Author's Note: I wanted to let everyone know I don't hate Jeff. I just prefer Annie with Abed and have philosophical reasons for doing so. Hope this chapter helps elaborate to that effect. I never anticipated having this chapter up so quickly but watching the Giants win the Superbowl this afternoon really jazzed me. I went to the gym for an hour and still can't sleep. Let me know if you like the story and I'll try and update within the week. And thanks to those who reviewed anonymously.

Chapter 2: How To Eat Your Words and Then Some

x

Neither of us dared to say anything until we heard the water running. Fortunately, the pipes in the apartment were as loud as the walls were thin so I sighed in relief when they started rattling. Meeting Jeff's eye shyly, I opened my mouth to say something cute and conciliatory but he interrupted me before I so much as uttered a syllable.

"I'm gonna go."

I was so surprised by this that I didn't manage to voice any protest until Jeff had already swept past me and set his beer down on the nearest surface. "What!" I yelped, hating myself for sounding like a pouty middle-schooler. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah," Jeff said, stilling in his tracks although he was already halfway to the door. "I have some things to do and it's getting late."

"It's barely dark out!" In a flash I was right in front of him, arms wide and blocking the exit. "And you said that you didn't have anything to do today."

"Annie," he sighed, and with that sigh I knew he was going to be a little less polite and a little more dismissive, "I need to go, okay? Abed's home and… things are getting kinda real here."

"Aha!" I jumped on his little Freudian slip before he had the gall to use Freud to get out of it. "That's it, isn't it? It was getting real for once. And why don't you ask yourself, Mr. Winger, just how much realer it would have gotten if Abed hadn't come home early?"

"Cute," Jeff deadpanned, affixing me with an exasperated gaze. "But the fact of the matter is Abed is here now and you know what, he did us a favor."

A chill came over me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he just saved us from making a big mistake, Annie."

Jeff let the comment sink in for a few seconds, and every one of them stung. I hated that he could see me just then. I hated that he could see my eyes, all big and vulnerable. I hated that he can see my pain. Because it was fresh, and it was deep.

"How can you say that?" I choked out. "How can you say that again? Every time anything real happens between us you do this. You backtrack. You make excuses. But then the rest of the while you're flirting with me! And you're being nice. And—and leading me on!"

Jeff's eyes flashed. "I'm nice to you because you're my friend, Annie. I care about you. And I'm not 'leading you on'. I never made any promises about what's going on between us. I told you from the beginning you're too young for me. And we both agreed that we had to stop doing this, remember?"

"That didn't stop you from kissing me! Three time's the charm, Jeff!"

"All right you got me." Jeff's voice had grown louder now, and I could tell that I had pissed him off. "I'm a guy. I'm weak. I'm horny. You're a gorgeous twenty year old coed and so what, I slipped! It wasn't intentional, Annie."

Although somewhat tempered by his accidental compliment, I wasn't about to let Jeff get off so easily. "How much more intentional could it be than your tongue down my throat? You didn't just slip and make out with me this time! This isn't Greendale, Jeff. This is my home. And it, no, we were going somewhere. And something definitely would've happened if Abed hadn't—"

"Yeah, 'something' would've happened," Jeff said, his fingers miming air quotes. "Something would've happened and then what?"

He said it so pointedly and with such severity that I was stunned silent.

"What were you expecting, Annie? That we'd what, start dating? That things would get serious? We're friends. You're one of my best friends and things are fine the way they are. Why would we want to ruin that?"

"You and Britta are friends." It was a weak defense, I knew. But he was irritating me by making some headway and I had to reply somehow.

"Britta and I are grown ups. We know when sex is just sex. You're a kid, Annie! I'd only hurt you."

The second it was out of his mouth I could see that he regretted it. His lips parted and he gritted his teeth. But it was too late to take it back. Too late for me to pretend I hadn't heard it. So that's what Jeff thought of me then? A kid? All that talk about me becoming a smart and competent young woman that he respected. All of those times he'd rushed to my defense when the rest of the group was failing to take me seriously. All of those instances in which I'd imagined that I'd impressed him with my wit, my banter, my knowledge of world politics and pop culture…

And he saw me as a kid.

Not only did he not want to pursue a relationship with me. He didn't even take me seriously enough to have relationship with!

"Annie, I—"

"Just leave." I could feel tears steaming up the backs of my eyeballs and I wanted him out of there while I could still control myself.

"But Annie, I didn't mean that—"

"Really, Jeff. It's fine." My voice had a dull lifeless quality to it, but I didn't bother to try to mask it with fake civility. "It's late, like you said. And I want you to go."

He made a motion as if to move but his feet stayed planted on the ground. I looked away, unwilling to observe his pity and growing angrier by the second for his smothering me with it. "Jeff," I said warningly, and it wasn't a plea. It was a demand.

"I'm going," he said, his voice steeped in regret.

And then he was gone.

x

After Jeff left I just stood there for several minutes, listening to sound of the Abed's shower and feeling hot bitter tears track down my face. Eventually I mustered to will to move and I walked to the kitchen as if on autopilot. I hovered over the trashcan to put away the remains of my beer but then thought better of it, and drank the damn thing down in one guzzle. Setting the bottle in the recycle bin, I spotted a small green apple next to Troy's cookies on the counter and took a bite of it. I wasn't hungry. I never had much of an appetite when I was sad. But I needed something to push down the lump in my throat. With any luck it might join the rocks in my stomach.

I took my apple and my sad self back to my room and plopped on the bed, my limbs taut with tension. I turned on my ipod and tried to scan for music that would make me less agitated, but nothing worked. I picked up a book and put it back down when I realized I had been reading the same page for five minutes straight. I half considered venturing out of the room and watching some TV but chances were nothing would hold my interest. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to get my mind off of Jeff and everything that had just happened but I didn't know where to begin.

How dare he? I seethed inwardly. How dare he call me a 'kid' when he's the one who is still hi-fiving Troy over panty-raids and undie-runs! And hell, I'm just as mature, if not more mature than Miss Meat-Is-Murder but I Heart-Leather-Jackets Britta Bot, too! Why does he discount that? I thought Jeff respected me. I thought he saw me as an equal. And why wouldn't he want to date me anyways? What's wrong with me? I'm nice. I'm smart. And he already admitted that he thinks I'm 'gorgeous'. What's not to like?

I rolled onto my back and scanned the contents of my bedroom attentively. The candy pink and pastel color scheme. The frilly flowers and friendly butterflies. The sheer soft girlishness of it all. Never had I loathed myself so much as I did right then.

Kid. Kid. KID.

And it wasn't just that Jeff had patronized me. It wasn't just that he had wounded my pride. The worst of it was that he'd had a point. If Jeff was planning to have sex with me tonight and then also intending to try and pretend like it didn't mean anything, like we were some sort of fuck buddies, then he would've hurt me. I wasn't built that way. I couldn't just sleep with someone and have it not mean anything. But I had thought that my relationship with Jeff had meant something. I had thought that he did like me enough to eventually want to be with me. Properly.

A gentle rap at the door stirred me from my malaise.

"Annie, are you alone?"

I half sat up, unsure of whether I wanted Abed's input right now. "Yeah, I am."

"I heard Fiona Apple. Are you okay?"

I smiled in spite of myself. It was amazing how well he'd gotten to know me and my habits over the course of a month. "I've been better."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes."

I was sure now. Abed really was better than one of the girls in a time of need. He didn't judge. He didn't overreact. He was simply pensive and sweet and there for you. He might not understand all the emotional intricacies of why someone was upset but he was remarkably perceptive. Moreover, I couldn't imagine calling Britta about my ordeal and admitting all that had happened. She'd be torn between being angry at Jeff and suppressing her resentment towards me, and I didn't want to put her in such an awkward position. God knows she was already awkward enough. And Shirley, well, Shirley would probably want to lecture me but be too nice to do so, so she'd just hold it over my head for the rest of the year, if not longer.

That, and she'd probably key Jeff's car…

Abed came in and I was surprised to see a mug of tea in his left hand. Clearly he'd anticipated a need I didn't know I'd had.

"You knew Jeff left," I said quietly, taking the mug and sipping at the hot chamomile gingerly.

"I figured."

"Because you're a student of human character?"

"That, and I heard raised voices. Didn't seem like anything romantic was going on out there."

I set the mug down on the nightstand and put my head in my hands. "I'm so embarrassed, Abed."

"Don't be. I didn't see anything. I just, you know, sensed it."

"I figured. You're really good at that, you know."

"Sorry I interrupted you guys."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. And according to Jeff, you did us a favor."

Abed sat down alongside me and the pressure made the bed squeak ever-so-slightly. The weight of his presence seemed comforting for some reason. Taking a deep breath, I raised my head, meeting his dark and inquisitive gaze. "He called me a 'kid', Abed. He kissed me, and then he called me a kid. He said he didn't want to hurt me."

Abed nodded dutifully. "That makes sense. Jeff feels very paternal towards you. He's indicated that on numerous occasions over the past few years. But then he's also attracted to you, too. It sets off a major guilt trip and really taps into his daddy issues. Makes him feel like a pervert. His father left his mother for a younger woman, you know?"

I sat up straight, suddenly feeling a hell of a lot less embarrassed because of this new information. "Do you think he's a pervert?"

"No," Abed said matter-of-factly, his tone unchanging. "He's just a man. More lustful than most because years of easy conquests have eaten away at his will power. And you're a beautiful young woman. He couldn't not be attracted to you. But he's mad at himself for acting on it. And I am, too, frankly."

I blushed. I wasn't sure if it was because Abed had called me beautiful or if it was because he said he was angry at Jeff on my behalf. "You are?"

Abed blinked, as if surprised by my surprise. "Of course I am. I understand why he kissed you, but there was no point in doing it if he wasn't going to follow through. He was messing with you. Even by accident, that's not cool."

"No, it's not," I agreed. "But I can't help but feel like I asked for it. I mean, I wanted him to kiss me. I'm sure I gave him all the signals. I've been wanting something like this to happen all semester. And I thought that now, seeing as how I'm not a teenager anymore, well… tonight it finally would."

"You're disappointed?"

"No. I was earlier, but now I'm a little relieved."

I looked down to at my hands in my lap, wondering what would have precisely happened if Abed hasn't come home. Jeff and I would be in bed right about now, that's for certain. And surely within no time, we'd finish, he'd take one sobering look at my unicorn figurines and then try to make his escape. Or worse, he'd pay me lip service and stay a while only to slip out after I'd fallen asleep. And then he'd avoid me the next day.

Child, I thought. I may have been a bit fantastical in my aspirations for our relationship's future, but what woman wasn't guilty of a little self indulgence in this respect? Who didn't imagine story book endings when it came handsome princes, err… hipsters?

Britta's not like that, the little voice mocked. Britta's older. And more experienced. She might not know how to pronounce "bagel", but she can have sex without falling to melodramatic lovesick pieces like you do. You're pathetic, Annie. Trying to seduce Jeff and make him your boyfriend because you think it's some sort of karmic payback because your life sucked in high school? Believing that you two are destined to be together and that you can save him? Save him from what? Banana Republic? And what makes you so special that Jeff would want to give up his bachelor lifestyle to be with you, anyways? Aren't you just as flawed and insecure as everybody else?

"Don't beat yourself up, Annie," Abed said.

I looked up in shock. How the hell had he followed my train of thought when I hadn't even said anything?

"You didn't do anything wrong. Lots of women fall for Jeff, in case you hadn't noticed. The Casanova archetype always get treated as the hero on television, like Barney Stinson or Charlie Harper. But nobody ever asks about the women in their wake. People get hurt all the time, but that doesn't make for good comedy."

Abed hand reached for mine. Our fingers laced together and the warmth of his touch made me realize how cold I was. How cold I had been until he'd come into the room. I beamed at him. Abed was such a sweetheart. The wonders he could work within a few short minutes. Back in the days of Count Spaghetti when I was living alone, an incident such as this one would've plagued me all night and I might've even cried myself to sleep. But now with Abed here as my support system, I was feeling much better about Jeff and my bruised ego.

"I'm not that hurt," I told him, and as soon as I said it I realized it was true. "I'm just glad you're here."

Abed's thumb swiped against my palm reassuringly and a funny tingle shot up my arm. "So you don't think I'm a kid?" I asked, watching his reaction intently.

"No more of a kid than I am." Abed flashed me a particularly boyish smile and I gathered that he was trying to be facetious. Man, living with Troy and me had really humanized him as of late.

"Have you ever been in love, Abed?" I blurted out. I don't know what made me ask it, but I was suddenly very curious.

"No." He said it flatly, with no indication as to whether he considered that a good or a bad thing. "Do you love Jeff?"

"No," I sighed. "But I think I could. Really easily if he let me. But then I also thought that I was in love with Vaughn. We used to say it to each other all the time. And I honestly thought I meant it when I did say it. But I must not have been really in love because I got over his leaving pretty quickly. Like, lightning quickly, thanks to Jeff."

Abed frowned and his mouth quirked in that peculiar way it tended to do. I could sense that he was about to say something important and for some reason I grew worried. Maybe I shouldn't have revealed that I hadn't loved Vaughn when I said I had. Maybe Abed took me for a hypocrite or some sort of hussy. My forehead pinched in anticipation and for a moment I feared he was going to draw his hand away. But he didn't.

Instead he said, "I don't think you should worry about stuff like that. I mean, I don't. I love my parents. I love Troy and you. I love all of you guys. That's enough for me. If I tried to push myself to experience every little emotional thing that happens to other people naturally I'd be a nervous wreck. You have to learn to let things happen, Annie. And live in the present. Our past doesn't define us. It's what we do now that counts."

My heart fluttered beneath my breast. And for the second time that evening I felt my eyes water at a rapid rate. I didn't know if it was because Abed had just told me that he loved me. I didn't know if it was because I realized then just how fiercely I loved him. But I was certain it was partially because he'd known again, without my ever bringing it up, that I was feeling extremely neurotic tonight. Like the ugly duckling I used to be. Little Annie Adderral. But Abed said that that wasn't the real me. That I wasn't defined by my past. And I believed him.

I squeezed his fingers in appreciation and then moved in for the hug. Abed's arms folded over the breadth of my back and I seemed to fit into them just perfectly. I laid my head on his shoulder and breathed in a sigh of deep contentment. His t-shirt was soft and he smelled of spring water soap and freshly laundered fabric. And it was all so natural. So relaxing. So… easy.

After a few requisite seconds I drew back reluctantly. I couldn't think of anything to say to him that was half as beautiful as what he'd just said to me. But I tried to express my appreciation nonetheless.

"Thanks, Abed. I'm so grateful to be your roommate. Living with friends is so much better than living alone."

"I agree." He smiled. Longer this time. "I was worried we'd get sick of each other when Troy talked me into it, but we're all much closer now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are," I said warmly.

If anyone had told me two and a half years ago that someone like Abed Nadir would wind up being one of my closest friends, well, I wouldn't have believed it. Before the study group all of my friends had been girls, particularly girls of the catty, preppy, academic variety. And all of those girls had dropped me like a hot potato after my nervous breakdown. They'd even booted me off Facebook. But Abed, strange and eccentric though he was, had somehow wound his way into the very fabric of my heart. And he was dearer and more loyal to me than anyone else I knew.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, cocking his head. "I could order a pizza. Or Troy and I could take you out for dinner and drinks. It could be a night on the town and a 'forget-about-him-he's-not-worth-it' night. Like on Sex and The City."

"No." I laughed lightly and shook my head. My stomach no longer held rocks in it, but I was feeling strangely full. "Can we just sit here a while? This is really nice."

"Cool. Cool cool cool."

His eyes shone brightly and in spite of the dim lighting in my bedroom, I could just make out my reflection in them. I looked happy. My gaze lingered and I found myself focused on his mouth. And suddenly I was remembering the time we kissed. How passionate it had been. How organic it had felt in spite of the façade that it was. How I'd had to train myself to forget about it each and every time someone brought up paintball, because if I let myself remember, I might start craving the experience all over again…

A crazy impulse took over me. And before I could question it, I leaned in and kissed him.