az: Finally. Had a whole day unable to login.

Tiny Steps

Written by Izzu alias honou-no-izumi

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Merlin knocked gently before entering Gwen's chamber, noticing that her maidservant, Martha had gone out. He let out a relieved sigh. Good, at least this should be a good chance to properly talk about things without being interrupted.

"Gwen? May I come in?" he asked as Gwen ushered him in with a smile.

"What's the matter... Merlin? Did Arthur sent you?"

Merlin shook his head. "No. Gwen, I... there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Guinevere turned her attention towards Merlin and ushered him to sit beside her. "What is it? You seemed troubled..." she said.

Merlin let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah... I am." He took a long intake of air before turning towards her.

"Gwen... I wanted to ask you first, what do you think about magic?" Guinevere stared at him in confusion as Merlin added to clarify. "I mean... do you hate it, despised it... feared it... think it was all evil—That sort of things..."

"Oh..." gasped Guinevere, finally understanding before shrugging. "I don't know? While some may be bad and evil and used magic for hurting others... I can't help but think that there must be other people with magic that was good and kind. Like the druids who saved Sir Leon that other time. Or whoever it was that healed my father, back during that time with the strange plague."

Guinevere glanced to Merlin in confusion. "But why did you asked me this?" she asked as Merlin gave her a weak smile.

"Because... I'd like to ask you for your support to Arthur over the many things Arthur might decide to do in future regarding magic. I'm not sure of what... for now, but currently he was trying to abolish the bounties on anything and anyone with magic so that they would not have to be hunted and slaughtered like animals." He sighed. "It was still a long way to go but hopefully, by slowly trying to change the stand of the kingdom regarding magic... we would be able to live in peace with each other, magical or not. Would that have been better?"

Guinevere slowly smiled at him before holding his hand. "Of course I would, if it meant we all would be able to live more peacefully. Although it might be hard to do, seeing that we have seen so many bad things caused by magic upon this kingdom... but I agree that this was a good decision." She bit her lips. "I for one would rather see no more pyres and beheadings of innocent people—whether they were magic or not—when they did no harm on others. It was unjust... and cruel, and I do not want to see any more parents or children to suffer the losses of their loved ones in such a way."

Merlin nodded. "Thank you, Gwen. I'm glad to have your support. I just wished... we had been able to do this much earlier. Then perhaps... we might still have Morgana as our friend. And we might as well have prevented many unfortunate lives from being lost."

He turned towards Guinevere to see her staring towards nothing, deep in thought. She must have been thinking about her late father, Morgana... and many other mishap she had faced in the past.

"I wonder... Morgana must have been so scared back then. All those nightmares of hers and her own magic, it must have been scary to live in here and not letting anyone know. It was unfortunate that she had strayed so far now... she no longer considered us as her friend." Guinevere turned to him. "I missed her... occasionally. I missed her old self. I bet Arthur missed the old her as well."

Merlin shrugged. "I missed her too. Even now... I feel sad for her. I understand her feelings... and Uther's opinion about magic as well as his treatment of her as no more than a ward rather than his true daughter—that must have hurt deeply. It was scary to be in that situation—feeling as if the power that grew inside herself was anything but bad and having no one to be their pillar of support. Anyone in that position would have retaliated out in fear and succumb into the wrong path..." He sighed. "I wished to see no more of that."

Guinevere nodded. "I agree... though right now, I wonder about you, Merlin. I started to feel that this was not just a request to help Arthur... this matter was as important to you as to the kingdom. Is there something wrong... Merlin?" she asked worriedly.

Merlin bit his lips. This was the moment. The moment he would once more open up his secret towards another. It had been good with Lancelot... and a slight bit tricky with Arthur—but he knew Gwen much closer than the two and knew that Gwen would not reacted to this severely. Yet a part of him still feared the opposite—it would hurt so much, if Gwen was to reject him. Gwen had been one of his closest friend... losing her would feel as bad as losing Will... and Freya... and Morgana. He brushed the thoughts away before steeling himself towards Gwen.

"Gwen... you're right. It was important to me... as well as those others with magic who would be affected by this. Because Gwen... I too have magic. I had it for a very long time already. I kept it a secret... while all along watching over everyone and protecting them from the shadows. The many things in the past that happened where it seemed that Camelot or Arthur or you or anyone had been saved by sheer luck—that was me all along. Well, most of the time. That had all been possible because of my magic."

Merlin took a long pause to let it all sink in before adding. "So it was really important for my sake and everyone else like me that Arthur took this first step in an attempt to change Camelot's stand against magic as a whole."

Merlin continued looking at Guinevere straight in the eye as he waited for her reaction. To accept... or reject the truth of what he is. What he had always been. He closed his eyes as he braced himself for the worst possible reaction. The very same reaction he had half-dreaded, coming from Arthur had he revealed his truth to his friend in a different way—that did not include risking his own life to save the other. Without warning, Guinevere embraced him tightly as Merlin gasped. She chuckled as Merlin stared at her, puzzled.

Gwen smiled. "Finally you said it aloud! I always knew there was something special about you. Especially during that time when we encountered that Lamia!" she said as Merlin suddenly broke into tears. He laughed as he tried to hastily wipe the tears away. She gave him a knowing look.

"You think that I'd reject you?" she asked as Merlin shrugged. She shook her head as she pulled Merlin closer to her side. "I could never do that to you, not after everything I've seen you do for us all. I've seen how loyal you've been to Arthur, how you've tried your best to protect everyone dear to you... I've known you far too well to know the real you inside." She shrugged. "Well... not as well as Arthur would...", she added as Merlin grinned.

"I would definitely be there to support you and Arthur in everything both of you decided to do. You don't have to worry about that. Even knowing that you have magic won't change that. After all, haven't you been watching and protecting us all these times?"

Merlin smiled again. "Thank you, Gwen. I'm glad to have you as my friend."

xxx

Arthur let out the breath he never realized he had been holding in relief. That was his queen... ever as loving and reliable.

He had been... slightly worried when he caught sight of Merlin being all nervous before entering Guinevere's chambers. He could sense that it must have been something terribly important to make him so nervous. Because of that, he had tried to sneak up on them to see what was wrong. When Merlin asked Guinevere if she would support them he was slightly shocked—Guinevere was unlikely to not want to support his decision for Camelot if it was for the good of the kingdom—but then realized that the inquiry was not about Arthur, but him. Thus... he was glad for the answer Guinevere had given to his friend.

He closed the door slowly behind him before walking towards his own chambers—barely catching the softly spoken chatter between the two as Guinevere an Merlin talked about the old times. Arthur smiled as he plotted for many other things that he should do from now on. They gained another ally to their cause, suddenly he felt something warm simmering from inside of his heart.

Perhaps it was not as bad as he thought it could be.