crowd. When the subway reached Shibuya, she walked down the street towards the crossroad that led to the shortcut down to the store.

So far, people weren't taking notice of her, and she hoped that it will remain that ways. She didn't like the idea of being in the spotlight for too long, but the idea was that she had to bring enough positive attention to her grades so that people would recognize her strength and achievements and skill. In ways, she felt a bit insecure, and though she knew that her grades were a strength, they were also hiding a weakness of hers.

She didn't know how to make really strong friends.

Rio sighed, then went through the store door.

"Hey, Rio! How've you been?"

"Hi, Tanaka-sempai." Rio nodded and smiled politely as she bowed. "I've been alright, I guess."

"Alright? I think you're doing pretty nicely! Keep up the good work with the Math contests! You make us all proud!"

"Ah, thank you."

"Anyways, the usual order? Three packets, I presume?"

"Yes, please."

"Ten yen. That's sure a lot of paper, haha…1500 pages of writing paper. You've been working a lot again, haven't ya?"

"Yeah. It's a lot of work." Rio smiled fondly as she handed him the money. "But, I think it's alright."

"Yep, well, anyways, keep up the great work and stay as outstanding as you have been! Keep it up!"

Rio smiled and thanked him, then bowed as she pushed the door open and took the bag of paper packets outside.

On the subway, Rio began to notice that there were almost no one going back the way she did. Perhaps it was just that today happened to be on a day where sales went on in Shibuya, so people even at her age preferred to stay up later to buy things. Unfortunately, she didn't have that time.

She had a lot of studying to do, if she wanted to maintain those grades.

Rio sighed and sat down, twenty seats down and on the opposite side of a dark-haired man in a black outfit and dress shoes, who happened to be looking into a newspaper. She couldn't see his face, and she didn't think he would try anything on her. Given that she knew how to fight off people as well in aikido class, it wouldn't be such a problem, either.

Also, because the papers were heavy, but they were worth far more than just paper to her. The fact was that these graphing papers were made for her to write her laboratory and study notes and so forth onto them. She needed this.

Rio thought for a moment. She was studying hard not to prove Nakura wrong. She was doing this to make herself stronger and prove to herself that she could do something.

To prove that she could become somebody without his opinion weighing her down.

To prove that the world was in her hands and that she had a means of becoming a good person.

And, one day, to prove that she will destroy the boundaries of her world to bring forth everything she wanted into her life.

She thought she heard a chuckle from the man twenty meters away from her, and she was started out of her reverie. "Well, well…if it isn't Magenta-san."

Rio felt her heart stop and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. She recognized that voice somewhere…

And, for someone to call her by a penname that she used only with that Nakura-san at one time…

Slowly, but surely, she looked up, stilling her breathing as though she was trying to keep herself calm when she really couldn't be. Of all times that she would run into someone in the dark, it was right in a moment when she was thinking to herself.

No, it shouldn't be him. It could just be someone messing with her.

Besides, why—how could he find me? This place isn't run-down, and Ikebukuro is so enormous, so he couldn't have been able to know everyone in it. What does he want?

What's more, why would he come back to me for anything?

Rio watched in horror as a shadowy figure of a tall, black-haired man walked towards her in the desolate subway car, the only lighting on his face revealing familiar blood-red eyes. The lights from the nearby rushing subway cars shifted towards the lower half of his face, and Rio could have sworn that she saw the edge of a slightly manic, predatory smile, as if he had been anticipating her like a cobra would consider a most delicious meal.

She paled and felt her eyes widen. No…NO!WHY?

Rio blinked, then looked down and noticed that her hands were clenched and that she had taken a step back. No…she will not let him see her be afraid anymore, even if he knew enough to see everything. She will not let this monster of a man take over her mind again and destroy everything that she worked so hard for.

It didn't make this situation any better, though. She was alone now. With HIM.

Because this man, the one behind the name of Nakura-san, was the one who had haunted her dreams every other night when she would least wish for his presence, the grotesque monster in her mind that she had always wanted to deny. The insinuating light in his eyes that she feared would eventually swallow all of her into his all-seeing black soul, and she would have to face him as the monster.

After all, she could no longer be a damsel-in-distress. She was the knight, and he was the dragon.

He was the last person she wanted to see.

The dark smile on Nakura-san's face was foreboding, with the charm of a bleeding wound that she wanted to look away from and couldn't.

"It's been a while, Magenta-san. Perhaps you and I would like a little…talk for a moment, wouldn't you?"

Rio could only stare bewilderedly at his terrifying expression, and yet the word that came out of her was stronger than anything she could have imagined she herself could give out.

"No."

"It's in your eyes.

What's on your mind?

'Fear your smile and the

Promise inside.

It's in your eyes.

What's on your mind?

Fear your presence

I'm frozen inside."

—Within Temptation's "A Dangerous Mind"

To be continued…