[1]
So, this great Council calls me in simply to talk around me, and then send me away. Fantastic. I also take it back - Bastila isn't the most obnoxious Jedi ever, because that title clearly goes to Vrook, that condescending jackass.
[2]
They're training me as a Jedi, although I don't understand all the hand-wringing about how "difficult" these tasks are; they're cake. But ... never mind that, I'm trying to act how they say. "There is no emotion; there is peace." But ... why? Emotion is a natural part of existence. It seems that to cut it off is to cut off part of yourself. Something about that is nagging at my mind.
[3]
I was selected to be a Guardian, and have a blue saber (which handily doubles as a light should I need to see in the dark). I've been tasked with clearing some mysterious "taint" from the grove near here. I'm also trying to help a few of the settlers. It's my duty, right? I mean, they can't help themselves.
But ... Canderous has said a few things that have made me wonder. Is helping the weak merely prolonging a terrible existence? I mean, obviously, children don't factor into this, but ... like the man who couldn't protect his daughter from the Mandalorian raiders. If I help them now, then they'll grow to rely on that help, and will simply run into problems later.
That doesn't really seem right, either, though. Wasn't that the problem with the Jedi's lack of involvement in the Mandalore Wars? People needed help, and they didn't help them. But did the help given leave them in the lurch after? Would it simply serve to weaken them further?
All this goes against the teachings I'm attempting to live by, though. Mentioning that fact got me an eyeroll from Canderous, but he rolls his eyes at everyone, so whatever. It's okay, I'll get him back when we play pazaak tonight.
[4]
The "taint" turned out to be a Cathar padawan named Juhani. I talked her into going back to the Council. It's ... pretty easy for me to convince people to see things my way. It's come in handy more than once, that's for sure. It also comes, usually, with Carth or Bastila's disapproval, but I really think Bastila just disapproves of me in general, so no change there.
Sadly, this persuasive ability hasn't worked on getting either Carth or Canderous into my bunk, haha. But I'm not really trying. Yet.
Something about the Cathar is pinging a memory I can't quite recall. It's like ... when I try to focus on it, it skitters away. But I know I've never met her before, so ... what can it be?
[5]
Canderous is sixty? Damn, he's looking good for sixty.
[6]
Carth thinks I'm "infuriating" and won't talk to me, but the Mandalorian tells me war stories, so this long slog around the fields hasn't been a total loss. How many damn kath hounds can there be in one area?
[7]
We found that lady's droid today. That woman is nuts. Dispatched the droid; told the woman the droid is still alive. The fool ran out into the plains, which prompted Carth to call me cruel. I didn't know she was going to take off after the hunk of junk, but seriously, if the fact kath hounds could eat you is not enough to dissuade you, then I think I did the galaxy a favor. Maybe you can't save people from their own idiocy.
... While we were out there, I ... I summoned lightning. I don't know how, or where it came from. It just happened. This is supposed to be a dark side power. Should I mention it to the Council? No, I better not; Vrook would have me executed before I could finish my sentence.
[8]
Oh gods, kinrath eggs smell. But I got crystals! And the lightning is proving most helpful. Carth just glares at me when I use it, but I don't hear him complaining when the kinrath drop like a sack of rocks.
[9]
Came upon a Mandalorian and his Duros thugs. They killed a man, and then were going to take his family. I was happy to swing my lightsaber at his head; I smiled as I loosed a bolt of electricity at him. And I rejoiced as they fell.
I know this is wrong. But what do I do, grieve for the murdering scum? Jedi are supposed to be a force for justice! Yet so many of their teachings hamper the ability to serve that justice. Is the Light inherently weak?
No, I don't think that's it. But it seems to lack the drive to accomplish its goals. How do I defend the helpless if they take away my tools to do so? How do I form a connection with those I serve if I'm supposed to lock away part of myself, eliminating my ability to form a connection with them?
[10]
Saw Juhani when we came back to the enclave; the Council has welcomed her back. Apparently everything she did was a test from her master. That seems really emotionally manipulative to me. Both Carth and Canderous really seemed to disapprove.
I'm a padawan! Now to try to live up to what I've been taught. Maybe Bastila and I will get along better. I do think Revan did the right thing, though, stepping into the Mandalorian Wars. The Council wasn't very happy when I said that, but ... to not say it would have been dishonest, right?
[11]
Tried to get two thousand credits out of Matale when we went over there. Failed, but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Got the two lovebirds together, and united the fathers in their annoyance at me. All around, a successful outing. Now to go find the ruins.
[12]
Something about these ruins is so familiar. Maybe it's just because of the dream. Vision. Whatever. It looks like Bastila and Canderous are done with lunch, so ... more later.
[13]
I was ... hesitant to enter the ruins at first. What would I find? Had Revan and Malak left traps?
After Bastila proved - again - that she's a total know-it-all, we spoke with the Overseer, an ancient droid; it told us of the Builders, and the Star Forge, and Revan and Malak's visit. We passed the tests, although let me tell you, those guardian droids were no joke. I'm glad I'd practiced the healing arts before coming out here, because that really saved our skins a couple of times.
Bastila postulated that this was where Revan began her turn to the dark side. I think it's ridiculous to ascribe such ... abilities to a map. Yet despite the fact that she thinks it led to the dark side, she wants to follow Revan's trail and find the others? Interesting logic there. We told the Council, and the Council also wants us to chase these things down. As the choice of the first stop is left to me, I think we'll go to ... Kashyyyk. I'm trying to let the Force guide me, and this is the location that came to mind first. I can't explain why; it just seems the best place to start. We depart tomorrow.
[14]
On the Ebon Hawk. Right as I walked into the cockpit, Carth decided to jump all over me (and not in a fun way). Apparently he feels I'm purposely leaving him out, in order to make my future betrayal that much easier, or something. Whatever. It's really fun to just ... poke at him, because he gets really flustered. I think there might actually be a personality there under all that angry mistrust. Beat Mission at pazaak, but Canderous took a hundred credits off me tonight, the punk. Tried talking with Zaalbar, but he was having none of it. Perhaps being able to see his homeworld again will make him feel better?