A/N: I didn't want to leave you with that last chapter for too long. Sorry for the double post on that chapter too, I had no idea what was going on with FF that night, hopefully it's all resolved now anyway.

The next morning Quinn woke with an aching head, she'd found comfort in that vodka bottle after Rachel left and now hated herself for it, she'd done so well over the last four years to not use alcohol as a support, yet here she was again. If anyone dared ask, then she'd tell them that she wasn't an alcoholic. That line had been dangerously close once, but in her mind she hadn't crossed it, but coming that near and the thought of being just like her parents had terrified her enough to stop. She still enjoyed the odd drink with friends and knew how to party, but she hadn't drank on her own in years. Last night was a first and when she walked into the living room only to see the bottle staring at her, judging her, she determinedly matched towards it, picked it up and poured the contents down the sink, turning her nose away from the stench of the neat alcohol, she silently prayed that this would also be the last time.

Stepping into the shower, she let the water lap at all her pain, desperate for it to wash it all away. This wasn't just about Rachel now, this was about her and everything she had done before, so many bad choices and mistakes. The one good thing in the last few years had been Rachel, she had made her feel so good and happy. Quinn had felt that she belonged and now it had been taken away she felt like she was being punished for her past. She couldn't stop thinking that maybe she didn't deserve to be happy and maybe she wasn't made to be loved.

The shampoo had long rinsed from her hair as she continued to let the water race over her skin, it was now washing the tears away into the drain. Finally she turned the crank and the water stopped hissing around as it made it's way slowly down the plughole. Shaking off the last droplets as she dried herself with a towel, she tried to shake off her own melancholy, but it was stuck too deep in her heart.

xxx

An hour later and she drove into her space on the lot, checking the mirror one last time, assured that her fake smile was firmly in place and that her facade was built satisfactorily, she opened the door and stepped out onto the tarmac, ready for a busy day filming.

"Fabray, so good to see you, looking as delicious as ever." Chase grabbed her arm, before she could even lock her car, and eagerly pulled her along until they were at the makeup trailer. "girls, do your worst." He winked at the makeup artist and Quinn rolled her eyes as she took a seat. She watched as Chase flirted with the other woman in the trailer and as she fawned all over him. He was good looking, Quinn couldn't deny that, but she didn't see why women were so easily charmed by him. In her opinion he was a little sleazy, but then she had been on the receiving end of one or two unsolicited gropes on and off screen.

The day took over and her scenes with Chase went well, he was a creep, but he was good at his job and she was at least thankful for that. It was 3pm when she wrapped for the day, a relief after the extended hours the day before, but as she headed to her car she felt someone walk up behind her and inwardly groaned.

"Going to let me take you out for drink?" Chase wrapped his hands around her waist and pressed himself against her. She quickly jerked out of his grasp, not happy to have him so close at all.

"No and really don't you ever touch me like that again." Quinn growled. "I don't know how many times I need to tell you?"

"Aw my hot Quinnster going all badass, but I know you secretly love the heat of my hot body rubbing up against you..." he teased and Quinn rolled her eyes.

"If only you knew." She said as she climbed into her car, driving away without looking back at her co-star.

When she got home she realized that Rachel had left her a voicemail, happy that she had a couple of hours to unwind before their date, was it a date? she asked herself. They'd not really been clear, so she decided that she'd just dress for a meal with a friend, it seemed a safer option right now. She changed into her running gear and was just doing up her laces when Rick showed up at her door, she wanted to slam it in his face and run back inside, but instead she opened it a little wider and welcomed him in.

"Mmm, you have a great body." He said as he eyed her up and down. "Make sure you keep it that way." He added as he sat down on her couch, crossing his legs and helping himself to her fruit bowl.

"Why are you here?" Quinn really wasn't in the mood for Rick after the last few days and wanted this impromptu meeting done quickly.

"Excellent news, you are going to the teen choice awards." He clapped his hands and Quinn resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"I can control my excitement." she mumbled under her breath.

"Perfect and Chase is going to be holding your hand, it'll be perfect and publicity gold before the show returns next week. I think this is going to be great, we have teen vogue interested in doing a piece on you both and then...what?" Rick stopped when he realized Quinn was just sat there, her jaw open and eyes wide.

"That's so much information. Why do I have to go with him?"

"Because you are dating." he said flatly.

"No, I said you could allude to it, I said we'd do the usual. Award ceremonies and magazine shoots is not the usual."

"It's in character." Rick conceded. "so it's just that, doesn't have to mean anything." He shrugged nonchalantly. "but maybe you should consider it, he's hot, you're hot..."

"I'm gay."

"And I don't need to hear that again, no one cares Q. To the world you are hot and hetero."

"Fuck off Rick, I'm doing what you all want me to do."

"And so is the Broadway chick, I hear she's all hot and dirty for that Jesse boy, so looks like I have one less problem to deal with."

"Think what you want. I'll do the shoot. I won't walk the carpet, not with him."

"Fine, you'll be pushed down a minute apart, be warned there will be questions."

"And I will avoid them to the best of my amazing ability."

"As you will, but Quinn," Rick turned back to her as he made his way out of the door. "get these next few weeks right and we'll be talking Cosmopolitan, Allure and maybe someday a Vogue cover."

"Everything a girl ever wanted." Quinn spoke to the closed door that Rick was now on the other side of. She knew it mattered, having a face and being widely known was key in this industry. Making it onto the covers of magazines was a big deal, it just wasn't what she wanted to matter. She wanted to be seen as a talented actor, recognized for her ability on screen, but it was all part of the job and she could do it. Her first thought was to call Rachel and tell her about all the ridiculous, but she was trying her best not to be so dependent on her and they'd see each other in an hour or two anyway.

Quinn was tempted to just forget the words she'd heard, to pretend she hadn't been hurt and to seek comfort in Rachel's arms. She felt that had been on offer yesterday, but after talking with her Mom and thinking about things throughout the day, she knew she had to slow down and not jump back in. The reunion had been intense and amazing and she'd let all those emotions drive her into something that Rachel clearly hadn't been ready for and now she was the one that had been left wanting. She still ached, but she knew she could believe what Rachel had told her about that kiss, she'd known about Jesse for long enough to know he couldn't be trusted, that he'd do something like that just for kicks. The fact that it reminded her of the conversation she'd overheard was the real problem. Rachel had misled her and Quinn had been so ready to fall into a relationship with her, to fall for her completely.

It had been so perfect and just as quickly it all came crashing down around her. Rachel was still here, in fact she was literally closer than ever, yet Quinn felt they were as far apart as they ever could be and she hated that fact.

Finally she got out of her apartment and made her way to the sea front, her feet pounding on the pavement helped to clear her head of all the thoughts that had been plaguing her for the last week. Running was the only time she truly felt like herself, free from all the extras that her celebrity life had forced on her.

xxx

Across town Rachel wasn't having the best day. She'd thought of nothing but Quinn and was finding it hard to listen to her director as he addressed the cast while they did a read through. When the day finally ended she eagerly made her way to Quinn's apartment, but was met with no answer. She waited because she could hear the shower running, when it stopped she knocked again and a few moments later Quinn finally let her in. Rachel's jaw almost hit the floor when she saw Quinn was only wrapped in a towel, beads of water still dripping down her skin, not being able to touch her really was going to be challenging, Rachel stifled a groan as Quinn opened the door wider and invited her in.

"Hey, sorry I went for a run. I'll just be a couple of minutes, were you waiting long?" Quinn asked as she headed back towards the bathroom.

"Sure, sorry I'm actually early. I wanted to see you. Today was..." Rachel stuttered and then realized Quinn probably couldn't hear her so she made her way to the couch and waited there until Quinn poked her head around the door frame.

"My day sucked, Chase is being a dick and I'm starving. Just let me fix my hair and I'll be right out."

xxx

A little while later and the bedroom door opened and out walked Quinn, Rachel drank in her appearance and was stunned at how beautiful the blonde looked, even dressed simply in jeans and a white button down shirt.

Quinn noticed Rachel eyeing her up and down and smirked as she turned her back and put on a pot of coffee. "Is casual okay? You didn't say where we're going." She said over her shoulder to a still staring Rachel.

"I thought we could get a pizza or something. Just simple, not a fancy date or anything, because well you said we'd go slow and I didn't want to assume that...and a restaurant would..." Rachel felt so awkward, she didn't know anywhere yet and wasn't sure where Quinn stood when it came to being romanced.

"Pizza sounds great Rachel. I actually know somewhere you'll like." Quinn handed Rachel a cup, happy that the brunette had felt the same, she wasn't sure about the romancing either. She'd often thought that a pizza and a beer was actually a perfect date if the company was right, but she didn't share that thought with Rachel because then it would mean tonight was a date and she wasn't ready for that. Quinn shook her head as the confusing thoughts raced through her brain and looked up at Rachel with a smile that was easily returned.

"Great, I'm happy for you to choose I have no idea. I searched online, but there are so many."

"I promised I'd show you around and I will. I'll drive if you like?" Quinn picked up her keys and motioned for Rachel to lead the way.

"It's probably the safest option."

Quinn laughed as she walked out to the car and Rachel felt the sound fill her ears and warm her heart.

xxx

"So what do you think?" Quinn asked with a smile on her face as Rachel eagerly took a second slice.

"It's almost as good as New York." Rachel grinned back and her eyes lit up, making Quinn laugh.

"Pizza works for you then? I've been assured this is the best vegan pizza on the West coast."

"It's really amazing and this place is just lovely, do you come here a lot? because if you do I think you'll be finding that you bump into me each time."

"I used to, well...its um near Kristen's place. She used to come here and so..."

"Oh." Rachel found a sudden urge to look around the room incase Quinn's ex was lurking.

"She won't come in though." Quinn placed her hand on top of Rachel's, but as their hands touched she felt the same spark she always did and quickly pulled away. "There was an incident, she got told to leave, so I think we're safe."

"Right." Rachel half smiled, her eyes still focussed on her hand and the feeling of loss when Quinn removed hers.

"You okay?" Quinn asked a few minutes later. Rachel wasn't usually quiet and she knew the hand touch was an issue, it just wasn't one she could deal with right now.

"Yeah, I think so. Maybe a bit of jet lag and things."

"When do you start filming?" Quinn tried to change the subject quickly.

"I have a couple of scenes tomorrow. I have my lines learned and it'll probably be a long day. I'm not sure what to expect really. It's my first time." A blush spread across Rachel's face and Quinn thought she looked adorable.

"You're going to be fine! Really Rachel, it's you! And to be honest you probably won't know what happened when you get home tomorrow. Take a good book or two. I spend most of my day sitting around waiting. It's not as exciting as it seems."

"I have my iPad loaded with stuff to keep me busy, but I'm not sure it'll be enough. I hate being the new kid, I'm still scared someone will see me as a geek and slushy me for fun. Oh god they don't do that do they?" Rachel suddenly panicked.

"Not on any of the sets I've worked on. You know I'm sorry that ever happened to you at school, that I was part of it. I wish I could go back and tell high school me that social status is not important and that the cute little brunette is more amazing than anyone you'll ever meet." Her heart began racing in her chest as she saw the look on Rachel's face at her confession, she watched as the girl bit her lip and she longed to be able to lean over the table and do the same.

"It's the past." Rachel finally broke the silence. Quinn's eyes were drowning her and she needed to break her gaze.

"I'm still sorry, I wasn't the greatest friend to you even when we did make amends."

"And now look at us." Rachel's comment left an uneasy silence that she felt compelled to fill as quickly as possible. "Can I text you on set?"

"Yes, please do. I spend the day desperate for someone to talk to."

"Quinn?"

"Yes."

"Why are you so lonely? I don't understand why you never let anyone in."

"Probably not the best time to be having this conversation." Quinn replied defensively, even though she knew it wouldn't be enough to deter Rachel.

"I think we both know I'm a fool."

"You're not. Damn this is too hard."

"It's not, this is good, we can spend time together, get to know each other again. It's what we should have done in the first place, I don't think we should carry on trying to keep to safe subjects. I want us to make this work and pretending isn't going to make that happen, I'm only here for a few months, I want to make them count."

"Maybe you're right, I hate time limits though and to answer your question about not letting people in, I do it to keep myself safe. It's not always healthy, but I've let the wrong people get close and it didn't work out well for me. But you...Rachel, you make me question so many things..."

"I'm hoping that's good and means you want to let me in?"

"I do." Quinn smiled shyly. Something about Rachel made her want to be honest, not just with the woman, but also with herself. Even if things weren't perfect and even though she was trying to protect herself from being hurt again, she knew she couldn't exist without Rachel in her life, it would just be too sad and too dull. The last five years she'd followed her career, she'd even taken trips to see her plays. Now she had her in the same room and sharing a meal, things weren't perfect but she held on to the feeling that they could be.

"Then that's all I can ask of you." Rachel beamed back at her, obviously thrilled with Quinn's response.

When they eventually got back to Quinn's, Rachel made her way to her own car and Quinn followed, opening the door for her with a smile. Rachel paused for a moment before turning back and leaning in to kiss Quinn.

"Sorry Rach, I can't." Quinn pulled away in anguish as she balled her hand into a fist, resisting the urge to punch Rachel's car. She wanted to kiss her, she wanted it too much, but she knew if she did, they'd be back where they were a week ago and she'd regret it in the morning.

Rachel smiled sadly and it almost was enough to break Quinn's heart, as if she could understand Rachel reached out a hand and placed it over Quinn's chest. "It's okay, I understand. Thank you for tonight, it was wonderful."

Quinn felt relief wash over her. "Thank you too. I'm really pleased you're in L.A. now."

"Do you want to do the same again tomorrow?"

"Um, I..."

"Or the day after? I'll probably be too drained from my first proper day of filming anyway..." Rachel babbled, she could tell Quinn was going to say no and didn't want to hear that word right now.

"Yeah okay, the day after would be better, I'll call you though, see how it all went and everything." Quinn wanted to see Rachel every night but for some reason she thought it'd be better to have a day apart. Her head was spinning again and nothing made sense when she was stood so close to Rachel.

"I'm going to hug you now." Rachel said as she wrapped her arms around Quinn. "Goodnight." She hummed as she inhaled her scent.

"Goodnight Rachel. Tonight was really good."

Rachel grinned before getting in her car and driving away. She was happy that the night had gone well, but it was tinged with a slight sadness that Quinn backed away from a kiss and then seemed reluctant to get together again, but she did have another date to focus on and she resolved to work harder at making Quinn see how much she wanted this and how much she cared for her.

xxx

A/N: Hi, I'd love to know your thoughts. This has been a bit dark compared to the light and fluffy start, so it's been a bit harder to write, I hope it is still enjoyable though? Is enjoyable the right word here?

I think the last chapter was the bottom and from here they have to work a way out of it. Still a long way to go.