Puking your guts out is no fun. Doing it first thing in the morning is even less fun.
Ugh. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and laid down on the bathroom floor, the cool tile in sharp relief to my heated skin. My stomach felt settled now, though there was a gnawing empty ache radiating from it – probably because I'd just thrown up anything I might've possibly ingested in the last twenty-four hours. (Fleetingly, I was thankful that Baltor had been gone when I awoke; he sometimes did that, going out to wander around Sparx in disguise, as a respite from being cooped up in the palace all the time.)
It had come completely out of nowhere. I just woke up with my stomach rebelling, and barely made it to the bathroom in time. I'd had food poisoning before (a certain incident with Stella and a box of brownie mix sophomore year comes to mind…), but this felt… different.
Wait a minute… when was my last period?
My eyes widened. As if mocking me, I looked up and saw my pill package lying on the counter, two unopened pill slots where there should have been empty packaging.
My stomach dipped for an entirely different reason.
"Congratulations, my Queen," Dr. Winters said. "You are indeed pregnant again."
"How is this even possible?" I moaned, burying my face in my hands. "I thought… The pills I'm taking have magic, so they're supposed to be…"
"Magic can do many things, but there are limits on what it can do. In this case, although the pills themselves have special magic that eliminates the margin of error in regular birth control, they're only infallible if you always remember to take them. If you forget, then it's just like what would happen if you forgot to take non-magical birth control; there's a chance you could get pregnant." He hesitated. "I assume your husband has no idea?"
"Mmm-hmm," I nodded, still trying to process all of this.
"And am I right in thinking you would like it to stay that way for the time being?"
My head snapped to attention. "…Yes," I admitted finally.
Dr. Winters shook his head. "As much as I hate to even suggest this, because of the need for an heir… you do have a choice, my Queen… He would never even have to know if you'd like…"
"No!" I cried, feeling a sudden surge of maternal protectiveness. Dr. Winters looked startled. "No," I repeated, more calmly. "I mean, I'd like some time to think about this, if you don't mind."
"Of course." He looked thoroughly relieved. "You know, after what happened with your first child, I've been doing some research… I believe I may have found a way to sensitize you to dark magic, so the child could survive. If that is what you want," he was quick to add.
Despite everything, my heart momentarily leaped at the thought. I could carry the love of my life's child after all?
Then almost immediately, my thoughts turned to Baltor's fixed determination as he gave me those pills, his eyes hard and immovable, and a shiver raced down my spine unbidden. But maybe he doesn't want a child?
The head chef briefly glanced my way as I entered the cavernous palace kitchen, but left me alone when he saw me heading for the two-ton fridge and freezer, shaking his head slightly as he returned to chopping herbs. Perhaps I did come here too often, seeking solace from whatever stupid court drama was plaguing me in one of our pastry chef's famous chocolate peanut-butter cupcakes, but sweets made me feel better, and with my metabolism, I could afford it.
And besides, I thought, sliding a giant carton of butter pecan ice cream out of the freezer, pausing only to grab a spoon off a nearby drying rack (no need to bother with anything as mundane as a bowl), I'm eating for two now.
There was a twinge of something I couldn't quite define in my chest – joy? Anger? Hope? Fear? Longing? All of that, and more.
It had taken so long to resign myself to the idea that I might never have a child… and now there was one growing inside of me. Out of force of habit, one hand reached down under the thin material of my T-shirt to cup my stomach, a small smile spreading across my face at the thought of the new life under my fingertips.
There was no denying that as clearly as I knew my own name, I knew I did not want to 'deal with' my child like it was something bad or unwanted. But that was almost certainly what Baltor would want to do, once I told him.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Like a ghost, I heard a voice whispering in my ear; memories of a buried past, another life. Now you just sit down on this bed and tell Mama Stella all your problems. I'm going to make you feel all better.
I frowned, staring dejectedly into the melting ice cream like it was a crystal ball. Stella did give amazing advice, but… I hadn't talked to her in almost three years.
I never set out to alienate the girls, but when Baltor and I had become involved, it was undeniably easier to stay wrapped in my little bubble on Sparx, waiting for people to feel the stirrings and return, than venture back out into the dimension. Then once they did, I was so busy trying to rule a planet that had been left for dead for years that I never found the time to go make amends; and for whatever reason, they never came to me, although I knew they had to know that I'd succeeded in restoring my planet. As much as I'd sometimes fiercely longed to talk to them again, some invisible force kept preventing me from taking that first step and reaching out.
But that's ridiculous, isn't it? They're supposed to be my best friends. I should be able to tell them anything, no matter what it is. And I can't do this alone; there's just no way.
I took a deep breath, pushing away the ice cream. My mind was made up.
It's far past about time anyways.
That feeling of absolute conviction in what I was doing lasted me right up until I was standing before the doors of the Royal Palace of Solaria, giving my name to the guards. Then I started to have my doubts.
What in the realms was I thinking, showing up here unannounced like this? I should've at least written something, or called… but what if she'd turned me down? Well what if she does that now? It'll be ten times worse…
My stomach churned with anxiety and, I suspected, a bit of morning sickness (a misnomer if I ever heard one). I was about to turn around and leave, propriety be damned, when I heard a rustle of skirts and saw a flash of blond hair and orange dress out of the corner of my eye.
The ornate gold crown on her head was new, as was the formal gown, but other than that, Stella had barely changed a bit from high school. Still blond, beautiful, and impossibly thin, although her stomach swelled noticeably – obviously, she was pregnant too.
I'll admit, my first thought was so close in age… our children can be best friends, just like we were! Then I realized I'd used the word "were" instead of "are" to describe us, and I was nervous all over again.
The second her eyes landed on me, her jaw dropped, her face slowly draining of color like she'd seen a ghost. "…Bloom?"
I bit my tongue. No backing out now, I guess. "H-hey, Stel," I said, trying for casual. "Long time no see, eh?"
"I… you…" After recovering from the initial shock, her eyes took on a fiery defensive anger. "What in the realms are you doing here? And why haven't I heard a peep from you since freaking graduation?" Her gloved hands balled into fists as she started to gather steam. "We all thought you were dead at first, when no one could get a hold of you. And then we heard about Sparx, but you never came to see us. Why? Why did you make us worry like that? Why did you leave us hanging? Why did you basically cut us out of her your life without explanation? And why are you back here now?"
I winced, every word out of her mouth cutting like a knife, striking a harder blow for the fact that they were all true. For the first time, I started to realize how awfully I had treated these girls that were supposed to be some of the people I cared about more than anything in the dimension. No wonder she looks like she's three seconds from throwing something at me…
A wave of crushing guilt hit me in the stomach, followed by another bout of gut-wrenching nausea. I clutched my stomach, swallowing hard and tasting the bitter tang in the back of my throat that meant I was seconds from throwing up again.
Her face softened momentarily. "Are you alright?" she asked, in a gentler voice than before. It was gratifying to know that underneath the anger, she did still care about me.
"I'm more sorry than you can… possibly believe, for everything I put you through," I managed to get out, breathing heavily. "Believe me, I can explain, but for now–" another spasm of queasiness hit, and I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut– "can you just get me to a bathroom?"
"Of course." She put her hand on my back, guiding me towards a hallway, then froze, staring at me in horror. "Bloom, you aren't…?" The question was clearly visible in her eyes, even if she couldn't seem to bring herself to say the words.
I nodded, shuddering, as beads of sweat dotted my forehead. "Like I said, I can explain. But first… bathroom?"
"More tea, Your Highness?"
"Thank you, Lily." Stella sipped gracefully from her teacup, looking like a true queen even with her bloated stomach – in stark contrast to the bedraggled mess I knew myself to be. "You may take your leave. I would like some privacy now."
"As you wish, Your Highness." The pretty blond maid curtsied, then quickly turned around and walked towards the door, taking small, delicate steps. I watched her go, somewhat fascinated; I had my own servants, of course, but the ones here seemed like something out of a novel. It was interesting – I'd never thought of Solaria as being particularly formal, but then again, I suppose I hadn't spent much time here without being chased out by the guards. The thought made me laugh, and I reached for my teacup to cover it, even though the thought of food was truly repulsive right now, no matter how pretty the elaborate tea service looked.
Stella chose a sandwich – thin, cut into triangles with the crusts cut off – and a scone, setting them onto her plate. For a moment, there was nothing but the light clinking of china as she nibbled and sipped her tea. Then finally, she set them down, leaned back in her chair, and stared at me. "So."
"So," I echoed, picking up my teacup again, then setting it down when my stomach rebelled. "I am so sorry for nearly puking in your royal reception hall," I started, feeling the pink creeping into my cheeks. "Believe me, that was probably one of the most mortifying moments of my life."
"Oh, I think we probably had some worse ones," she countered, and a spark of hope flared to life in my chest. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. "My princess ball, for example, when Chimera turned me into that hideous swamp monster and we got chased out of here by the palace guards." She laughed ruefully, taking a sip from her cup.
"I was just thinking about that!" I exclaimed. "We have some pretty amazing memories, don't we Stel?" She nodded. "I missed you so much," I ventured, forcing myself to hold her gaze, no matter how uncomfortable it was.
Her brown eyes were clear but guarded; I could see the doubts hovering at the edge of them, creeping like fog. "Then why in the realms haven't I seen you in so long?"
I sighed. "It's… a very, very long story." I picked up the teacup again, finding that my stomach had calmed enough to let me do that, and took a sip, letting the tea warm me from the inside out.
"How about we start with your explanation for that?" She motioned to my stomach, and my heart did a somersault. Leading with that was undoubtedly not the best way to get into things.
A paralyzingly cold feeling spread through me as her eyes landed on my topaz ring, which I'd left on this morning, not thinking I was going anywhere. When she spoke again, it was in a slow, clear voice, dripping in accusation. "I didn't think there was a King of Sparx in the picture, and yet you're wearing a ring… that's not in any of the pictures floating around the realm-wide web."
"You've been searching me on the web?" Admittedly, that was probably not the smartest thing to address first, but what can I say? The sentimental part of me just wouldn't let it go.
"Of course I did." She looked shocked that I'd even asked the question. "At first it was to see if there was anything about an accident, or God forbid, an obituary–" I winced, remembering the words she'd attacked me with in the reception hall: We all thought you were dead– "and then… I don't know, a sort of morbid curiosity, I guess. I never stopped caring about you, Bloom, even though it seemed like you'd just cut us out of your life without a word."
"And I'm more sorry than you can possibly imagine for that." I took a deep breath, deciding to just go for it all at once, like ripping off a Band-Aid. "You want the truth? Okay then, here it is. I am married." I proudly brandished my ring, feeling an absurd sense of lightness at finally being allowed to say it like that. "To the most amazing man in the entire universe, and I'm having his child."
"Why in the realms keep it a secret, then?" Stella wondered, nibbling on a strawberry. "You're a queen, you have a–"
"A duty to my kingdom and my people to marry and produce an heir so that the line of succession will continue. You think I don't know that?" I rolled my eyes. "But our circumstances are… unique."
"How so?" I almost laughed as she scooted forward onto the edge of her seat, elbows resting on her knees, head propped up in her hands; like she used to do back at Alfea when she was desperate to hear (or impart) a particularly juicy piece of gossip. As a grown woman in a tiara and a queen's gown, it looked rather comical.
I bit my lip. This was harder to get out than I'd thought it would be. "You know how we all thought Baltor just died under the lakebed?" She nodded slowly, confusion gracing her classic features. I squeezed my eyes shut. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. "…He kind of didn't."
"What does that have to do with anyth–" She abruptly stopped mid-sentence and inhaled sharply, eyeing my stomach with a mixed look of disbelief and horror.
The silence that followed felt like someone was shoving glass shards down my throat. I almost would've preferred it if someone was shoving glass shards down my throat, than have to sit here and watch the wheels in her mind turn and spin as she tried to understand this.
It felt like an eternity before she finally said something. "You… married…" She shuddered, not even able to bring herself to say his name. "…Why?"
"Because I love him," I answered immediately, in a tone that left no room for argument. "I don't expect you to understand it – honestly, sometimes I don't even understand it myself – but I do expect you, as my friend, to accept it. I am in love with Baltor. And I'm having his child." My hand instinctively went to my stomach. "Well… I want to."
She looked at me like I'd suddenly grown two extra heads. "Excuse me? Did you or did you not just almost puke in the royal reception hall? You think I can't tell another pregnant woman? This is my second child; I can see the signs."
"Not like that." Then the whole story, of the miscarriage and Dr. Winters's theory and the pills, came tumbling out of me like water from a broken dam.
When I was through, Stella pressed her lips together and exhaled, blowing air out of her mouth in a thin stream. "What do you want from me, then, Bloom?" she asked.
"I want you to tell me that everything's going to be alright if I try to have this baby." The second the words left my mouth, I realized how silly I was being, and hung my head, burying my face in my hands. "I don't know, alright? I'm just… I'm scared and I'm nervous and I'm sick and tired of not having anyone to talk to."
"There, there, sweetie." Somehow, she'd maneuvered herself onto the couch next to me, and pulled my head onto her shoulder. I inhaled the familiar scent of her perfume – still unchanged after all these years – and a wave of nostalgia washed over me that was almost painful in its intensity. God, I missed her so much; more than I even realized… "You're not alone. You have me. You always had me, and you always will." I swallowed back what felt like the beginning of tears and looked up to meet her gaze. "I won't lie, this was quite a bigger shock than I was expecting from your story, but if you're truly happy with…" she stumbled briefly on his name, like her lips were having a hard time forming it– "Baltor, then I suppose we'll just have to get used to it."
"Y-you mean that?"
"Of course I do." She looked almost outraged that I'd even suggested otherwise. "Even if I don't completely understand it – yet – you're my best friend, Bloom. If you of all people can see another side in him, then it's my job to learn to see it too. And I'm sure that with enough time, I'll stop thinking of it as so weird." She paused, then made a little face. "Maybe a lot of time."
I laughed. "And the others… Do you think they'll ever come around?"
"You give us far too little credit, Bloom," she said. "As strange as this is, if you're really happy, the other girls will be happy for you too. But you need to be completely honest with yourself here." She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straght in the eye. "Have you told him that you're pregnant again?" I shook my head. "If you really want this baby, you need to stand up to him. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't really want, or I promise I will round up the girls and go kick his ass."
I swallowed hard. "…Alright."
"Mommy, Mommy!" An adorable little blond boy stumbled into the room from the open door, nearly tripping over his own two feet in the way that toddlers always do. He scrambled up onto the couch and made himself at home on Stella's lap, eyes going wide when they landed on me. "Mommy, who's this?"
In the doorway, Lily was apologizing profusely. "I'm so sorry, Your Highness… I couldn't stop him, he was so persistent in seeing his mother…"
"It's fine, Lily." Stella ruffled his hair affectionately. "Derek, this is one of Mommy's friends from school. Her name is Queen Bloom of Sparx."
"He's so cute, Stel," I said to her, aside.
She rolled her eyes. "He might be cute but is he ever a handful! Thank heavens I'm having a girl this time." She patted her enormous stomach. "Pray that's what you're having too. Trust me – boys are more work than they're worth."
Derek made the most adorable pouty face ever; I wasn't sure how much of the conversation he had understood, but apparently enough. "Oh, but your mommy didn't mean you, of course, little guy." I brushed some of his hair off his face, taking delight in his gleeful smile.
"Mommy, can she come back?" he asked, giving Stella the best puppy-dog face I had ever seen. Already, I could imagine what a heartbreaker this little guy was going to be when he grew up.
"Of course she's coming back, Der," she said, kissing him on the forehead. "Now go play with Lily, alright? Mommy has some grown-up business to finish with her friend."
"Okay." He ran out of the room and back into the waiting arms of Lily, who smiled apologetically before turning around and closing the doors.
"I should probably get going; I did kind of just rush off here without warning."
"Well I'm glad you did. God, I missed you." We both got to our feet, and she pulled me into a tight hug, made only slightly awkward by the rustling of our giant skirts pushing against each other. "Can I tell the others, or did you want to? Maybe we could all get together back here, in a few days or something?"
"Sounds perfect." I let her go, then impulsively pulled her in again. "You have no idea how much I missed you, Stel."
"And promise me you're going to be proactive, okay?" I pressed my lips together, then nodded.
"I will. At least, I'll try."
"That's all anyone can ask for." She hugged me for a third time. "Have a safe trip, okay? I'll call you later with the details, once I talk to the others."
As I headed for the closest portal station, I felt lighter, somehow, with the burden of my secret having been unloaded. Whoever said that all those years ago was right – the truth really does set you free. Something inside of me had changed for the better, like there was some vital piece of me that was missing and now had been returned to me. My friends were as much a part of me as I was myself, and I had spent too long trying to pretend I didn't need them.
But not anymore, I thought, smiling to myself. Not anymore.
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world that I'm coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world that I'm coming
Author's Note: A word about the length of this story. While I was working on chapter 8, I realized that a certain scene that was originally part of this chapter really deserved its own chapter, thus bringing the total chapter count up to nine instead of the eight I've been promising for a while now (that first little thing is really just a prologue). No complaints, I assume? ;-)
And now, to clear up a few things. First - yes, I do know that Bloom should've taken a pregnancy test instead of going straight to Dr. Winters, but I had to introduce the idea of her being sensitized somehow, and that seemed like the only way to get things done without adding unnecessary length to the chapter.
Also, I'm sure some of you were disappointed with the Stella conversation, but really, a lot of the heavy-weight thinking would've been going on in Stella's thoughts, which Bloom is not privy to. So I think I did the best that I could within the situation. Thoughts?
No Baltor in this one, yes, but the next one more than makes up for it...
That's all for now, folks. Please don't forget to hit the little green button on your way out and drop me a line or two. ;-)
Lator, gators!
- Authoress