She's alone in her room. She's looking at herself in the mirror. She is trying to understand how everything changed. She remembered her dreams. Do they fit in this new life she would led? That wouldn't even be a question two years ago. The question would be: does this new life she is willing to live fit in her dreams? Where did her priorities go? But did she need to have priorities at all? Why couldn't she be happily married and still follow her dreams? Couldn't she wake up every morning with Finn by her side and still keep her daily challenge of singing Don't Rain On My Parade before going out of her room? Why not?

Because the thought of sharing a bed from now on with him, forever, scares you. Because he'd probably get tired of the song and ask you to sing outside. She looked at her hands. She looked at her right hand. At her ring. It suddenly felt like a huge weight. It was pretty. She was sure Finn had a hard time choosing one. He was a sweet guy. He was a good boyfriend. He wasn't perfect, but he was good. But since when did Rachel Berry settled for good?

She remembered the day when she tried to sing Defying Gravity for the first time when she was about 8 and when she was done, she asked her dads "How did I do?" and they said in unison "Good". And she started crying because no one gets to be a star being good. Of course, they did their best to reverse the damage, but she locked herself in her room and didn't speak to them for the rest day. She worked hard and eventually got to a point where they would even cry hearing her. The first time they did she started crying too. She knew she had a chance, after all. It became pretty common after that to cry during songs, specially the really emotional ones, the ones that usually have that specially difficult note to nail but she nails it anyway. Those are moments when she's proud of herself, because she isn't "good", she is either "brilliant or simply outstanding".

So why didn't she get a "brilliant or simply outstanding" boyfriend? It was not that Finn could be a better singer, or a better dancer (in his case, a dancer), or a better student, or even a more of a romantic boyfriend. Although he could. But he missed what Rachel craved the most: ambition. He was perfectly fine with staying in Lima. He would never go to a big city if Rachel wasn't the one pushing him to go. He wouldn't try to get better grades because "what I'm gonna need them for?" if it wasn't for Rachel repeating over and over that he shouldn't give up. He never even dreamed of an artistic career, and Rachel was okay with that to a certain extend. He certainly had his moments as a gentlemen, but she had the impression that these moments would fade once they got married. We're only engaged and he was perfectly fine with doing #2 right besides me. In my bathroom. Before we had sex.

She shook her head and tried not to picture it. She always dreamed of a wedding, of course. She believed in true love. She believed that once you love someone with your whole body and soul, you can be happy with them and only them. She was aware of situations where you would feel attracted to someone else, she wasn't that naïve. But she believed that your heart could find a lot of houses, but only one home. So why didn't Finn felt like home? He felt like a teenage dream, being the quarterback, someone that was the typical jock but changed for the better and fell in love with the girl in the bottom of the popular chain. The whole situation sounded a lot like a movie or a tv show.

So from a logical point of view, she should be thrilled that he proposed in the first place. But she wasn't and she wanted to be so bad. But she only said yes because she thought she had no chance on NYADA. That was a really, really lame excuse to get married. Kurt had given her a passionate speech about why they shouldn't get married that had her thinking.

And then there was Quinn. Why did Quinn have to make everything so complicated? It was already hard enough for her to deal with her feelings for Finn. She didn't need to have her feelings for Quinn in the way. All her memories, hopes and speculations about Quinn were trapped in a folder in her brain called: Do Not Open. Because every time she did, she was even more confused than before. And it got only worse because it had a very direct link with the folder in her heart called: A Turmoil Of Emotions.

She had them all. Admiration. Remorse. Infatuation. Confusion. Fear. Doubts. Friendship. Frustration. Hope. And something she couldn't put a name on but made her have dreams that should be broadcasted by HBO or have fanfictions written about. Rated M.

Not that she read that much fanfiction.

Okay, not that she went to that section that much.

During week nights.

The thing is, Quinn was always this beautiful broken puzzle that was being put together one piece at the time. Ever so often, some of the pieces would get lost and Rachel would find Quinn in a very dark place, even if she didn't show it blatantly. But they weren't exactly close friends. She couldn't come over to Quinn's house and say "Stop what you're doing, you're perfect the way you are."

And Quinn couldn't reply "I am not". So Rachel couldn't say "Yes, yes you are. You might be blinded by the notion of perfection that was planted in your head by your, excuse me, very small minded dad and most of your friends so maybe you need a little help seeing all your qualities, which, of course, is what I'm here for. Well, that and a long list of musicals I've noted you didn't watch yet."

And then Rachel would pull out a list of all the things Quinn is great in. Because that list is real and it's waiting for a chance to be read out loud without sounding like a maniac's idea.

She looked over at her desk. The last thing she had added to her list was #98: Quinn is great in getting accepted in Yale and #99: Quinn is great in subtext speeches about your future, because I'm pretty sure that was aimed at me.

That was the thing with Quinn. She only recently had begun to open up about her feelings. And Rachel was everything but someone that doesn't talk about feelings. She talks about pretty much everything, but feelings are a priority. She absolutely hated having to suppose what Quinn was feeling. Eventually she got tired and gave up on trying anything slightly romantic with her. And she did try, specially when she was drunk. She doesn't remember exactly what the responses had been, nor exactly what she had said in the first place, but she knew it wasn't good.

See?

That's why her thoughts on Quinn Fabray had to be locked in. Because she was about to try her dress. The dress she would wear in her wedding. And she was here, looking at herself in the mirror for half an hour. And thinking of the girl she would never have.

She took a deep sigh and went to her desk. There was also a list of why she should marry Finn. She was at #12: because he would look good on a suit during the awards season. She began to read it from the bottom.

"Darling, are you ready?", her dad said softly as he knocked on her door. Hiram wasn't used to having it closed, but respected her privacy.

"Yes, I'll be out in a minute", she said without checking the clock, focusing once again on her list.

"Ok, but 5 more minutes and we're gonna be late"

"Fuc-, I mean, okay, one second", it was almost 9 am. She took one last look at her reflection in the mirror, smiled and grabbed her purse.

"Look Berry, I don't agree with the whole white means purity thing, specially because we all know that Finnocence already popped your cherry, but I gotta admit, this dress doesn't even make you look pregnant. Dig it", Santana said.

"Thank you, Santana. I'll take that as a compliment", Rachel smiled, looking at her bridesmaids sitting across the room. She was in this sort of platform with mirrors all around her so she could see every angle of that dress. Tina, Mercedes, Brittany and Santana were all in pink dresses with smiles on their faces. Well, Brittany and Santana were now smiling at each other, but they were smiling anyway.

"Finn is going to love it, Rach", she heard Tina said in admiration, "You'll make a beautiful bride."

"And if he tries to runaway from the aisle is probably because he had to think of the mail man", Mercedes laughed. Rachel sometimes regretted telling that story to all of them.

"Yeah, Rachel, I mean, I still totally think you should wear a purple dress and we could wear every other color of the rainbow, but this dress suits you", Brittany looked away from Santana, holding her left hand, "We can do it my way at our wedding."

Rachel had to suppress the need to roll her eyes at the expression that came across Santana's face. It seemed like she was going to melt. She looked at their hands and realized that Santana had intertwined their fingers and kissed her girlfriend's check with the sweetest smile, followed by a kiss.

She shouldn't feel jealous of that. She had a fiancée. But she did. It was a moment so intimate that it felt wrong to be admiring it. For a second her mind went directly for what it would be like to have something like that with Quinn. She immediately looked away and shook her head.

"Thanks, girls, you're all very sweet. Thank you for your support", she smiled and walked in their directions. Brittany and Santana looked at her again, "I'm gonna hug all of you now, okay?"

"Okay", they replied. She didn't know why, but during that group hug it seemed like she was saying goodbye to them. To high school. To Lima. To all the boys (and maybe) girls that she would never date if she was to be with Finn forever. She felt like crying.

"Are you okay?", Tina said, when they all pulled back.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine", she tried to smile again. No, you're not. "I'm just worried… Did anyone hear from Quinn? She didn't reply to any of my messages since yesterday."

"I've tried to call Q Bee, but her cellphone isn't working and no one answers at her place. I bet she's fine, probably just overwhelmed by the fact that we worked Regionals like a hooker's pole", Santana smirked.

"Did you learn that with Sugar?", Mercedes looked kind of astonished at her, "I thought you didn't like her."

"She's okay", Santana said, rolling her eyes.

"She said that she's our daughter from the future, San, you better treat her right", Brittany looked serious for a moment before turning to Rachel, "She's probably just not 100% behind the idea of you getting married."

Santana looked at her with a glare like she had said too much. Brittany mouthed what seemed like a "What?"

"I don't see what the big deal is, okay? I don't understand. It would mean a lot for me if she could just… be here", Rachel's voice broke at the end. She had tears forming in her face and looked at the mirror, having her back to her friends once again.

"I'm sure she'll come around", Tina said, trying to sound positive.

The four of them just looked at each other not knowing exactly what to do. Brittany got up and gave Rachel a very unexpected hug from behind.

"She cares more about you than you know", she whispered. Rachel just tried to process the moment and information, but was too tired for that. Instead of sadness, she was starting to feel frustration again.

Again. That was why she didn't allow herself to access the folder "Don't Open That" very often. Because it led to "A Turmoil of Emotions". And in the worst timing imaginable.

"It doesn't seem like it", she said with bitterness. She could almost feel Brittany's sad smile.

They got out of their dresses. Finn and all the other guys were already outside waiting for the girls to come out so they'd have brunch across the street. As they met everyone, heard about the miracle of all the clothes fitting already perfectly in all of them, Rachel felt more sure of her choice. This was nice. This was something clear. She knew Finn loved her. It was crystal clear. He was a good guy. He didn't mean to hold her down, he'd go to New York with her anyway. Maybe he wouldn't be her dream guy, but he'd be there and everything would work out, right?

So during brunch Rachel found another reason she should marry Finn. #13: because I know how he feels. And when they were all chatting and joking and just looking like a big family with a newly married couple among them, Rachel found #14: because he sometimes makes me forget about Quinn.

Then she checked her phone again. She had called Quinn at least 8 times between last night, when her mother told her she went out to meet a guy (Rachel didn't even want to know who) and today. She had left 3 voice mails (the first one sounded too harsh, the second one sounded too pledging and the last one was apologizing for the last two). She had checked her Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Nothing new. Where was she? The only thing worrying Rachel besides her well being was the thought of Quinn going to sleep over whoever she met last night's place.

But then again, she concentrated on #14 and tried to forget about it.

And she thought of a perfect way to absolutely forget about Quinn Fabray: she should get married. Today.