Chapter Eleven: Run Away, Run Away, Run Away Stupid

Angela Chase had never been so terrified in her life. As Sharon walked her down the hallway, she could barely think but somehow tears were streaming from her face. And throughout the whole walk, she could only think about one person. And it wasn't herself.

If what Sharon said had any truth at all, it meant that she was implying that Jordan … that Jordan could be sick and in danger. Angela wanted to go find him and explain that he needed to go with her, but she couldn't stop Sharon's hysterics.

She didn't have the energy to fight with her. Unfortunately, Jordan would just have to wait. As she sat in the cold clinic, she looked at the same faces that she saw when Sharon was there, only they didn't look so friendly anymore.

Their smiles seemed to be forced, to have some underlying caveat or even 'I told you so.' And she knew why. The sex before marriage thing. And Angela didn't even know enough to know what she was doing or had done.

And if she was sick … she and Brian almost… Angela hung her had, ashamed. She was so scared and hoped that there was some sort of mistake. That Cindy Cherjewski was okay and Jordan was in perfect health.

The test results would take a week she said. In a week she would know. Once Sharon left the building with Angela, there was still one person swimming in her thoughts. "Take me to Jordan's house."

"Wait, Angela. Weren't you just here with me the last couple of hours? We went to a clinic because of him."

"I want to talk to him. I want to know if he knows…" Her voice nearly broke as Sharon agreed.

"But I'm not leaving you." She bargained as Angela walked out of the car, her footsteps seeming so loud in disruptive, but still not even comparing to the chaos in her mind.

She knocked on the door, her plaid shirt half-hanging off to reveal a white tank top. Angela was going to sleep with him tonight but that was before …

"Red." He opened the door suddenly and ushered her in. Immediately Angela noticed that he wasn't alone. Rayanne.

"What's she doing here?"

"Come on Angela join the party." Her old friend urged as Angela realized that they were both getting high, together.

"Did you not remember that I was coming over?" She wondered, fury rising in her voice. Here she was, worried about him having a fatal virus, more worried about him than herself, and he was on cloud 9 by now.

"Shh." Jordan pressed his lips up against hers, backing Angela into a wall.

"Jordan … Jordan, stop it." She fought with him a little before he backed off. Then all kinds of thoughts ran through her mind. They said HIV was not contagious, that you could only get it from bodily fluids but didn't saliva count?

Angela knew she was being ridiculous, but this whole situation was like a bad episode from a Public Announcement.

"What's your problem?" He asked after a while, half-smiling.

"This is serious. I need to talk to you."

"Then talk." He demanded jerk-like, sitting down next to Rayanne and wrapping his arm around her neck.

"You need to go to the clinic with me."

"Do you have something?" He laughed and so did Rayanne.

"No Jordan. It's not funny … you may have HIV."

"What's that?" He wondered, still chuckling but Rayanne wasn't.

"It's serious. People die from that." She stood up suddenly, looking extremely pale. Angela wanted to ask why, but since Jordan had snatched off her rose-colored glasses, she figured it out.

They had slept together and possibly … again.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Rayanne rushed out of the room. Heaving sounds followed.

"So Rayanne again?" Angela wondered crying. "I trusted you … and I love you so much Jordan but I don't know what to do."

"You're like mad?" He looked confused. It was so much harder to talk to him like this.

"Yes. And hurt." Angela bit her lip. "Please get checked out." She bumped into the counter on her way out thinking that this time it was over. This life wasn't for her and she just couldn't do it.

"So did Brian tell you about the double date?" Danielle wondered once her sister was home. The parents were coming in late tonight so there was no one to drive Angela crazy, except Danielle who had just walked in from … whatever activity she did.

Angela never took the time to notice or care very much what her sister did.

"I'm busy."

"Don't shut the door yet. Please… It was my idea. I really like Brian and he's been nice to me lately."

Angela shut the door. Angry, confused, upset.

"I never ask you for anything." Danielle pleaded from the other side of the door.

"Go away." …

"Angela, don't be such a grouch."

Angela opened the door abruptly. "Did he tell you we almost slept together a few months ago? He was all over me." Danielle's face crumpled and that was all Angela needed to see.

She thought it would make her feel better, but the hurt was still there and now on top of that, she felt guilt.

So Angela Chase had gone from being this lost confused niner with super liberal friends to being a half-boring blonde who walked down the hallways with … nobody. She wished at that moment that Jordan would walk up to her, say something sweet and hold her hand.

So everyone could see and know that he was hers.

But Jordan didn't work that like on cues or anything. He was just random and most of the time he was just randomly MIA, which left Angela to have to brave it through the crowd of high school kids and try not to feel that she was invisible.

It would be a lot easier not to feel that way if people didn't keep stepping on her. Just when she thought her feet had had enough, apparently life did too, but tossed Sharon in her face.

The HIV thing. It was written all over her face.

"How's your mom?"

"Still alive if that's what you're asking. I've been trying to find out everything about the disease but … it looks like a death sentence."

"Doctors will figure something out. Your mom is not going to die." Angela reassured her.

"And what about my best friend?"

"Are you pregnant again?" Angela wondered, feeling just as sour as that brash comment she had just made.

"No. But … I want to thank you for that. You have no idea what it would've been like."

"And Bobby?"

"As long as I'm there, he's fine."

"You're still with him? Sharon … what if he hits you again?"

"I'm kind of getting used to it. It's kind of like his way of showing me that he loves me. If he didn't care, he wouldn't get so emotional."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Can you relax Angela? I was trying to make a joke. Lighten the mood up since …"

"Since what?"

"It's been a week today. We can find out if you're going to be okay."

Angela didn't need a clinic to tell her that she'd been stupid and she was HIV positive. She sighed to herself, wanting to do one more thing before Sharon took her to hear her death sentence.

"Do you have a piece of paper and a pen? I need to leave a note to someone."

"Sure. I'll wait on the steps for you."

"Thank you Sharon for … being a true friend to me."

When Angela had stuffed the short letter into the locker, she was sure that it would just be Sharon and her taking the walk on the plank today.

She joined her friend on the steps to see that Jordan was sitting beside her and they were talking heatedly.

"Let's go Sharon." Angela said, ignoring Jordan whose dark eyes were piercing hers, once again.

"I want to go with you." Jordan admitted. "I want to be sure you're like … okay."

"Fine." Angela agreed. "Let's just get this over with."

"Well Angela. I'd like to first start off by giving you these." The woman working at the clinic handed her a stack of pamphlets all dedicated to one thing—HIV/AIDS.

The fear in Angela's eyes was undeniable. She looked at Jordan for comfort, but he was only avoiding her gaze, as though he were guilty. And she knew that it wasn't going to be good.

"Sweetie, you can relax. You are not HIV positive. There's no trace of AIDS or any other STD. But be careful. Your blood count is showing a little low. You might have anemia." The lady continued as Angela thanked her.

"You can go to the front desk for more information on safe sex practices."

Jordan watched Angela glide away, thankful that he hadn't completed sullied her life. "So … is the test like easy?"

"Sure." The nurse started to explain the process, convincing Jordan to get tested, but he was sure he already knew that he wouldn't be so lucky.

"See you in a week?"

"Yeah…"

Angela had been too quick to write and dump that letter into Brian's locker. That was the farthest thing from her mind when Jordan dropped her off at his house, still silent.

Even though Angela knew that she was not dying because of some weird virus, she couldn't even celebrate, at least not with Jordan. And who knew if he was safe from it too? She was just too tired to bring it up again and not sure how much she trusted Jordan anymore.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He whispered as Angela hopped out of the car.

"Do you like … think we should keep doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"You like doing all of this stuff and me still being with you is hard." Angela admitted, her emotions just pouring out like a waterfall. "Do you know like how much I want to be with you? You just make it so hard."

"I want to be with you."

"How can that be true when you've slept with Sharon's mom, not to mention Rayanne again? I'm surprised that you're not like high again like you always are."

"I was waiting until I got back to Tito's house."

"Jordan, I want you to stop. I want you to like stop getting high and sleeping around if you're going to be with me." Angela braced herself for Jordan to dump her then and there. It would probably be best for the both of them, but it would feel like the world came crashing down on her.

"I'll like … try. But stop trying to dump me."

"I'm not."

"You love me?"

"I do." Angela nodded wholeheartedly.

"Then like … stick with me. I promise I'll get this shit together Red … it's me and you."

Angela nodded, leaving the car in silence. It was then that she saw Brian from across the street, watching her.

Brian had just finished reading the note that he found in his locker, and looked up to see Angela there, outside and across the street.

Jordan had dropped her off, but it seemed irrelevant with him finally knowing how she felt about him. Brian tucked the note into his pocket and sprinted into he caught up with her. Panting in front of her, he realized that he didn't know what to say.

"Sorry." Angela mumbled as the two of them collided, as she kept walking. She looked really … down and Brian didn't want her to feel that way, ever.

"You're like … pretty amazing." He answered out-of-the-blue.

"I know I shouldn't have like … said anything to you. I'm sorry. You have a right to be mad."

"No. That's not what I meant."

Angela paused for a moment.

"What's going on with you Brian?"

"Nothing. I'm just not … mad at you anymore." He stopped himself from going any further about the note. Maybe he misread something between the lines because she definitely did not look like someone who was into him … like that.

"You don't have to do this because you feel sorry for me."

"I don't." Brian answered back quickly. "See you at school tomorrow." His hand briefly rested on her shoulder as Angela remained frozen for a little while longer.

And she was frozen with the certainty that she absolutely liked Brian Krakow in a way she never had before.

Brian was anxious for class to end. He knew that his last period class was right across from where Angela's was today and like … he could steal her away for a second.

He'd spent the last week thinking about how he was going to respond to that letter and all of the possible scenarios for Angela's reaction since he'd talked to her a little over a week ago.

But when he finally saw her, he realized that this was going to be a lot more difficult than she thought.

Her hair looked lively and shiny today, like she'd washed it with that Apple-scented shampoo and it was much longer than it had seemed last night, dipping past her shoulders almost past the blade.

"Hey Brian." She recognized him before he could say a word.

"Hey." He took strides to match hers until they were in sync. "How was like … everything today?"

"School is over for a little while, so I'm like … glad to have a break."

"What will you be doing?"

"I don't know. Maybe Jordan and I will have plans?" She shrugged.

"Can I like … talk to you without everyone around?"

Angela nodded as the two found a quiet place on the side of the school building where no one usually went, except the custodians who took out the trash.

"I got the letter."

"I was wondering when that would come up. I like wrote it because … I thought I was going to die or like be dead."

"You're dying?"

"False alarm." She gave Brian a small smile. "So if I like confused you, I'm sorry."

"So you don't feel that way about me?"

"No … I do but, I just don't want to." Angela looked down as Brian pressed his lips together, moving closer to her.

"I've like … told you this before but you're the only girl that I've ever loved Angela. I've wanted to be with you forever and this letter made me think-"

"I shouldn't have wrote it. I should've kept my thoughts to myself. I'm sorry." She sighed. "I was just trying to be like you and like … express things."

Brian wanted to ask her to stop saying she was sorry because it was making everything worse but, he was never the type to hurt anybody's feelings, even at the expense of his own.

"Can I like give you my response?"

"You wrote me a letter?" Angela's eyes lit up as if she were interested in seeing what he wrote.

"No. Maybe I should go."

Angela reached for him and hugged him. "I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you're not dead even if … you're still going to go back to Jordan." Brian answered back, pressing his forehead to hers after the embrace was over.

He couldn't let go or let this go. This moment was almost perfect.

Angela stayed still as if she were afraid of what would happen. Brian was too impatient to wait any longer and lose the moment. His lips slid over hers so smoothly as if the awkwardness of the situation was not in the air.

Angela kissed him back hurriedly, her lips feeling like soft rose petals. But it was the intention behind it that changed. Last time she kissed him, it was like a chore. This time, she seemed to genuinely want it from someplace deep inside.

"It can't go further than this." Angela whispered before pulling away. "Last time I asked you for sex … I won't like do it again."

"I know."

"And you've brought Danielle into this. Like, I don't care what she does but I don't want to hurt her like this."

"Me either."

"So I can be your friend, but that's it for like … ever."

"Got it." Brian nodded, scooping her chin into his hands and kissing her again. It was so sweet and he could easily get addicted to her.

"I mean it." Angela took in a deep breath. "No more kissing. Promise." She demanded.

"Okay… I…. pro …. Mise." Brian agreed in between a series of breathtaking kisses that left Angela smiling. She had never seen this side of him before … like playful. It was cute. And he was off limits.

"Good … so can you walk me home, friend?" She wondered and Brian nodded, unable to stop his hand from caressing hers.

"I'll still love you Angela." Brian responded boldly, bringing her hand, intertwined with his, to his lips. "Is this allowed?"

"For now." Angela laughed back. It felt good to laugh and to have a reason to.

The results were no surprise to Jordan. It was like a testament to his reckless lifestyle and the countless woman that he'd slept with, some for money and freedom, others due to intoxication, and the few that he attempted to have a relationship with, namely Angela.

He had been pacing around Tito's house, thinking about how to tell her. He'd screwed it up again, but still somehow Jordan found himself in front of her house, banging on the door even though it was nearly midnight.

"Yes?" Ms. Chase opened the door with tired, wild eyes.

"Is Angela in?"

"Yes but it's too late for visitors. Come back tomorrow." She started to close the door in his face.

"Please … it's like life or death … or something." Jordan tried to articulate the situation.

"I'm sorry. It'll have to wait." She bolted the door and went back up stairs. Dejected, Jordan begrudgingly walked back to his car and leaned on the side of the driver's seat, trying to decide what to do.

"Wait!" He heard a half-whisper, half-yell come from behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"I took the test."

"The HIV test?"

"Yeah." By now, Jordan was terrified.

"And you're okay?" He saw Angela's look go from worried to excited. Jordan just shook his head.

"How's that possible? I'm fine but you're not?" Angela's eyes were now red-rimmed and brimming with tears. "Oh my God … so you're going to die?"

"I don't know what's going to happen to me." Jordan answered, trying to keep to together as Angela buried her face into his chest.

"You can't die on me." She just kept repeating. "I mean … do you know how it happened or …"

"Get in the car. There's something else you don't know about me and my mom."

The note:

Brian, I left out the Dear because I think you're being stupid about this whole thing, almost just as stupid as I am. I've been looking over all the things that you like wrote me and I understand why you've never said them. It's a lot easier to be honest with yourself than if you have a crowd. I really don't know the purpose of this letter or like anything. Why I kissed you. Why I like … liked it or why you won't even talk to me anymore. I guess I have changed and let Jordan get to me, but he's like the reason that I get up each day. For him. Which is why I want you to know that it's okay if you're like with Danielle. I'm not mad anymore. But if you told me that you'd rather be with me and you let her down gently, I wouldn't be mad at that. I'd be pretty flattered. I would probably like that. I might even kiss you again, if you'd let me. But Brian, know that I'm going through a crazy time. I'm saying things that I probably shouldn't and being more honest than I'd ever dared be. But like … something happened to me when I realized that I like you, soccer boy, and that scares me because I don't think I could ever give up on Jordan. But I don't think I'd ever want to like be … gone without knowing if I should've been like chasing you the whole time.

(A/N: The next chapter is it … but I still have to write it and you guys know how long I take to do that… Go ahead and tell me how you feel about this chapter. Also, check out Beautiful Goodbye, I Shouldn't Still Love You, and The Truth Is ... shameless promotion. Love! –NL)