Chapter Ten: Don't Go I'll Shoot You Down
Angela slid her hand into Brian's once they both walked into the house. The echo which followed the closing of the door confirmed it. They were alone.
She felt both relieved and a little scared about what she was going to do, but Angela had never been the type to get her revenge. She was always the type that got screwed over because of her innocence, but now that she had been exposed to Jordan's world, she knew just what she had to do.
Angela pulled Brian into the room and shut the door behind her, as if there were any turning back now, as if she could just lock away this memory once it was done. She pressed her lips into a thin line and forced herself to think about those words.
Those beautiful words had come from Brian because of her, because of the way he thought about her.
"Come on." Angela whispered trying not to sound as annoyed as she felt. She knew that she was the most experienced out of the two, but she'd only done it once. And by her recollection, she had been so mesmorized by Jordan with that slight wrinkle on his forehead and his endearing concentration that she didn't know how it had gotten that far until she felt something like she never felt before.
Love.
She felt love.
Burying these ideas behind her, Angela turned to face Brian and kissed him as convincingly as she could. He held onto her so tightly and brushed his lips to hers like he had been practicing.
When they parted both were breathless, Brian because his dreams were about to come true and Angela because she had been holding her breath in hopes that this event would soon be over.
Angela dove in again, this time pulling Brian's shirt out of his pants, yanking the button-downs and not caring if anything was broken.
Once she had successfully done this, she slid down her pants, sliding them off with her feet all while kissing Brian as much as she could. She couldn't quite rationalize it, except that it was much harder to start the waterworks up about Jordan while she was busy fake kissing Brian.
As he lay next to her with only generic boxers labeled Thursday on, Angela knew that this was it. She reached for the elastic and then felt Brian's hand touch hers suddenly.
"What's wrong?"
"I've wanted this for so long, since I met you."
"Good for you." Angela rolled her eyes and pressed her lips to his to get him to shut up. Then she started working on the boxers again.
"You know I like … love you Angela and I can like be there for you."
"Okay, stop it Brian." She turned away, annoyed. "Can you really be this dense? We're not going out Brian. We are having sex and then our relationship is going to go back to normal, okay?"
"But you like read the letter and you said-"
"I know how I feel about those words. They're beautiful but … like it doesn't matter. Let's get this over with." In a last ditch effort to sway his mind, Angela unhooked her bra, leaving only a thin layer of a white top to cover her prepubescent body.
Angela could've sworn she saw Brian staring at her … at her body but then he stood up suddenly saying, "You are so selfish. You're only doing this because it's going to affect you and Jordan somehow and like … I'm not going to be a part of it."
"Are you really going to walk away from me?" She wondered, feeling like she didn't even know herself anymore or her own limits anymore.
"Yes. You're not who I thought you were Angela. You're not the girl I wrote all of those songs for and poems and-"
"Get out Brian!" Angela yelled, covering her ears and humming to herself to drown out everything. She didn't stop until minutes later when she was sure he was gone.
"Mom." Sharon looked at her mother, hoping that it was enough to let her mother know that she knew exactly what she had been up to. And that she wanted to talk about it. The Jordan Thing.
"Hi honey. You're home early."
"Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure. What it is this time?" Ms. Cherjeski wondered, still playing the Super Mom card and pouring two glasses of orange juice, one for the both of them.
"I went to the doctor mom and-"
"Why didn't you tell me sweetie? I would've gone with you."
"No mom, you don't understand. Something happened and I wasn't feeling good about it and Angela like got all mad at me so … I like went to the doctor and … I think they mixed up our files. Well, I don't think. I know because I looked over it when it was left in the room and I didn't think…"
"Sharon, what's going on? Are you sick?"
"No." She chewed her lip softly, no longer able to hold it back. "But you are."
"What do you mean?" She handed the glass to Sharon, still not getting it.
"Mom, I looked at the tests they did on you and you took something for a blood disease… I don't know. But whatever this HIV thing is, you have it."
Suddenly, Ms. Cherjeski's face when into a pained combination of shock and horror and the remaining glass of orange juice in her hand went tumbling down, down, down along with her ability to play up the happy Suburbia role.
A couple of months later
Brian had been a waste of time, but Angela thought that it all worked out for the best. She didn't have to do it with Brian and Angela realized how stupid she was being for trying to use sex as a tool.
That was something Rayanne Graft would do but not Angela Chase.
This was her main justification for coming face-to-face with Cindy again and watching from the back corner as Jordan flipped his naturally highlighted brown hair back and away from his face.
Introducing the next song, Jordan announced almost inaudibly that this song was one that "spoke to a special girl in his life." And that's when he started to sing Yellow.
Angela was powerless to the music, which made her sway the calm that came over her body as Jordan seemed to dominate even from across the room. She mouthed along with the last few lyrics, 'With you I'd bleed myself dry…'
Tears welled in Angela's eyes then. She was so frustrated with herself and couldn't figure it out. Brian. Soccer Boy. Jordan. And the only one she could talk to about this she tried to use to make Jordan jealous.
Any way the die was rolled, Jordan was always the common factor. Cindy came back to place a 7up at the table and Angela nodded. It was the only thing she could afford on the menu, but Cindy never yelled at her or told her that she was wasting the table. As she shifted slightly, the hood under which she'd been hiding exposed a cascade of blonde exploding into an artificially dyed red color. Fading.
Jordan saw her instantly. She froze and the two shared a moment for what seemed like forever. He broke the silence by introducing the next song.
"This song is for a girl who is like … everything to me. I wrote it to let her know how much I'm into her, but she left me." He chuckled dryly. "And she doesn't even know…" His voice trailed off, but Angela knew that with Jordan silence was so telling. He said all of these incomplete things, or things that seemed like half-thoughts, but Angela was riding this same ambiance without knowing how. It just worked and they just clicked.
And fit and…
'Could you whisper in my ear, the things you wanna feel … Oh put your arms around me, what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful so Ray wanna get married or run away? And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete…'
Angela didn't even notice the seemingly Freudian slip or anything until Rayanne Graft, the little backstabbing hurricane herself plopped onto stage as eclectic and half-high as usual.
Gripping the edges of the table for strength, Angela tried not to cry or think about the fact that maybe Jordan was just playing around with her again. What reasoning would he have to have any want of Angela?
She wanted to leave and run all the way back to the Suburbs just then, but then everyone would know and notice. So she did nothing, nothing but breath, blink and try not to try until the set was over. And then she bolted, like before but this time straight to the bathroom where he couldn't follow her.
"Red… I know you're here." His airy, low voice somehow how it's way through the heavy wooden door.
"Go away."
"Alright, I'll come in." He walked in with a half-smile on her face until he noticed that he had been the cause of her pain, once again.
"I shouldn't have come here." Angela started to walk away.
"Please don't leave me. I know I like deserve … everything mean you could like say or do to me, but everything I said I meant it. You're like everything…"
"No. I'm just your muse, for now." Angela argued back.
"Please."
"But why? Why all of those women? Why Sharon Cherjeski's mom out of everyone? And why didn't you tell me?"
"I like… wanted to but then you would've like…"
"I wouldn't have talked to you or given you another chance." Angela finished for him. "I'm probably really stupid for like admitting this, but I miss you a lot Jordan and if you talk to me about this, I may be able to understand then maybe-"
Her hypotheticals were cut off with a longing kiss from Jordan. It felt warm, nice, and … a lot like love.
"When can I see you again?" He wondered, his forehead pressed against hers, the best they could manage.
"When you're ready to talk like… come by the house." She managed to say, weakly. "I love you." Angela whispered, a single tear escaping each eye, Jordan kissing her back with more passion this time.
"I promise to tell you like … everything you ask me."
So Angela was sort of kind of back with Jordan. He hadn't stopped by the house yet, but it had been a couple of days and it was exciting rushing to get home and hope that he would already be waiting there.
She decided that maybe she should close up the loose ends with Soccer Boy, watch him one last time and come to terms with the fact that the mood ring was just gone.
Angela, once again skipped dummy Dummier's class due to 'womanly pains' and watched Soccer Boy in action. When he removed his shirt after everyone else had done, Angela watched crouched in awe.
She didn't know what possessed her to stay a little longer today, but it made an encounter between them inevitable. She could casually mention that she liked soccer and would do her best to refrain from commenting on his hair cut which was pretty cool and seemed to really … suit him.
Angela started to make her way over to him boldly, to get this over with. Romantics would never work with him, since she had Jordan back, but she had to at least know who this guy was and if he looked as perfect up close.
She waited until his back was turned to her before she tapped it, sweaty and all it still made her swoon just a bit.
"Hey, I just wanted to like to tell you that you're amazing out there and like-"
"Angela? Are you trying to make me forgive you?"
"Brian? What … no…" She started to back away frightened. Oh-kay, what the heck?
"So you haven't been stalking me these last few weeks? I've noticed?"
"Do you always play soccer during this period?" Angela wondered, the pieces all coming together.
"Yes, but my parents don't know."
"Shit."
"What?"
"Damnit." Angela cursed, throwing up her hands. This was so confusing now.
"Did you get hurt or anything?"
"So, this whole time I've been talking you up in my mind and you're Brian? Brian Krakow?" She shook her head in disbelief. "This is crazy. Before Jordan came back into my life I was practically in love with you."
"Oh. And how's the Jordan Thing?" Brian wondered as Angela wondered if she told the truth, would it sting? But she decided that he did ask, after all, so he'd want to know.
"I forgave him and he's meeting up with me soon."
"Good. Maybe Danielle and I could double date with you two?"
"Danielle?" Angela looked confused.
"Your sister, the one who lives with you."
"She's just a kid." Angela argued back, suddenly feeling possessive over Brian, of all people.
"But she's something else."
"That's great." Angela answered back. "See you around."
"Wait." Brian touched her arm, sending electricity through her body, which was really freaking her out. What was worse was that she was noticing just how the small sweat beads clung to some parts of his body and slid down other parts. Down, down, down. Damn.
"What is it now?" She tried to muster up the most irritated tone she could think of.
"You like lost this a while ago, right?" Brian placed the old mood ring onto Angela's finger, the correct one and then slid his wet shirt back on.
"Thanks." Angela called from behind as Brian jogged back into the building. Angela just could not believe what had happened or worse, why she had swooned.
Angela Chase had been ignoring Sharon for way too long, but this was it. She had some very important things to say to her, but couldn't quite figure out what to do.
The HIV thing had freaked Sharon out and she'd gone to the library to do a ton of research on it, but the virus was pretty new to science. And they hadn't figured it out yet meaning … there was no cure.
Sharon shuddered. She and her mom had never been too close, they had more of a plastic relationship filled with false smiles and hugs mostly to keep up appearances. But that didn't mean that she wanted her to die.
Focus.
If Sharon didn't say this correctly and get Angela to listen, then she could lose her too.
"Angela. Angela!"
"I was ignoring you for a reason." Angela answered, looking like she was in a daze.
"I told you a couple of half-truths, but that was months ago."
"Not talking to you."
"Then just listen. Angela, listen to me!" By then the entire hallway was looking and Sharon took her once best friend by the arm. "I need you to go to the clinic with me."
"Need another abortion?"
"No. I'm serious. It has nothing to do with me this time Angela. I need you to come and get checked out and make sure everything is okay."
"Why would I need to do that? I'm healthy."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead." Angela sighed.
"You and Jordan did it right …" Angela nodded. "And were you safe? Did you use protection or-"
"I-I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know!"
"You're scaring me Sharon."
"I'm scared too right now Angela, really scared." She took Angela by the hand, staying close to her but walking her out of the building. "I'm scared for you. See Angela, my mom … she's really sick with something and there's nothing the doctors can do for her. And I want to make sure that you're okay and you don't have the same thing."
"What thing?"
"I can take you to the clinic now."
"What thing?" Angela wondered again.
"HIV. My mom took the test and she's HIV positive and since she and Jordan…" Angela tuned out the rest. Where had she heard those initials from before? Was it a drug-free seminar? Biology class? Or … now she remembered. From Ricky. Ricky had a cousin that died from HIV.
(A/N: Dun. Dun. Dun. I didn't get this written before the new year [got too distracted], but I wrote it on 1/1/11 and hope you're still tuning in. I think I know how I'm going to keep this true to my original intent and anticipate no more than 2 more chapters to get it done. If you want more of my MSCL fics, check out I Shouldn't Still Love You or Tell You That and Beautiful Goodbye. And as always, review. Luv. And do you think Angela has HIV or should be HIV positive? Let me know.–NL)