Author's final note:
Okay, so there you have it - the big Valentine's Day final edition of Tony From Scratch.
For the folks in the, wow, 29 different countries who have been following along with this story, I am humbled and I'd like to thank you (hopefully correctly) in your own languages (sorry if I left anyone out, or screwed this up):
Cheers. Merci Beaucoup. Dankschen. Gracias. Dziekuje. Multumesc. Blagodaryu. Grazie. Obrigada. Va multumim frumos. 谢谢你. Do jeh. Kiitos. Dankewol. ありがとうございます Paldies. Takk. Hatur Nuhun. Salamat. Nandri. (너무) 감사합니다! Dakujem. Hvala.
The story has had quite a trajectory, from Tony, due to coma, being 'sealed inside of his own body' (a phrase I stole from the film 'A Single Man', in which Hoult's character, Kenny, says the same thing) – capable only of thought and emotion, to 'waking up', and having to relearn everything (language, motor skills, recognizing one's own family, etc) from scratch, to the complete loss of sexual function, his social circle, and a full year+ of school (he who had always been top of his class), to gaining a new best friend ... whom he then proceeds to falls madly in love with ... and who ultimately cures him of his impotence and because of whom he is forced to redefine himself sexually.
When Maxxie first enters the picture, Tony is in a bad way; verbally abusive, lashing out, given to tantrums and destroying rooms. His family have no choice in loving and supporting him – that is the definition of unconditional love. Maxxie however, as a then merely casual friend, was free to bail at any point, but instead proved an absolute rock solid constant in his life, and the ultimate key, it could be argued, to his recovery.
I love these boys together (can you tell?) Tony is ever Tony (who can rewrite a character like that?) but the Maxxie I've written here, moreso than how I wrote him in my last story, stands toe to toe with Tony. He's his own man, has oodles of confidence and is hardly unpopular with the boys. He has no real need, in other words, to have taken on the role of Tony's best mate and nurse, it's just that he has a giant heart, and can't help it. (He didn't know, of course, that he was gonna fall in love with him.)
Originally I was going to leave the ending somewhat open and had the phrase "who knows what the future holds" as the general theme, but as I was writing, the notion of a split up, followed at some point by an accidental home-for-Christmas meeting came to mind, and that just felt terribly romantic on the face of it – but, of course, it didn't mean that they would have lasted into the future. I knew all along I was going to have Tony looking back from some point years ahead, and it just ultimately proved irresistible to stay with the Christmas theme, and then when I imagined the two of them out shopping for their first Christmas tree together, that sealed the deal, because, really, can you imagine anything sweeter ?
(In the end, by the way, I was incapable of resisting the written equivalent of what I believe is called 'breaking the fourth wall', ie having the characters address the readers and acknowledge their existence (just as you've acknowledged theirs). It's silly, maybe, but proved too much fun not to try, and in a weird way, a part of me genuinely likes the idea that (this version of) Tony and Maxxie know that there are people out there who care about them.)
Ultimately, I'm tickled to have had them work things out, and that they've been together basically three years by the end (as well as off and on for the last 7+), and that they're making a more serious go of it by having gotten a place together. I absolutely love the idea of them out mattress shopping (two males - among all the straight couples - trying out every bed in the store). The 'gay candles' thing made me laugh- I have this idea of Tony being more of a minimalist as far as furniture and wares, ie barely giving a toss (being the 'straighter', and therefore duller of the two) whilst Maxxie loves baubles and loud, sparkly things. (One can only imagine what their flat looks like!) I especially love the plastic rings, bought as a joke, but then worn continuously. I like that by the end, Tony, who started out and for much of the story was his usual insufferable, borderline-obnoxious self, has changed to the point where he pined terribly for Maxxie when they were apart – he kept the ring when Max threw it to the ground, and slipped it back on his finger just a week later – he had to resort to 'drowning' himself in girls after the split ups, and the one boy he dates resembles Max to an eerie degree. Like the Grinch, (speaking of Christmas), Tony's heart grew three times in the course of loving Maxxie, but that also meant it was capable of that much more hurt, too. (Maxxie going briefly back to Bill I knew would be an inevitable, and knew that that, in particular, would prove almost impossibly painful for poor Tony.)
As far as not knowing what the future holds ... after all these guys have been through as friends and as a couple, the firestorm caused by Tony coming out, etc., I have to say I don't see why their relationship wouldn't continue and maybe even be a success (however you define that). Tony in particular, has been through more life changes than most people have to face ever. And like he said in an earlier chapter, when you almost die at 17, you tend to have a radically different perspective on what matters and what doesn't, and who means what to you. So ya, I guess I can see these guys potentially being together long term, especially since they are a bit older and 'maturer' by the time the story ends. (17 is one thing, near-25 is another.)
One can hope, anyway.
I will miss them, which maybe sounds stupid, but you can't spend as much time pondering/slaving over two people's every life issue and emotional twist and turn as it takes to write a 120,000+ word, fourteen month story like this, and not seriously feel for the characters by the end. However, right now, after two straight Taxxie stories stretching from July 2010 to February 2012, with only literally a two month break, I don't know that I'll be writing any more, at least for a while. Seriously, the amount of free time this stuff takes - much as it may be a labor of love - is slightly insane, and I guess I need to start getting my life back.
I'd like to comment on gay marriage, here, because I was surprised to learn that in the U.K. where Tony and Maxxie reside, gay marriage is not presently legal, though 'civil partnerships' are (however apparently the government has announced that gay marriage will be considered in the next general election, which from what I understand, is in 2015.) I don't know that these two would want to get married - after all, they're still young, and what's the rush ? - (also, that's a story for someone else to write!) - but I like the idea that if they wanted to, they could.
I can't mention this topic without touching on the fact that it's been quite a couple of weeks here for this issue, State-side. As I write this on February 13th 2012, one day short of Valentine's, the governor of Washington state has just today signed gay marriage into law - becoming only the 7th U.S. state to do so. Also today, the New Jersey senate passed a gay marriage bill into law (though their republican governor plans to veto it.) And last week, a federal appeals court threw out the infamous Proposition 8 - the voter referendum that overturned gay marriage in California in 2008 - as unconstitutional, paving the way for this issue to ultimately go to the U.S. Supreme Court.
The logic in civil rights being put to a popular vote eludes me, but people have to be dicks, don't they ? Good thing is, when polled, folks under 40 are overwhelmingly for it, so I believe there is no question that with time, gay marriage will be the norm, and the true non-issue that it is in places like good old Massachusetts, where it's been legal for 8 years, and guess what ? The sky hasn't fucking fallen (I know - I have lots of family there.) Not only that, but here's a statistic for people who argue that it is somehow a 'threat' to 'traditional marriage' (how, they never say): Divorce rates in states with gay marriage are actually lower than in states without it. Check this out, from the July 6, 2011 U.S. News and World Report:
"In states that recognize or perform gay marriages, the number of divorces in 2009 was 41.2 percent of the number of marriages. In the 36 other states (for which 2009 data are available), it was 50.3 percent."
Okay people? 9.1% more divorce in states where gay marriage is non-existent, or illegal. That's huge. And in Massachusetts, the divorce rate has remained the same these last 8 years. Ie, gay marriage there has thus far had zero impact either way on straight marriage, (and it never fucking will.)
As an American, I have to say I'm embarrassed that in addition to 13 other countries world-wide, our neighbors to the north (Canada) and south (Mexico) have both legalized this basic right, while we sit around debating it, which is just shameful. We are not on the right side of history as we do so, but we'll get around to it. Just a matter of friggng time.
As far as thanks, one of the greatest motivators for keeping a writer going is reviewing readers. Feedback is fuel, and without it, you literally feel like you're talking to a wall. So to all of you who took the time, I offer my deepest, humblest thanks.
Just for anyone who read along for over a year, I recognize that that is a long time to hang out and wait in between each chapter and keep coming back. In this quick-cut, 147 character Twitter age, when the average attention span has shortened to that of a three year old, it's especially cool and refreshing to know that people are interested to read long stories, in plain black and white, with no graphics or pictures - wow, what a concept.
Specifically, I'd like to thank my awesome readers and correspondents Lizzy384, Elizabethcm10, and nawnia for their coolness and general support, as well as Junkieoctober, Prettylittlescars, Wearetomorrow, AllLostBlackout, purpleushi, aesya, Pyraoftheforest, WinterP, BigTimeGleek, and kinneyddicted.
And everybody else who left a review ... or leaves one now, or in the future ! !
For general and sometimes specific inspiration throughout the last 14 months, both for the writing of this story, and otherwise, I'd like to thank the following:
John Cameron Mitchell, for his film "Shortbus" (thanks, PJ and Paul)
Travis Mathews, for his incredibly hot short film "I Want Your Love" (long version being released this year!) (thanks, Jesse and the gorgeous Brenden)
Duncan Tucker, for his wonderful film "Transamerica" (cool soundtrack, too)
Jay Brannan, for his album "Goddamned", and his wonderfully grainy, lo-fi Youtube vids.
Kate Bush, for weirdness, and for "Sunset".
Tim Minchin, for the overall jaw-dropping genius, and for all that scrumptious hair and eyeliner.
Dan Savage, my gay husband, for general sex-positivity.
And Dian, my best friend, for putting up with me Endlessly Talking About The Writing.
RIP Christopher Hitchens