A heavy silence fell upon the group while Raven attempted to get her thoughts straight. Almost everyone was looking at Raven, while anyone who wasn't had her eyes glued on Beast Boy for his reaction. The green boy simply stared in shock at Raven.
"So… you love… some guy?" he asked. His voice was tinged with disbelief and something else. It almost seemed like… jealousy? Raven pushed the idea away almost immediately. She had enough things to worry about for the moment.
"Like I said," Affection replied, "I'm not quite Love yet, but maybe soon."
"Oh," Beast Boy replied stiffly, "Well… I guess my work here is done. C'mon, Raven. We should get going."
There were a few quiet protests in the form of whining (mainly from Happy but also, surprisingly, from Timid). Raven ignored them, for the most part, and frowned at Beast Boy's strange behavior.
"Are you okay?" Raven asked, scrutinizing him carefully.
"Yeah, what's with the mood swings?" Rude threw in. "First you're all calm, and now, you act like someone shoved a stick up your-"
"Rude!" Raven hissed angrily.
Despite himself, Beast Boy let out a small chuckle. Raven frowned, still waiting for an answer. The changeling sighed and pasted a smile on his face. "I'm fine," he insisted.
Raven narrowed her eyes. He was being faker than a car salesman and she knew it, but she was willing to let it slide for now. "All right."
"What?" Brave exclaimed. "No, no, no! You can't just let him leave. He's lying, and we all know it!"
"It really is quite obvious," Knowledge agreed, nodding her head. A murmur of agreement echoed around the room.
"Wh-why are you… l-lying to us, Beast Boy?" Timid asked softly. Tears were starting to form in the gray emotion's eyes, causing Beast Boy to feel a flood of guilt.
"I'm sorry," he replied. "It's just… it's complicated."
"No, it's not," Anger accused, narrowing her eyes, "You're just being –ARG! You said that you trust us, and you can't take it back now! All day you've learned so many of our secrets, yet right now, you won't trust us enough to tell us what's going on in your tiny little head! Just tell the truth! WHAT IS WRONG!"
By now, Anger's face was mere inches from Beast Boy's, and she was breathing heavily. Her words echoed around the room, while everyone watched in silence. Beast Boy stared back, flinching slightly under her angry gaze.
"I do trust you," Beast Boy replied, trying to meet Anger's eyes. He found he couldn't. "It's just… I can't tell you this one thing. Anything else, just not this."
A heavy silence followed his statement. Anger glared at him, and Beast Boy forced himself to look back, despite the guilt that seemed to be filling every inch of his body. For a brief second, something other than anger flashed through the emotion's eyes. Despite its quickness, Beast Boy knew right away that it was disappointment, and he had to look away.
A low growl rolled in the back of Anger's throat, and with one final scowl, she turned away from him. She took two angry steps before turning back.
"I hope that someday you learn how to keep your promise and trust us," she snarled, "I plan on fuckin' keeping mine."
Having said what she wanted to, she turned around and continued to stomp across the small library clearing. As she brushed past, Wisdom couldn't help but notice a tear glide down Anger's still scowling face.
As the red emotion disappeared into the shadows cast by the bookshelves, a tense silence filled the room. No one was sure what to say. So for a while, the only sound that could be heard was breathing and the fading echoes of Anger's footsteps as she left Knowledge's realm. After everything that had happened, no one even noticed their clothing changing again.
Raven's jaw clenched in anger as she looked around the room. Brave had a grim expression on her face, and her eyes were fixed on the floor. Timid was curled up at her feet, hugging her knees as a steady stream of silent tears poured down her face. Though Rude did her best to appear indifferent to the scene that had just taken place, her rigid shoulders could be seen from space. Affection was worriedly chewing on her thumbnail, her gaze flicking nervously back and forth between Beast Boy, Raven, and the shadowy aisle Anger had disappeared into. Both Knowledge and Wisdom refused to meet Raven's eyes. Even Happy wore a frown.
Finally, her eyes fell on the source of her emotions' obvious discomfort, Beast Boy. She felt as though she should get angry with him for causing all this inner turmoil, but as she looked at him, she found she couldn't. His pointy ears drooped, like a kicked dog, and his expression was one of distress and guilt. Pity welled in Raven, and she felt the undeniable need to leave.
"I think it's time to go," she said. Her voice seemed loud, and out of place as it cut through the silence like a knife. Beast Boy walked over to her without protest, morosely dragging his feet on the tile floor.
"No, Beast Boy," Timid spoke up. Her voice trembled slightly, but she spoke loud enough that he turned around to look at her, along with everyone else. "Don't go- don't-"
Affection quickly walked over and wrapped her arms around Timid as the gray emotion choked on her words and struggled to stop her still flowing tears. Silently, Beast Boy walked over to where the emotions had grouped together and kneeled down by Timid. She tried to speak again, but it only came out as a small whimper.
Taking a deep breath, Brave decided to speak for her. "We don't want you to leave. You're upset and-" You don't really understand why Affection's here. The words rung through her head, but she couldn't bring herself to speak them.
"You- you can't just leave, Beast Boy," Rude stuttered. "Just stay a little longer and we'll explain everything…"
"We have to go," Raven said from her spot a few feet away from the group.
Beast Boy looked at all the emotions apologetically, and felt another pang of guilt as he noticed that everyone had tears in their eyes, although some hid it better than others. Standing up, he sighed and turned away.
As Raven led Beast Boy into the maze of bookshelves that was Knowledge's realm, she could feel seven pairs of eyes on their backs, but no one moved and she didn't want to look back. Beast Boy kept his eyes to the ground while he walked.
Words burned at the back of Raven's throat as they walked, but she wasn't sure what they were or how to say them. She wasn't even sure how she felt at the moment. So, they walked in silence through the dark bookshelves.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably little more than ten minutes, they came to a stop in front of a portal. She looked over at Beast Boy, who simply stared ahead. His face was now unreadable.
Turning to the portal, she mumbled her mantra under her breath. The stone arch sparked to life in a swirl of light that would return them to the outside world instead of sending them to another realm.
Raven stepped to the side to let Beast Boy go through first. As he passed she tried to catch his eye, but he didn't look over at her as he stepped into the spiraling vortex. Raven followed at his heels.
After a few brief seconds, Raven found herself standing in her bedroom with her meditation mirror at her feet. Beast Boy sat next to her, unused to the jolt that came with traveling through the mirror. He silently picked himself up from the ground and walked towards the door.
"So, you're just going to leave?" Raven asked, stopping him in his tracks.
"Yeah, pretty much," Beast Boy tried to joke. He began to turn again to leave, but Raven went on.
"You can't just stop speaking to me," Raven insisted, "You probably don't even fully understand all that's happened."
"Oh no, I do," Beast Boy replied, trying to sound nonchalant, "You're in love with someone, your angry with me on some level for not telling you something, and all day, I made a complete fool of myself inside your head."
Raven sighed impatiently. "Do you even know who Affection was referring to?"
"I have a few ideas," Beast Boy replied, folding his arms confidently. Raven shot him a disbelieving look, and he shrugged. "Fine, I got nothin'. But it doesn't really matter whether I know who it is or not, does it?"
"You'd be surprised," Raven grumbled, rolling her eyes. "It concerns you more than you think."
"Like hell it does," Beast Boy scoffed, "You're always telling me to stay out of your business, and right now, I'm trying to. I mean, I get it. This is between you, and whoever that guy is… It is a guy, right?"
"Of course it's a guy!" Raven replied indignantly.
"Well, whatever. I guess it really doesn't matter to me which way you swing. Either way, the guy you like isn't me, so it doesn't concern me."
"Actually-"
"You know," he continued, not even noticing her attempt to interrupt him, "You could totally have any guy you wanted. I mean, you're pretty, and smart, and confident, and you've got your own sense of humor, and doesn't everyone want that? Not only that, you're… well, you're you!"
"What are you talking about?" Raven protested. "Are you feeling all right? You're not making any sense."
"And you're modest!" Beast Boy exclaimed, "I mean, there's confidence, and then there's just plain conceited, and you don't cross that line."
"Beast Boy, stop. You're rambling," Raven told him in a no-nonsense tone of voice. He ignored her.
"Not that I'd blame you if you were conceited. After all, you're gorgeous, Rae. Your hair, your eyes, your body, everything! And you don't even have to be wearing those skimpy outfits your emotions had on before we left to be sexy."
"Please, Beast Boy," Raven groaned, sitting down on her bed. A furious blush had made its way to her face, and she was beginning to feel self-conscious, despite Beast Boy's praising words. "Just stop."
"Why should I stop, Rae?" Beast Boy asked, laughing slightly, "It's all true. You're so awesome, Rae. Ah man, whoever this guy that you like so much is, he's one lucky dude. Seriously, who is it?"
Seeing her chance, Raven looked up at him. "I've been trying to tell you that it's-"
"He must be Mr. Perfect," Beast Boy plowed on. He must have heard her, but he continued on as if he hadn't. "Wow, I don't even know who he is, but I'm totally jealous of him. He's really lucky if you love him. I should have known that someone as wonderful as you couldn't love someone like me."
"What do you mean, someone like you?" Raven asked, frowning.
"Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about," Beast Boy replied, "I'm lazy, I'm not as funny as I like to think I am, I'm ugly, I can be really obnoxious, the list goes on."
"Beast Boy, you really shouldn't think that way about yourself," Raven chided.
"Why not?" Beast Boy scoffed, "I mean, I am all that stuff and more. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty repulsive. I smell like tofu and dirty socks, and my room smells worse. I clip my toenails at the table, and never clean up the kitchen when I'm done. And I drool in my sleep. I bet you didn't know that, but I do."
"You're not repulsive," Raven insisted. Frustration and sadness began to well up inside of her as Beast Boy continued to berate himself. Did he really think all that? "You really aren't. Do you think I'd-"
"Even if I'm not repulsive (I still say I am, but whatever), I'm annoying. You can't say I'm not, because you've told me so many times before. I listen to my music way too loudly, usually when someone's trying to do something like read, or sleep. I constantly tell you my jokes, even though you don't find them funny, and I always pull pranks that usually get me in trouble," Beast Boy listed.
Raven's frown deepened, and she quickly protested. "Everyone is annoying sometimes; it just proves that you're human. And besides, haven't we already established that I like it when you tell me jokes, even if they really aren't very funny?"
"Sometimes even I don't think I'm human," Beast Boy said, ignoring Raven's second point.
"What do you mean?" Raven asked, brows furrowing, "Of course you're a human. What else would you be?"
"I don't know," Beast Boy replied, throwing his hands up in the air, "But come on, Rae, how many green humans do you know?"
"Don't be like that, Beast Boy," Raven pleaded, "You're human. You can't help the color of your skin, and none of us care. We like you for you. I like you for you. Well… actually I lo-"
"And it's not even just my skin color! My ears are pointy. Pointy! And my hair is green too, and feels more like fur than real hair. Also, I've got fangs, if you hadn't already noticed. I'm a freak! I belong in a circus Freak Show!" Beast Boy ranted, scowling when he passed Raven's mirror as he paced around her room.
"Stop saying these things," Raven said. Though she felt slight frustration that he wasn't listening to her, it was overwhelmed by despair that he thought so lowly of himself. "It's not true!"
"I really shouldn't be surprised that you found someone you could really love. In fact, I'm a little jealous of you. It seems like I'm always losing the people I care about most, and who feel the same for me."
Looking over at his melancholic expression, Raven felt a wave of compassion wash over her. She felt the strong urge to walk over to him and hold his hand, but somehow, she just couldn't. Instead, she just waited for him to continue.
"First, there was my parents. They loved me more than anything in the world. I know they did, because they were my parents. They just… did. They loved me, even after I turned into the green… thing I am today. And then… well, then they died, and I was all alone for a while…."
He continued to pace the room, his gaze dropped to the carpet. A lump formed in Raven's throat, and again, she felt compelled to comfort the boy in front of her. She began to stand up, but then he continued to talk, and she sat down again.
"You know," Beast Boy spoke slowly, stopping his pacing to look out the window while he spoke, "I've liked you since we met. I mean, at first it was just a small crush, but… yeah. Eventually, I just figured out that no matter how much I tried to get you to like me, it just wasn't going to happen. And then Terra came along…"
Raven's breath caught in her throat. She knew she should say something now, something that would tell him how much she really did care, and that even if his efforts had gone virtually unnoticed by her, they hadn't been completely in vain. But she couldn't. He was talking about Terra now, and she couldn't bring herself to interrupt him.
"She was like the second choice, you know? I can't have this, but at least I can have that, kind of thing. Don't get me wrong! I liked Terra… a lot. Just in a different way. And, she liked me too. I liked that…" Beast Boy trailed off again, lost in memories of the geomancer. Raven felt a pang of jealousy, which she quickly shoved away, scolding herself. How could she be so selfish at a time like this?
"I was crushed when Terra died," Beast Boy continued, a bitter edge creeping into his voice, "but what crushed me more was the fact that it seemed to be getting clearer and clearer that… I'm just not meant to be loved. After all, who could love a green freak like me?"
"I-""Save it, Raven," Beast Boy commanded gently, "I know I shouldn't have just rambled on like that, but I just wanted you to know how I feel. Someone as wonderful as you can't love someone like me, and I accept that. Whoever it is that you love, I really do hope that you're happy with him. But I can't just sit around here and watch it. So, goodbye Raven."
Raven's body froze. Her back stiffened, her shoulders went rigid, and she froze. His words rang in her head. Goodbye? This couldn't be goodbye! She hadn't told him how she felt yet. She felt a flash of anger course through her. Beast Boy was being awfully rude in his selflessness. Perhaps if he hadn't kept interrupting her while she was trying to confess her almost-love, he wouldn't feel like he needed to leave, and therefore, would never have said those words that had made her heart jump into her throat and her stomach plummet down to her feet.
Realizing she was on the edge of hysterics (not quite there yet, but fairly close), Raven shook her head and looked over at Beast Boy… only to see the door closing behind him on his way out.
Her eyes widened, and it felt as though her mind was working in slow motion as she tried to command her feet to chase after him. After what seemed like hours (although it had probably only been seconds), her legs kicked in, and she ran to her door.
"Beast Boy!"
Raven hurled herself into the hallway, almost hoping to crash into Beast Boy. Instead, she just came to a stop in the middle of the hall. She looked down the hall to her left, but nothing was there. Fearing the worst, she turned and looked in the other direction, and again, there was nothing. Beast Boy was gone.
The End.
Lol, I'm just kidding, of course. Anyway, sorry that this chapter was kinda short (It's like, half of the last chapter), but that seemed like a good place to stop. Let's hope most of you are okay with quality, not quantity. I'm happy with how the chapter turned out.
Next update might take a while, but maybe not. I'm going on a trip from the third to the ninth, so we'll see what gets done, and when, and hopefully you won't have to wait too long.
Tammy Tamborine