Disclaimer: I own south of nadda

Hey guys, sorry for the taking so long to update thing, i know where i want this to go and i knew what i wanted to do, but i had a hard time putting it down, like the idea was just hard to plan out and stuff or something like that. Well anyway here you go, and next chapter promise longer, i just had some trouble with this one oh and Happy New Year and stuff and yes first post of the new year for me and I'll update the other two stories ASAP ok oh and i hated the SON season finale once again :)and review please to let me know if i should continue or end this ASAP ok

For those who asked me why clay, well to tell you the truth i think he got shot, maybe he wont die but i think he got shot for many reasons, some of them are because when they take the body away the upper chest area seems like it's a male, also the feet/shoes under that sheet, and they call the Carlin home, Spencer and Ashley were being covered by Aiden it could be Aiden and the phone call to the Carlin home could be because the need the bitch... i mean Paula at the hospital, or maybe even glen because he did get involved in that fight, maybe they aimed at him too but i think it's clay, they need drama they got more, Chelsea without a father for her child how much more drama could they have, well besides the whole Spashley deal, oh but anyway the guy who dies is most likely Boz but i still think it's Clay. I have more reasons but I'll write them next chapter cause I basically study the last episode and just pray that Spashley lives.Well those are my two cents. Well actually like my fifty cents since i wrote so much anyway...on with the update

"Hey Bro"

"Umm, sorry I didn't come yesterday, I was, well I was with her, just and her yesterday. I did really want to come but I couldn't get out of bed, so I just laid there with her. Just taking in her scent, burning her image into my brain and holding her as close to me as humanly possible, with the occasional update to mom, and when I say update I mean complete and utter lie. And well me and her just, actually, you know what, just forget it, it won't happen again bro."

I can feel a tear in my eye but no, I can't cry. I promised that I wouldn't cry no matter what, I promised I was going to be strong today, I just can't cry I promised myself but most of all I promised her.

"So, as you can tell, I'm actually talking to you today, instead of just thinking to you, or uhh, whatever it's called. Umm, she told me it would make me feel better, you know, the talking to you out loud thing, and I guess it does make me fell a little better, well I guess she used to do this when she lost her…"

I can feel the tears coming down my face but no I can't I try to hold it in. I can't cry, I just can't. I think of her and how strong she's made me and then I stop crying, god she really is my everything.

"Yeah, I know what it sounds like, it sounds like I'm obsessed over her and well, maybe I am, but I mean who wouldn't be when you first look at her, that body, those eyes, that face. She is just everything I could've ever asked for, everything I need and want and of course now things are most complicated between us."

"Everything has just been crazy you know, between us since prom and the shooting, especially for me when I found out you were gone, mom and dad lied to me saying you were going to be fine, actually if I hadn't spoken with the funeral home I wouldn't even have known. God, you being gone, me and her, mom and dad fighting all the time, well when he's home, and Glen going to war, it all just seems likes yesterday since the night that changed all of our lives, you know."

"Then just decide!" I scream out with all my energy. I just want her to decide, I need to know if this, if us, is going to work forever or if it is just a substitute for what she used to have with Aiden.

"Gun!" I hear someone scream, it sounds like Boz. Then everything seems to go in slow motion, I can see the first shot being fired and it's heading towards Boz, and I look over at Ashley and then I hear more shots being fired. I can practically see the bullets leaving the barrels of the guns and I see them all scatter in different direction, one even whizzing close by me. I look at Ashley once more and see she's so scared she's not reacting at all, I get ready to leap onto her to protect her from the bullets when...

"Aiden" she screams and then I just freeze. Thinking she has just chosen between her girlfriend and her best friend love and she ahs chosen the best friend. And even if that wasn't exactly saying she was choosing him apparently his safety mattered more to her than my own.

Next thing I know I being jumped over and being pushed to the ground as Aiden jumps over me and Ashley, but right before I hit the ground I feel a pain in my calf, next thing I know I feel numb and tired and everything goes black.

I can't cry, there is no way I'm crying over it again no, "Well, I guess you want to know what happens when I wake up."

I wake up and see a very beautiful brunette sitting beside me, she is looking at her shoes as if she takes her eyes off of them they might run away and she has my hand in between both of hers. With her head down I see the wall and realize it white, which means we aren't in my room and just the fact that I can see the walls confirms that it isn't her room. You know with all the posters she has up in her room and then I start to worry, where the hell am I?

"Where am I?" The brunette looks at me and I can see she's been crying, oh she looks so vulnerable right now, she also looks like she hasn't slept in days, and then she open her mouth I assume to say something but then closes it again, and does this a couple more times before it starts to get on my nerves and then she clears her throat and I know she I ready to talk.

"You're in the hospital Spencer" Then I start to worry, she hasn't said my complete first name since we've been together, always Spencer, or the occasional baby, sweet heart, love, honey, anything really but Spencer?

I look deep into her eyes to see why she has been crying and why she just called me Spencer, and I can see there is something wrong, it looks like guilt, she feels like she has done something horribly wrong or is about to and is regretting it.

"Baby, are you okay?" I ask her worried, and she just nods as a response. I can tell she is not okay, what if she feels guilty that I'm in the hospital and she is blaming herself well I can't let her think that.

But then it comes to me, moment before I completely blanked out she had to decide who she loved, and as I can recall she had said Aiden. I think to myself and put everything together all the pieces to remember exactly why I'm here. Everything comes back to me piece by piece as I put it all together. First thing I remember is Ashley looking very hot and me wanting her right then and there and next thing I know Aiden says he loves Ashley and then she takes me out my daze as she speaks.

"Spencer, we need to talk."

"Get out!" I yell at her, she looks at me confused, probably because I've never yelled at her like that and then I can tell she knows why I have just kicked her out, and instead of telling me that its not true or something telling me what I assume is not true all she says is a simple…

"Sorry" and she breaks down, I want to comfort her but I can't I now know I am not hers and she is not mine so right now I have the power to not care anymore about her or her problems. When were together I would take on her problems but now Aiden can do that.

"Spencer, you don't understand I'm doing this for us." I look at her completely confused.

"What do you mean for us? I don't know how getting back with your ex is going to help us, can u please enlighten me, and tell me how the fuck is you getting together with Aiden going to fucking help us, because all I can see right now is it is breaking us up and the last time I checked breaking up is taking a step backwards from being girlfriend and girlfriend." I yelled so loud my mom walked in and wondered what was going on, she saw Ashley there head down crying and my face burning red and she looked at me and I looked at her and she mouthed if I was okay and I nodded and she left the room.

"Spencer, when you asked me to decide, I was going to choose you, because I love you and only you, but well Aiden was shot too and I went to go see him yesterday and he told me just to give him a chance and well, I told him okay but only to prove that I am in fact in love with you, so can we just be friends for now." I looked at her confused because Aiden had saved Ashley's and my life apparently and I couldn't be mad at Aiden he saved the love of my life's live and now I knew what she had just said made sense. It was out of pity and to make sure of her feelings, but what if she actually found out she wasn't 100 in this. Or maybe she is lying to me right now.

"Ashley, Ash" I saw a smile creep on her face.

"I'm sorry, I can't" And I saw her die inside, I saw her beautiful chocolate eyes lose their color, I saw her smile turn into the saddest frown ever, I saw my baby literally die. And the fact that I had just caused it killed me inside. It's not what I had meant to say but it just came out this way, my mind was taking control of my heart at the moment, I guess I was saving myself for more pain later when she realized she was still in love with Aiden, I mean I have the seen the secret glances, their history, I can't go up against that, I don't even stand a chance.

"Ash, I didn't mean it like that" God I hated myself that I had said that

"Then what the fuck did you mean" I saw her at her most vulnerable, her walls were completely down but not because she was going to let me in, but because she was going to go all out, she was going to let out everything, and then just close up again, like a volcano she was about to explode, and then...

I can hear a honking of a horn and I look around to see her in the car. I look at my watch and realize that she is exactly on time, god how she has changed for me, I really do love her.

"Well bro, until tomorrow."

"I love you"