I didn't stop until the moon, where I picked a flower just for you,
And I fell down, to you, in a parachute of newspaper, rubber bands, tape and glue,
So you would see that I would do anything for you.
"Anything For You" – Brendan James
ooooooo
"If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?" His voice broke her thoughts and she looked up from the papers in front of her.
It was early evening and the bullpen was relatively quiet. Ryan and Esposito had managed to finish their reports and had already headed home but Castle had insisted on staying, even though the only thing she was going to be doing was paperwork. They'd closed their case that afternoon and normally, after this much time, she would have been a lot closer to finishing her report, but Castle had been distracting her and for once, he hadn't been doing so on purpose.
He'd been sitting there next to her desk quietly the whole time she'd been trying to get through the paperwork and strangely enough, it was his silence that was distracting her. Something about him today had been different. Not so different that it was worrisome but different enough that it was a bit unsettling. He'd been quieter than usual and pensive at times and now he was asking random questions with no preamble.
"Why are you asking me this, Castle?" she asked, glancing over at him.
"No reason, I was just wondering," he said, shaking his head and shrugging with an air of casualness she wasn't buying.
She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, abandoning the pretense that she was actually getting any work done.
"You were not just wondering. You've been acting weird all day. What's going on?"
"My accountant is retiring and his nephew, Jack, is taking over the business so I met with him this morning, just to get acquainted and go over some things."
He paused for a moment and pulled at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jacket. She was surprised to notice that he actually looked a bit uncomfortable.
"He showed me exactly how much money I have and the total was kind of shocking."
She knew he wasn't bragging and that he really had been caught off guard by the figure, but she couldn't help laughing at him a bit. "You'd somehow forgotten how incredibly wealthy you are?" she asked, disbelievingly.
"No, well, yes, kind of. I mean, I know I have money and I'm never going to have to worry about my financial situation but I've never really paid attention to exactly how much I have. The money was never an incentive for writing, it's just a really nice perk."
She nodded, silently prompting him to continue.
"I have enough to pay for Alexis's education even if she wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or can't make up her mind and gets five different degrees. And that's really the only big, expensive thing I'm interested in spending it on. Now that Mother has the money from Chet I don't have to worry about her so much anymore and I have an emergency fund that can handle pretty much every worst case scenario."
He seemed to have gotten over his initial discomfort at discussing this subject with her. His words were flowing steadily now and he was looking at her instead of at his hands.
"I've already decided to increase my donations to charities but that still leaves a big chunk of money just sitting there in the bank so I've been thinking about what I might want to use some of it for."
He paused to take a deep breath and as he started speaking again, he seemed to be studying her as if he was watching to see how she would react.
"Jack had all these charts and graphs that showed where the money had come from and well, a lot of it has come from Nikki Heat, from the books and the movie and the increased sales of my other books from her popularity. So I was thinking that I should do something nice for you."
"That is completely unnecessary." She picked up her pen and leaned over her paperwork again, trying to get him to drop the subject.
She jumped back again when he reached over with startling speed and snatched the pen out of her hand. She glared at him but the look on his face was imploring her to listen.
"I sort of weaseled my way into your life and created a character based on you and you never really had much of a say in the matter. I never asked you if it would be alright and I never gave you the option of saying no. I went over your head and I shouldn't have done that. But without you there would be no Nikki Heat. I have no idea what I would be writing now or if I would even be writing anything at all."
She looked at him sharply, startled by that confession. He'd never mentioned anything like that before.
"The truth of the matter is I killed off Derrick Storm because I knew I didn't want to write him anymore but I didn't have any ideas for what I did want to write after that. I was totally uninspired and blocked but then I met you and, well, you know the rest."
He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back, thinking of all the times since then that they had sat here at her desk, in their respective chairs, talking about their cases and their lives.
"You deserve so much more than book dedications and a constant supply of coffee, Kate." He said it softly, his voice full of reverence and she wondered if it was possible he had somehow figured out that calling her by her first name made her heart beat a little bit faster and that when he used that tone of voice she had to fight the urge to tell him that she couldn't imagine her life without him in it.
"You don't owe me anything, Castle," she told him quietly but firmly.
He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off before he could say a word.
"Really, I don't want anything."
"Come on, that can't possibly be true."
"Why can't it be true? I'm happy with what I have and I don't need anything else."
"Well, that's very enlightened and Zen but you must want something. And don't tell me all you want is to finish the paperwork so you can go home and take a nice long bath."
"I knew we'd already had this conversation before," she exclaimed, pointing a finger at him and trying not to let him see how amazed she was that he'd known exactly what she was going to say. "This is the same as when you were asking what I would do if I won the lottery, but you figured that out and you're already doing that for me. That scholarship wouldn't exist without you and really, it's enough to make up for you invading my privacy and annoying me."
"I'm really glad I could do that," he said earnestly, "but I want to do something else, too, something special, just for you. I'll do anything, just name it." He was looking at her, his eyes wide and expectant and she knew he wasn't going to give up and drop this anytime soon.
"Castle…" She sighed tiredly and rubbed a hand across her forehead. She could feel the dull pounding of a headache beginning behind her eyes and suddenly all she really did want was to be at home relaxing in a hot bath. Perhaps he sensed this because he stood up and placed her pen back on top of the file in front of her.
"How about I give you some time to think about it? I'm serious though, anything."
He bid her goodnight and walked off toward the elevator. She watched him go and debating with herself whether she should stay and do the paperwork or give in now and head home to that bath. In the end she compromised and gave herself a half hour to get as much work done as she could before she left for the night. She picked up the pen and forced herself to concentrate on the task at hand, but couldn't ignore the echo of his voice in her mind repeating "anything".
ooooooo
It was late and he knew he probably shouldn't be here. He'd known that when he left his place, and when he'd hailed a cab and gave the driver her address and when he'd followed that young couple into her building. And yet here he was, knocking on her door.
He'd left the precinct earlier and gone home but he couldn't stop thinking of her. Alexis had been studying and refused to let anything distract her and his mother was out…somewhere, so he'd retreated to his office and tried to sort through some of his emails, but it had been a lost cause from the start. He couldn't sit there in the same room, at the same desk, at the same computer where he'd written so much of Nikki Heat and not think about her.
In fact, she'd been on his mind all day, ever since he met with the new accountant. Seeing the money he'd made from Nikki Heat had been surprising but it wasn't the only reason he wanted to do something special for her. It had just been the catalyst that set off his train of thoughts.
She answered the door with a look on her face that told him she'd known it was him from the moment he knocked. She looked a bit annoyed but he knew it was mostly just for the sake of tradition and not an indication of actual irritation. She opened the door wider and stepped to the side, a silent invitation for him to come in.
He grinned at her and stepped inside. As he brushed past her he caught the scent of cherries but it was much more potent than the hints he sometimes caught while she was at work. Her hair was tied up in a loose knot but he noticed that it was slightly damp at the back of her neck and he smiled again, realizing that he had probably been right about her wanting that bath.
"So, what brings you here tonight, Castle?" she asked, closing the door and following him back into the apartment.
He stopped in the kitchen and turned to face her.
"I know I said I'd give you some time to think about it but in the meantime I've come up with some possible ideas to help get the ball rolling."
"Castle…" she sighed and sank down onto a stool at the counter. "You really don't need to do anything for me."
He made a shushing noise and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Just listen to some of the things I came up with and maybe you'll change your mind."
She rolled her eyes but leaned her head against her hand resignedly, as if she'd realized it would be pointless to try to make him stop. He was struck momentarily by how beautiful she was just sitting there and gazing back at him. Most of the lights in the apartment were off but there were a few on in the kitchen area, creating a soft glow that illuminated the gold and copper flecks in her hair and made her green eyes sparkle.
He unfolded the paper and shook it open, clearing his throat before starting to read the list he'd created.
"A lifetime supply of wine and bubble bath, and not the cheap stuff." He glanced at her, watching for a reaction but she just quirked an eyebrow as if to say, 'Really? That the best you got?'
"A weekend at a spa." She wrinkled her nose at that one and he agreed. That hadn't really been his best effort.
"How about a night out on the town? Dinner at the best restaurant, tickets to a show- Broadway, opera, ballet, the symphony… your choice." That one didn't get much of a reaction at all, either positive or negative. She just kept looking at him, waiting for the next one.
"A key to my house in the Hamptons for you to use whenever you want." Her brow furrowed a bit and she looked like she might actually have been thinking about that one.
"A vacation anywhere you wish to go- London, Paris, Rome, the Caribbean, Hawaii…or you could go back to Ukraine or to Russia, refresh those language skills, use that accent again…" He waggled his eyebrows and got a small smile and an eye roll from her in return.
"Season tickets to the Yankees." He thought he saw her eyes light up at that one but the next second she was studying him curiously.
"Why do you want so badly for me to want something, Castle?"
He sighed and folded the list again. He'd known all along that she wasn't going to accept any of the ideas he'd come up with and he probably would have been disappointed if she had. All the ideas he had were so mundane, so ordinary, so inadequate for what he was trying to express.
"Look, this isn't just about the money I've made from Nikki Heat, it's about… everything… I said earlier that I don't know what or if I would be writing now if I hadn't met you, but you've done more than just save my writing career."
He fiddled with the paper in his hands and glanced around the room.
"When I think about the man I was when I first met you, I realize I really don't like that guy. He was obnoxious and self-centered. I mean, I'm really surprised you didn't shoot me as soon as I signed that waiver."
"Oh, you don't know how many times I considered it," she said with a soft, teasing smile, trying to bring some levity to his uncharacteristic solemnness. He smiled at her briefly but continued on in the serious tone.
"But working with you and helping you with cases has changed things. It's one of the things in my life that I am really, truly most proud of. And I know that you're the one with the badge and the gun and the ability to arrest people, but by helping you and being there with you I finally feel like I'm making a difference and doing something important, something that really matters."
He wandered over to her bookshelves and absentmindedly ran a finger along a spine, feeling the embossed title on smooth, cool paper. He took a deep breath and turned back to look at her again.
"You've been an incredible inspiration, not just for Nikki Heat, but for me personally. You've inspired me to be a better person. Someone Alexis and Mother can be proud of and someone you respect and want as a partner, not just someone you tolerate and let follow you around."
She stood and took a few steps away from the kitchen island, stopping with her hands resting on the back of a chair opposite the couch. She was looking at him intently now, all traces of the tiredness he'd seen earlier vanished from her face.
"You've made me a better man," he said with a shrug, as if it were that simple. "I want to do something special for you because you deserve it and I don't want it to just be something nice. I want it to be something that you really want, something that will make you happy, because I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy."
They were both quiet for a moment, watching the other. His words seemed to hang in the air between them and reverberate through the silence of her apartment.
"That's really sweet, Castle, but you really don't need to do anything for me."
A soft light was shining through the windows and, while he knew it was the electric lights of the city that never sleeps, he wanted to believe it was the moonlight shining in, casting its glow throughout the space and reflecting in her eyes.
"Oh! I hadn't thought of this one before but I could buy you property on the moon!" He grinned when she rolled her eyes at him just as he'd expected. "I know it seems silly and useless but it's always good to have a backup plan just in case. If the Earth becomes uninhabitable we could be neighbors on the moon!"
She shifted to lean a hip against the chair and crossed her arms in front of her, unable to suppress her smile at his obvious excitement for living on the moon.
"I don't want part of the moon, Castle."
"Then, please, tell me something you do want. Anything." He was back to being serious again. She could see it on his face, in the way he was looking at her, like all he wanted in the world was for her to tell him something that would make her happy so that he could be the one to provide it.
"In fact," he said, walking over to her couch and sitting down, "I'm not going to leave until you tell me something." He adjusted the pillows and leaned back, settling in to wait. She had no doubt that he would do just what he said. He could be incredibly persistent and stubborn when he had his mind set on something.
She watched him making a show of fluffing the pillows and stretching his legs out under the coffee table and was struck by the vision of him sitting there, his voice and his presence filling her lonely apartment, and how right it felt. Having him here felt normal, comfortable, like that unidentifiable something she'd always felt was missing from her new apartment had finally been found. He hadn't spent a lot of time at her place, just enough for her to know that when he left the space would feel much emptier and austere than it had before.
In a way, his presence in her apartment tonight mirrored his presence in her life. He'd come over uninvited, turned her usual nightly routine on its head, surprised her with the depth and sincerity and emotion of his confession, found a place for himself and settled in for the long haul.
When he'd started shadowing her, he'd turned her normally controlled and ordered life upside down and she'd wondered how on earth both of them were going to survive long enough for him to write a book. But he'd proven himself and he'd become a part of the team, a part of her life. There had been plenty of moments, opportunities when anyone else in his position probably would have left, but he'd stayed, time after time.
And as she looked at him sitting there on her couch she knew that that was what she wanted. She wanted him in her life in every way.
"I want…" She had to stop to take a deep breath. Her heart was beating so fast it was making it difficult to breathe, difficult to think, difficult to speak.
"I just want you." She said it so quietly that she wasn't sure if he had actually heard her, but the look on his face told her he had. He looked stunned and as if he didn't quite believe what he'd heard.
They stared at each other for a long moment, hardly daring to breathe, before he stood and slowly moved toward her. He stopped just in front of her and she continued to stare up at him with wide eyes. He could see that she was just as shocked at what was happening as he was. He reached out to push an errant curl off her cheek and felt her let out a shaky breath as his fingers brushed against her skin.
He ran his thumb along the edge of her jaw and was surprised to see that his hand was trembling. He was so focused on her words, her eyes and the softness of her skin that he was unaware of his own body.
"You already have me. I'm yours; I've been yours for ages now." His voice came out as a rough whisper, full of longing and relief that his feelings for her weren't one sided.
She closed her eyes momentarily at the onslaught of emotions that rushed through her. When she opened them again they were glistening and a wide smile was spreading across her face. She let out a sigh of relief that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob before sliding her hands around the back of his neck and bringing his lips down to meet hers.
His arms went around her automatically, his hands settling on the small of her back and traveling up to slide through her hair, sending it tumbling down over her shoulders.
The kiss was soft and sweet, turning passionate and hungry, before falling back to loving and gentle.
When they finally pulled apart they were both breathing heavily, stunned smiles spreading across their faces as they looked at each other.
"Wow," he breathed, his hands still resting on her hips, unwilling to break contact now that he could touch her.
"Yeah," she agreed, her hands lingering on his chest, absentmindedly rubbing her fingers over the soft fabric of his shirt.
He couldn't help but lean in to press a kiss to her forehead, then each of her cheekbones and then softly on her lips. When he pulled back she glanced up at him, her eyes shining and a gentle smile tugging up the corners of her mouth.
"Just so that you know, I like the dedications and my constant supply of coffee."
"And there's really nothing else you want?"
"Not right now, no." She shook her head and then slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her again.
"If there ever is, you'll let me know?" She was able to nod once before he captured her lips in a searing kiss and they lost themselves in the sensations once again.
When they separated again, after what could have been several minutes or several hours, she grinned at him mischievously.
"You know, with my job and schedule, season tickets would never be a feasible idea, but if you happened to get tickets to a single game sometime I could probably find a way to fit it in."
"Oh, is that so?" He laughed lightly, his eyes twinkling.
"Uh, huh," she nodded. "And if the Earth does become uninhabitable, maybe you could just let me live with you on the moon."
He paused for a moment, pretending to consider it and then nodded.
"Yeah, I guess that could work, although, I don't know what the square footage is like in moon houses, we might have to share a room." He tried to look contrite but couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"I think I could handle that," she said and as she pulled him with her toward the couch, she couldn't keep the smile from her face either.
ooooooo
I love this song. It's actually the third most played song in my iTunes. I highly recommend that you head on over to YouTube and listen to it. Seriously. Do it.
I've got another one of these in the works but it probably won't be ready before tomorrow night, so happy finale viewing (hopefully happy, maybe?) and see you on the other side.
And thanks for reading!