Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed or added this to their favourites or alerts! You guys are amazing! This chapter is longer than I had wanted it to be, so I didn't cover as much as I had hoped, but there will be at least two more chapters after this!

"Always"

The word raced through her mind, erasing all other thoughts of doubt, panic or fear.

"Always"

He had heard her. He had understood what she had said and him being who he is, could not let her declaration go unrequited.

"Always"

One small word, one she had heard from him so many times before, but it had such a great impact on her. It was not a question, he was not questioning her love for him, he was not asking her if she would always love him, no. It was a promise, it was his way of promising to her that he would always love her, that he would always be there for her, that he would always stay.

There were still tears running down her face, a fresh wave hitting as she watched the paramedics begin working on him, working to save his life, working to save hers. A tear ran down her cheek, along the edge of her jaw and then fell the remaining few centimetres from her chin to her chest before trickling down to rest in the small depression over her heart. Her constant reminder of how close she had come to death, and how close he was to it now. Her tears mingled with the blood she had inadvertently stained her blouse with, his blood, which was still covering her hands, and now weighing heavily on her heart.

She stood and watched the paramedics do their job, because that's what it was to them; it was their job to save his life. If he lived or if he died, it would make no difference to them. If they were unable to save his life, yes they would feel bad, but it would be nothing compared to what she would feel. She knew that though it was his life on the line, if he died, she would too. Not literally of course, but who she was, who she had become since he came into her life, that person would be unable to live on without him. She would go back to being the cold and isolated person she had been before he had wormed his way into her heart. She would throw up all her walls, mount her defences and ensure that this time, no one would get through. She would never love again. Of that she was sure.

She stood and watched the man she loved slowly slip away. She watched the paramedics finally load him into the back of the ambulance, complete with an IV drip administering fluids into his body. That's a good sign she tried to tell herself, They wouldn't give him fluids if he was already… she couldn't bring herself to even think the word.

She was still crying, her silent sobs causing her body to shake, her breaths coming in short sharp gasps.

"He's crashing!"

She heard one paramedic cry to his colleague.

"He's lost too much blood! We need to move now!"

They finished loading him into the ambulance even as one paramedic was already running to the drivers seat. She could do nothing but watch as the doors swung shut, giving her what could possibly be her last glimpse of him alive.

As soon as she saw the doors close, she fell too her knees, eyes still on the pool of blood not three feet from her, disturbed as it was, she could still picture him, lying there fighting to stay alive, fighting to stay with her. Breathing was now becoming impossible for her. She remembered once when Esposito had had a panic attack, she wondered if this was anything like what he had been feeling. She was struggling to remain upright, a sharp pain shooting through her chest, she clasped her hand to her own bullet wound, it felt as if she were being shot again, only this time, he wasn't there to hold her, he wasn't there to make it ok. She fell to the side, lying on the ground, eyes still locked on the bloodstain, his bloodstain! Bringing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them, hugging them too her, trying to hold herself together. She had never felt so alone, so vulnerable. It pulled her back thirteen years, to the night she had received the news of her mothers death. It had been different then, she had had a reason to go on, she had to find her mothers murderer and make him pay. But now, she had no goal. The man who had inflicted this pain upon her lay some 8 feet behind her, a white sheet covering his dead body. She had gotten her justice and she had nothing to distract her from the pain she felt.

Finally tearing her eyes away from his blood pool, she squeezed them shut, praying and hoping to whatever higher power existed that he would pull through, that he would be ok, that he would be hers.

She closed her eyes to the world, not noticing she had company, not caring. She did not feel the pair of strong arms wrap around her small frame, her brain did not recognise the arms as being those of her friend and brother Javier. She did not see the looks of panic mirrored on both his face and his partner's at seeing their friend so broken. She pulled her legs in tighter, brought her head down to rest on her knees, and cried, she didn't care who heard her, she lay still, letting the fear of losing him wash over her, she curled into a tighter ball, as though the smaller she was the less it would hurt.

Esposito and Ryan had never seen Beckett like this. She had lived through worse than losing a partner. It was clear to them that Richard Castle meant more to Beckett than that, they realised that if the author didn't live through this, the Beckett they knew and loved would cease to exist and that scared the hell out of them. Ryan drove, siren on, racing to get to the hospital, all the while stealing glances at his partner who sat in the back seat, cradling a broken, sobbing Beckett in his arms. Only she wasn't badass Detective Beckett, who ran around the city catching killers, she wasn't the cool, savvy Cop on which the character Nikki Heat was based, not at the moment. Now she was Katie, the girl who was about to lose everything she never even had.

Her head was growing heavy and it was getting harder and harder to keep opening her eyes, she found herself drifting off, her emotions exhausting her at least for the time being. She kept seeing him lying there in the final moments before she had moved aside for the paramedics, she kept remembering his hand squeezing hers ever so slightly as they rested over her heart, she kept hearing his voice, the softly whispered word replaying over and over in her head. She closed her eyes, willing herself to escape reality for the moment, that word still echoing in her mind.

"Always"

So as you can see, the recurring word is Always, as in the title. Please let me know what you think, improved it, ruined it, babbled on for too long, should have left it as a one shot, any and all reviews are welcome good or bad!:)