SOrry it has taken me so long to update, i started writing and then i just couldn't stop. This next chapter is a bit repetitive and i am sorry if it is boring. Originally chapters 5 and 6 were to be all in one, but that made it four times longer than all the other chapters (Which i now realise are incredibly short) so i split it into two but just for all of you who are still with me, i posted them both together!:) Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEWW! :)
"Always"
Her head snapped up at hearing that word again, cringing slightly because it seemed that for the second time in as many days, that one word whispered by his lips were her reason for living.
She pulled back slightly, not believing her ears.
"Castle?" she hissed.
She was fighting to keep the desperation out of her voice, and failing miserably. It felt strange to be calling him by his second name now, after just spilling her guts to him, twice, you'd think she would have the courage to call him Rick to his face.
He didn't react, not moving a muscle aside from the constant rise and fall of his chest.
"Castle don't you dare screw around with me!"
She was trying to act mad, but the truth was she needed him to open his eyes, squeeze her hand, even just roll over! She needed him to do something, just to prove to herself that she wasn't going mad, that she wasn't imagining things.
Oh god, I am losing my mind… She glanced over at the clock, 4:40am. She had been awake for just over twenty-four hours; maybe it was just sleep deprivation starting to get to her? She had gone without sleep for longer, but she had never had such an emotional day, she was completely drained, she just needed to sleep.
She sighed, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, her other one remained entwined with his. She was rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb, something he must have done for her a dozen times, whether she was trying to reassure him or herself she did not know, but it felt right to be holding his hand, to be drawing comfort from him like she had so many times in the past.
She stared at him for a few more minutes, just making sure that he was still out before placing her head back on the pillow next to his, placing a gentle kiss against his temple before allowing her eyes to drift shut.
She finally gave in to the exhaustion her body was feeling, inhaling deeply, she could still smell his distinctive scent, masked as it was by the disinfectant odour that was the hospital. She let the feel of his hand in hers, his head resting mere inches away from her face, and the never ending beeping of the machines, telling her beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was still with her, be her last thoughts as she allowed sleep to overcome her.
He was exhausted, tired and defeated. Ever since he had felt the bullet pierce his chest, he had been fighting with the fog that kept threatening to overwhelm him, to take him away from everything he knew and loved, to take him on.
He was sure his mind was playing tricks on him, just after he was shot, he swore he could hear her, telling him she loved him back, that she wanted him, no, needed him to be ok! He was sure he saw her face looking down at him, reassuring him, telling him she was there. He was almost positive he saw the tears overflowing her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. There was no mistaking the blood covering her hands and shirt as she put his hand over her heart.
Could he have imagined all that?
Maybe it was all the blood he lost, maybe it was causing his brain to invent these scenarios in an attempt to bring him back to consciousness.
But it felt so real.
He had heard his daughter whispering in his ear, quietly begging him to be ok, telling him how much she needed him to be ok, telling him how much she loved him and would do anything to have him back.
He lay there, fighting with all his might to rid himself of the fog that clouded his mind, to squeeze her hand, or open his eyes for her, it was killing him to have to lie still and watch his daughter cry over him.
Not that he hadn't expected it, he knew how much she loved him, nearly as much as he loved her, she was his joy in life, the most important thing in the world to him, as he was to her. So he had expected his daughter to be devastated.
He had not expected her to react the same.
His daughter had left, giving him a kiss as she departed. He felt his mother take his hand; she too told him how much she loved him, how proud she was of him, and how much she needed him back. He lay unmoving while she whispered in his ear, still waring with himself, trying to fight through the fog, to let his mother know he could hear her.
And then his mother had left.
He sensed someone else enter the room, though he could not be sure who it was, no one held his hand this time. He heard a deeper voice, one he sensed as being Esposito's, he was trying to be strong, keep the emotion out of his voice, who was he being strong for? Then he had felt another hand take his, it was small, definitely not Esposito's, it was unfamiliar, he had definitely not held this hand before.
He could hear the owner of the hand talking to him, not as emotional as his mother and daughter had been, but it was obviously someone who cared for him. He was trying to match the voice to a face, a name, anything. Then it dawned on him, the person Esposito would try to be strong for; Lanie.
He focused on the ME's words, trying to work out what she would be saying to him, they had been friends, but she had never had much patience for him, the curious child in him wanted to know what she had to say now that he was supposedly unhearing.
"Richard Castle so help me god, if you do not wake up out of this friggen coma, Ima come back here and beat you the rest of the way to dead! There are people here who need you ok? Your daughter, your mother, and whether she will admit to it or not, Kate needs you here. Ok? So don't you go playing games, just open ya dam eyes!"
He could tell an empty threat when he heard one, it was clear the ME was just worried about her friend, and him to a certain extent. He couldn't help the thrill that went through him as he replayed her words in his head; "…whether she will admit it or not, Kate needs you here…" it amazed him that just hearing her name made him fight harder to open his eyes.
Lanie and Esposito left.
He heard Ryan come in, placing his hand on his arm, he heard the detective mumble a few words about getting better soon, how the precinct would not be the same without him. Ryan let his hand slide off the author's arm, dropping his voice slightly he whispered,
"Dude, you gotta be ok, for Beckett, don't put her through this man, just wake up ok?"
And then he too had left.
Lying on the bed, he continued his battle with himself, trying desperately to break through the heavy fog that was still weighing down on his mind. He heard what must have been his mother and Alexis settle down near the foot of his bed, he remembered from the last time he had visited the hospital that there was usually a couch situated near the patient's bed for the family.
She hadn't come.
He must have imagined it all, she hadn't cried for him or confessed her feelings when he had fallen. She hadn't been as concerned as he thought he had seen. She hadn't even come to check on him. And then he felt it. Someone sat down next to his bed and held his hand, entwining their fingers in his. She was there.
He heard her again, admit how she felt, confess how much she loved him and needed him to be ok. He fought the fog even harder, wanting more that anything to look her in the eyes as she said this. He heard her choking back a sob, she was crying for him. She was asking him to come back to her, she was falling apart at the thought of losing him!
He felt the pillow shift slightly, as her head lay next to his. He felt a bolt of electricity shoot through him, erasing all his pain and clearing the fog in his brain for a few split seconds as her lips met his skin.
He could feel again, he was aware of where his arms and legs were, how all his muscles were relaxed and would not move no matter how much he willed them to. He realized that he was not in control of his own body, the fog was preventing him from doing anything, but as he felt her crying into the pillow next to him, something inside him changed, he wasn't battling with the fog anymore, the fog was battling with him, he was regaining control even as he could feel it slipping away, still too much for him to handle in his weakened state.
He inhaled deeper than his previous breath, and using every bit of control he could muster, he breathed out, just one word, that he knew she would understand,
"Always"
Like it? Hate it? I wanna know! Seriously! if you hate it, the next one is less depressing and a bit longer:) Please stick with me!:) and pleasee review! :)