Disclaimer: Still own nothing except for my other story, which you should def check it out, i heard on the street that it's hott

Yeah two updates on day, and sorry about the other story, it's not so much writers block as it is laziness, i wrote like 10 pages and stuff but i lost it so i had to start from scratch especially with my horrible memory, couldn't remember anything, ahh, well anyway enjoy and stuff, i still like my other post better but anyway i still hate the Son season fianle but I love the reviews, so R&R to let me know if i should continue this story.

"Umm… Hey Bro"

"Yes I still feel awkward talking to you like this, well I actually brought you something today." I smile, but I know it's fake, anyone could tell, god why did you take him, he was the good brother, maybe not by blood, but he was my other rock, my back-up rock.

"Here it is" I place my diary on the patch of dirt in front of the tombstone.

"It's my diary, as you can tell, well I started this one after you died. And well, it's filled up, I wrote down everything I did that day that reminded me of you, and well most of what I did everyday reminded me somehow of you. Everything that I did in memory of you and stuff. And well I stopped writing in it the day I visited you, like 3 days ago. For two reasons, umm, one because there was only one blank page left and because I wanted to start a new one right after seeing you, so I brought it too so u can see what I write about my visits when I come here."

"Well anyway, the old one had a blank page but if you look at the last page." I open the diary to the last page and it says

To Clay

the bestest big brother ever

with a big heart around it. I giggle a bit, which is a lot to say since I haven't even smiled in a while now. I look around to make sure no one is around then I just lay on the patch of dirt and just hug the earth. And I can feel Clay there, just hugging me back, I can feel the warmness from him and it feels so good.

"Well in the new diary I write about is what I talk to you about, like yesterday as soon as she took me home I wrote what we talked about and I have it right here the last thing we talked about is Ashley about to explode in the hospital when I told her I couldn't just sit back and watch her give Aiden another chance."

"See I have it written down"

"Then what the fuck did you mean" She screamed. I saw her at her most vulnerable, her walls were completely down but not because she was going to let me in, but because she was going to go all out, she was going to let out everything, and then just close up again, like a volcano she was about to explode, and then we were interrupted by my love. She honked the horn and I promised Clay I would finish telling him the story tomorrow.

"So I guess I should finish telling you what happened." God it's just so hard to remember such pain, ahh, but it's for Clay, he would do the same for me, well if he was gay and had some relationship problems.

She was about to explode and then she just got on her knees and begged.

"Please Spencer don't do this to me, I'll tell Aiden no, just don't tell me we can't do this, I'll go over right now and just tell him that I can't do this because I'm already madly in love with Spencer."

I looked at her and she was actually begging, but I couldn't I know she still had feelings for him, me just ignoring them would make it worse for us in the future. I get out of my bed and go down with her and give her a big hug and think of how I can word this without hurting her more than she has already been hurt.

"Ashley, just the fact that you didn't say no to him as soon as he asked you makes me think you still have feelings for him, and you have to go for it, because in the end I don't want you to regret your decision." I look at her and just give her a quick peck on the lips, a good-bye kiss, the last kiss we will ever share, it had to be quick, but loving at the same time, and she just touches her lips and starts crying, I get up and back on my bed and she just sobs on the floor.

"No Spencer" She yells, "I don't want this to be good-bye."

"Ashley you said good-bye first" My eyes start to tear, why am I doing this, I should be happy she has just chosen me, but no, she should've said that right then and there, not after I've been shot and after she said she would go out with Aiden.

"No Spencer, please, another chance, please, don't say good-bye" I look at her with saddened eyes and I just turn away from her and start crying.

"Spencer look at me" She whispers and I ignore her as hard as I can.

"Spencer look at me" She said a little higher this time

"Spencer look at me" She screamed and grabbed my two shoulders and turned me towards her

She looked at me and saw the fear in my eyes, she stepped back and mouthed a sorry to me. I just continued to cry and she came up to me and kissed me so passionately I was just so lost in the kiss I didn't even realize that she ended it.

She looked at me with so much fire in her eyes, she was going to make sure she wasn't going to lose me.

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone." I looked at her confused, I never said I didn't love her, never not once.

"Ashley I never said I didn't love you, I love you with all my heart, without you I wouldn't be happy, but that's because I thought you were happy with me, the only reason I would be happy knowing that you are happy with me, but you're not if u never figure out your feelings for Aiden." I look at her and she understands, and now she is regretting ever telling Aiden that he would give him a chance.

"So, no matter what we wont end up together." I look at her and I don't know how to answer that.

"Maybe in the future, when we've both experienced it all and we've both realized that we need each other, well when you realize you need me anyway." I look at her and she just runs out of the room. And now I feel it, the consequences of losing Ashley. God does it hurt, I feel like someone took my heart and just cracked it into a million pieces then took each one of those pieces and destroyed it into a million more pieces.

Well I left the hospital about a week later, and didn't hear from Ashley, but from outside sources I found out that she did go out on a date with Aiden. And that they went out on a second date, and a third and a fourth, that week I was in the hospital. I left the hospital but not before one of the nurses said they were holding a letter for me for about a week now and had to give it to when I left. I took the letter and opened it and read it.

Dear Spencer,

I want you to know, although we are not together, I love you and I always will. No matter what I do, or what you do, I will never stop loving you, never, and I will go on that date with Aiden, but I will be thinking about you the whole time, and I wont do anything I will regret. Spencer, I have waited for you before and I will wait for you for a lifetime, and the prize is always worth the wait.

Love

forever,

Ashley

I read it and smiled, knowing that those four dates she had with Aiden, she was thinking about me the whole time. Well I hoped she was. Then about a week and 5 more dates for the new couple, I started to doubt she still cared about me, I mean she was with Aiden, apparently they clicked better than I thought. But I was surprised that night.

The doorbell rang, and I thought who could have come back home so early, I mean mom and dad went out to dinner together to rekindle their love while Glen is always out and Clay is well not with us anymore. I'm home alone and a little freaked out that someone is ringing the doorbell. I head downstairs and open the door and Ashley is standing there, crying.

It broke my heart all over again, seeing the love of my life crying, I opened my arms and she walked over to me and I gave her the biggest hug I could to let her know it was all going to be all right. I led her upstairs to my room and opened the cover for her, I took off her shirt and her jeans, and she got under the covers, I did the same so that we were both in just bra's and panties and I laid down next to her under the covers and just held her close.

I kissed her lips, and god did it feel so good after two weeks to finally kiss her. She responded by kissing me back, and then she started playing with my breasts. Just cupping them and squeezing them and I let out a moan.

Apparently that was a sign for her to keep going, she then started touching my abs, and it just gave me shivers, she reached out behind me and unhooked my bra and put my nipple into her mouth. She knew exactly how to please me, she has known since the first time we had done this. She takes two fingers and inserts them in me, and she thrusts in and out, my panties are sort of in the way, so I stop her, and take off my panties before taking her hand and bringing it back down to my wetness.

I start to scream, no one is home so who cares right? I kiss her and scream her name, knowing she loves when I do that, and with one final thrust she makes me climax. I just lay there tired, while she still caresses both my breast one with her hand and the other with her mouth.

She kisses my jaw line and then my lips. She then gets up and heads out of my room. I wonder where she is going to go, in bra and panties. I put a towel on and follow her, my knees still weak making it hard to walk, and she goes into the bathroom, she closes the door behind her but not locking it. I hear the shower start, she probably doesn't expect me to pay her back for what she just did, so she's taking a cold shower to relieve it. But no I owe her big time so I walk I and lock the door behind me.

I take off the towel and go in the shower and she looks at me surprised. I crash my lips into hers and immediately stick two fingers into her wetness. She scream my name, and god I just get all hot again. I can feel it between my legs, just her voice turns me on.

I put her nipple in my mouth while I still have fingers inside of her. I trace kisses all along her body on the way up to my destination, those delicious lips. I bite her lip, pulling it with me. She loves when I do that, and I can still tell it has the same affect on her. She surprises me as she inserts two fingers into me as well.

I want to tell her this is all about her right now, I already had my turn, but she just wont hear it, probably because I'm moaning so much I probably haven't even said it. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around me as I use her own weight against her by pushing three fingers into her. I capture her lips just as she screams.

And just like that she reaches her point, and she looks just so tired.

"Spence, I love you" It surprises me sort of, but not because I don't feel the same way just because I haven't heard it in a while.

"I love you to Ash" I respond, and put the towel I had on around her naked body, I slap her butt indicating to get out of the bathroom and head to my room, she lets out a small scream, as I do it again but this time squeezing her but on the way out.

Then I hear the front door open and close as I hear my dad's voice.

"Honey, we're home" I then run to my room and pull Ashley in and lock the door.

"Ok dad, I'm just in my room, I'm going to bed now"

"Okay Honey, I'll make you breakfast tomorrow" I just smile and respond

"Thanks dad, and goodnight mom"

"Goodnight Spence" I look over to my bed to see Ashley just laying there in a towel, I pull her up, remove the covers, take off her towel, lay her back down and cover her with the blanket. I go in with her, seeing as I'm already naked and wet I might add, and we just lay there, I turn my back to her, and she just wraps her arm around me.

"I meant it you know" I smile knowing what she is talking about.

"Me too"

"So where does this leave us?" She asks and I just respond simply

"Sorry Clay, but I have to go, I have to meet up with her at 5, and I'm already running late, I promise to come day after tomorrow, and I'll come with her and finish up our little catching up, and I won't forget where we left off see I'm writing it in the diary."