A/N: Some of the brothers' history is spoken about here, but not all.

5. Discoveries

Things were tense in the apartment, even if Itachi was out at work two-thirds of the day. Now that Sasuke knew his brother was aware of his lies, it made him uncomfortable. Worse was the fact that each time Itachi came home and looked at him, waiting for him to come clean, he was essentially perpetuating the lies by remaining silent. It got so that they couldn't even speak to each other, and that was just unbearable. The dynamic of their relationship had been completely shat upon. It was within Sasuke's power to repair the damage, a fact Itachi made clear with his pointed, and utterly false unconcern, yet he didn't. To do so, would be to violate Naruto's privacy, and that he would never do.

-oOo-

Sasuke didn't let the tension stop him from learning what he could, though. He'd wait until his brother was gone in the morning, eat, dress, then pull his book from where it was wedged between his mattress and the box spring.

To say the book was fascinating was an understatement.

He would spend long minutes after each paragraph digesting what he'd read. The concept of how men loved was intriguing. The things they found attractive in their own sex, their ideas, the terminology, it all held him in thrall. He read the book in its entirety, just to lay the groundwork in his mind, but went back and pored over specific sections. Much of it made little sense to him; he himself was not attracted to men in general, nor did he spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about dick, therefore he felt little connection with the majority of the text. The only parts of the book he found at all relatable were the chapters dealing with sex and hygiene; he wanted Naruto to touch him, and he wanted to be clean when it happened. To this end, he used the book as a how-to guide for initiating one's self into the world of homosexuality.

He paid close attention to the illustrations. The men were clearly enjoying themselves. Not for a moment did he believe the book's assertion that anal sex should be a pain-free, and joyful experience. He simply did not see how having something inserted into one's anus could be pleasurable. He thought that at most it would grow to be one of those neutral things, like scratching, but for sure it would hurt the first few times. He had an idea, however, that it would be pleasurable to whomsoever was in possession of the dick going into the anus. For that reason, he stuck with the illustrations and text. He wanted Naruto to find pleasure with him. He wanted to be whatever Naruto needed. He wouldn't wuss out because of a little pain.

As for the joyful part, well. He did not feel joyful when thinking of Naruto. Thanks to this separation, all that thoughts of the guy brought him was severe cramping of his muscles, and the need to vomit. He was only able to tolerate the separation at all because he knew it was temporary. Similarly, he didn't think sex with Naruto would be joyful. He expected it to be intense…the way he felt whenever he was with him on the mountain, just more so.

Maybe kissing would be nice, Sasuke thought. Sometimes he would try to kiss his hand and pretend it was Naruto, but he honestly could not imagine it. Nor could he imagine doing half the things he saw illustrated. Rimming? His eyes burned at seeing that one. He didn't know if he'd be able to fellate either, or allow himself to be-

"Sasuke? I'm home."

The book was hurriedly shoved out of sight as Itachi poked his head into the room. Sasuke hadn't closed or locked his door since that first time. He sat up in bed and tried to look normal.

Itachi eyed him steadily. "What were you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing. I see." Itachi stared at him a few seconds longer. "Anything you want to tell me?"

Sasuke suddenly wanted to cry. He didn't. After everything his brother had done for him, to repay him with this deception left a shitty taste in his mouth. But Naruto was serious about his privacy. Just as serious as his brother was about their anonymity. Telling would do nothing but bring a wealth of misery from both men. "No."

Itachi left him alone.

A few days later, he waited until Itachi was gone again, before leaving the house himself. He had a short list of supplies memorized, and the money Itachi had left him last week shoved into one pocket.

He was used to a lot more physical activity. Traveling forty miles each day to and from the mountain had boosted his already high stamina, so that the recent days of sitting at home felt oppressive. He broke into a steady jog, and arrived at his destination just as they were opening.

-oOo-

Nara Drugs(1) smelled like feminine products and some kind of cleaning agent. An old woman was at the back counter, droning on about her prescription in a quavery voice. The pharmacist on hand was nodding sympathetically, but Sasuke could tell from the flat expression in his eyes that he would be happy to see the back of the lady. Ignoring them both, he made his way down the rows of hygienic products, allergy meds, and sleeping aids, until he came to what he wanted.

One thing the book had stressed at length was the need for protection. At all costs use protection, the book had said. He saw the many types of condoms, and selected a box he thought would be suitable. He hesitated, remembering mention being made of dental dams, but decided against them. He still couldn't imagine anyone's mouth going near anyone's ass. He turned and began hunting for a water-based lubricant.

Itachi watched his brother jog down the street and felt as if his heart would break. The kid had run right past him. Itachi had his chakra completely masked, and the kid hadn't so much as paused. True, Itachi had a copy of the The Leaflet(2) to his face, but a newspaper wasn't sufficient disguise, not to the kid he'd trained. Whatever was on Sasuke's mind, it was impairing his judgment. Which meant the kid could very well be involved in something that would necessitate them moving again.

It was well the job had decided to give him a day off before beginning his new shift. He'd been wise to keep that information from Sasuke. Making his way back to the apartment, he decided that he would keep the news of his shift change from him as well if this shit kept up. It shortened his breath with wounded anger that they were both now keeping things from each other.

-oOo-

Once inside, he went directly to Sasuke's room and began making a thorough search. The sight of Sasuke's laptop and sketch supplies neatly set out on the desk gave him pause. Sasuke had had his bag on his back. He distinctly remembered seeing it when the lying shit had run by. If the bag was with him, yet the usual contents of the bag here, that could only mean that Sasuke planned to fill the bag with something else. Eyes narrowed, Itachi turned and continued his search.

He found the book ten minutes later.

His first reaction upon seeing it was, Oh thank fuck. He's not doing something dangerous, he's just gay. Holding it, though, and reading the title several times, he had to draw the inevitable conclusion that Sasuke could only want a book on gay sex for the purpose of having gay sex. He spent several moments flipping through the pages, before thoughtfully putting the book back where he'd found it.

Apparently, Sasuke was ashamed of his sexuality, hence all the secrecy. Knowing it was nothing more than that went a long way towards lightening Itachi's mood. It didn't explain everything, like the ramen and the crying, but it was a start.

He was relieved. Ridiculously so. Enough to have a short wheeze of laughter escaping him as he left the house again.

Sasuke thought of stopping in the ramen place for lunch, but decided against it. He'd grown accustomed to eating it, and now missed it, but the next time he had any he wanted it to be with Naruto. They way it used to be. The way it should be, as far as he was concerned.

Soon, he promised himself.

For now, he went home and directly to the bathroom, where he proceeded to lock the door. He extracted a few of the items he'd bought at the drug store and examined their packaging. He set the can of shaving foam and razor on the sink.

The book hadn't said to use shaving cream on his privates, just that shaving enhanced pleasure. Whatever. He knew shaving cream was used when shaving, and that was that. Nude, he stared down at himself with a frown. This is going to be awkward.

Dinner that evening was a surprise. Not only was Itachi home for it, the meal itself was one of Sasuke's favorite dishes, something his brother used to prepare for him when they were both younger. Sasuke hadn't had it in awhile. He eyed the plates his brother was setting out, the fancy chopsticks, the bottle of peach-flavored sparkling cider, and was instantly suspicious. "You're home early," he said quietly. He wracked his brains. "Did I forget an occasion?"

Itachi paused in the act of setting a covered casserole dish on the table. "Look, I know things have been fucked between us. Can't I just take care of my brother the way I used to? The way I did before coming to this town?"

Wary now, Sasuke nodded. Itachi was scaring him.

"Good. Sit."

Sasuke sat.

The meal was delicious. At tasting the first bite, Sasuke was forcibly reminded of the many things his brother knew how to do. Cooking decent, nutritious meals was one of them. He remembered when Itachi had come home with a cookbook when he himself been no older than six or seven. Itachi had made himself learn every recipe the thick book had to offer, just so he could feed Sasuke healthy meals. Somehow, since moving to Konoha, Sasuke had forgotten all that. Itachi was hardly ever home.

-oOo-

Itachi watched Sasuke carefully, though he stared down at his plate. His brother looked miserable. Sasuke continued eating, but by the fourth or fifth bite, Itachi saw the wetness in his eyes. He put his chopsticks down and wiped his mouth. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sasuke."

"I said-"

"Sasuke."

Sasuke raised his eyes.

"This has to stop. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, just…I missed this. I-" Sasuke pursed his mouth, blinked hard. "I miss us."

Itachi turned his head aside sharply, and kept it there. When he could speak, he cleared his throat and sat back. He regarded his brother's downcast eyes. "I think that's the first honest thing you've said to me all week. I miss you too, bro."

Sasuke choked out a half-hearted laugh. "You're not going to hug me now, are you?"

Itachi returned the half smile. "Not unless you want me to. Do you?"

Sasuke didn't want to say yes, but he couldn't honestly say no, either. He was stuck with pushing his food around his plate with his chopsticks, and trying to recapture his usual self-assurance. He kept his eyes fixed on his plate when Itachi quietly got up, came around the table, and pulled him out of his chair. He allowed the hug. Then he was pressing his face hard into Itachi's shoulder and hanging on tight. He couldn't remember the last time he'd hugged his brother. Years. It was weird and good at the same time. His brother smelled like aftershave.

-oOo-

Itachi had to swallow a few times to resist uttering the words of comfort he used to do when Sasuke was small. He was struck again by how far apart they'd drifted in such a short time. And during that time, something, or someone, had come between them. He gave Sasuke a few moments, holding him close, but he had to know. "Who is it?" he asked quietly.

Sasuke pulled away with a look of confusion. "What? What do you mean, who? Who what?"

"The person who's got you distracted. Who is it?"

The confused frown smoothed out. "I…don't know what you're talking about."

Without a word, Itachi left and went to Sasuke's room. He came back with the book and sketchpad. He tossed the book onto the table amid the dinner dishes and half-eaten food. The title seemed to take up all the space in the kitchen, glaring up at both young men.

"You went through my stuff?" Sasuke exploded in disbelief. "How could you?"

Itachi had had enough. "I'm this close to breaking you, kid. How could I? Maybe if you'd come clean in the first place-"

"It's none of your business!"

"Everything you do is my business!"

Sasuke's face clenched around his sudden sense of violation. "Not this."

"Especially this. Now, who is it?"

"Fuck you." Sasuke turned his back, arms defensively folded across his chest. "There's no one."

Itachi shook his head in disgust. "You must think I'm stupid," he said as Sasuke glanced back at him angrily. He ticked off the salient points of his argument on his fingers. "One, you used to be awake when I'd get off work, no matter what shift I was doing. You'd be waiting to make sure I got home all right. Now you're dead to the world when I get in. Two, the guy across the street says you buy tons of ramen on a regular basis and I know that's never been your favorite thing to eat. Three, you're drawing some odd things of late-"

"A lake isn't odd." Now Sasuke turned around, his face mutinous. "Just because you can't understand me drawing something I can't see-"

Itachi took the sketchpad from where it had been held under his arm and opened it to a certain page. "Look at these. Do these look like a lake to you? These are specific details here."

Sasuke looked at the proffered page. There were various comprehensive renditions of isolated parts of Naruto. His hands, as he pruned his little trees. The back of his head at the precise moment he'd turned to watch a passing blue jay. His eyes, as he glanced at Sasuke during lunch. His powerfully built torso, bare, and beaded with sweat as he'd been fixing the roof. His long, muscular legs, stretched out and crossed, as he sat reading.

Itachi watched the way Sasuke's face went deliberately blank as he flipped a few more pages for his benefit. All contained additional sketches of this mysterious person. "See, I didn't catch it the first time I looked at this. Was focused on the lake. But whoever this is, and I note that you were careful not to draw his face, he's the one who hurt you, isn't he. He's the one you were crying over?"

Sasuke's eyes remained fixed on the sketchpad, jaw tight. "You had no right to go through my stuff."

Itachi closed the sketchpad and tossed it toward the couch. He walked up to his shorter brother, tilted his head in consideration, and decided he'd been as understanding as he was going to be. He hauled off and rammed his fist into Sasuke's gut, and followed up with a stunning punch to the back of his neck when the kid doubled over. Both blows were mildly enhanced with chakra and thus as heavy as sledgehammers. Sasuke, too upset to be on his guard, had left himself wide open. He dragged Sasuke up by the hair, pulled him in this manner to the couch, and threw his ass onto it. Sasuke rocked to a fetal position, eyes screwed shut and hissing air in between his teeth. He had his arms curled around his midsection. Itachi knew the kid was fighting to hang on to his consciousness, while simultaneously trying to hold down what little of his dinner he'd managed to eat. Watching him impassively, he got to the point.

"I saw him do it. I know I've kept you far away from any type of strife and open violence, so it's hard for you to imagine, but I saw him kill off our entire clan, Sasuke. I saw him. I did. Him and his posse of freaks. I saw him personally take out Mom and Dad. Mom was heavy with you. He killed her even though she begged for him to spare her life for the sake of her baby. She screamed for hours, Sasuke. Hours. Then he killed her. Stabbed her thirteen times, just because he knew she'd die slowly that way. And before he left our trashed house, he said, 'Find the son. No Uchiha survives. Not one. Find him and treat him with extreme prejudice.' Well, Mom had hidden me well. And I was about to graduate The Academy the following year, so I knew how to keep myself hidden. They didn't find me, and they left. I know you know all this. I've said it a million times.

"But they're looking for me, Sasuke. They know they missed one Uchiha. If they catch me, they'll kill me. And if they find out you exist, they will kill you too, and we're not talking about a quickly slit throat. It'll be long. It'll be painful. And I can not have you die on me. Not like that. I can't lose you, not after losing everything else. You think I'm being over-protective, Sasuke, but his spies are everywhere. The slightest screw-up will be the end of us. I can't protect us against what I can't see. So. If you value me at all, value your life, or if our continued existence means anything to you, you will tell me exactly what in hell is going on. Or I will beat the answers out of you. I love you, but I will hurt you to protect you."

Sasuke glared up at him through his hair, nostrils flared.

"His name, Sasuke."

Stony silence. Itachi backhanded Sasuke viciously, splitting his lip.

"His name."

"I hate you."

Itachi's stomach rolled over, but he bore down against his rising self-disgust, and slammed his fist to Sasuke's cheek. "His name." He raised his hand again.

Sasuke coughed and nearly choked on a mouthful of blood. "He's no threat to us."

Itachi hesitated, hand lowering. "Why is that?"

"He's a recluse."

"Have you fucked him? Who is he?"

"No, and I don't know who he is."

Itachi raised his fist again.

"I'm serious!" Sasuke said quickly, holding up a hand to block the blow. And it was true, sort of. He didn't precisely know who Naruto was, just that he was high up on the military's list. But if Itachi heard that, he'd take his fucking head off. His brother had gone easy on him, compared to what he could've done, but Sasuke was already seeing double. He improvised skillfully, mixing some truth with his untruths. "I don't know who he is. I just…I used to go to his place and leave ramen for him when he wasn't there, and…and watch him. He never saw me. And I know for a fact he doesn't want anything to do with me. He doesn't talk to anyone or allow people to talk to him. He hates people."

Itachi calmed down slightly at hearing all this. "You're not having a relationship with this person?"

"No."

"Sasuke-"

"I'm not. I swear I'm not. Maybe I thought about it, but it will never happen. I don't even go to him anymore."

"I see. Is that why you were crying last week?"

Sasuke ducked his head, trying to lend credibility to his next words. "Yeah. He caught me on his property and told me to get lost. Screamed at me. Told me he'd rip my fucking heart out if he saw me again."

Itachi digested this. "Where'd you meet him first?" He backed up and took a seat on the overstuffed chair opposite the couch.

Here, Sasuke knew, he wouldn't be able to tell anything but the truth. "That time in the store. The guy who brought me home."

Itachi felt the last of his tension leave him. He remembered that blond weirdo. He'd been able to feel the antagonism from that guy just from the three words they'd exchanged. He couldn't imagine the man letting Sasuke hang around him. But he could understand an infatuation on Sasuke's part. He doubted the kid had ever had personal contact like that with anyone outside of himself. As a rule, they simply did not speak to people if they could help it. Maybe his brother was tired of this, maybe being saved had struck something in him, whatever. "How'd you find him?"

"I went back and asked the clerk."

"And this fascination with the guy, whatever it is, it's over?"

"Yes."

Itachi tipped his head toward the kitchen table. "Why the book then?"

"Guess I realized I'm…gay." Sasuke turned his head aside, running a hand beneath his bleeding nose. "Wanted to educate myself."

The tension he'd been living with now mostly gone, Itachi sighed heavily. "Your first crush, huh? Sasuke, why didn't you just come to me with all this? Do you have any idea how close I've been to packing us up or killing you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it. You know better than to get involved with anyone. How could you put us at risk like that?"

Sasuke had nothing to say to that, merely stared sullenly at the floor.

"You didn't have to be secretive about your sexuality either. It hurts me when you keep things from me, Sasuke. You never have before."

Now Sasuke did look at him. He snorted, then winced as pain flared sharply in his head at this minor action. "Yeah, right, I'm supposed to come to you and tell you I'm gay. What do you know about it? I know you're straight."

Itachi silently gazed at his brother's bruised and bloody countenance for several moments, before he got up and went to the kitchen. He took one of the ice trays out of the freezer, filled a baggie with the frozen cubes, then crushed them all into a crumbled mass with one hard blow of his flattened palm.

Sasuke blinked. His brother rarely, if ever, used his strength for anything other than their training sessions. That he used it now, for something so minor, told him that his brother was more upset than he'd let on. He caught the bag of crushed ice reflexively when it was tossed to him, then watched as Itachi sat down to his cold dinner and began eating.

Putting the cold pack to his face hurt. He waited a few seconds, before getting up gingerly and joining his brother in the kitchen. He used a moistened paper towel to mop up the majority of his face. He then sat at his plate, and just continued to hold the ice to his face. After a moment, he picked up his chopsticks to resume eating as well.

He could have defended himself against those blows, but then Itachi would have really gone to town on him, and he couldn't take his brother. Just about anyone else, yes. His brother, no.

He felt worse now than he had before. Before, he'd been lying to his brother through silence, which wasn't outright lying. Now, he'd gone and told calculated and deliberate falsehoods to his brother's face. He didn't think Itachi was aware of this, though, so he was hard-pressed to find a reason for the short, angry jabs of Itachi's chopsticks into his food, and then into his mouth. Nor did he care for the way his brother's face seemed frozen into a mask of insult. Didn't Itachi believe him? If not, he was screwed. He trembled slightly in fear of another eruption.

-oOo-

"Do you know how old I was when you were born?" Itachi asked some minutes later. He didn't look up from his plate, or pause in his eating.

"Six."

"Do you think we had anywhere to go? Any relative to take us in?"

"No." Sasuke knew the story well. His brother had scooped him up when he'd been born and run. Had kept running. Why, then, was he asking all this?

"Couldn't risk going to a stranger, either. They'd have taken one look at us and seen a scared six-year-old and a baby still bloody from his birth, and deposited us with the nearest Chuunin or Jounin. But you were taken care of weren't you?"

"…Yes." If this was going to be another speech on how ungrateful Sasuke had been…

"Never occurred to you how I managed to get money for us?" Itachi's chopsticks kept jabbing away at his plate, picking up tiny clumps of rice, or individual kernels of corn. Their precision, and the speed with which they conveyed these morsels of food to his mouth, spoke eloquently of a controlled fury.

"You stole." Sasuke stopped eating, mesmerized by the realization that his brother was close to losing it. He sat tensely on the edge of his chair, staring at Itachi's carefully smooth expression and lowered lashes.

"I did, yeah. At first. Enough to put food in your mouth. Diapers. A shirt or two on your back. You got sick, though. One time you got really sick, and had to go to the doctor. I didn't have the money for that, couldn't steal the money. You needed me there with you. Couldn't have been more than eighteen months old or so. I lived in fear that you'd die on me. Then you got better."

Itachi lifted Sasuke's plate of uneaten food and set it atop his own now-empty one. He proceeded to finish this as well.

"Once you were better, I realized I needed to have money on hand at all times. I left you and went in search of someone rich enough to yield a decent amount of cash if I picked his pocket. Loitered around the theater, fancy restaurants…this one creep spots me and tells me there's a better way to make money than going around and trying to steal from people. A less dangerous way, a guaranteed income."

Itachi paused here. Sasuke saw the way his brother's hand tightened on the eating utensils until he thought the black-lacquered wood would snap. He realized he'd never known what his brother did during the hours he'd been gone during the nights. He only knew that Itachi had admonished him to stay in whatever alley corner, or abandoned house he'd left him in, to not move so much as an inch, and he'd obeyed. He would sit quietly, playing with a ratty stuffed snake his brother had found for him, until Itachi came back. "What way?" he asked now in a whisper. "What did you do?"

Itachi's jaw flexed. "Not a whole lot of jobs that hire seven or eight year old boys. None that paid well, with short hours. I could have picked crops, or woven baskets, or planted rice like the rest of the child labor that goes on across the countries, but that's sixteen to twenty hours a day that I'd have been gone from you. I needed serious money in a short amount of time. This guy showed me the way. He was actually the first. My first."

Sasuke felt his skin cool several degrees. "Itachi-"

"He said I was…tender. Nice and tender, yet strong enough to withstand the rougher clients. He wanted to be my 'manager,' as he called it. I went to him three hours a night, every night, until I felt like I'd learned enough. Then I killed him. By then I knew where to go, what to look for, how to market myself, and what to say."

Sasuke's tears were hot and soundless on his cold cheeks. The ice sat forgotten in his lap. He did not look away from Itachi's face, and Itachi did not look up from the second plate he'd managed to empty.

"There's a whole world, an entire sub-culture of men, no matter what town or village we went to, who paid me to be willing. Be sweet. Some wanted tears from me, and those were the ones who paid extra. Some wanted…" Here, Itachi swallowed and closed his eyes. "Whenever a john started getting possessive or violent, I'd kill him. I did what I had to do. Made money enough for us so that I didn't have to go out every night. Sometimes I could skip whole weeks and just be with you. You were walking, talking. A good baby. Always listened to your big brother. Always. You looked up to me. You trusted me back then. I did whatever I had to, to take care of you. Whatever I had to."

"H-how long?" Sasuke whispered. This was worse than Naruto telling him to leave. He bit his tongue hard to keep from breaking down completely right then and there.

"Until I could pass for an adult. Round about your age. After that, it was easy to put my computer skills to use and forge our way into society. Different family names, false history. Came here. Where it all started. Where Mom and Dad…" Itachi sighed, and it was a despondent sound, one that had a sudden deluge of remorse flooding Sasuke's control over his composure. "This is where we belong. Our home. We never had a home growing up."

Shaken, Sasuke looked around the small kitchen. It was true; this was the first apartment they'd ever had. They'd been in Konoha five years now. They'd never been in one place for so long. He looked back at his brother, and found him with his elbows on the table, and his face in his hands. He'd never seen his brother cry. "Itachi…" He got up, went to him. He let his hand hover over his brother's shoulder, afraid to touch him. "I…I didn't know…"

Itachi stood up and put the plates in the sink. He leaned his hands on the edge and spoke down to them, his voice low. "There's a lot you don't know, Sasuke. But here's the thing. I do know. I know what we're running from. I know what will happen if he catches us. And it'll only be a matter of time till he does if we can't trust each other." He turned from the sink now, and Sasuke found that his brother hadn't been crying after all. And that was worse, somehow. "If you believe nothing else, Sasuke, believe this: I will kill you myself before letting Madara find you. At least then your death will be quick. With him…well, just keep that in mind the next time you decide to put us at risk."

Sasuke watched his brother leave. He winced when Itachi's bedroom door shut with a snap. Then he finally gave in and sank to the floor, the tears coming fast and hard.

(1) The Nara family owns Konoha's chain of drug stores.

(2) The Leaflet is Konoha's weekly newspaper