"It's always the beautiful ones." I said. Across from me sat the therapist I was paying. I know that I can't talk to anyone, but they're paid to listen. And all I need is for someone to listen to what I have to say.

"Maybe that's what the higher power wanted. A cruel way for him to tell us to get our morals straight. In the movies, it happens often. Beautiful people make big, ugly, sacrifices to show the audience beautiful people suffer too. It's the same in real life. Only now, you could have an audience that could care less. The only drama people want to see is on a television. You know why? Because it's fake, it's all fake. In real life, people don't want to listen to your problems. People don't want to hear about problems. They want to believe it's all made up, they want the attention to focus on them. In the movies, it's fake, so it's not a real person."

I look out to the window and watch the birds fly from the branch on the tree. Sometimes I think about it, killing myself now, not having to deal with this extra bullshit, getting it over with. Taking a victory over destiny. Over fate. Over life. Although the reward for 1st place doesn't seem that rewarding against life. But I usually wave the thought away. I'm going to die anyway, I might as well let the natural causes resume it's course. It's only fair.

Of course this is all in my head, I don't want to let Mrs. Therapist get too much information. She might just enjoy herself then, and I can't let that happen.

Mrs. Therapist: "You seem to know more than I do Mrs. Burkhardt. Tell me why you are here?"

I look over to her, her tone is not snide and accusing. But it flows, like a river. Like a waterfall, like a glass being poured. I want to ask her why her voice is like that. But I don't think I'll get a real answer.

"Because I want to have someone listen to what I have to say."

I say it like it's the most obvious question in the world.

Mrs. Therapist shakes her head like a disappointed mother and asks again.

Mrs. Therapist: "What is your purpose in this life?"

Oh, I get it. Why am I here? The question is obvious, the answer is predictable.

"To appreciate life. No matter, what it takes to see that."

I grin. She cocks her head to the side, as if asking how I can know that and still want to be here. I don't think she'll question me, afraid maybe I'll take my money somewhere else? Probably.

She's probably still wondering, but, like I said before. Dying, makes things hell of a lot clearer.

Mrs. Therapist: "And have you learned to appreciate things? What is this limit that has made you realize you need to appreciate life?"

Ohh, she's good. But not good enough.

"I had a near death accident. Bleeding to death. I was hit by a truck." My voice is smooth, no bumps, no cracks. No nervous eye twitches. She nods her head in acceptance of my answer. I don't need her acceptance, I don't need anyone's acceptance. Not into society, into life. Life turned me down, they disapproved. I disagreed.

Mrs. Therapist turns her head to the clock, anxious for the time to run out. We have 10 minutes left, normally I would feel sorry for her and leave. But not this time, maybe I want to see her squirm.

I don't get nervous anymore, I don't worry about what people think of me. Because they are the ones who are leading a life on misguided tracks, they get to suffer and toil through their life wondering what they are here to do. My life is leading to death. People would usually ask:

People: "But all out lives are leading to death. What makes you so special?"

I shake my head and grin "wisely" and respond.

"I'm ahead of the line."

And it's true. I always wanted to be treated like a V.I.P. Now I get it, I'm first in line for death, what a bonus.

The 10 minutes goes by slowly, the clock on the wall ticks degradingly. 'You have no time for games' it tells me. I don't listen. This is my life now, whose it was before I have no idea. But I control it, I get to be who I want.

Mrs. Therapist grins nervously and ends our session 5 minutes early. I walk to the door and turn around.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

Unfortunately, she is sitting down. I do not get to watch her faint.

("How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live")

I walk down the stairs to the basement and plop myself down in-between my friends. It is the only thing I can expect to be constant in my life, I know I don't want it to change.

I don't like change very much, but here I am, the epitome of it. It's Hyde sitting on his usual chair, Eric next to me, Kelso on my other side, Donna on the chair and Fez is sitting on the floor.

Donna: "Where were you today Jackie."

I smile, I might as well not lie to them too much while I'm alive. Besides, they could get a kick out of this.

"Oh, right, I was at my therapists."

5 heads turn to look at me, wow, that takes a lot, Charlie's Angels is on.

Eric: "You go to a therapist? Why?"

"Well, I wanted someone to listen to me when I talked."

Fez: "Jackie, that is not something you go to a therapist for, that is what you have friends for."

Poor Fez, no matter how long he stays here, he will always be too clueless for his own good. So I laugh in spite of myself and say.

"Fez, I don't think anyone in this room could care less about what I say. Unless I talk Feminism with Donna, Star Wars with Eric, Getting some with you, Boobs with Kelso, and conspiracies with Hyde."

They are all dumbstruck, and for the first moment, I don't know why. But then I remember, I called them by their last names. Wow, for a dying person, I really don't get emotional. First names are for people with feelings.

Kelso: "Since when do you call me Kelso? And since when do you call Hyde, Hyde?"

Hmm, think cool, think 'aloof'

"Since when do you want me not to care?"

That'll work.

Kelso: "Huh?"

Maybe I can mess with them even more than I planned. A little fun isn't doing any harm.

"Or do you want me to speak with the false admiration of endearing first names by which I do not own the energy to care?"

Eric: "Since when do you talk like this, what's going on?"

I relax back in the chair. I don't care.

"Nothing, I'm being weird."

Faintly I hear Hyde say 'you got that right.' But I found I didn't really necessarily care. Not anymore, they can live and react however the hell they want to, but my time is limited. I don't have the time to bicker like 7 year olds over things that I could care less about.

But what do I do when I'm not fighting over silly things? What am I saving my time and thoughts for? And who?

("Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company")

I walk into my house and put down my school bag. I'm not being clichéd and dropping school, that would make people notice things. Then they would ask questions. No one can know.

School has been interesting, I just couldn't see myself hanging around those bimbo's who have no idea what life is, so I voted for option A. Causing a scene and blowing them off.

Let's go back to lunch today.

For a while I just sat at the table with them because I didn't have anywhere else to go, I drifted in an out of conversation, barely saying anything when Sandi asked me.

"When are we going to cheerleading practice Jackie?"

Are you kidding?

Normally I would say this in my head, but it slipped out before I could do anything. 7 heads turn to look at me, I shrug my shoulders and stand up.

"I quit."

"What the hell Jackie?" Morgan stands up and shouts in my face.

"First of all." I sneer. Yeah, that's right, I sneered.

"If you ever get in my face again, you'll find even more reason to reconstruct your nose again. And second of all, it's not worth my time now, ever, or at all. Bye."

By the time I walk out the cafeteria everyone has stopped talking to watch the scene unfold. Curious as to what caused Point Place high's most popular cheerleader to give up her reign to the throne.

That's the part where I grin and say the green little men inside my ear told me to say it. Then I go off behind the school and light matches, secretly plotting half the schools demise.

I grin fondly as I retrace the memory, but the grin is quickly gone and I decide to head over to Eric's. There's nothing to do in this small town.

I walk into the basement and find Eric, Hyde, and Donna all sitting around. They all give me a round of applause and I roll my eyes with a smile and curtsy. I take my seat on the couch next to Eric.

"Jackie! That was great, we saw the whole thing. What made you do that?" Donna asks enthusiastically.

"Yeah Jackie." Starts Eric "It's kind of weird and sudden though, I mean. You just changed into this whole new person."

Do they want me to say something?

"Well, you know. One day, I just woke up and, BAM!" I say loudly, causing everyone to jump slightly "It hits me like a truck going 80. I don't like who I am."

Hyde leans forward and pats me on the shoulder lightly "Don't worry, we don't like who you are either."

I smirk at his ingenious words and continue on with my acceptance speech. Isn't that what I want anyways? Acceptance, from them. "So, I hop out of bed and see a therapist and give up my whole entire life." I sigh and lean back in the chair a false and sarcastic smile on my face "Next thing you know I'll be getting those prozac pills. Life couldn't be any better." I place my hands behind my head and prop my feet on the table. They all burst out laughing and I remove myself from my pose. Yup, I like who I am now. I like to think it's the real me. But this isn't who I really am. This is me, dying, and making a decision for my life. But they seem to like me better now. So why change for a good thing that doesn't cause any harm.

But I am causing harm, to them. If I'm a better person they'll like me way more, they'll get attached. And grieve more due to my death.

I just can't always help but fuck things up can I?

When I come out of my thoughts I find it's just Hyde and I.

"Where did Donna and Eric go?"

Hyde looks at me funny and furrows up his brow "They left man, like 10 minutes ago. They said goodbye and so did you. You feeling alright?"

Shit. Shit, oh god shit. I forgot. Shit, shit, shit, I forgot. They're sitting on my dresser next to my bed how could I fucking forget? My pills, once a day. If I don't take one I forget things, and get in these weird moods.

"Shit I gotta go." I stand up and make my way to the door. I reach the knob and it hits me. My head. My head, I hold my forehead in my hand. The pain, the headaches. It feels like someone has taken an ax to my forehead, splitting in two. I fall to my knees in pain. Hand still on the doorknob. I can feel myself crying out in pain.

I hear Hyde scream out my name "Jackie!"

I can feel someone by my side "What's wrong? What's the matter Jackie? Jackie. Jackie man, come on!"

The pain slowly subsides and I let go of the knob, I feel very faint. I feel myself fall slowly into his arms, my eyes half lidded. He's still questioning me, wondering what's going on. I should have taken that goddamn pill, he's gonna find out why.

I'm being lifted now, and placed on the couch, he leaves. He comes back and I feel a cool rag being placed on my forehead. Oh my god, that feels good. I let out a low moan, and feel myself getting sleepy, I should wake up, I need to take that pill.

I let myself rest for 10 minutes, getting the energy I need to take me back to my house.

Hyde is very worried, I can see him, feel him really. He's watching me like a hawk, one hand covering his mouth. He's concerned, he's confused. I shouldn't be putting all this pressure on him.

Slowly I take the rag off my head and pull myself into an up position.

"Jackie, are you alright?"

In my mind I say no, but outside I say "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I take these pills for heavy migraines and I forgot to take one today."

Well, it's half true.

"You were pretty scary Jackie, it looked like you were dying or something."

I actually laugh out loud at that one. He looks at me funny once more. I shouldn't have laughed, that really hurt my head. I need to get home.

"Hyde I need to get home, could you take me?"

"Yeah." He gets off his chair and helps me up. This is the most gentle and kind I've ever seen him. It hurts to walk, it hurts to think. It hurts to look at anything. I just want to take a pill and sleep.

I've pretty much zoned out and when I come back to earth I find myself in the front seat of the El Camino. My windows is open and I'm sleeping lightly, the cool air and silence in the car all hitting me lessens the pain. Dulls the throbbing. The wind feels cool, drying my sweaty forehead. He stops the car and I find him helping me out of the car.

At the door I take out my keys and open the door. "Thanks Hyde. I really do appreciate this, ummm, I'll prolly see you later k?"

He nods and walks back to the car. I can tell he still confused, I don't blame him. What he doesn't know is that he probably just saved my life. It's odd though, I don't feel as though I have a life to save.

A/N: Alright, chapter 2 up. I really don't know when Her Mistake is gonna be up. I have like half of it done, but that chapter is really really long, I think it's the last one. So I don't know. Please review folks.