Spoil of War 12
Sakura and the Muddled Dream
Please click on another story if you're too young to read this.
To all my reviewers, even those who have disabled PMs or who have anonymous reviews, thanks too :-) I love it when you give me constructive criticism (i.e., if a chapter feels too rushed, or if I missed something) so thank you for that-especially you, stoic reviewer! That was one of the best constructive criticisms I've ever gotten, and please feel free to keep commenting! Guys, I don't consider constructive criticism a flame. Flames (such as "U suk, u nd a lyf") are malicious and say nothing about the content quality of a story. I weigh criticism carefully and try to incorporate it when I revise. So a big thank you again to all of you who take the time to try and help me with your comments!
Also, important comment at the end. Thank you.
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That night, when Syaoran entered the chambers he and Sakura shared, he smiled as she met him at the threshold. Night had fallen as he and Eriol had investigated the massacre of yet another village; the report of the dark angel and the dark tiger had been made by the few survivors, and Eriol had shared his fears with him of Lao Hu's sabotage. Together they had tried to find proof of sabotage, but nothing definitive was there.
Sakura tiptoed up to kiss Syaoran, and he bent his head to meet her halfway. Sakura could feel his tenderness; he rarely said a lot, in truth, but it was his love and kindness that she knew no one else could ever give her.
It shamed her to know that she had not properly reciprocated his love, despite all he had done for her. But she felt too shy to lie about her feelings; she did care deeply about him, and missed him when he wasn't around, but she wasn't confident enough to say the words—at least, not yet.
She hugged him around the waist happily, savoring the scent of him, breathing deeply. Then she gently tugged him to the bed; once he was lying down, she kissed him tenderly.
"Not that I mind your greeting, but why?" he asked as they broke the kiss and he stroked her hair, smiling. Sakura stroked Syaoran's cheek, happy that he showed her his gentle side, the one he hid from all others. Then she kissed him affectionately again.
Syaoran raised a thick eyebrow; he wasn't sure what to make of Sakura's display of affection. Did he dare hope that she finally returned his feelings?
No, he scolded himself, do not get your hopes up. But if she did say it, then would he want for more? Say the words, he urged her in his mind, tell me you love me and and I will be completely yours, do anything for you, even die for you!
But he could not say it. Instead he said, "You are planning something, aren't you? Wait . . ." and Syaoran narrowed his eyes, "what did my mother and sisters tell you this afternoon?"
Sakura grinned; all the talk earlier had kept her imagination busy all afternoon, and after studying the Pillow Book, she wanted to see how she could pleasure Syaoran. And she smiled slowly. Mine. He's all mine!
Syaoran himself smiled when he saw Sakura's smile. It was a promise of delicious things to come, of flesh and breath and limbs entwined. He could almost hear her cries and moans from the other night, and he began to harden in anticipation.
"Mine," Sakura whispered as she kissed him greedily. "As I am yours!"
He almost laughed; what a silly thing to say! But he breathed, "Yes, yours," as he came up for air. "I love you, Sakura!" Syaoran added.
He responded so readily, agreed so easily . . . how could he lay himself so bare, just for her? But she too, felt it was true; she was his, mind, heart, and soul.
With a flash Sakura realized she loved him too, but before she could say it, his lips came crashing down on hers, and he practically ripped her robe off her. Herself excited and aroused, Sakura forgot about words and began to stroke, kiss, and caress Syaoran right back, her hands sensually running up and down his back.
"And where did we learn these naughty things?" Syaoran asked as he pinned his wife to the bed.
"Oh . . . here and there," Sakura slowly began to tease his nipples with her fingertips.
"We were in a bit of a rush most of this week," Syaoran whispered as he held Sakura close. He pushed her back to the bed and began to kiss her slowly, tantalizingly. "But this time, we'll make love slowly . . ." His hard body against hers made Sakura almost swoon with happiness.
"Lao Hu says . . . ohh . . . that you . . . you're lousy in b-bed . . ." Sakura managed to gasp out, taunting him playfully.
"Really?" Syaoran smiled as he continued to kiss her. Now his tongue fluttered out between kisses to lick at her lips as his fingers slid between her thighs.
"Would you like me to stop . . . or to prove him wrong?"
He began to trace her breasts, stroking only the sides, avoiding the nipple, which had hardened, completely. His leg pushed between her thighs, and he was pleased to see that she was already moist.
"Maybe," and he slid his fingers downward as he traced a line down her throat with his tongue, "maybe I . . ." and he began to stroke her thighs, touching her womanhood only briefly, "should stop."
"I . . . was thinking we . . . could learn together," Sakura whispered as she fumbled for the tie that closed his robes. "I . . . could teach you . . . the things I learned"
He fought the impulse to laugh. "Go on. But can you pleasure me?"
Sakura's eyes were wide and a fierce look was in them. She disengaged herself and pushed Syaoran towards the bed; unresisting, he fell on his back. She almost tore his robe open to expose his torso; a shaft of moonlight illuminated his flat stomach and a chest carved into solid lines by years of training and soldiering.
To his surprise, she took both his wrists in one hand; given how small her hand was, it was a bit of a joke, but Syaoran didn't laugh; he went along with what she wanted. Sakura stared at him quietly, letting her eyes wander over his body. She let go of his wrists; Syaoran kept them where they were, preserving the illusion that he was her captive as she worked his loincloth off, pulling it down and throwing it who-knew-where in the room.
His erection was exposed to her gaze; Sakura made no move to touch Syaoran but she licked around the sides, gently touching his ball sac. Then she began to kiss him the way he had kissed her: light butterfly kisses, her tongue fluttering in and out of his mouth. He groaned—where had she learned those . . . sinfully delicious caresses?
"How . . . how did you . . ." His question was lost as he groaned loudly; she had taken him into her mouth, the warmth of her tongue gently caressing him.
When he managed to get control back, he gasped, "And who taught you that?"
Wordlessly Sakura drew out the Pillow Book from under her pillow and smiled.
"That's . . . Should you . . . even be reading that?" Syaoran managed to gasp out as she slid her lips up and down his shaft.
"Oh, then maybe I should stop?" she teased. "Is this an evil book?"
Growling, Syaoran pinned her down and began to make passionate love to his wife. Sakura could not believe how much pleasure could be had as he plunged into her, a warm bliss sliding in and out of her wetness. Unashamed she clung to him, begging for more, calling out his name in joy and he lovingly granted her wish, loving her as long as she wanted.
As the night was darkest, Syaoran pulled a sleepy Sakura close to him, reveling in the belief that she would be with him for the rest of his life. He hummed gently, knowing the sound soothed her, and when she smiled gratefully without opening her eyes and snuggled closer, he could feel his heart beating softly in tandem with hers.
Had he known how soon he would lose his beloved, he would not have closed his eyes. But he did, and he slept.
A few hours later, Syaoran reluctantly pulled himself out of bed; Sakura stirred beside him and he kissed her forehead tenderly. Instead of tiring him, making love to her energized him. He did not want to leave; he wanted to feel her naked skin on his, feel her touch, plunge into her willing softness. But reports of another attack—this time with a warning of things to come from his sister Fei Mei—had arrived and he needed to at least try and stop the carnage.
He struggled into his clothing, noticing that Sakura was sleeping peacefully, and he wondered: why had she not foreseen this as well? Was his presence preventing her from dreaming? Had what she said about her virginity actually been true after all?
Fighting the urge to wake her up and see her lovely green eyes fixed on his, Syaoran bent down to kiss Sakura again. He left a single peony, their favorite flower, on his pillow beside her; she now knew it was his promise to return. Outside their chambers, Eriol waited, along with Fei Mei.
"Whatever happens, do not tell Sakura you foresaw this," Syaoran said quietly as he, Eriol, and Fei Mei began to walk towards the courtyard.
"She needs to know!" Fei Mei hissed. "Something is wrong; Mama said she is a very powerful dreamseer, and for me to see something she didn't . . . Syaoran, you must tell her!"
"No, she does not need to know! She will not forgive herself," Syaoran said roughly. "Instead I want to know why she isn't dreaming. Have I . . . Did I . . . pollute her?" he asked urgently. "Am I preventing her from having her dreams?"
"There is a spell I can try to see if someone or something is interfering with her dreams, but it requires her full cooperation," Eriol began.
"No," Syaoran said flatly. "Full cooperation means telling her what you're doing and why. Sakura will not take the news well . . . she already doubts herself because she cannot dream. I don't want her punishing herself. When Fuutie . . . when she did not get her dream in time to save Fuutie, she . . ."
"She will feel worse if you do not say anything! This is not the way to protect your wife!" Fei Mei drew on her cloak, and was helped onto her horse by Syaoran's guards.
"Enough," Syaoran said quietly as he glanced at his warriors. "Fei Mei, I trust you will for once obey me on this." He swung himself up on his own horse—a horse Fuutie had nicknamed Starshine. It seemed so long ago, yet the thought still pained him.
"You need to keep communication open with Sakura-chan," Fei Mei argued doggedly. "If you want love to truly blossom between you, you cannot keep secrets of this kind from her!"
Syaoran did not answer, but he urged Starshine into a gallop.
"Don't force things," Eriol said, as he and Fei Mei followed. "Let's hope we get there in time to stop this attack."
They rode towards the village near Hong Kong Bay, hoping that this once, they would beat the murderous angel and tiger there.
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Flames, consuming and burning.
Sakura could feel herself choking, and she pushed her way past the smoke. She could see the flapping of mighty wings, hear the sounds of battle . . . four male figures, strangely familiar, and a woman. Was that her brother and Yukito-san? Was that Syaoran and Eriol, and Syaoran's mother?
She struggled to focus her vision; it had been so long since she had had a prophetic dream that it felt alien to her. Why couldn't she see clearly?
Clow, help me, she prayed. Hovering on the edges of her consciousness was someone she could not see. Was it the same person in the oni mask, the one who had scared her with Syaoran's face in what felt so long ago? Sakura pushed with her own magic, willing him to leave.
When Syaoran and Eriol had left the castle, Lao Hu knew he would have his chance; relocating to the chamber next to the one shared by Syaoran and Sakura, he had begun his spell to enter Sakura's dreams. But it was not easy.
God damn it, Lao Hu swore. Changing Sakura's dream was harder than he thought, and she was fighting him!
"Come!" he cried, and the dark Cerberus and Yue flew to his side. He took hold of them, willing their energies into his body to fuel his spell. As Sakura fought him, he tightened his cruel grip on the dark Cerberus and Yue, both of whom winced as he drew energy from them. The dark Cerberus whined.
"Shut up! You are my creations! You can prey on the townspeople later, as you did on the villagers earlier. Feed my power now!" he bellowed at them. He was rewarded with a surge of power; the dark Cerberus collapsed, gasping for air. The dark Yue made to help his partner but Lao Hu grabbed him by the hair.
"Leave him!"
As the dark Cerberus began to disintegrate, more power fuelled Lao Hu, who finally overcame Sakura's defenses with a cry of triumph.
A strange sensation in Sakura's belly made her cry out, and images flashed past her, reversed in order, as if she were moving backwards in time. She began to retch, but a soothing hand on her forehead stopped the sensation, and she felt the nausea leave her.
I am dreaming, she realized. But something was wrong with the dream somehow. Everything was hazy; it was like a dream within a dream, one she had woken up the wrong way in.
"My darling daughter dearest," a soft voice said. Sakura looked up, and blinked. Impossible. What looked like her mother stood before her, Nadeshiko's outline wavering in the scant light.
"Okaa-san?" she asked wonderingly. Being so young when Nadeshiko had died, she did not know enough to be able to tell whether this was her mother's true ghost, or an illusion—something Lao Hu, who was invading Sakura's dreams, had counted on.
He'd managed to obtain an image of her through his magic, and now, he spoke with a woman's voice—not the true Nadeshiko's but a voice of a random female.
Sakura frowned. Why would her mother appear only now? And why did she talk in such a flowery manner? Fujitaka Kinomoto had always described her as a down-to-earth, straight-talking person, sweet and gentle. This illusion was sharp-eyed and frightening in her beauty, and Sakura reeled backwards.
"You and your husband are not right for each other," the image said to Sakura.
"What?"
"Let me show you." The image waved a hand, and the smoke cleared. Images reeled past Sakura: a beautiful princess arrived on a humble cart, pregnant and tired, carrying a sword Sakura had never seen before. But unlike Sakura's prophetic dreams, the scene was clouded. She shook her head, blinked, and tried to focus; only a few images were clear.
The princess came to the Li stronghold and once in the large courtroom, she held out a strange pendant with a large black ball on it. Queen Yelan Li was forced to bow to her as a result.
"You are Syaoran's true wife," she said.
Lao Hu's only regret was that he could not see the pain he was causing in Sakura. He focused on the scene he had selected from the dark Yue's memory: he had commanded Yue to watch while he had deflowered the Princess Mei Hua, and now he used that scene, forcing it into Sakura's mind.
Sakura gasped. Moonlight flooded a small chamber, a prison, from the looks of it. And there, the same princess was being made love to by a dark-haired man; when his face turned to the moonlight, Sakura felt faint.
It was Syaoran's face. And that was clear to her, almost like he was in front of her.
Before she could cry out, the scene shifted again to an arrogant king holding a document—a treaty, she realized, from the seals upon it. She could hear him say, "Ahh. The Sakura girl he married, he claimed her as a spoil of war. Therefore she is property, not a real wife. A mistress, at best. Under the treaty, Li Syaoran must put her and all other mistresses aside to marry my daughter, or we wage war." Over and over he said the words until she was nearly faint with agony.
Syaoran had made love to someone else? Had he lied about loving her? But no, it could not be! He had no reason to lie to her . . . or did he?
"No!" Sakura screamed, dropping to her knees and beginning to cry in confusion, hurt, and despair. The image of Syaoran's naked limbs entwined with those of the Princess refused to leave her; she was drawn closer and closer to the scene until she could almost feel Syaoran's breath as he made love to the princess.
"Do you see now, my darling dearest daughter?" the 'ghost' of her mother said. "See what lies in the future for you? He has lied to you."
Sakura's throat was raw from crying, and her eyes were stinging. She did not know what to think anymore; the pain she felt, her confusion . . . two voices warred in her head.
Syaoran wouldn't do that, a voice like her own whispered. You know him better than that. He loves only you. Trust him!
The little bitch is still fighting me! Lao Hu almost screamed with rage. If h didn't want to break her so badly, he wouldn't even bother; break Sakura and he would break Syaoran, and after that, all the Lis. So he took a risk and began to speak with Yue's voice in her mind.
Where is the proof of his love? What makes you think a few days is enough for you to know him? A new voice taunted Sakura. She couldn't identify the voice, but it was low and harsh—and strangely familiar.
You know you've met each other a long time ago in dreams. They were real. See how he reacted when he found you? He married you, came the calm response, a voice Sakura recognized as her own.
But your dreams don't lie! What do you really know about Syaoran? Didn't you see him torture that servant? Didn't he kidnap your cousin? Who is he, really?
I believe in him, Sakura thought, but the other voice began to laugh.
Fool! You are useful to him, and that is all there is to it. What you saw was what Syaoran was doing before he found you. And here's the truth: the princess Mei Hua will also say she met him in dreams.
No! Syaoran and I always met in dreams! I know . . .
You know nothing, child. He used you. Listen to me! Did you see the pendant the princess carried? That's the one from which his sword is summoned. Only one who is a Li or who is pregnant with a Li child can carry it. And the only Li who has left this stronghold is Syaoran. Know this! When you wake up, you will see that I tell you the truth!
Truth? No dream had ever had someone in it forcing Sakura to listen to him or her. As a result, she calmed down, strangely enough. Something was ringing false and she focused on Syaoran's image in her mind. It gave her strength, and she responded, The truth is that Syaoran could have hurt me or taken me at any time. Yet he has made me his wife. He has treated me with nothing but love and honor. Even in bed he gives me forbidden caresses, prostrating himself before me to ensure my pleasure. A man who lies cannot do that.
Lao Hu was taken aback. Other women would have broken down by now, run screaming their accusations to Syaoran, angrily demanding redress. Yet Sakura, who had known Syaoran only a few weeks, was fighting for him!
You must listen to me, you little idiot! The face of image of Nadeshiko began to blur, coming towards her with an urgent feeling.
Soon her mother's face was pressed to hers, but Sakura found it frightening, not reassuring at all. It taunted her, and finally she found the strength to cry out, "You can't be my mother!"
You deny me because you are stupid! it retorted.
Sakura shook her head, and held on to her memories of Syaoran: being gentle to her, protecting her from Lao Hu by cutting his hand, asking her, "Why do you trust me?" Syaoran making love to her. Syaoran kissing her on their wedding day, then carrying her to their room after the late lunch they had shared with her family. He had watched her sleep, stroking her soothingly.
I believe he loves me, she whispered.
Fool! Idiot! Stupid! the voice taunted.
But what she thought was her mother suddenly faded. Sakura looked around and started when she saw herself looking sadly at her. Another Sakura was lifting a strange veil, and the images were lifelike and clear.
"We don't have much time. I am sorry but I can only show you the worst of what is true," she said softly as she faded.
The scene changed to a very clear picture of the courtroom of the Li stronghold. Syaoran, stern and angry, faced the king and scorned the princess.
"Get rid of your little whore!" the king Sakura had seen earlier, roared. "She is your spoil of war, and you cannot hold her above a princess. "Your marriage to her is invalid, you seducer!"
"Her name is Sakura, not 'little whore,' and I love her," Syaoran said as he stood, proud and defiant. "I will not put her aside. Take your daughter home. I am not the father of her child. I am sorry she has been seduced, but it was not I, and I do not lie."
Behind Syaoran stood Queen Yelan, as stern and defiant as her soon, and Syaoran's sisters, flanked by Eriol and their loyal guards.
"But the Tracing of the Blood says a Li fathered her son, and the only Li male who has left the stronghold, based on your own records . . . is you," the king said. "And she holds your own pendant!"
"Upon my honor, I did not touch your daughter. I admit that is my pendant, but it is only my foolish neglect that caused it to be stolen. You do not have absolute proof I fathered that child, and the pendant can be stolen. I love my wife, and I will not insult my marriage vows by putting her aside." Syaoran said emphatically. "I have always loved Sakura, and only her . . ."
"How dare you insult my daughter's honor?" the king roared. "You Lis will pay for this insult!"
The images began to blur: Syaoran refusing to take the Princess as his wife, expelling the king from the stronghold. War. Queen Yelan, dying as she cast a spell to save Syaoran; Fei Mei being stabbed as she cast another spell; Shiefa and Crown Princess Fan Ren fighting until they were injured.
And love: Queen Yelan smiling up at Sakura as she died. Fan Ren making a lovely little origami bird for Tomoyo. Syaoran's love, shielding and protecting her as war raged outside their castle. Sakura nearly retched; the images were spinning fast, moving from cloudy to clear.
We can still change it, Sakura heard her own voice say.
In another part of the castle, Lao Hu gasped; his body was hurting from the effort of fighting Sakura in her own dreams. Somehow a true dream had come to her, and he needed all his strength to hide as much as he could. Yet before he passed out, a cold smile was on his lips; he had managed to plant one strong, final image, one Sakura would never forget—because it blended truth and lies.
It was a terrible duel. Several magicians had cut Syaoran off from Eriol and his trained band of warriors, then overwhelmed him with fire and lightning from all sides. Finally weakening, Syaoran was run through with a sword by the king, who had waited like a coward behind his warriors, well-shielded. He put his sword to Syaoran's throat.
"Marry my daughter, or die," he commanded Syaoran.
"Go . . . to . . . hell . . ." Syaoran gasped.
"You are throwing away the chance to unite two powerful kingdoms, fool," the king said.
"Sakura is my love, and I hers," Syaoran said softly. "There can be . . . no other."
"Then die!"
A bloody blur, and then Syaoran was dying in her arms, clinging to his love for her, refusing to end the war by putting Sakura aside.
"You killed him," the ghostly voice of the false Nadeshiko taunted. "You will doom him and all the Lis with your presence. Selfish murderess. Husband-killer!"
"NO!" Sakura screamed and sat up in bed. She was alone; Syaoran had left at some point, and early morning had lightened the sky. Tears spattered her cheeks, and the ache in her heart . . . Syaoran looking at her as the life left his eyes, whispering, "I love you," . . . The image refused to leave her.
"I can't . . . He can't . . ." Sakura gasped, sobbing. She could not let him die.
And to her horror, she realized that she loved him, after all. She almost laughed; it was a little too late, wasn't it? And . . . Syaoran was waiting for her to say those words. But if she did, she would consign him to his doom.
He cannot know that I love him. I can't let him die!
One last thing stood out in her mind: Lao Hu standing next to her in the hallway, pressing her against the wall, looking so like Syaoran until he opened his eyes. Of her fear when she woke up the other night to see Syaoran bending over her, thinking it was Lao Hu until she saw Syaoran's eyes, and felt how he kissed her.
Sakura covered her mouth to keep from screaming. She now understood what was happening, like the dust had fallen away from a mirror and she could now see clearly. Lao Hu was trying to kill Syaoran, perverting Syaoran's love for her into something he could use. He had threatened Sakura on purpose, in hopes that Syaoran would take the bait and claim her as a spoil of war—which he had. And now he was making plans with someone from another kingdom. He had posed as Syaoran to impregnate the poor Princess Sakura had seen, and . . .
She ran to the bathroom and retched. Everything was falling into place, and the monstrosity of what Lao Hu intended so violated Sakura's sense of right and wrong, she could not bear it. Though she still lacked a few pieces of the puzzle, Sakura realized that she held her destiny in her own hands.
And it frightened her.
She began to cry, biting down on her knuckles to try and stop the tears. Think, Sakura, think! she screamed at herself in her mind. She needed to stop all this—to prevent Lao Hu from leading Syaoran to a terrible death!
In her despair a bold plan of action came to her, one no one would ever have expected. But Sakura, when determined, followed things through. And a world without Syaoran . . . was one she was determined not to live in. It was a world she could not bear.
Better he be in the arms of another than dead. And better he think she had betrayed him than go to his death because of her love.
End of Chapter 11
Continues in Chapter 12
(And because I have work, this update will not be fast. Sorry, and thank you so much to those who are kind enough to understand this. Just keep the story on alert, and I'll see if I can open a writing blog for previews.)
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EDIT: Thank you to boreum dal who asked me, "Now why would Lao Hu want to rape Syaoran?" My mistake!
May I just say that I do not condone rape or molestation. I don't know what gave anyone the idea that I do and thought it would be cool to urge me to have Lao Hu rape Sakura as being something cool or exciting, but here's what I have to say: rape is a DISGUSTING DEGRADATION, and is NEVER about sex or love as some writers on this site might have you believe. Rape is about power and humiliation and degradation, reducing the victim to something to be used and thrown away.
Nobody who truly loves somebody else finds it irresistible to 'have to rape' the other person 'because I love her/him so much'; someone who really loves you will wait until you're ready. Just to make it clear, I am an adult who has been in relationships; I am no longer a teen.
Saying that it would make a great lemon for Lao Hu to rape Sakura is the ignorant, foolish statement of some kid who has a safe, cosseted life thinking rape would be fun. Let me state now that he will never do that. If in a previous story it seemed like I was condoning rape, then I will gladly take that story down, but then read the story carefully first. I did not condone rape in that story. Rape is a complex issue that cannot be explained in a few paragraphs, and no ignorant little teen is going to twist my readers' minds and make them say it is a good thing.
I've only ever been molested, and that was enough to make me need therapy. If you're stupid, moronic, and idiotic enough to think it's fun to be raped, then perhaps you should take the place of all those who have ever been raped. Oh and by the way, it's not a handsome Syaoran who's gonna rape you; it's usually some ugly person, inside and out.