Oh wow! So many reviews... pwretty *wide, starry eyed wonder at review page*I am absolutely blown away by how many reviews this has got. When I first started I guessed I'd get a couple, like my other fics in other fandoms, and now I've nearly got TWO HUNDRED! O.O
I think I love you guys...
Anyway, I am sorry I haven't updated recently, my allergic reaction really didn't do me any good in terms of college work – way too much for a sick girl really but college doesn't care. And, I still have more to do but I can't leave you guys without an update (mostly because I don't know when I'll update this again...)
Right! So. I'll shut up and let you guys read on... oh, but before I do.
Some of you lot have asked me if I'll do flashbacks to what happened in Shaw's mind. In short, the answer is 'yes'. In long, the answer is... 'yes, but it'll probably give you a headache when I do' :p
And moving on to the chapter! :D
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LESSON SEVEN: Don't ever get in the way of a traumatised telepath (who just happens to have super-awesome telekinetic powers) and really wants a cuppa' – but also don't argue with an emotional-strained, man who is three inches taller than you and has the athletic prowess of a jungle cat(wow... this one I quite like :p)
..
Lights flashed and rain lashed, fast and slow it made no sense. The sound of frantic breathing and the sounds of bodies heaving, all the time never leaving. It won't stop and it won't falter, and across his face a chain-mail halter. Stops him dead, nearly pulls of his head. Falling down, he's falling down and he can't get up as the water comes up and he's going to drown. Screaming out in silent wood, there's monkeys in the trees and they're up to no good. He's alone and lost in here and all his has is his fear as a snake rises from the poisoned sand. Wraps itself around his hand, pulls him down onto a metal slab, restraints reach for him as they grab his flailing arms and kicking feet. Tied down again, it's all a dream. This isn't how it went, but he will still scream when a hand reaches out and grips his shoulder tight.
And his eyes snap open as he bolts upright. Blinking around himself, his heart beating like an 808 drum, he scrambled from between the sheets and headed for the little source of light from the bathroom. The water on his skin from the tap was cool and refreshing, grounding even. He looked at himself in the little mirror, hands gripping the sides of the sink tightly, and he stared at the face that he knows is his own but those eyes... those eyes can't possibly be his. His eyes aren't that haunted are they?
"Charles!" A voice sounded from the bedroom door and he sighed. He's done it again hasn't he? Damn his telepathic powers. "Charles!" The voice called again and there's naked fear and worry in it so Charles left the bathroom to open the door.
Erik almost fell through the door he was leaning on it so much, half of his entire body resting on the wood as he listened for sounds of life in Charles' room. "Charles, I heard-" He started as he looked at his friend who held up a hand and cut him off.
"It's alright Erik. Just a dream." Charles said trying to find it in himself to muster a smile but he can't find the strength to pretend he's fine. There's no way he could be 'fine' after what they went through almost a week ago in Shaw's mind.
"Bollocks." Erik responded sharply as he stepped up close to his friend, his worry beginning to morph into frustration with his friends' reluctance to let him help. "It is not alright Charles."
Charles sighed and looked away from Erik. He wants to be alone but at the same time he's afraid to be alone. Everytime he's alone with nothing to think about, the memories, the feelings, the nightmares come back and he can't handle them anymore. He needs help but he's terrified to ask his friend in case Erik laughs at him for being weak. Oh, he knows intellectually that Erik would never do that, but it's hard to get past a lifetimes' worth of being the strong, independent leader who never shows any weakness.
"I need a cup of tea." He said suddenly, still not looking at his friend, and he tried to step around Erik but the other man wasn't going to let him get away that easily.
Swiftly Erik reached out and grabbed the front of Charles' pyjamas and hauled him up against the wall. Charles, who didn't expect such an action from his friend, let out a cry of surprise as his back collided with the wall of his room. Instinctively reaching out with both hands, Charles gripped Erik's hands and tried to pry them off but Erik held firm and stared intensely at his friends panicked face. He didn't want to do this with Charles, didn't want his friend to fear him or feel uncomfortable around him, but damn it Charles wouldn't let him in and he had no other choice.
"Erik!" Charles almost squeaked as he swallowed nervously, desperately trying to keep himself as calm as possible. "Erik! Let go of me now!" He stared at his friend, breathing fast and paled when he realised Erik wasn't going to let him go.
"No." Erik replied quietly and firmly. "Not until you talk to me." He stared at Charles intently.
"What? What do you mean? I talk to you all the time!" Charles babbled as he tried to loosen Erik's grip. "In fact I talk to you more than I do Raven and the others!" He added as he realised that the only way he'd get out of Erik's grip would be if unbuttoned his pyjama top and slipped out of it. As subtly as possible, Charles began undoing the buttons as he continued to speak, his voice getting higher in pitch and his speech becoming faster and more panicked. "Just the other day I was talking to you about the improved version of Celebro Hank and I have been working on. And before that, I was talking with you about the best way to adapt the basement for an underground facility."
"No that kind of talking Charles and you know it." Erik butted in quietly as he tightened his grip on Charles' shirt. "You won't speak to me about what happened on the beach. You leave the room whenever one of us brings it up and you haven't been in my head since Shaw." He stared at his friend who had stilled in his movements and, if it was at all possible, had paled even more. "We need to talk Charles." Erik added softly and Charles looked at his friends face.
"I don't want to." Charles whispered and Erik frowned before letting out a quiet cry of surprise as Charles suddenly slipped out of his pyjama shirt and slipped under Erik's arms, bolting out the door before Erik could stop him.
"Charles!" Erik shouted as he took off after his friend, silently thankful for the fact that they were the only two sleeping in the west wing of the castle and the others were all on separate floors. "Charles stop!" He shouted out as he raced to catch up with his friend.
Charles, for the most part, ignored Erik's pleas and continued pelting down the corridors towards the main staircase but before he could reach them, the doors separating the corridor and the staircase slammed shut and he collided with them. Hard. Falling backwards he landed on his back as Erik managed to reach him. Before he could scramble to his feet again, Erik threw himself to the floor besides Charles and wrestled with him until he was straddled over his friend and had his hands pinned to the floor.
Panting heavily Erik growled. "Stop running away from me Charles." He took a breath to try and calm himself and continued. "I just want to help you." And he really did. Erik hated the fact that for the last week, every single night, Charles would wake up, silently screaming for him and everytime he got to his friend, he would be turned away because Charles was too afraid to let him in. He didn't know what Charles had seen or experienced in Shaw's mind but he knew it wasn't good. For the most part, he knew that Charles had shielded him as best he could when they'd got separated in the madman's mind – how, he didn't know but he wasn't the one having nightmares that he refused to talk about. It made him angry and sad at the same time because his friend was obviously suffering in silence and no matter how many times Erik had offered to listen Charles had ignored his words and sent him away.
Charles stared up at Erik, fear, panic and resignation at the situation the most prominent feelings being expressed by his eyes and he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to talk, he was afraid of talking about what had happened to him. Hell, he didn't even know exactly what had happened to him whilst they'd been in Shaw's mind. He remembered snippets of the time there, brief flashes that always were muddled and confused but so clear with the emotions he'd been feeling at the time that they made him feel physically sick. He knew he couldn't tell Erik because the other man already had reason enough to end Shaw, if he told him what the madman had done to him then he feared he'd lose his friend entirely to revenge and hatred. But he also realised that if he didn't tell Erik something then he, himself, would be forcing his friend to leave because Erik wouldn't be able to handle the knowledge that Charles didn't trust him enough to talk to him.
"Alright." Charles whispered, shutting his eyes as he accepted the fact that he had to talk to Erik now. There was no going back, no regrets from this point on. He would tell Erik what he needed to know and answer his questions. He would talk for his friends sake and not his own. "Alright... I'll tell you what happened."
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Sitting in silence, neither man looked at each other, choosing instead to avoid acknowledging the other whilst Charles tried to organise his mind and Erik tried to calm his. Though Charles hadn't even began to explain what he'd gone through in Shaw's mind – protecting Erik from the majority of Shaw's vindictive nature – the very knowledge that Charles has suffered for him was more than enough to make Erik's blood boil, and it was only through sheer-will that none of the metallic objects in the west wing of the mansion didn't contort and fold in on themselves. For Charles, the impending conversation was going to be one of the most painful and hard-hitting of conversations he'd ever have to have in his entire life.
Charles was no stranger to pain, though perhaps more a stranger than Erik, and he knew he could handle the psychosomatic pain as well as the emotional but he understood the need in Erik to let him in. And that pain, the pain he felt from Erik whenever he'd turned the man away – after crying out for him in panicked desperation – was why he was revealing everything Shaw had done to him, both physically whilst in his 'care' and psychologically whilst trapped in the madman's mind.
"I." Charles licked his lips and Erik's head snapped up, his stormy eyes focusing intently on Charles', still turned away, face. "I don't know where to start exactly with this but..." He tried to find the words to express his thoughts and for a moment he considered just showing Erik what he meant, but he wouldn't do that because then Erik would feel what he had and he would not do that to his friend. "I remember driving my father's car down the country lane towards the town."
Erik stared at Charles, silently imploring the telepath to look at him but either Charles' was ignoring his thoughts or had shut himself off from Erik's mind. Both suggestions caused a jolt of physical pain to shoot through Erik's heart but he pushed past it, focusing instead on Charles' words and trying to keep himself as calm as he could manage. Even if Charles wasn't listening to his thoughts, Erik knew that the telepath would feel his emotions as clearly as one would feel a pinch on their arm.
"Something crossed the road in front of me and I nearly crashed the car, my father would have been so disappointed in me if I had of done." Charles' voice filtered through the silent private library adjoining his bedroom, each word sounding disjointed and Erik realised that it was taking a lot of effort on Charles' part to simply say them aloud. "I climbed out the car, searching for whatever it was that I'd seen, I was an idiot. An arrogant, ignorant, naive fool to have got out. I should have returned to the estate or continued on into town." Charles reprimanded himself and, though it hurt Erik to do so, he refrained from speaking – knowing from past experience that if he were to interrupt his friend now, then Charles would find it even harder to continue with his story.
"Something hit me over the head and the next time I'm aware of anything I'm strapped down... to uh.. a table in the mirror-room." Charles' voice cracked slightly and Erik's anger began to rise to the surface again, but he saw how Charles instinctively flinched – the telepath obviously feeling Erik's anger – and it was enough for the anger to dispel for now and be replaced with guilt, self-loathing and overwhelming sadness. The beautiful, bright and vibrant man that had pulled him from his watery grave all those months ago was not the same man he saw before him now. This was not the Charles Xavier he knew and he hated the fact that his friend was changed, perhaps even permanently.
"Uh..." Erik's mind snapped back to Charles and he listened closely to his friends next words, realising that this was a point where Charles' was at the true precipice in their conversation; his friend could stop here, bow-out of the conversation and hide-away even longer from what he'd experienced if he chose to stop now. A part of Erik wanted him to, he wanted Charles to not tell him, to not speak of what was done to him because it would make it more real and Erik was sure that it would damage him just as much as it had damaged Charles. But there was a larger part of him, the dominant part that had resulted in the confrontation earlier on – the part of him that had caused his to use physical force to stop his friend from running away again because words had failed him and all he had left was force when the words were used up – that had to know everything his friend, his oh so very special, so very good and so much better than him, friend had gone through. And that was why Erik held his breath as he waited for Charles to start or stop here and now.
"S-Shaw killed a small girl..." Charles choked out, his voice as broken as his heart and Erik felt it as Charles' control, his self-made barrier between them, began to break down and his emotions began to permeate the room. "He killed her b-because I was too slow... because I w-waited too long..." Charles hiccupped as he clenched his hands tightly and somewhere far below them in the mansion, the furniture in his parents' bedroom began to shake violently. "And then he moved on to other people, innocent people. I don't know h-how many anymore..." Charles shook his head and Erik leaned closer towards his friend slightly, the tips of his fingers lightly brushing against Charles' arm. He felt Charles tense at the contact but he didn't pull away and Erik counted that as being a small victory on his part, but the cost was far too great for him to revel in it for long. Especially when Charles began to speak again.
"He came to me one day and... and said he wanted t-to play surgeon... Herr Docktor..." Erik tensed himself at those two words and he blinked rapidly as he fought to keep himself under-control, forcing himself to focus on Charles and what his friend needed from him now. "He used his p-power to remove my internal organs... he w-wanted him to repeat my little stint with telekinesis." Erik heard the mocking sarcasm in Charles' voice and he ran the tips of his fingers over Charles' white knuckles, trying to offer silent comfort to his friend for he dared not speak lest he disturbed Charles' determination to talk.
"He killed so many people... innocent... kind people..." Charles said as he finally turned his head and locked eyes with Erik's own. What the metal manipulator saw in his friends gaze made him want to take Charles into his embrace and never let him go. Anguish. Pain. Self-loathing. Self-hatred.
"But he called them 'inferior'..." Charles snarled, staring directly into Erik's eyes, trying to speak to him without words or thoughts and Erik understood. How could he not? He had been called 'inferior' in his life, considered to be the lowest of the low and worthless except for his power. And he realised that Charles was still trying to teach him even when the telepath was so spectacularly damaged, scarred, beaten and worn-down but not broken. No... Charles' was not broken and maybe, on the outside, he looked like he was but Erik saw in his friends eyes. Erik looked into the watery-blue orbs staring at him and he saw just how strong Charles Xavier really was. This was a man who could weather anything, survive everything that life threw at him, not because he could, but because he had to; for everyone's sake. Erik saw how afraid Charles was of himself, how fearful Charles was of the power that had so enthralled Shaw and Erik finally understood why his friend always argued for mutant-human integration rather than extermination. Charles quite literally had the power to start, and finish, a war. And it terrified him so much that he shied away from it and built walls and barriers and lived by the rules of a 'Good Man' so strongly, so desperately, just so he wouldn't become what Shaw had only dreamed of being.
"He called them 'inferior' and justified their deaths like he was above mankind, like he was a God..." Charles whispered and his soft words brought Erik's attention back to his friend. "He accused me of being a God who was trying to be a man." Charles laughed sardonically, the harsh sound cutting into Erik more than any blade had ever done. "He tried to make me join him... thought t-that if he k-killed enough people in front of me, that I'd f-fall at his feet and thank him!"
Erik growled as anger rose within him again, and though he saw Charles flinch at the feeling bleeding through to him, Erik found that he couldn't push it back down now. In Charles' parents room the large, oak, four-poster, king-sized bed was levitating three-feet off the ground and the curtains were beginning to dissolve as Charles continued to speak.
"But you can... you freed me and we were safe, I was safe, but the world wasn't." Charles whispered, his words quiet but the feeling behind them so strong that, if he hadn't have been sitting already, they would have knocked Erik off his feet. Relief, adoration, gratitude, love. "I couldn't leave the world in Shaw's hands... I couldn't leave you at his hands..."
"So we entered his mind together." Erik supplied, finally breaking his silence as he realised that Charles wasn't going to stop now, when he realised that Charles couldn't stop now. His friend didn't have the will to stop now he was in so deep.
"Yes." Charles' muffled voice reached his ears as the telepath buried his head into his arm resting on the arm of the chair he was seated in. "And he chased us. Chased you and I... I-I couldn't let him h-hurt you again..." Charles muttered, heart-break and emotional agony crystal clear in every word. "So I put up any barriers I could, diverted his attention, let him chase m-me instead..."
"You shouldn't have done that Charles." Erik said solemnly and he slid out of his chair just enough for his hand to wrap itself around Charles' fist.
"I wanted to." Charles said, his voice quiet and vulnerable but with a hint of steel behind it, as he lifted his head to look at his friend. "I didn't w-want him to hurt you again Erik... he hurt you enough when you were a boy."
Erik swallowed thickly, trying to get his feelings under-control as he tightened his grasp on Charles' hand a little. "And he hurt you more than I care bear knowing about." Erik countered softly, anguish in his voice and he watched as Charles shifted in his chair slightly so he was facing Erik directly. "You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you in pain my friend. I would have gladly taken your place if I could have."
"But that is something I did not, still don't, wish for." Charles croaked as he leaned forward, the hand that had been gripping the armrest coming to rest on Erik's knee. "I will gladly take all the pain that S-Shaw could supply unto myself to protect you Erik." Charles stared imploringly into his friends eyes and he smiled slightly, trying to inject some humour into their serious conversation. "Raven tells me it's a character-flaw of mine; the self-sacrificial lamb if you will."
"But you're not a lamb are you Charles?" Erik asked, his voice low and raw. Charles frowned at his friend, his mind feeling... not lighter per say, but clearer and sharper, than it had felt in months. "You don't sacrifice yourself out of blissful ignorance or innocence even do you? You give yourself up to protect others because you believe that it's the best way to keep them safe; from whatever you give yourself to and yourself."
Charles opened his mouth to counter Erik, to argue with him, to tell him he was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to form the words aloud because Erik wasn't wrong. Erik was so right, so accurate that it scared Charles a little to think that his friend could see him that easily.
"You can't even deny it can you?" Erik asked, leaning closer towards his friend face to stare intensely into Charles' blue orbs that were twinkling with surprise, fear and... acceptance? "I wondered why I never saw you training yourself. I watched you as you helped Sean, Alex, Hank, Raven and myself with our powers daily, but you never tested yourself when we were around did you? You were too afraid of hurting us. Maybe you weren't consciously aware of it, but you knew how dangerous you could be if you let go, if you tapped into the well of power inside you. So you didn't dare try." Erik titled his head to the side as Charles continued to stare at him, wide-eyed in surprise and something else... something that Erik couldn't identify.
"And you never would have tried would you? Never would have touched what you locked away from even yourself had it not been for Shaw." Erik said, ignoring the way Charles flinched instinctively at the sound of the madman's name. "You unlocked a part of yourself that terrifies you, not for the world, not to protect humanity, not to save the children, but because Shaw was threatening me."
Charles blinked and tried to look away from his friend but Erik's free hand rose and still his head as the calloused palm rest on his cheekbone. "Is that what Shaw did to you in his mind?" Erik whispered, staring desperately into Charles' gaze. "Did Shaw show you, me at his mercy... is that why you took all that pain?"
Charles squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to calm his breathing as it began to accelerate.
'Erik crying out for him. "Charles! Charles help me!"
"Erik!" Charles cries back, spinning in circles, searching for his friend but only finding mirrors. Mirrors all around him and suddenly he was tied down on the metal slab again.
"Hello Charlie-boy." Shaw's voice drifts around him, through him, and he trashes against the restraints. "Guess who I found?"
A body appears on the floor, slumped over, unmoving and Charles strains to reach for his friend. "Erik! No Erik!"
"I told you Charlie-boy." Shaw laughed darkly as a burning palm landed on his chest. "You will help me destroy the world... and Erik is the key to making you do that."
"ERIK!" Charles screamed out and roared a primal howl, full of anger, hate and fear for his friend. And everything began to burn away as his power consumed him and he watched Erik's body burn, boil, twist and dissolve into nothing.'
"Yes." Charles whispered, his voice breaking around the single syllable and Erik growled as Charles began to cry. Silently. Like a child does when they don't want to be noticed, like a child does when their parents are angry at them or don't care and they've learn that no-one cares if they cry, only find it frustrating and pathetic.
"Oh Charles." Erik breathed out, sounding just as broken as Charles, as he slipped out of his chair and embraced Charles in a strong, warm, comforting embrace. The younger man clung to him desperately, as he buried his head in Erik's shoulder and his entire body was wrought with his sobs. "I am so sorry my friend." Erik whispered into Charles' hair, impulsively placing a kiss on his head. "I promise you. I promise Charles that whatever Shaw showed you will never come to pass."
"You don't know that." Charles croaked as he gripped Erik tightly. "You don't know what I did." He added, his voice so quiet and muffled that Erik had to strain to hear it. "I made you burn... I made it all burn..."
Erik blinked as he finally understood why he had been roughly thrown out of Shaw's mind just as he reached the core of the man's power. Erik realised that Charles had been so close to the edge of his control, right to his limit, and with the last vestiges of his control he'd pushed Erik out just moments after the metal manipulator had tapped into Shaw's power source. "I don't care." Erik said firmly as he lifted Charles' head up and stared intently at his friend's tear-stained face. "I don't care because I know you Charles. You could never hurt me no matter what you think and I could never hurt you because... because I love you."
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And I'm leaving it there, just to annoy you all :)
Actually, I'm stopping here because if I don't then this chapter will be so long that it'll take up more than the five pages it already does (it'd end up being something like ten pages at least) and whilst I'm sure you'd all love such a long chapter, you would literally be waiting weeks for me to finish it :p
So the semi-long ones are probably for the best really xD
Anyway, before anyone complains about Erik's reaction in the first part of this chapter – I've kind of had to do the whole 'pin the friend before they run away from their problems again' and it seems to me to be the kind of thing Erik would do (though perhaps he'd resort to force quicker than I've had him, but I like to think that Charles has taught the man some form of patience with words... yeah right ;p).
Anywho, I'll quickly send out a couple of shouts to you all so that you people know there's another chapter (which I'm sorry is so late but I've been mad-busy with everything) and I hope you like this. Now I am going to bed 'cause it's 2:00 in the morning and I'm up at 8:00 for college :p
Kasey out xD