A/N: My friend just keeps up picking the strangest pairings, which makes me come up with lots of stories that have quite the stretch in them. But hey, we need those too, don't we? Please let me know what you think about it. Even if you hate it! Just tell me why so I can do better next time. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
Disclaimer: I do own Waking the Dead. If I did, there would still be new episodes to come.
Chemically induced
Felix Gibson turned onto her right side. The throbbing pain in her face had not yet subsided, even though she had been in hospital for more than four hours. Her vision was still a little blurry.
Half an hour ago, one of the nurses had come in to check her over once again. Her blood pressure had been somewhat higher than the she would have liked, but apart from that her vital signs had been good.
Felix had asked the woman if there had been any words yet about which chemicals she had been attacked with.
"I'm afraid they don't know yet, miss Gibson. Your boss had not yet called, but he did say that two separate labs are trying to answer the very question you just asked me," she had said, trying to at least bring some good news.
Boyd had been very open about the investigation towards someone who was basically an outside, Felix realized now that she had the time to ponder over it. He was normally adamant about not letting any information slip to anyone outside the team.
She shrugged. To be honest, she was glad he had. At least she was being kept in the loop this way.
But she had hoped her colleagues would be the ones to inform her about what they did and did not know. She hadn't been on the team for very long, but if she were honest it was the least she had expected.
Then again, it wasn't as if no one would call. Grace would certainly ring her the next day, as she had immediately accepted Felix as a friend. The older woman was like a mother to the entire team, and she had adopted Felix as another daughter. The hug she had gotten on her first day still made her smile when she thought about it. Spencer would most likely stop by, as he was not the type of person to call anyone. She was not entirely sure about Boyd, although she wasn't expecting to hear from him.
All of a sudden, her train of thoughts was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Grumbling, she thought it was probably yet another nurse. If they didn't stop prodding her every half an hour, she would turn into a very bad patient.
"Come in," she said, trying to keep the annoyance out of her hoarse voice.
As soon as the door opened and her visitor stepped through, however, her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth fell open.
Stella Goodman, the woman who was responsible for what had happened to her, was standing right in front of her.
Okay, maybe calling her responsible was stretching the truth a little. Or possibly even to breaking point. Stella had known Bill Drake for a long time. He had been something of a surrogate father when her biological father had passed away in the line of duty. The bond of trust they had developed throughout those years was more than normal.
But Felix still felt like Stella should have known she shouldn't do what he asked her. That she should have refused to tell him what case she was working on, what kind of evidence they had. That she should have talked to Boyd or anyone else on the team when he had asked her to destroy evidence.
Felix briefly wondered whether Stella was a bad judge of character, did not know the difference between right and wrong or had just been blinded by her believe this man would never harm her or anyone else. She thought it was most likely the last of the three.
"Hello there," Felix finally managed to say, even though it did not sound as friendly as it normally would have.
Stella was wringing her hands, obviously afraid she might have made the wrong decision by coming to visit Felix at the hospital. She was touched at the redheads nervousness, it made her feel more in control. Which, because of the situation she was in, was more important to her than she would ever dare to admit.
"Hi," she eventually said, lifting her eyes from the spot on the floor that she'd been looking at since she stepped in.
Felix hoped the younger woman would say something soon. Anything. The silence lingering between them was too loaded with something to be tolerated for very long. As it was, however, Stella was making no point of breaking it, not even after five uncomfortable minutes I which Felix was trying to figure out whether she should smile encouragingly, speak herself or keep on waiting.
After another two minutes, she sighed.
"Why are you here, Stella?" she asked, her voice soft and still rather irritated, though there was a little less bite to it than before.
Apparently understanding that she was not being thrown out, the redhead made her way over to the chair next to Felix's bed. This told Felix that Stella was not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.
She was uncertain what to think of that. A bit of company would be nice after the scare she had had, though she would never admit that to anyone else. It was hard enough to confess it to herself. What was even harder, was admitting that she actually craved Stella's company.
"I wanted to tell you I'm terribly sorry," Stella suddenly mumbled.
Felix blinked rapidly a few times. Although she had seen Stella was feeling extremely guilty, she had not been expecting her to apologize so easily, so rapidly after the facts. Then again, she wasn't sure what she had been expecting. Or in what order. Apologies had been part of it, no doubt about it. As had been the possibility of a fight, more on her side than Stella's. And she had been expecting a lot of time to pass before that happened, days during which she would cry about what had happened so Stella would be feeling even more guilty, which she would maybe feel a little better about.
Now, however, she wasn't sure about any of that anymore. If she had already been sure of it before. Her bloody feelings were making all of this very even more complicated.
Because even though she had known Stella for only four weeks, she was madly, deeply, truly in love with her. How this had come to pass, Felix could not say. But since that first day, Stella had had her wrapped around her little finger. Luckily for her, she spend her day in the lab and was far enough away to prevent anyone from noticing the extremely dreamy look she would get in her eyes whenever she was thinking about the redhead.
After what had happened, she should hate her. Or at least be angry with her, angry enough to want her to leave the room and only come back after she had suffered the pain and anxiety that she had gone through when she was laying on the metal table in her lab, unsure whether she would survive and being given all sort of fluids and being cared for by people in protective white suits.
But deep down, she wanted to listen to what Stella had to say. She wanted her to convince her that she was not the evil woman she seemed to be after damaging her trust so badly. Because if Stella could do that, there would be no reason for Felix not to love her. If she failed, Felix would not only be left to deal with the physical and psychological effects of the chemical attack on her own, she would also have to deal with a broken heart at the same time. She would have to deal with the pain that would according to the doctors not be gone entirely for another two weeks, and she would be crying herself to sleep for that period of time as well.
"I know you are," Felix sighed, rubbing her hand over her face as a rather obvious testimony to her tiredness.
She pushed herself somewhat more upright, getting a little more comfortable and having another look at her visitor. Stella seemed a bit more at ease now, which she felt glad about. The rest of the conversation, which she know they needed to have but that neither one of them was eager to have, would be easier because of it.
"I swear I would have done something if I had know how far Bill," she spat the name, "would go. He never told me what he had planned, never gave me any indication that he had something evil up his sleeve. You have to believe me," Stella pleaded.
Felix let out a breath she hadn't know she was holding. Her eyes closed of their own volition. The raw emotions in Stella's voice were almost too much to bear. The guilt, the sadness, the anger directed at Drake, it was all impossible to miss and actually difficult to hear it coming from such a young women.
"You've known him for more than twenty years, Stella. Don't you think you would have figured out what he was up to in time if he hadn't been around for so long, if he hadn't made you trust him that much when you were just a child?" Felix gently admonished.
The last traces of anger had disappeared from her voice now. Stella was suffering as much as she was, and even though she had betrayed her trust, that fact made her feel like Stella was repenting for her sins.
"I should have know, Felix!" Stella angrily said, nearly screaming. "I should have seen it, even though I trusted him. I'm just a fool. I let all of you guys down. Especially you."
Those last two words were spoken very softly, Felix would have missed them if she had been paying any less attention. But she did hear them, which led to her feeling slightly unsure whether she should respond to them or not. It would be a great opportunity to express how she felt, but maybe Stella would disagree because of the guilt she was carrying around.
"It would have been wrong not to trust him after what he did for you and your mum. Your mum would have been angry, the both of you would have been unhappy. You didn't really have a choice. And he never gave you any reason to doubt his sincerity, now, did he? You loved him. And love makes blind," she said.
Stella snorted in response, although Felix got the fleeting impression that had nothing to do with her use of the cliché but rather with her own stupidity. She was proven right when the other woman spoke.
"Yeah, it does. But I won't let it happen again. Is promise," she vowed, a harsh note to her normally soft, pleasant voice.
Felix remembered a time when she had been that naïve, naïve enough to think she would never make the same mistake twice or to be fooled twice. It had not taken her very long to realize she was gravely mistaken about that. Which had turned out to be a valuable lesson, even though it was also a hard one.
"Sometimes you cannot help it, though. Love is a very strong emotion. And the fact that it makes you blind does not mean it will render you unable to see the other's faults. It simply means you are not bothered by them, or that you can deal with it if you are. At least, that's what I think about it," Felix said.
It was more than she had intended to admit. She felt oddly exposed, naked in front of an audience. She was rather shy, which was one of the reasons why she was not someone to mingle or join a conversation easily. Although she had improved her social skill over the years, of course.
"That does sound nice," Stella conceded. "I hope I might learn to see things that way. But how did you come up with it? Is there someone in your life who made you realize that, or did you just figure it out on your own?"
The question did not surprise Felix as much as it should have. Stella was a police officer, after all, someone who earned a living by spotting changes in people's behavior, by finding clues no one else did. And Felix had let too much slip, despite the fact she could have phrased things differently. After all, she knew how to deal with evidence because of her line of work as well.
But she was not strong enough to talk her way out of this one, she was well aware of that. With the pain harassing her, the medication running though her system tiring her even more, there was not enough strength left in her to think of a lie she could tell the redhead.
Running her hand through her dark hair, she just accepted the fact and made to answer Stella's question. There was nothing else she could do. However, Stella spoke first.
"I'm sorry, that's personal information. Hence, it's none of my business. Forget I even asked," she said.
But that would only happen if hell froze over. Felix was simply in too deep to not answer the question. Whatever the consequences might be, she had to walk this road now.
"It's okay, I don't mind you asking," Felix assured her. "There is someone in my life, yes, but not in the way you think. Which is to say we're not in a relationship. But she did capture my heart, if that counts as well."
By the time she finished that last sentence, her heart was beating a lot faster than was normal. Stella would have noticed that if she looked at the machines Felix was connected to, which would start beeping if her heart rate rose any more.
"It does count," Stella told her very seriously. "So you like women?"
The question was asked very casually, though the interest in Stella's voice was very clear. Felix did not know whether that was good or bad, but until she was given proof of the contrary, she would see it as good.
"I realized I was not romantically interested in men when I was seventeen. That's when I fell in love with a girl named Sophia. My mum was rather surprised when I told her I was in a relationship with another girl, but she took it okay. She liked Sophie, which might have had something to do with it as well," Felix smiled.
She began to fully relax now, the smile being the first of hopefully many signs to her that this would not damage her for life. No, she would never forget what had happened, it would take time for her to be able to open a package without that hint of fear gripping at her heart, the experience would always be with her. But it would not define her, it would only help her become who she was meant to be. As long as she believed that, it was possible.
"My mum knew before I did. When I was nineteen, I finally faced up to it and confessed to my friend Aubrey that I was in love with her. Unfortunately, she didn't take it that well. When I came home and went straight up to my room, my mum realized what had happened. Instead of asking me anything, she told me the next girl would most certainly return my feelings," Stella said as she fondly remembered her mother's supportiveness.
They fell silent for a few minutes, both taking a little trip down memory lane. The atmosphere was no longer as tense as it had been before, the silence between them very amicable despite the tinge of something else lingering in the room as well.
"So are you going to give me the name of the girl who holds the key to your heart?" Stella suddenly questioned.
"Would you like me to give you her name, or would some clues as to who she is due the trick as well?" Felix asked in return.
Stella smiled at her, which told Felix she was in a playful mood. Although Felix was certain she would not play with her, just tackle this situation with a very good mood. That made the corners of her mouth twitch in turn.
"I'd prefer a name. But if you'd rather make me guess, I'm more than up to it," Stella told her.
Felix pondered that for a second. If she gave Stella a name, this conversation would proceed a lot more quickly. If she made her guess, it could be a while before she figured out the person Felix was referring to was her. And with that, she'd made up her mind.
"It's you," she confessed.
She could feel her cheeks coloring, her skin beginning to feel warmer and warmer with every second that passed without an answer from Stella. Uncomfortably, she turned her attention to her hands, which she had placed in her lap.
When she heard Stella getting up from her chair wordlessly, she presumed the other woman would head out and pretend nothing had happened when they saw each other at work when Felix returned. The thought brought tears to her eyes, though she refused to let them fall.
But suddenly, Stella's soft hand lifted her head up, making their eyes meet. In the pools of molten chocolate, she saw none of the disapproval she had feared to see there. There was only sincerity.
"I'm honored. Because, doctor Felix Gibson, I am very much in love with you as well," Stella admits.
The use of her title as well as her full name sends shivers down Felix's spine. It had never occurred to her before that it might be erotic, but now she found that it most certainly was. She tipped her head, and Stella immediately took the hint, touching her lips to Felix's for the first time.
When they broke apart, Stella rested her forehead against Felix's. The dark haired woman was grateful for that, as she did not want the contact to end. She felt safer, warmer, protected with Stella this close.
Suddenly, she realized that Stella could be even closer. So she pulled back and moved to the side of the bed some more and turned onto her side while pushing the covers of her, facing Stella. The redhead was looking at her questioningly.
"Could you lay down beside me? I know I shouldn't be asking, that this is wrong, but I just don't want to be alone tonight," she confessed.
Stella lay down her, pulling Felix even closer to her. Felix immediately rested her head on her chest, listening to the comforting beating of her heart.
"It's not wrong. We're consenting adults. Although the nursing staff may not be very happy to find me in bed with you," Stella said, pressing a kiss to her head.
Felix chuckled lightly.
"I'm a doctor, I'm sure I can get away with it," she assured Stella.
Stella did not verbally respond, instead pulling up the blankets Felix had thrown off before. She tucked them in around the both of them and started playing with Felix's hair.
"Go to sleep. You need to rest, else you'll be here even longer," she whispered.
Felix knew she was right. Rest was the best medicine there was in her case, better whatever sort of pain relief and fluids they could give her. But she was a bit scared to close her eyes, as she thought she might relive the entire experience in her nightmares.
"As long as you promise to still be here when I wake up," she hoarsely spoke.
Stella pressed another kiss to the top of her head, resting her chin there afterwards.
"I promise. I've let you down once, I won't do it a second time," she said.
Felix pressed even closer to her newfound lover.
"You'd better not. Or else, I'll find you and make you pay. That is my promise," she said.
But her words were not as threatening as she would have liked them to be. She did not care very much, though, as she was rapidly traveling to the land of dreams and oblivion.
I hope you will, Stella thought to herself a few minutes later, when she was certain Felix was asleep. Because if I were to be foolish enough to make that mistake twice, I would deserve any punishment you would wish upon me.
And less than ten minutes later, Stella was asleep herself, her grip on Felix not loosening.
When one of the nurses came in to check the vital signs of her patient, she smiled softly. These two seemed to fit together perfectly. Without making a sound, she slid out of the room, leaving them to sleep in peace.