Kori's Dream
"Where am I?"
Kori sat up on the bed and looked around the environment around her. She's in the hospital again.
The night had succumbed the ward but light was entering slightly, as dawn was slowly approaching. There was nothing around her except for the things that should be in the ward. A blonde was sleeping soundly the next to her holding onto her hands with a strong grip that seemed to lock her with him. There were bandages on both her arms; those are enough to tell her what happened to her. She lost control again.
"Eiri are you asleep?" she touched and asked the blonde.
Eiri did not move but snuggled more into the blanket.
The girl smiled slightly and slowly pulls away her hands from the grip, pulling her blanket to cover him.
"Sleep tight, you must be really tired."
With a last push, she got down from the bed and left the ward. The corridors were still lit at night, and there were nurses and doctors entering the hospital for their day. Kori took a stroll around the hospital, exploring the place with her own pace. She went around the wards and to the counter, only finding herself to be caught by one of the nurses on duty.
"You're not supposed to move around on free will, Seguchi san."
Kori scorned at her, hating the way she called her and ignored her.
The nurse then tried to grab onto her, Kori had no choice but to budge. She followed the lady back into the ward and lied back into the bed as she was told. Then, to prevent Kori from running off again, the nurse gave her a dose of sleeping pills and makes sure that Kori eats it and get back to sleep, which of course happened.
-------------------------------------
(Kori's POV)
I sat by the window and gazed out into the open hopelessly. I couldn't help but feel pathetic; I really pitied myself for being such a useless being.
The sky was blue and the drizzle earlier on had washed the clouds away. The greenery made me feel disgusted; it's so naïve that I had the deepest urge to puke. It's a pain to my eyes.
I've decided to ignore the shit before me and stare into the space, wondering around in circles.
Why am I here?
This was the only thought running in my mind.
Of course I've thought of jumping out the window, but there were bars and I'm locked in with nothing at all. I've tied hanging myself with my clothes, but there were cameras in the room and the nurses came in and took me down. I could do nothing at all.
There I lie in my vivid thoughts of more deaths, trying to figure a new way to die in peace. I looked around into the fields outside and wondered about my existence in life when I noticed a blonde in the woods.
He was walking around, looking at me all the time. I didn't have much reaction, just blindly turned away. I couldn't really see his face, but he came every day for the last two weeks. Why was he there anyway?
I moved away from the window and lied down back into the bed, staring at the ceiling when Miyashi came in.
"How are you today, Kori?" he asked with his usual smile, placing his hand over my head, stroking it gently.
I looked at him and turned my attention to the unclosed door. He found my intention and immediately shut the door.
"No, Kori."
I frowned a little and looked away. Miyashi sighed and took out his stuffs, placing a box of magic markers and a sketchbook on the bed. I took the stuffs and began to doodle onto the sketchbook with him by the side looking at it.
I took out a green marker, without a thought I wrote: Ryuichi.
He read it aloud and sighed, knowing that I missed that boy. But no matter what, Ryuichi was prohibited to have visitors and he was not allowed to leave the room, stating the fact he was tied down onto the bed in his ward. Nonetheless, he told me nothing about Ryuichi since the day we we're hospitalized.
I put down the marker and moved to the window again, gazing out again. I looked down at the field, finding that the blonde was already gone. Disappointed, I sighed and laid my head onto the bars.
Just when I was about to fall asleep, there was a knock on the door.
"It seems like you have a visitor, Kori." Miyashi said and opened the door. "Oh hi, Seguchi. Nice seeing you."
I turned around and looked at the boy who came in. he was that blonde from the outside. His name was Seguchi?
"Kori." He whispered, his voice echoing in my mind. He was Touma Seguchi, my brother.
I shifted my body back into the bed and pull the covers over, hating his appearance before me. My body began to shiver, scaring the hell out of me with this sudden panic attack.
Miyashi quickly got Touma out of the room and pulled me out from my blanket, sending me roughly into an embrace when he took the chance to force the pills down me throat.
I choked and coughed, but the pills eventually got swallowed. I calmed down a few hours later and Miyashi rested my tired body onto the bed, sending me to bed with a kiss on my forehead.
Touma didn't move, just stood there and watched as if he was a suspect in a court.
"Seguchi…" Miyashi whispered and Gently pushed the blonde out of the room.
The blonde walked out slowly, falling onto a wall on the corridor. His legs were weak and there's no way he could walk much longer. Slowly, he slipped onto the ground, breaking down into tears and cried.
"Why?" he screamed and banged his head onto the wall.
The man walked away, leaving the boy all alone to cool himself down. He knew he could do nothing about it but to leave the siblings alone. He was an outsider. Besides, he didn't want to know.
Touma left the building later that day. Since then, he came to visit me very often, trying as much as he could to communicate with me. I never really replied him. I knew he was talking to me and I really knew what he meant. I just, I just didn't want to talk to him.
That day, I stood by the window, holding onto the grills. As usual, I was singing with words that just pop up in my mind out of nowhere.
"Kori," he said and looked into his reflection in the mirror on the wall. "Do you still hate me?"
I stopped singing and looked at him, piercing straight into his eyes.
"No, Seguchi." That's what I replied him.
He was shocked with the formalities, but never held a grudge to it. He knew I don't regard him as a family, but he insisted a reply so I gave it to him.
"Thank you." He replied.
He was touched somehow; I could see it in him.
Nevertheless, that was mostly a lie. I really hated him, but I can't bear to let him be upset since he didn't have a very strong heart. I didn't want to hurt him. He was my brother after all.
I sat down onto the bed and continued with the lullaby, the notes gently flowing in the room. Seguchi lied down and lay onto the bed beside me, humming with the tune.
How far should I go How much more do I have to knowI stayed at that spot thinking:
"How much further do I have to go?"
You never gave me a chance,
Saying that I'll always be a kid.
I'm an amateur and all will always be just a dream.
I couldn't grow up,
You wouldn't let me to.
If I would be given a chance to do,
I'll let go of you,
Get you outta my life,
Get you outta my memories.
I'll never get the chance to grow up.
I'll always be stuck in those memories
In a dream.
There, once again
You sang Baa baa black sheep.
You made me remember that life is not fair,
Not fair at all.
No one will ever had the same bag wool.
That was a lie and that was truth.
I couldn't remember those confusing words,
All I knew that it was just a fairy tale.
Another time,
You sang about Mary.
You told me that the little lamb followed her everyday,
Just like me.
I'll always be leaning onto your back for support,
I'll always be the first who shall fall in love with you.
I knew I couldn't trust your words,
But at last it came true.
I couldn't grow up,
You wouldn't let me to.
If I would be given a chance to do,
I'll let go of you,
Get you outta my life,
Get you outta my memories.
I'll never get the chance to grow up.
I'll always be stuck in those memories
In a dream.
Today, I sat before you.
I sang this song with you.
You told me that I was childish, being ridiculously stupid
Like I always am.
I'll never be able to grow up,
Remembering the haunting past that shall torture me.
I'll always be a stupid kid,
Losing and gaining in every aspects of life.
I couldn't grow up,
You wouldn't let me to.
If I would be given a chance to do,
I'll let go of you,
Get you outta my life,
Get you outta my memories.
I'll never get the chance to grow up.
I'll always be stuck in those memories
In a dream.
If I were to be given a chance,
I will grow up.
Even if I'll be stuck in those memories,
I believe that it's just a dream.
End
Touching or just being confusing, you decide.
The title of the song is "I'm a kid." Once again, my proud creation. I love that song, describes lot about me. It was a song that was composed right after my darker days; it was a song with a feeling of regrets. I hope you guys love it.
Arg…the GCE is nearing and I'm dying. Why do I have to take Cambridge papers, they're so difficult. Just because I wanna study in Singapore? That's too much. I'm so tired and sleep deprived nowadays that I hardly had the time to think for myself.
Saa…Better get on with life if I really aim to be someone of use.
Gangarimasu!
Please Review…