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I didn't know what come to me. One day I signed up a new Myspace name and reviewed: 'it's a lovely song'. I didn't have to look through the hundreds reviews to know that this was the first friendly review she received cause it was me who left others. She couldn't even know that I watched these video since I overheard she told the Asian girl she did it. I watched them thousands times, even when I was spending sleeping over night at Santana's. We listened to her, made fun of her emotional show face, left harsh words. Santana said Rachel was so naïve that believed that she would become the Justin kid-gonna be. "her singing just lame as her ridiculous sweaters.' I didn't say a word. Why would I say a single word to insult Rachel if she couldn't hear? If she heard it directly she must have looked at me, eyes narrowed. With she not there, there was no reason I insult her.

The day after I left the review, I got a reply. I clicked the mouse finding out that was from Rachel.

Thank you! I love this song too! So I chose to sing it. Thank you for informing me that you like it too. you are the first person left the positive content! I am so glad you did. : )

I felt my heart rate speed up while I looking at the words. I could almost hear the Rachel's voice flying into me ears. Automatically I imaged the bright grinning on her face, she grins at me ear to ear, so joyful. I couldn't get the vision out of my head.

I was staring at the screen thought about what to replay. Nothing. I had not talked to her in the normal way so long that I forget how to organize words. I choose not replay. I opened her newest upload. A song from some musical I didn't know.

After watching the video, I typed a new review saying 'glad you don't give up cause of those reviews. You're cool.' I sent then closed my laptop feeling like a kid stool a candy from her mother's pocket.

I was a good daughter at home. I was a good student with perfect grade. I was the HBIC in school. I was mean to everyone around me. I was even mean to my four-month boyfriend. Today I made him apologized for taking my book of my hands. But I was a nice person under a stupid username when I talked to Rachel. I only used this name with her. Lucy. My first name before I was fourteen. Then I was Quinn, the cheer leader and HBIC, who was always horrible to anyone, especially Rachel.

Now that I was Lucy again, only with Rachel, I found that I still have ability to been kind, nice and sweet. I admired her every new upload video, I even commended her looks. Her new skirt, new sweater, new haircut. But I didn't dare to mention how her eyes shining when she was singing. If that was a blue song, her eyes would become sad. I didn't mention that how confident she was now.

I didn't mention that her accidently private message brought up so much joy to me. She didn't need to know.

Rachel and I were Myspace friends now. Ironical. When she was physical beside me we were not friend. I couldn't. She was at the bottom of the social ladder. I was not. Internet had a benefit that I didn't have to lose my reputation to befriend with her. I had no afraid. I can talk to her whenever I wanted, whatever I liked.

And she replied me, sincere and concerned. We talked to each other even through classes. Some times her replies delayed a lot of time. I became restless.

"Hey, Q, calm down, you looked just like you have been teasing to death." Santana said. We were having lunch at café. I felt so impatient but had no way to get out.

"Shut up .San. Don't put your first-hand experience on me."

I started to write private message as a letter. I told Rachel how my day was going.

It was rain out side so I don't have to do cheerio practice. I am so happy. coach was crazy. She even wanted to fire a cheerio out of a cannon! Where did she get that ideal from? I mean, she is nowhere to be found except the playground and her office. I practically thought she lived in her office.

She sounds like the coach from my old school. Are the cheerio coachs all that insane? I don't know you are a cheerio, but congratulation! Thus you don't have to worry about been picked on. May I ask you that why you are interested in my music videps when you apparently have something more fun to do?

Cause I wanted to see you. I said to myself. I wanted you to look at me even though in fact you just look into your camera.

I hated myself for the second I realized what I had actually thought it. I hated it more because that you would never look at me into my eyes again. You had no ideal how much I hated the girl Lucy because you were just her friend, not mine. Rachel Berry was not a friend of Quinn Fabray.

Rachel was not my favorite target any more. Not my favorite any more. She was living in a town in Washington State . She was in a school which special for arts students. She was not been picked on. She had some friends now though even not so close, but she was happy.

I searched her school on the internet finding that it's very famous for its glee club. Rachel was their captain and leading female. The photos of them win the national were place on the first page of their school website. I look at every photo, download the ones only have Rachel on it. She hold the trophy having her megawatts Rachel grinning on her face.

God, I missed her smile. Smile like that. Like the sun just jump out of the horizon, upon to the sky.

Meanwhile I hated her smiling like that. Had me not around her could make her so much happier than I was there.

I hated her and missed her at same while. I was pathetic. I was stupid. Why couldn't I just let it go? Why couldn't I just ignore the messages she pass to me? Why couldn't I just live my own life happily just like I used to?

I already knew the answer. But I didn't want to admit it.

Because Rachel was not here. I cannot make her look at me ever again.

She only needed a sweet friend Lucy. She still remembered the horrible cheerio leader Quinn, who made her crying to sleep. God , how could I do that to her? I didn't know she would that upset. I didn't mean to do that to her. I just wanted her look at me once.

Did I tell you the cheerio leader of my old school named Quinn? I don't think you are as a fearful person as her. I just don't understand why became a cheerio would change a person so much. Quinn and me were not friends or something, but when we were younger ,in our primacy school, she was not mean. She would made fun of me, sure, but she was not mean. She just say something about my sweater—which I have to remind you that you had said you ' found it really amused'—like how a real giraffe could not allowed itself to bend down for a rabbit, 'you brought a sweater from a designer who knows nothing about animal'. We shared a laugh. Her giggling was sweet, so as her behavior. Once, a boy lost his balance accidently drop his steak into my meal, I almost cry at that time. Quinn was there. She pick on the piece of a dead ox toss it into the garbage, saying 'don't cry, what is gone is gone. Worry about the alive anima'. But when she got into high school, I didn't recognize her any more! She was the cheerio, yes, did it mean that she had to mean to me?

I had no answer. So I pretended to ask why she cried for a steak. I am vegan! I knew that. I knew that since we were fourteen. She lost her lunch cause some boy liked to make that lame joke. I offered she my sandwich— when I got a chance grab she into a empty classroom—she refused and gave me a speech about how exactly the poor pig been kill , which killed my appetite.

You were not friends? I feel that you talk about her a lot.

Well, typically ,we were not. But when we were at primacy school, she was kind to me while others were too busy finding a way to pick on or ignoring me.

I don't know why they ignoring you. You are fun to talk to. I mean…well ,some kind of cool.

Thank you! But, there are so many buts, at that time I was a poor girl who lived with two gay dads, I had no friends, except my dads I had no one to talk to. Quinn was there. She would speak to me when she thought no body around. She invented a way to speak to me. She would talked like she pick me up and made fun of me, not hurting her reputation. We had much fun then. Though I had to hide my giggle and smile. I feel a little hurt that time, for her ashamed of me. But now I just thank her for attempting to been some-kind-of-friend to me.

You are really the kindest person I have ever met.

I meant it. Rachel was the kindest, sweetest, most forgiving person I had ever met. But could it be possible that she forgive me as well? Forgive that the mean cheerleader , head bitch in charge, ice queen, Quinn Fabray?