It had taken her less than an hour to get a bag packed. Sarah and Mickey had both protested, they were curious about the strange man who looked exactly like their dad. They were also more resistant when they found that John would not be coming with them. Sarah had looked at him with such scrutiny it had been hard to meet her gaze. But he reassured them that it was just for a bit, and they were off for a fun holiday with their grandparents, and Tony. Despite being their uncle, Tony was very much their age, and the three of them had become fast friends.
Rose had rang Jackie and Pete before she left; just a brief explanation had been needed. They knew better than to question Rose when she used that tone. She used the same unnervingly calm tone when she was putting on a brave face. A quick goodbye, he couldn't stand to drag it out longer than he had to, and then they were gone. The empty house was silent around him. It seemed wrong somehow, this house devoid of the sounds of his family. It reminded him sharply of how the TARDIS felt when he was in it alone, somehow incomplete. That creeping loneliness started to well up inside of him, remembering all that time spent alone. But that was why he had to send them away, he reassured himself. This pain was just temporary, but they were going somewhere they'd be safe. If they stayed with the Doctor, he was afraid that it could all too quickly turn permanent.
He headed downstairs to prepare some tea, more to keep his hands and mind occupied than for any real desire to drink it. It mostly did the trick, and sipping on it even managed to calm him some. He threw the pot and a spare mug onto a tray and carried it upstairs, remembering his first experience reincarnating into this body. It couldn't hurt to try it.
"Ah, brilliant. That was rather nice of you." A familiar voice spoke up as he entered the room with the tray. He had just enough sense not to drop the tray in shock. The Doctor had propped himself up in the bed, facing him, with a silly grin spread across his face. Always a flair for the dramatic, that man, but at least he didn't have to be alone with his brooding thoughts any more.
"I thought so." John recovered quickly and placed the tray next to the bed where the Doctor sat, eagerly grabbing the mug as soon as it got within reach. "Feeling better are we?" He asked, pulling up a chair and taking a seat.
"Oh yes," He flashed a grin between sipping on his hot beverage. "I don't suppose this is some sort of time traveling space dementia I'm suffering from?" He peered around the room over his cup. "Would have thought I'd decorate a bit more…" He frowned at the rather plain guest room around him.
"Most people are of the opinion that you've always had a bit of space dementia." John smirked at the man; it was difficult to stay frustrated with the man who was so very much himself.
"Oh, now, that hurts. Coming from you." The Doctor scowled but then shrugged. "Quite right, though. I imagine."
"So." John sat back in the chair. "What do you remember?" He propped his head up with his hand and stared curiously at the Doctor. Instead of answering, the Doctor just continued to drink his tea. "I felt you die." John broke the growing silence. "Across the universes and different times, I felt it, and I knew you were dead."
"Did you now?" He asked blandly, still not facing him. "Well that is interesting." He swallowed and kept his eyes on the floor, a fresh sadness so clear in them that John wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the Doctor had to say. "I was dying." He spoke quietly, finally focusing his gaze on John. "And being a bit stubborn about it, I'm afraid. I had started to regenerate, but then, well, I dunno. I feel through some sort of crack in space."
"Regenerated? But you're still the same." John eyed him carefully. "Did you lop off another hand that I forgot about?"
"Doubt I'd be that lucky twice." The Doctor smirked. "I saw myself regenerate. I watched it happen, but I got separated from it somehow. I was feeling it happening, and then suddenly I was a witness. I was falling through the TARDIS; and then I fell out the bottom-"
"You found the bottom?" John asked with his eyebrows raised. The Doctor found it in him to chuckle.
"I can't make sense of that either. It was like all of the sudden it was just that blue police box, just a small thing, and I fell through it. Out into space, and then I watched the TARDIS fly away." His voice was sad as he said those last words.
"There must have been something different." John scratched his head, trying to sift through his memories that made this experience make any kind of sense.
"There was more…more what?" The Doctor lost himself in his own dialog; he rubbed his fingers together as though he could feel the words he was grasping for. "It was more violent, more destructive. There was fire. The TARDIS was burning, possibly crashing. Maybe it did something, lashed out, exploded, I don't know, made a rift in space. And I fell through." The Doctor looked to John for some kind of confirmation that it could be true.
John ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh, it could make sense, it was certainly a stretch, but then again, so was much of his existence so far, far be it for him to declare that this particular moment was simply too impossible to have happened. "So then how did you end up here?"
"Astrid." The Doctor smiled sadly. "We were floating in space together; I thought I had finally died…again." He admitted. "But then I woke up with a mouth full of ocean." He shrugged. "Not the worst wake up I've ever had, but it's up there."
"Can you show me?" John knew Astrid to be dead, nothing but stardust now. But that was just one more thing that didn't make any sense on the pile of ridiculous things he had been told. He knew the Doctor was explaining it the best way that he could, they were, more or less, his own thoughts. The Doctor beckoned John forward and reached out past the edge of the bed with his hands extended. His fingers found his temple and suddenly images were flashing through his mind in quick succession. The yellow glow of regeneration, the TARDIS in flames, the floor falling out below and a new man standing where he should be, the emptiness. The acceptance of death and an end to the loneliness. Astrid's safe web in the darkness of space, the shock of plunging into the water, Rose's face looming above his own, the burst of elation he had felt when he had seen her.
John pulled his head back suddenly, not wanting to intrude onto the thoughts that might show him how strongly the Doctor still felt about Rose, his Rose. If the Doctor noticed the abruptness of John leaning back he tactfully didn't mention it.
"Another Doctor?" John asked quickly closing the awkward silence. "That's impossible."
"Yup." The Doctor sipped on his tea. "But then so are you. Worse yet," He leaned forward as though he were going to whisper a dark secret. "Still not ginger."
"Oh, so it is serious then." John rolled his eyes but it was somewhat reassuring to fall into their silly banter, even if it was just to avoid the more pressing feeling of doom that was creeping up on him.
"Yes, quite. Where is that plucky companion of yours then?" His tone was casual as he glanced over the mug but John couldn't help the jealous monster that reared its head inside him.
"She's gone. I sent her and the children out of the city, up north." He tried not to acknowledge how much he missed them already, how he desperately wanted her back by his side.
"Well, that's smart." He nodded his agreement. "Sensible really, dead Time Lord's falling out of the sky is usually a bad sign-" He stopped himself and then looked at John carefully. "Did you say children?"
"Yes, two of them."
"So the two of you…with…children-" His mouth hung open in shock, suddenly a broad grin spread across his face. "Well, blimey, that…that's brilliant!" He slapped John on the shoulder and he couldn't help but return the infectious grin.
"Yes, they're quite pleased with their new uncle." It had been the most plausible lie he and Rose had been able to come up with, and it was the only thing that really made sense.
"I'm an uncle!" The Doctor said with that same cheesy grin. "A bone fide uncle!" He beamed at John and for just one brief moment John thought he saw regret reflected in those ancient eyes. "Molto bene!" He cheered and the look passed. "You've done well, old chap." He patted him on the shoulder once again.
"Oi, watch it spaceman or I'll have to remind you which of us is youngest." He pointed at the Doctor in warning.
"Weeell. I can't go around calling you 'young chap' that just sounds ridiculous. Besides, if you want to be technical we're the same age- Hang on." He stopped himself, staring out into space. "Have you still got the sonic?"
"The screw driver?" John asked. "Sure, why-" He stopped himself then, the same idea coming moments after it must have occurred to the Doctor. "The beacon."
The Doctor smirked. "The beacon."
John turned back down the hall and headed to the master bedroom, the sonic screwdriver residing in an old dusty shoebox. He had almost forgotten it now, having nicked it so long ago; knowing full well that the Doctor didn't plan to let him stay on the TARDIS. It was funny how he never really got around to using it, without the life of death situations, it just seemed unnecessary. As he pushed open the bedroom door, the sight of it briefly overcame him. The drawers pulled open and emptied; the bed still neatly made amid the chaos of discarded luggage and clothing. He shook off the feeling of dread that it gave him; Rose would be back, and so would his children.
The Doctor had followed him to the room and so he shook himself and focused on the closet, stepping up onto the small footstool that would let him reach the highest shelves. Rose knew he had it, he had never really hidden it from her, but he knew if she had seen, Sarah or Mickey with it, there would be hell to pay. He hadn't wanted her to think he was using it all of the time, or to remind her constantly of its original owner. It felt heavier than he remembered as he pulled it out, but it still felt at home in his hand.
"You've dressed me like a right tramp, you have." The Doctor's disgusted voice called out from behind him, examining himself in the full-length mirror, he frowned at the reflection. They had thrown him in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, his suit was still sitting in a plastic bag, soaked from the salt water. It had been the easiest to dress him in, but was clearly not up to standard for the time lord.
"Yes, it was meant as a personal attack on your character. Where is your sonic?" John asked, suddenly curious why they hadn't found him with one in his clothing. The Doctor seized the screwdriver from John's hands and started to spin the outer ring like a combination lock.
"I imagine it's with the other Doctor, as it's not here." He shrugged, slowed the twisting now, he bit his tongue between his teeth as he concentrated on the task at hand. It finally clicked into place and beeped amiably, the blue light now flickering with a slow pulse. "Hah!" He smirked as though he were pleased with himself. "Should signal the TARDIS's console. And if I know myself, I'd wager I'd want to find out where that signal was coming from. And that will lead me here." The Doctor unconsciously tried to tuck the sonic back into his jacket pocket. "Perhaps he knows what's going on." When he found the jacket was missing he looked to his pants, but was disappointed. "Best keep it with you; I'm afraid I haven't got any pockets." He handed the screwdriver back over and John accepted it.
"But, he's in an alternate universe. Isn't there some harm to bringing him here? Isn't that why you've never come back before?" John frowned as he stuffed the tool into his pocket.
"Well, I got through easy enough. And I did it unconscious, possibly half-dead. Without a ship. Riding stardust." He added triumphantly. John rolled his eyes and the Doctor just shrugged. "I think the damage has already been done. Whatever it was, the fracture between the universes was already there."
"Well, that's reassuring." John shook his head with a frown.
"Yeah," The Doctor scratched his chin. "Never really been my strong point. We'll just have to wait and see." They both jumped at the sound of the door downstairs shutting and caught each other's eyes warily.
"That was rather quick." John eyed the door suspiciously, and the Doctor seemed just as surprised. They both retreated to the hallway where they could see the stairway when John's face fell.
"Hello Doctor." Rose was halfway up the stairs, smiling sheepishly, but clearly pleased to see that he was out of bed.
"Well look at that, it's Rose Tyler. Hello Rose!" He called down the hall with a jolly grin; he spoke from the side of his mouth to John. "Thought you had sent her away? Don't feel bad, they never listen to me either." He smirked.
"Back to the room spaceman, or I'll drop you right back where I found you." John said in a tone that was only half kidding.
"Alright, alright." The Doctor held up his hands in surrender but retreated back into the guest room before John decided to make good on his threat.
John turned to find Rose at the top of the stairs now, chewing her lip, knowing she had done something wrong. "He alright then? Looks like he's back to normal." She spoke casually as though her arrival was totally normal.
"Rose," He didn't quite know where to start, it had been hard to send her away, and he couldn't deny that part of him was glad to see her. But it was harder still to know that she was in danger, that she should be far away, somewhere safe. Somewhere, very specifically, not here.
"Look, I sent them up with my mum; they're going out to one of Pete's rentals up north. They'll be fine, they all left an hour ago, and they're safe." She interrupted him before he could start to scold her.
"Yes, but what about you?" He looked into her eyes very seriously now. "What about the baby?"
"I thought about it, I really did. But I told you a long time ago that I had made my choice, and it still stands. I'm not leaving you."
"You told him that." He corrected, it sounded more callous than he had meant it to. He had only meant to specify that it wasn't really him, and the circumstances had been different. But he knew in his heart that was probably how he felt. It hadn't been him, hadn't been his half human self who heard the words she promised, hadn't been his loneliness that clouded his judgment and let her stay. Hadn't been his selfishness that had almost lost her forever. The memories were there, he knew what had happened, but they weren't truly his.
"It's the same thing!" She said exasperated, but she looked guilty as soon as she had said it. In their lives together, neither of them really knew if he was considered the same person until the moment, they had become two. Rose seemed to lean toward yes, John found himself leaning toward no. "I didn't mean it like that," She said softly, but he couldn't really be angry with her for that. "If I promised it to him, I certainly promise it to you."
"I know." He sighed. "But there's going to be trouble, the Doctor has even said as much."
"And you're going to get mixed up in it. I can't leave you behind to 'tend the children', you mean too much to me."
"That's not what I wanted," He shook his head, knowing he had already lost the battle. "I just wanted to know you'll be safe."
"And I want to know you'll be safe!" She blurted out suddenly, her tone an angry one. "Had you considered that? Have you considered that having lost you once before maybe I'm not prepared to do it again? That I couldn't handle that again? Because I can't!" Her voice started to warble and the anger turned to anguish. "I can't lose you John, don't ask me to go." John felt his chest tighten as her eyes gazed up at him through watery tears. "I…I just can't-"
He pulled her into his arms then, pressing his face into her hair with his own eyes tightly shut. "Hush." He soothed her. "I'm sorry; I won't ask you to leave. Ever." He held her in his arms until she stopped shaking, breathing her in. He was terrified now, more than ever. But there was no one he'd rather have by his side than Rose; he would just have to trust in the Doctor to bring them both through safely.