"If you put your hand there again I'm going to break it." Quinn bit out between clenched teeth as she attempted to keep her smile in place, the flashes were going off all around her and she could barely see, but she could definitely feel.
"You gotta stop playing so hard to get." Chase replied through his own forced smile as he moved his hand off Quinn's ass and instead hooked it around her waist pulling her closer. "we're a couple, it's about time we did what couples do."
"I have no intention of ever doing anything like that with you, now let me go." She pulled away and somehow managed to make it look graceful and not like she was running away from Chase and his hands, she waved to some unknown face in the crowd, using it as an excuse to move further away from Chase. She'd arrived ten minutes ago and it'd been going fine, but then suddenly he sidled up next to her and all the paps turned to capture the moment. She was going to kill Rick when she saw him, she'd specifically said no handhold and she knew that instead they'd arranged this behind her back. Now pictures of the new TV wonder couple would be everywhere and the lie was firmly in place. She hated that she was a part of it, what she hated more was that this had been arranged against her wishes, but for now she kept smiling. It would be another couple of hours before she'd see Rachel and finally be able to let go of some of her stress, although knowing she'd have to share her with Kim tonight wasn't helping her mood.
"Hey Q." she turned to the crowd and was shocked to see a familiar face smiling back at her.
"Puck? What are you doing here?"
"I got some work, they wanted me to set some stuff up for tonight. You see that podium? I built it. Carpenter extraordinaire." he folded his arms across his chest as he nodded proudly.
"I never knew."
"Yeah, I've got hidden talents." He shrugged trying to move away from an eager fangirl in the crowd.
"And you came tonight?"
"I moved out here before Christmas. Marcus from the mill offered me some work and hey there wasn't much keeping me in Lima, so yeah L.A baby and then I was here today and I heard your name mentioned so wanted to stop by."
"You wore a suit?"
"Uh yeah. I means it's Hollywood, I thought it was law."
Quinn laughed and felt her assistant pulling at her elbow. "Ms Fabray, you need to move on. E! Want to talk to you."
"Sure, Kelsey is it?"
"Yes."
"You see the guy there, the one with the bad mohawk?" Kelsey nodded. "Can you get him a pass? He's an old friend."
"I'll see what I can do. He's cute."
"He's trouble, but all yours if you want him."
Minutes later and Noah was standing in the background as Quinn walked the carpet. She grabbed his arm and dragged him inside as soon as she was done.
"Whoa that is some crazy shit you do." Puck was still rubbing his eyes from all the flashes.
"I'm so glad you're here." She bumped his shoulder playfully, but meant every word, someone to protect her from Chase was exactly what she needed tonight.
"I saw that dude getting a bit hands on. You okay about that? I thought you were uh...gay?" he whispered the gay and it made Quinn laugh loudly.
"I'm so not okay with it and yes I'm gay, but we don't talk about that. It's not the done thing." She whispered back conspiratorially.
"Hot. Berry too?"
"She's in town, I can't say any more than that."
"Why isn't she here?"
"They don't really know her yet."
"You got me in, you could have brought her." It all sounded so simple falling from Pucks mouth and Quinn couldn't believe she'd never thought about it, she knew she could never bring Rachel, it would have been too dangerous and then suddenly she realized that not once had she talked to Rachel about it. She'd not asked the girl she was dating if she wanted to come because she couldn't, but she should have asked her if she was okay about it.
"I think I've fucked up."
"Oh Quinn, when do you not?" Puck pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm here now, so lets party, coz the Puckasaurus is in need of some action."
"I hate to tell you that we have a two hour ceremony to get through first."
"I'm down with that." He grinned.
xxx
Two hours later and Puck was groaning loudly. Quinn rolled her eyes and pulled him to one side.
"We can go, just be nice on the way out." She checked her phone and was happy to see a message from Rachel.
Hurry up. Kim is drunk, I may be a little too. Miss you x
And then a new message came in.
I'm on my own at the bar, Kim is making a mess on the dance floor, please say you'll be here soon. x
She didn't reply it had been an hour since Rachel's last message and Puck and Kelsey were already getting into a car.
"Rick is gonna kill you for skipping the after party." Kelsey said as she ran her fingers up and down Puck's thigh. Quinn had seen it all before and tried to look away.
"I'm going to kill Rick or fire him."
"He's one of the best, you know without him you'd be nothing."
"Shit are you screwing him too?" Kelsey's face said it all and Quinn resolved to get a new assistant, one that she picked herself.
The rest of the car ride was spent in an awkward silence, Puck had shifted away from Kelsey and Quinn was busy staring out of the window, wondering how her life had turned into this.
Finally they arrived and she made sure she was a stride ahead of the others as she made her way in. It didn't take long for her to spot Rachel and when she did she froze on the spot. She watched as the brunette laughed freely at the bar, she didn't recognize the person with her at first, but when he laughed too and threw his head back she was certain, there really was no mistaking Jesse St James.
xxx
She turned and headed back towards the door, but was stopped by a perplexed Puck.
"What's up?"
"Rachel's in there."
"I know, that's why we're here."
"She's with Jesse."
"Nice." Puck took in Quinn's expression. "So jealousy still plagues you? Girls only got eyes for you."
"I wish I could be sure."
"You like her right?" Puck pulled her back out into the entrance so that they could talk more easily. Kelsey pushed past the pair as they tried to talk, Quinn was happy to lose the other girl, she really didn't need her hanging on tonight.
"Yeah, always, but maybe we aren't meant to be."
"Oh girl, you two are so meant to be, always have. I wish I'd seen it sooner, it's so fucking hot! But apart from that it's special, you gotta go for it Quinn, don't mess up and don't hurt Rachel."
"She's the one that's in there laughing with the guy that ripped us apart."
"Did he really?"
"Fuck, no he didn't, but I like to blame him." Quinn rested against the door frame and picked at a loose thread on her dress as she contemplated what to do next.
"Maybe you'd be better off going in there and showing him that she's yours, that you two are meant to be."
"Maybe I could just go home and hide?" she countered, not ready to make any bold steps just yet.
"Not with me as your wingman. You and Berry are happening and I'm not letting you stop it." Puck took her hand and dragged her into the bar. Quinn took a deep breath as they got closer to Rachel, she could hear her laughter now and knew the second Rachel had seen Puck because a scream rang out, but silence followed and Quinn didn't have to look to know Rachel had seen her too.
"Quinn, you got here." Rachel pushed past Noah and took Quinn's hand, pulling her into a booth and away from the two men that just watched the pair leave.
"I did. Looks like you found an old friend." Quinn was angry and struggled to hide it, something about Jesse being so close to Rachel had her riled.
"Honestly he just showed up, I didn't even know he was in town and he explained everything, you should hear him out." Rachel saw Quinn grimace. "OK, so maybe not, but trust in me, he was just trying to help us. He's a conceited prick, but he was trying and he's my friend."
"Can we just go?"
"If you want." Rachel slumped into the seat, she didn't want to go, she'd wanted to have fun with Quinn. "I'll go tell Kim." Rachel stood up but Quinn pulled her back down.
"No don't. I'm being stupid. I just need a drink, I'm not taking you away when you're having fun."
"Not fun so much, have you seen Kim?" Rachel nodded towards the dance floor and Quinn turned to see the woman they were talking about strutting her stuff.
"Oh my god." Quinn exclaimed.
"I'll get you that drink." Rachel waved to the bar tender, but she was stopped as Puck arrived with a round of tequila's.
"Kissed and made out yet?" he said as he put the tray down and took no answer before joining them. "Great, now can we party?"
"When did you get here?" Rachel asked as she gratefully took a shot.
"He turned up tonight, he was my sort of date at the awards, he kinda saved me." Quinn smiled at Puck before turning to Rachel. "Rach, I'm sorry I never thought to talk about it with you. I should have and I wish I could have taken you."
"You do?" Rachel was surprised at the revelation, she'd listened to Quinn moan on about the awards, but never once had it come up that Rachel could have been her date. Rachel had thought about it though, she'd wondered what it would be like to go to one of these things, but mostly she thought about what it'd be like to walk a red carpet at Quinn's side. She hoped one day it would happen, even though she knew the possibility was very slim.
"I really do." Quinn said in earnest. "We're kinda dating right?"
"Yeah kinda." Rachel nodded, but a smile crept to the corner of her mouth. She still wasn't sure what they were. Kissing, making out and all the rest is something they certainly weren't though and she was finding it hard. Especially when Quinn insisted on looking so amazing at all times. Rachel knew it was something special, something worth trying for and as they kept teetering around their feelings she was becoming increasingly aware that her own emotions had deepened and as terrifying as it was, she couldn't fight it. She wanted it. Her thoughts were interrupted when Jesse sat down, she felt Quinn shift uncomfortably and didn't think twice before placing her hand on the blondes knee under the table.
"Quinn, so good to see you." Jesse attempted to be charming, but it was lost on Quinn.
"Fuck you." Quinn didn't care what he thought of her.
"Bitch can bite."
"Jesse." Rachel reprimanded.
"Sorry," he said to Rachel, before focussing his attention on Quinn. "and I'm truly sorry Quinn. I just thought that I'd get you all jelly and you'd finally sweep Rachel off her feet. If I'd known I'd cause all this UST between you I'd have stayed out of it."
"What UST?" Rachel asked but her question was drowned out by Quinn.
"Stayed out of it? No one asked you to get involved. What are you even doing here?"
"Look I said sorry. You need to get over it."
"I'll get over it when you get out of town." Quinn snapped.
"Work darling! I'm here for work, so you might need to get used to this pretty face."
"So help me St Jackass, if you talk to either of my girls like that again." Puck rose to his feet and Jesse instantly recoiled into his seat.
"I'm just jealous okay." He retorted. "I always thought she'd be mine one day."
"Never gonna happen." Quinn scoffed.
Rachel squeezed Quinn's thigh before turning to Jesse. "Quinn's right, but can we all try and play nice, please. You're my friend Jesse and Quinn, well Quinn is..."
Jesse looked between the pair and nodded. "I'm sorry, really! I shouldn't have been rude and I shouldn't have kissed Rachel, I saw the pap and I thought if you saw you had competition then you'd...I don't know actually, do something valiant...obviously I was wrong. So I'm a dick and you can't blame Rachel okay? I hate to see you breaking my baby's heart, because she doesn't deserve that, not when it's my fault."
Quinn looked from Jesse to Rachel, her jaw agape as she tried to digest his words, was she breaking Rachel's heart? The look on Rachel's face gave her an answer she wasn't prepared for and she felt a sudden urge go back and erase everything. The best she could do in that moment was reach out her hand and when Jesse realized what she was doing and took her hand in his, she saw Rachel smile.
"I'll try to be nice to you, for Rachel's sake and I promise I don't ever want to break her heart." Her eyes were locked on Rachel as she said those words and she was certain she saw the brown orbs she loved glaze over, before she could process anything they were interrupted again.
"Hollywood dream!" Kim screamed as she made her way over to the group, landing at the table and promptly taking a seat on Puck's lap. "and a very sexy boy too, where've you been hiding sugar?"
"Ugh, Is Kim always this cheesy?" Jesse grimaced before ordering another round of drinks.
The group fell into a more relaxed state and chatted easily amongst themselves as the drinks continued to flow.
Quinn focussed her attention on Rachel, making sure she was happy and enjoying herself. She'd not meant to hurt Rachel and until Jesse pointed it out she hadn't realized that she was. Her own pain had blinded her and now she knew she had some making up to do. The last two weeks had been great in her eyes, she'd not been open to anything intimate, but she had loved spending time with Rachel, she felt they were finally getting to know each other again and she knew it's what they should have done in the first place, instead of rushing into things.
Quinn stopped drinking, instead thinking of ways to make things work with Rachel. It had been a hell of a week and she was glad to be ending it in a happier mood, Rachel's hand was still firmly planted on her thigh, but now her hand was on top of it and their fingers were interlaced.
xxx
"Come back to mine." Rachel whispered in Quinn's ear and it made the blonde shudder.
Quinn composed herself before turning to face Rachel, she took both of Rachel's hands in hers "I don't think we should rush. I like you, but I don't want to mess it up this time it feels like a second chance and I think we need that. I didn't want to hurt you, I never meant to make you feel like I didn't want you, coz I do, I really do. Shit Rachel, I wanted you so much, but I guess I just need to be sure it's right for us both this time and not just 7 years worth of built up emotions. Does that sound okay?"
Rachel tilted her head and stared at her a small smile playing on her lips. "No rushing." She nodded. "I can really live with that if you mean what you say? I want this too Quinn, I want it so much it hurts and I don't want to screw it up again, so we'll do what you say, but you have to come back to mine."
"What?" Quinn looked perplexed, sure that she'd explained herself well enough and that Rachel surely understood she wasn't ready for them to rush into a sexual relationship like they had the last time.
"No really, you have to come. You can't leave me on my own with those two." Rachel pointed to Kim who was still sitting on Puck, except now their lips were locked and Puck's hands were moving underneath her clothes. "and you were the one that bought him so I blame you..."
"Fine, but we can't. I mean...I want to sometime, but not like this."
"I promise to keep my hands to myself, but you must not leave me on my own." Rachel laughed and it filled Quinn's ears and made her heart feel so warm, she'd missed that feeling and was glad she was finally able to let it back into her life.
Quinn only realized the impact of her decision when they got back to Rachel's. Puck and Kim were at least attempting to be sociable, but when Quinn realized that Kim was set up in the spare room and Jesse was making himself very comfortable on the couch, it meant the only place she could sleep was Rachel's room or the bath tub.
She sucked in a deep breath and prepared herself for a tortuous nights sleep, being so close to Rachel and not acting on her impulses was sure to kill her.
xxx
It turned out sleep was not on the agenda. A bottle of tequila appeared and the party continued. Quinn found some wine in the fridge and poured herself a glass, stepping away from the rowdiness of the others.
"Hey you." Rachel blew a puff of air against Quinn's ear.
"I had to escape."
"Why don't you join in? I noticed your shot glass is still full."
"I try to be careful when it comes to drinking."
"But I've seen you drinking and if I'm not mistaken that's alcohol right there in that glass." Rachel said confusedly, her eyes locked on Quinn's as she tried to make sense of it all.
"Rachel...I...when I first moved here I drank. I drank a lot, sometimes all day, sometimes for days in a row. It was all for partying and being a part of something, but then I got scared. I was in some girls house, I'd been unconscious."
"Did something happen?" Rachel asked nervously, not sure if she was ready to hear the answer.
"I didn't know what was happening, my jeans were undone and this guy was asleep next to me. I panicked but no, nothing happened. Shit it was so scary, but nothing happened, I'd not, not with him." Quinn shook at the memory of it all and Rachel moved closer to her.
"So you stopped drinking, sort of?"
"No, not even after that. I carried on and found myself drinking alone. It got pretty bad and I was screwed up, then I saw you got a role on Broadway and I was so happy. I came and saw you and the hope I used to feel in high school returned. I came back to L.A. threw all alcohol out of my house and since then I do my best not to use it as a support. I'm not in A.A. I'm just me, trying not to be my parents and mostly I succeed."
"I wish you'd come and seen me, I could have been there for you."
"I couldn't. I didn't want you seeing me like that, I didn't look good, I'd made so many wrong choices, I wanted to be somebody, I wanted to be somebody you'd want to be around, not a loser."
"You could never be a loser in my eyes."
"Thank you." Quinn whispered, her eyes were locked on her hands as she played idly with the stem of her wine glass.
"Can I hug you now?"
"Please." Quinn wiped the tear from her eye and Rachel pulled her into a warm embrace, she felt so much comfort in those arms that she wanted to stay there forever.
"I'm always going to be here for you Quinn."
"Rachel I need you to know..." Quinn paused, her voice was shaky and she struggled to continue.
"Tell me." Rachel spoke softly as she rubbed the back of Quinn's hand.
"When all this happened, when Jesse and the night you left. I...I drank, I had a bottle left from a party and I needed to escape, I was so angry with myself the next day, I don't...I can't do that again."
"Because of me?"
Quinn shrugged dismissively, but knew Rachel deserved more of an explanation. "I drank because I have a problem, one that I try to control, it's not your fault. Just when I'm with you control is not really on the menu, it's why I'm so scared...so scared of letting go and taking the thing I want, because the thing I want...you...it can make me so happy, but it could also ruin me and that thought terrifies me."
"You don't need to be scared, Quinn please, I promise you that I'm not going anywhere and if this doesn't work out romantically then I will still be here for you, the position of Quinn's best friend does not need filling any longer, okay?"
"But if it doesn't work out..."
"I mean it, I'm going to be there for you, we may have troubles and fight and things, but its not new, we fought all through high school and you never got rid of me then. I want you to trust me. I think we can make this work though, so talk of failure isn't really what I want to do right now. I care about you so much Quinn, I'm not going to let you fall apart again."
"You might not be able to stop me." She said sadly.
"I'm Rachel Berry." Rachel said as if that was the answer to everything and somehow it actually was. Quinn pulled her into another hug, this time she lingered, letting her nostrils fill with the mix of Rachel's perfume and shampoo and the smell that was most definitely just Rachel, slowly pressing her lips to Rachel's neck and leaving a tender kiss where she knew the brunette liked it most.
"You're amazing." She husked and she felt Rachel quiver in her arms.
"And you're asking for trouble, you can't say 'go slow' and then kiss me there." Rachel pulled away all flustered, her voice was stern but her smile betrayed her and Quinn didn't hesitate to place a chaste kiss to Rachel's lips, it was the first time she'd felt able to give into her own desires since the night she hit the vodka and it felt perfect.
"Thanks Rach, I know it's not an excuse, but maybe you can understand why I've been such a dick lately? I'm not going to hold back so much now, but sometimes I might and I need you to know that I'm just struggling, there are just so many things sometimes and I feel like they all swarm into my head at once, attacking me, I just have to shut down." Quinn felt like the world was spinning again and her doubts started to take over. "Fuck Rachel, I'm not a good person, you shouldn't waste your time on me."
It didn't deter Rachel though, she just gripped on tightly to Quinn's arms. "I'm going to learn every little thing about you Quinn, I'm going to be here, but I might get it wrong and annoy you sometimes, but just let me try. Just to be clear, I'm not wasting my time, you're an amazing person, talented and you've a huge heart. You made me feel so good, I hurt you, I get that, but before then, it was like being wrapped in the biggest duvet on the coldest day of winter. You make me feel special and you will always be special to me, so don't even bother to push me away because I'm going nowhere."
Quinn smiled at Rachel, taking in all her features, she'd finally let go of one of her secrets and it felt like the world was suddenly a little brighter.
"Come on you two, stop eye fucking and get over here." Puck shouted and they both stood unable to hold in their giggles as they joined the party.
Quinn was exhausted but sitting there listening to the group chat and laugh was perfect, especially since Rachel had shifted closer and cuddled into her. There was more to get through and she knew it wouldn't be simple, being together like this was one thing, but facing pressure from outside influences was another. Rachel was lucky that Kim was understanding, but she got the impression that if something got in the way of Rachel's career, and therefore Kim's paycheck, that would soon change.
As Rachel peered up at her, an adoring smile on her face, Quinn dismissed all her thoughts and just enjoyed the moment, she had something to hold on to and it felt better than she'd ever imagined.
xxx
A/N: Some light? Quinn has issues and I know it's taken a while to get to them, but it was an important journey for her character. I hope those that weren't happy with Quinn can now understand why she was like that and why she wanted to protect herself. It's not all going to be plain sailing now but Rachel knows and that is an important step. There are still some things for them to get through, secrets to share and a relationship to rebuild. The beginning was a hot mess of rushing into things. They gave into passions that were built through absence without taking time to learn about each other again, they still need to do that if they want to make it work and even then they have a whole world against them.
Up next - Quinn spends the night in the tub...just kidding...or am I?
Review please. I want to know if you are still reading and what you think? It's gone quiet and I get the feeling that's not a good sign.
xxx