athorus note: yeah so thios is gona be a godo chapter csue ive got my BTEA TESTER who is onef of my other bezt friends whpo is my BEST FIREND to write it upi asnd edti for me... :) im sory it tok som logn!
[translation: author's note: yeah, so this is going to be a good chapter, because i've got my beta tester to write it up and edit for me. :) i'm sorry that it took so long!]
So, Dave became Mom, otherwise now known as Roxy, and Rose sent Dave a call, asking Mom to come to dinner at their house.
He went to the place where they were having dinner, and was wearing his favourite pink scarf and science-y outfit, and was looking 'super hot'. Bro was there, and he exclaimed, "Hey, you look super hot, Mom."
"Why, thank you," said Mom. "This is my favourite outfit, and I am glad that you like it."
Then, they sat down to eat, and Bro had cooked up some food for them all, and Rose said, "Mom, I love you," and Dave/Mom said, "Yes, I know, but I am 'passion aggressive' and so I am going to say 'I love you' in a probably ironic way, which is fitting because I am also Dave."
"What was that, Mother?" asked Rose, because she didn't hear her mother, and also, I believe she was being 'passion aggression' as well.
"Oh, nothing, sweetie. You eat your vegetables, okay?"
"Yes, I was going to, because vegetables are healthy."
Bro cooked up all the vegetables and gave them to Rose. There was a mountain of vegetables on her plate. "Eat up!"
And Rose said, "Did you drug them, Bro?"
He said "NO ... but they are on a cake."
"Is it ... CARROT cake?" Dave/Mom quipped.
Everybody laughed, forever.
Meanwhile, in a place where Jim was [beta note: i'm fairly sure this does, in fact, mean john, but the author refuses to change it], he has put Con Air on, and was watching it a 'bajillion' times, because that is the kind of person Jim is.
He cried with his entire heart, and suddenly couldn't take it anymore. He felt he simply had to call Dave up, or forever feel the pain of this love.
As he inputted the number, his emotions overflowed like a waterfall falling from a river over a cliff edge or something similarly symbolic, because this is what happens in situations like this. He began to cry a lot, and the phone rang, and hit voicemail.
The sound of his shattering heart could probably be heard through the phone.
As he choked back all the sobs, he gasped out a small "Hey Dave." Jim then proceeded to release all of his emotions in one fell swoop by exploding into song almost literally, belting How Do I Live at the top of his lungs into the phone, as the song came on the television as well, for the hundredth time. Dad came in just at that moment, with a bucket full of ice cream and a spoon coated candy life. [beta note: i can't read this, this is the closest approximation]
"How do I live without you, I want to know! How do I breathe without you? If you ever go, how will I ever, ever survive?"
Dad came up to him and said, "May I join in?" Jim gave a teary nod.
They both sung the rest of the song, ending with them bursting into sobs, crying into the ice cream violently.
The crying lasted for hours.
After Dave/Mom's merrymaking with his/her family, Dave felt his phone vibrate against his leg. Picking it up, he attempted to answer it, with a jaunty "Oh hey, who is this?" But it was merely a voicemail message.
He listened to the message and heard his friend's pained voice, listened carefully to the bittersweet notes amidst the loud sobbing and singing.
"I'm so sorry, Jim," he whispered. "But we can never be together..."
"Who was that, Mother?" called Rose, stuffed full of vegetables and cake. "Is it important, like the police?"
"No, it's okay," Mom called out to Rose and to Bro. "It's just a friend."
Bro said "Oh," flashstepping to Mom and looking at the phone, whilst he was eating a raw chicken leg covered in maple syrup.
"Where's Dave?" Rose and Bro asked in unison. "He's been missing."
Dave panicked. He was there all along but they couldn't tell because he wasn't there.
Quickly, he pulled out a bottle of alcohol and began to drink it thirstily. Then he pulled out his drugs and offered them to Bro.
Bro pulled out his own drugs and took the bottle from Mom, drinking some also.
They both then took their drugs.
"Rose, do you want some drugs?" Mom and Bro asked Rose.
She looked scared. "I've never taken drugs, it wouldn't be good for my image."
"But you're very gothic and dark."
"Oh okay, then."
They passed the drugs around and also the alcohol.
Then, Mom began to pull off Bro's shirt. Bro took off Mom's shirt also to reveal her boobs.
Rose joined in and because all of the kids were 18 in this fanfiction, she took off her shirt also.
They all took off all of their clothes and took a lot of drugs.
"I can see a lot of colours, and also I think I can see Jesus," said Rose.
Bro laughed. "But Rose, I am Jesus."
They all gasped and began to make out and then they had sex.
On the floor, the phone lay discarded, still playing the voicemail on loop. Jim's voice echoed into the night as everybody but Jim had sex.
authrosu note: hwo diod youj liek it? i hoeop yoruj like this chapter caushe of my AMZIGN BETA ETSTER :D
[translation: how did you like it? i hope you like this chapter, because of my amazing beta tester :D]
[beta note: there was, previously, a sex scene, but it was cut out due to it being half-finished: we had too many arguments over its content]