The Occult Experience
Chapter Four
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Dib stared down at the not-toasted super-toast the Lich had given him as he walked behind his sister to Skool. They were nearly halfway there, and he'd yet to take a bite. It had butter and peanut-butter, and looked like a really good sandwich, it's just that, well... Super-toast is toxic if it's not toasted.
Side effects included (But are not limited to) Diarrhea, nausea, flatulence, spontaneous tinnitus, stuffy/runny nose, bleeding from the anus, eyes, nose, mouth and/or ears, nightmares, and erectile dysfunction (If lasting more than four hours, please consult a doctor immediately).
"Is there something wrong with the sandwich, Dib?" Every step Shauna made filled the air with countless quiet "snish" sounds and a pair of "clink"s. Dib was tempted to ask why she wore a cloak at all, being a skeleton... Along with how she could see, how she was talking, what kept her bones together, if the little red orbs floating in her eye sockets acted like eyes, how she could hear, if she could smell, and countless other questions that involved picking her brain.
Too bad for him, it was a few dimensions away, covered in dust, and roughly the size of a prune.
"Nothing's wrong with it- ...?"
"Shauna"
"-Shauna. I'm just not all that hungry." His stomach did not choose to argue. It was staying nice and- Wait for it... wait for it... Nope, it's staying quiet.
"Perhaps one of your classmates then. Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day or some other stupid rot like that. I honestly only skimmed over your file so far." One of her arms disappeared into her cloak, Dib could hear the muffled clink of hollow wood, metal, something rattling ominously, and then her hand came back out, holding a disturbingly thick folder.
"Dib." His mouth clicked shut, he'd forgotten his sister was in front of him. "If you keep acting crazy then I'm going to tell dad." Shauna glanced down at him, and he couldn't make out what she was thinking. The telltale signs found in a persons eyebrows, mouth, cheeks, or just to be simple, a face were just completely lacking. Instead it was just a pair of red orbs floating in a facsimile, or mockery, of eyes.
"I dunno what to tell you kid, talking at someone who's not there is pretty crazy after-all." The lich opened the manila folder and started flickering through the pages while she walked alongside him. "But look at this."
She pushed the folder into his hands, and why something that Shauna gave him, who was apparently immaterial, felt solid, was another question that he was eventually going to have to ask her. He swore, if she said "Magic" he was going to rip he head off and bludgeon Zim with-
'Okay then, gotta stop watching cartoons with Gaz.' Interpersonal notes?
School acquaintances of note:
Misses Bitters-Sub-note- Wraith; Sealed in school- Research: Before or after built? Behavioral notes: Nonviolent (Bindings?) Teacher (BoBS?) Threat level: Indeterminate
Zim (Generation 6 designation 132111115 "ZIM") -Sub-note- New Generation Irken Symbiont- Age: 159 ESY (Earth Standard Year) Further information is restricted barring extenuating circumstances.
The rest of Subject Dib's classmates are of no special notice (This opinion may be updated based on subjects "Keef" "Gretchen" and "Tak") and share a basic pack (Not to be confused with PAK (see sub-folder for New Generation Irken Symbiont)) mentality where subject Dib is concerned. The main points on the pack mentality where subject Dib is concerned are listed as follows.
-Crazy
-Insane
-Big-headed (Subject Dib's head is .07 percent larger than average, well within normal tolerances, so this is suggested to be considered an opinion of personality)
-Scrawny
-Weak
-irritating
-Delusional
-Stupid
-Attention seeking
-Loud
-Creepy
PG112
Dib stared at the bottom half of the page. That's what they thought of him? He always knew they didn't think too highly of him, but it'd never been put into such a simple and plain (And sensible) list. Two students who might not think he's nuts? Just two? If, if he wanted to really pad that number he might have five? Four? Gaz might think he's crazy now too... He felt more than saw Shauna tug the folder out of his fingers and pat him a few times on the shoulder.
"I can't go into school with you Dib. That wraith got sealed up in there, and I can't really help you if that happens to me." He nodded, she seemed genuinely remorseful. He waved at her with his uneaten sandwich and walked into the Skool building. He'd barely made it through the door before he ran into the first of many problems of the day.
Torque Smacky, fourth grade bully, poster child of underage steroid use, and generally unpleasant. He was already closing in on the much smaller Dib, not leaving him very much time to think at all. He could hear him cracking his knuckles all the way from across the hall.
"Hey Torque!" Act confident, sound confident, be confident and this just might work. "Here, have a sandwich!"
Mock enthusiasm, real excitement. His meaty hand closed over the offered sandwich and he stared down at it dumbly. It took him a few seconds to figure out what happened, what was different, but by then Dib was already gone.
What did he care though? The creepy little geek was gone, and he got a free sandwich without even having to beat someone up. Torque could tell, today was going to be a good day.
AN/ I'm not actively working on a parody, so any references to anything else that isn't Zim with a slight bump from my Universe was pretty unintentional. I hate that it took me so long to get this out, but my inspiration comes and goes, with a lot more going than coming. At the same time I'm trying to figure out how to write Zim, how to write Gir, what I'm going to do with a lot of things. I've got a wellspring of ideas, more character developement, more humor, maybe some darkness, some more original characters, if I can figure out how to work them in. So much I want to do, and only a few real ideas on how to put it all together.
I need to write an outline.
Edited a little bit to help with flow and placement, and put in one small joke. It was there before, but I'd made a small mistake so it didn't make sense.