This is just a Smythofsky/Sebofsky oneshot that was supposed to be a short drabble, but got a little bit out of control. I hope you enjoy!
Things to keep in mind: Lima, and by extension Scandals, is almost 2 hours from Westerville. So it would take a long time to get to the bar and back to Dalton. People never seem to take that fact into consideration.
Title and lyrics (the few full lines in italics) come from the Anberlin song Inevitable. I don't own them. Or Glee, clearly.
I wanna break every clock. The hands of time could never move again.
Sebastian rolled off Dave and collapsed, breathing heavily, onto the pile of pillows on the left side of the bed. The two of them lay there quietly for a few minutes, catching their breath, before the silence was punctured by Sebastian. He let out a loud sound- a strange combination of an exasperated sigh and a groan of frustration. Dave let his head fall to the side, looking at Sebastian with his eyebrows raised in question.
"What's your problem?"
Sebastian was quiet for a moment before he answered, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "I don't do this... Well no, I do this. Obviously. All the time, in fact. Sex isn't a new thing for me. I just don't do… this."
"Seb…" Dave was confused. "We do this all the time. What's up with you?"
"That's the problem. We fuck all the time. Me and you. Not me and whatever random horndog I pick up at Scandals. It's been a month since I've had my dick in a guy's ass. We're fucking monogamously and it's freaking me out. I am not a monogamous fucker."
Dave snorted in laughter at Sebastian's crudeness, but he turned his head back so that both boys were now looking at the ceiling. Dave couldn't look at Sebastian any longer; he was terrified of the direction this conversation appeared to be going.
"I know. So… whatever. Go find another guy. You made it perfectly clear the first night we hooked up, and every time since, that you weren't looking for a boyfriend and neither was I. I- I think I'll survive not sleeping with you." Dave was just doing his best to sound apathetic, but the response came out a little more harshly than he had intended.
Sebastian blinked and took a deep breath. "Yeah but- I… Okay... Okay. Well then, it appears that I'm heading t-to Scandals tonight." His voice wavered slightly, but he cleared his throat and continued. "Care to join? Maybe we kind find you a fresh piece of ass as well." He gave Dave a slightly forced version of his signature smirk.
Dave made himself look at Sebastian. "You go," he said, his voice soft. "I'll hang out here and maybe get some homework done. But if you wanna get there before your options are down to a sloshed Cher or Dolly Parton, you'd better get going. " At this point, he just wanted Sebastian out of his bed so he could have some time alone.
"Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go." Sebastian rolled off the bed and got dressed quickly, not looking at Dave and trying to ignore the strange pain he felt in his chest. As he headed for the door, he glanced back at the bed once, his expression unreadable. "You… you sure?"
"Just go. I'll see you tomorrow, Seb."
We end up hurting the wost, the only ones we really love
Objectively, Dave had known all along that it would come to this eventually. To be honest, he had figured his relationship (for lack of a better word) with Sebastian would end the morning after their first drunken hook up, which had occurred less than a week after his release from the hospital. But then, just days later, his dad had insisted on a transfer to Dalton and Sebastian waltzed right back into Dave's life. Dave didn't know if it was guilt, the need for a wingman, or genuine kindness, but whatever the reason, Sebastian had taken it upon himself to clue Dave in to the ways of Dalton Academy. It had only taken them 4 days to fall back into bed together.
The few weeks that followed were a blur of "movie nights" (which almost always ended with far less clothing than they started with), escapades in janitor's closets between classes, and- on rare occasions- actual conversations. But they were not, Sebastian insisted, a couple. Seb didn't do relationships. He didn't do feelings. Dave had known all along that it was only a matter of time until Sebastian got bored and moved on to his next conquest. Dave had been bracing himself for that day, telling himself that it wouldn't affect him.
So why the hell does he feel like this? Why is it difficult to breathe? Why is his throat burning with unshed tears? This is ridiculous. Dave knows he'll still see Sebastian. They still have classes. They still have lunch. They still live just a couple doors apart. They'll still hang out with Jeff, Nick, and Trent on weekends. Seb's still in his life. So why does Dave feel like his world is crashing down just because he's done being Sebastian's flavor of the month?
His eyes flickered to his dresser, where a photo of him and Sebastian was propped up against the mirror. It had been snapped by Wes during a party the previous week. Dave remembered the night clearly- it had been the first time he'd ever allowed himself to sing in public. He'd been sitting on a couch, sandwiched between Jeff and Sebastian when David had forced the microphone into his hand. Wes had taken the picture in the middle of the song. Dave had pulled a funny face when he'd noticed the camera, but Sebastian hadn't noticed. He'd been looking at Dave with a mixture of wonder and amusement, but there was a smile on his face. An actual smile. That was the reason Dave loved the picture so much. It showed one of those rare moments when Sebastian let his guard down and stopped hiding behind smirks and insults.
Dave finally forced himself out of bed and walked over to the picture, pulling on pants in the process. He picked up the photo and laid it face-down on the dresser. He couldn't force himself to look at Sebastian's smiling face. Not when he knew what kind of faces Seb would be making tonight, under the influence of some random stranger.
It was that image- the image of Sebastian naked and writhing under a nameless man from the bar- that made Dave realize. He wanted- no he needed Sebastian. He needed Sebastian in his life. In a big way. An emotional, terrifying, permanent way. Dave needed to be with Sebastian.
But Seb didn't do relationships. He didn't do need. He definitely didn't do permanent. It was with this mantra running through his mind that Dave lay down and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
Is it over now? Hey, is it over now?
He has only been asleep for about an hour when he was awoken by a sharp knocking. Stumbling through the dark, Dave slowly made his way to the door and opened it slowly. Sebastian strode past Dave into the room, flipping on the light as he went.
"S-Seb? Wassamatter? It's like 2 am."
Sebastian stood still for a moment, breathing deeply. Then, running his hand through his hair, he turned to face Dave with a slightly crazed expression on his face.
"I wouldn't survive." He whispered in a broken voice.
"Sebastian? Are you drunk?"
"What? No. I didn't even make it into Scandals. I- I got to the bar, but I couldn't make myself go inside. I wanted to. Or I thought I wanted to. I don't know. But I turned around and came back here to-. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me. I'm not-" Sebastian was beginning to ramble. He was speaking faster and faster and his eyes were starting to tear up.
"Seb. Look at me." Dave was scared for Sebastian. He'd never seen him lose control like this. "What is wrong with you? Talk to me."
Sebastian looked on the verge of a complete breakdown. He made his way to Dave's bed and sat himself on the end. He cradled his head in his hands for a few seconds before looking up at Dave. There were tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I don't think I would survive."
"Survive what, Seb? You're scaring me. Please tell me what's going on." Dave was on the verge of tears now too, but he had no idea why. He just knew that Sebastian's pain was killing him.
"E-earlier. You said you'd survive if I fu- If I wanted to be with other people. I don't think I would survive." The last part was nearly inaudible.
Dave's heart leaped into his throat. He slowly made his way towards Sebastian and sat down on the bed next to him. "Sebastian… are you- what are you saying?"
Sebastian looked at the floor. "I'm scared."
"What are you scared of?" Dave took Sebastian's hands.
"I don't- I don't do relationships. You know this. I don't do monogamy." Sebastian stood up and began pacing the room while Dave sat patiently and listened. "I don't do touchy-feely feelings and crap. I don't do movie nights." He was beginning to make wild hand motions and there were tears falling freely down his face. "I don't sleep with the same person more than once. I don't – or well, I didn't - bottom. And I most certainly do not fall in love. Except…"
"Except?" Dave was still sitting on his bed, but his heart was hammering wildly and it was taking all of his restraint to not scream at Sebastian to just get to the motherfucking point already.
"Except apparently I do!" Sebastian had found his voice. He was nearly yelling now. "I do all of those things. And I'm scared. And it's all your fucking fault. You made me have all these feelings, and you made me have these stupid movie nights, and you made me happy. And you made me want to spend time with you. Only you. And you made me not want to screw other guys and then you had to go and make me fucking love you. And I'm terrified, okay?"
At this point, Dave had stood up and walked over to Sebastian with tears finally falling down his own cheeks, grabbed the other boy's flailing hands and held them tightly in his own. "Seb? Are you done?"
"I-I think so."
And suddenly- bliss.
Dave had attached his mouth to Sebastian's in the most passionate, gentle, perfect kiss the two of them had ever shared. Sure, they'd made out before. It was kind of a given during sex. But those had been fueled by hormones and lust. This was different. This kiss was softer, and it was powered by love. Their tongues gently explored each others' mouths, grazing each other but never fighting for dominance. This kiss wasn't about power, and it wasn't about sex. It was about sharing something with each other that they'd both been holding back for far too long.
When they broke apart, they stared at each other for a short second before both breaking into shy smiles. Dave was the first to speak.
"Sebastian," he began softly, "I- I'm scared too. I've never done this before either. But we'll figure it out together, okay? I- I love you too." He leaned in and gave Sebastian another, very brief, kiss.
"Really?"
"Yes. Really. Are you honestly that surprised?"
"Well… no. I mean, I am gorgeous. Just look at me." Sebastian gestured down his lean frame, grinning madly. Dave loved him back. "But seriously…" his voice was soft and serious again, "what does this mean? For us?"
Dave chuckled softly. "Honestly, Seb, I don't think it means anything." He paused. That came out wrong. "I mean, at least I don't think it means anything new. If you think about it, we've pretty much been dating, or as you so nicely put it earlier- 'monogamously fucking'- for a month now. And everyone at Dalton knows. So I guess what it means is we keep doing… what we've been doing. Except maybe a little more… love." He grimaced. "God… that was corny, wasn't it?"
"It really was." Sebastian smirked at Dave, raising his eyebrows slightly. "So that's it, huh? We're… together? Like in a relationship?"
"I guess so. You okay? Think you can handle being somebody's boyfriend?" It was Dave's turn to smirk.
"You know, I think I can. I've always liked a good challenge." Sebastian wrapped his arms around Dave's neck and kissed him again, gently pushing him back towards the empty bed.
They fell back, landing so that Sebastian was straddling his boyfriend's waist. Boyfriend. For once, the word didn't seem all that terrifying. In fact, Sebastian thought as he ran his hands up and down Dave's chest and leaned in for another kiss, it sounds pretty fucking fantastic.
I wanna be your last first kiss- for all time.
Okay so that's it! What did you think? Terribly corny, I know. But it refused to get out of my head, so I was pretty much forced to write it.
If anyone has any suggestions, comments, or requests, drop me a review or send me a message on Tumblr! tonesofsurprise(.)tumblr(.)com
Just so you lovely readers know, reviews pretty much make my day :)