Okay. Because I have to write something for this fic, I'm starting this after completing my last day of college (yay) and it's likely that this chapter will not be as long as the previous one – mostly because I don't think I have it in me to write that much, that quickly. However, that being said, it's not going to be horrifically short – just short enough ;)
I've had a hectic few days and already I've got to save for a week away with my mates, get up early tomorrow to accompany one of said mates for her induction day (I'm a frickin' security blanket I swear), I've got to sort through all my notes from the year and figure out what I don't need (God... that'll be fun) and then I've got to find my mental Charles with his inner-zen 'cause I could really do with some calm right now... *headsdesk*
I don't know how this chapter's going to go yet (since I haven't even started writing it yet :p) but I'm hoping it'll give some psychological depth into the reactions of the others and such... and it's likely that I may well end up using a couple of psychology terms which I apologise in advance for... my brain isn't really working right now but I'll do my best with this.
Anyway, I've probably rambled enough now – though I do need to change my writing-playlist because the one I have now is actually annoying – so I'll leave you with the chapter which I hope you all enjoy.
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THE AFTERMATH:
C(haos) + D(isorder) - Σ Su(rvival chances)
ΔS(ilence) + D(eath toll)
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nR(ecovery chances) + ΔTi(me)
P(syche)
EQUALS:
Approximately six months, three days and a lot of anger-management sessions
(Okay, I don't understand the above 'equation' but it looks cool and I kinda like it :p)
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Raven stood in silence as she stared out into the darkness beyond the small window above the kitchen sink. It was dark out. Very dark. Courtesy of the dense tree-line surrounding the exterior of the estate, none of the artificial light from the town a few miles away filtered through to disturb the darkness of the grounds. When she'd been younger it had unnerved her, having always been used to the bright lights of the towns and cities where people were always present, but now Raven found it relaxing, soothing and, most of all, private. The darkness allowed her the illusion that she was alone. And she desperately needed to be alone right now.
Absentmindedly, she continued to scrub the dry mug in her hands, her mind not on the task but rather on other things. Darker things. Things that she had suppressed for a number of weeks since this whole fiasco began. She wondered about that, this 'fiasco'. It wasn't exactly a secret anymore, not really even though Moria had been mind-blanked – one of the first things Charles had done after they'd returned to the mansion, before he'd had his own version of a break-down; the silent type that terrified Raven more than his direct anger. They 'd all been through a lot lately. Hank and Alex, Sean, Raven and the other mutants. They'd been through a lot and they were working through their issues. Heck, even Erik was. But, the one who had been through more than any of them could ever know, well...
They'd been through a lot.
Sometimes, when she was too tired, too afraid to do anything other than curl up in her covers and try and hide from the world, she wondered what it would have been like for them all. If it had happened differently. On some nights, normally when she was too desperate for sleep and too exhausted from crying, she'd drift off into dreams where she was by Erik's side and Charles was not. And everytime she'd wake up with tear-tracks on her blue cheeks and feeling her heart breaking because she loved her brother and... and now he understood that the world wasn't pretty. That there were monsters out there and he'd been irreparably scared by one. Like her. Like Erik.
She knew of course, understood that Charles' life hadn't been easy before she'd come along. She'd figured it out pretty early on when he'd explained to her that his mother had actually died so her shifting into the form of Mrs Xavier was the biggest give-away she'd given him. He had looked sad when he'd explained to her why he was alone in the house, excluding the maids, nannies and butlers that she occasionally saw. She'd known that he was lonely and wanted someone to love, someone to be family to him again. And she'd wanted a family too. She understood him, but he didn't understand her.
But maybe now he would, maybe now, after Shaw he could understand why she hated people, why she feared them. Maybe he could finally see what she had tried to tell him since they were kids. The world wasn't a nice place. She'd learnt that in the orphanage when the children had bullied her, the adults feared her, and her parents had abandoned her. As much as Charles had felt lonely without his family around, Raven knew that her parents had never loved her, only feared her. She'd never felt the love of a parent. She'd never had a family before Charles.
Her blue hands gripped the mug tightly, ceasing in their movements, as she stared unblinkingly out of the window before her. The darkness gave her mind a blank canvas to draw images on, to paint her own fantasy, her own dream. The type of dream where she and Charles were together. Where Charles understood what she'd always tried to tell him. The type of dream that she still wanted with all her heart. The type of dream that she'd never have because Charles was her brother. And he had Erik anyway.
Erik.
Another loss for her, she dropped the mug in the sink, ignoring the way it impacted on the metal and cracked along the side. She always lost in the end didn't she? She was always the sad, little child that was left out of evening meals because no-one wanted to touch her. She was always the one who was forgotten, who could hide away and never expect to be found again. She always failed to get what she wanted. Loving parents... A happy life... Normalcy... Charles... Erik...
She blinked away the tears threatening to fall from her tawny eyes as she leant against the fridge door. Who was she kidding? She wanted what she could never have and it was stupid of her to be moping about it all. Charles and Erik were an item, it was obvious even if she had hate admitting it to herself. She'd seen it from the moment they had stood on the deck of the ship all those weeks, months ago, shivering from the cold and completely soaking wet. She knew her brother and she truly wished she didn't. She wished she could be what he wanted. She wished she was what she wanted herself to be.
"Why do you cry?" A soft, low voice echoed around the dark kitchen, startling Raven as she straightened up immediately and snapped her gaze on the door. Standing, just on the threshold into the kitchen was the red mutant. Azant? Azane? Azaz? What was his name again?
"What do you want?" Raven snarled viscously as she slinked towards the kitchen table, where there was a lone kitchen knife resting on its surface. She knew logically that the red-mutant – Azazel, that was his name! - wasn't going to hurt her, she'd see how he had politely, tenderly assisted Erik and Hank in dealing with the unconscious Charles not too long ago. But logic couldn't over-ride instinct and she was preparing herself for a fight.
"I came for a glass of water." Azazel replied, his voice still low and soft. Raven was struck with the strange thought that this would be how a human would speak to a hungry lion about to attack. The thought made her shoulders lose some of their tension slightly and she took a breath to calm herself.
"Oh." Raven said softly and she blushed, though it was impossible to see with her blue skin. "Sorry." She apologised, watching as Azazel carefully, warily, entered the kitchen and filled a glass with water.
"It is alright." He waved a hand as he moved over to the table and sat down in one of the chairs. "We are all tired and stressed." He smiled slightly, not the usual smile where all his teeth showed, but a softer, gentler and more humanised smile which instinctively made Raven relax and smile back slightly.
She sat down in the other seat, content to just sit in silence with the other mutant, the only other one – besides Hank, but his colour wasn't because of his genes, that was because he wanted to play God – of them who knew what it was really like to be so horrifically different to normal people.
"Perhaps you would like to talk about it?" Azazel suggested quietly, politely, and Raven blinked. The mutants accent was different to Charles' own – Russian if she was correct – but the politeness, the care, the warmth in his words... oh God. That was too much like Charles for her to handle. She looked away and shook her head, wiping away the tears that had started again.
"No." She croaked out, her voice low and vulnerable. She didn't want to talk. Not to him. Not to this mutant, so like her but like Charles too. No. She couldn't talk to him right now. Not if she wanted to be able to face him again tomorrow.
"Then I will talk." Azazel said lightly, as though he didn't see how upset Raven was but she knew he'd noticed and she was grateful that he'd changed the topic. She wiped away the last few tears off her cheeks, finally procuring enough control over her emotions to keep them in check. Looking up at the red-mutant Raven smiled and nodded.
Azazel smiled again and began to speak about his life before Shaw. He began to speak about how he had enjoyed reading poetry and cooking. He spoke of old Russian tales and how the winters in the USSR were horrific but being able to play hide-and-seek in snow banks two-storey's tall was fun.
Raven sat and listened, relaxing and smiling. Laughing when Azazel tried to explain how he had fallen out of their flat window in the depths of winter and landed on one of the snow banks after breaking his sisters favourite toy. And something in her heart. Something that had been wrapped up in hurt and anger, betrayal and loss, was let loose and she couldn't help but wonder if she had found what she had been so desperately searching for all these years.
Someone who understood what it was like to hide their true form from others, but someone who also understood why it had to be done. She didn't know why Azazel had ever joined Shaw, and a part of her doubted she'd ever really know, but right now. Right now, Raven didn't care because she had someone else, someone who liked how they looked, liked who they were, and had the same heart of gold as her dear Charles.
And if she was starting to maybe fall a little bit in love with the red-mutant, well. Who could blame her really? It was almost like it was meant to be.
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When the morning came, and the sun began to rise from beneath the horizon, and the birds began to twitter in their nests, both Azazel and Raven were still talking and listening in the kitchen. A plate of biscuits between them and a, now empty, pot of tea and two mugs beside it. They were completely relaxed, comfortable and safe. They were fast becoming friends and anyone who would have walked in on them might have got the wrong idea – especially since Azazel was trying to steal the biscuit in Raven's out-stretched hand. Of course, the only person who wouldn't have got the wrong idea would have been the same person who entered the kitchen and watched in surprise as Raven scurried out of her chair and away from the red-mutant who was still after that damned biscuit.
"Give me that!" Azazel mocked growled as he half-dived across the table, his hand shooting out to snatch the biscuit only to grasp thin air as Raven gracefully danced away from him. "It's my favourite."
"No. Go get your own." Raven laughed back, an easy smile on her face as she danced around the kitchen, always just out of Azazel's reach. She grinned mischievously at the red-mutant who glared at her.
"I can't. You ate the others bluebird." Azazel pouted and it looked so very strange on the red-mutant that Raven couldn't help but laugh at him as she finally stopped dancing and held the biscuit out to the red-mutant.
"Fine. I'll just make Charles buy some more." Raven said, smiling in amusement as Azazel stared at the biscuit as though he was expecting it to transform into some evil dough-based monster and devour him.
"Make me buy some more of what?" Charles asked as he finally revealed his presence, wisely deciding to look like he had no idea what was going on. He suppressed a slight smile when both of the colourful mutants started at his voice. He walked into the kitchen and over to the kettle on the stove. He frowned. "Raven. It wouldn't kill you to refill this every once in a while you know?" He reprimanded but there was no bite in his words.
"Shut up Charles." Raven pouted as she glared at her brother. "And you need to get some more Digestives, with the sugar-topping." Raven added as she moved to stand next to her brother by the sink. She watched as he filled up the kettle and avoided her gaze. "What's up with you?" She asked, genuinely interested and out of the corner of her eye she spied Azazel moving to fridge.
"Nothing." Charles answered as he turned the tap off and glanced at his sister, smiling briefly. "I'm fine." He added, pausing long enough to look Raven in the eye directly and Raven actually found herself believing him. Her brother wasn't one-hundred-percent yet, but he was getting there.
"Okay." Raven nodded slowly as Charles' face lit up and he smiled widely at her, as though he had been expecting her not to believe him. She followed him over to the stove, smiling to Azazel as the red mutant began to cut slices off the loaf of bread – who put it in the fridge exactly, Raven didn't want to know – and she perched on the low counter-top, swinging her legs like she had always done when they'd been younger. She smiled at her brother and couldn't help but ask. "I guess you're all happy because of Erik's magic-hands?"
Charles choked on the breath he took and dropped the lit match on the floor as his eyes snapped to lock with Raven's own. She stared innocently at him and couldn't help but say. "What? Did I say something wrong?"
Behind them Azazel let out a muffled laugh and Charles flushed until his pale face was almost as red as the sunset. "Inappropriate Raven." Charles muttered as he looked away from Raven and focused intensely on lighting another match.
Raven laughed at her brother's response and hopped down off the counter-top, lightly padding over to throw herself down into her chair at the table. She looked over at Azazel who's shoulders were shaking suspiciously. She smirked and leaned over, snatching up a grape from the bowl the red-mutant had placed them in. He looked up at her and she smirked evilly at him, jerking her head towards her brother who was focused entirely on the boiling kettle. He shook his head, a smile on his face as he tried to not laugh aloud.
"Oh for God's sake. Just laugh already before you give yourself a coronary!" Charles exclaimed in exasperation as he turned around to glare at Raven and Azazel. The red mutant looked over his shoulder at the embarrassed Englishman and it was enough for him to dissolve into fits of laughter, Raven joining him. "Thank you so very much for finding amusement in my obvious embarrassment." Charles huffed as he pouted glumly and it only served to make them laugh even more.
Raven laughed joyously as her fear that her brother was broken was soothed and she felt his amusement, though she was sure he didn't realise that he was projecting his feelings right now, as she clutched the table top and watched as Azazel laughed with her. She finally realised that things were changing now. They weren't perfect and they could never be as they were before, but things were improving at long last and she laughed even louder in exhilaration and happiness.
And Charles watched as she did so, a smile adorning his still red face. He observed how his sister laughed along with Azazel, at his expense of course but there was something more there – something else that she was laughing about, but he wasn't going to break a promise to her just to placate his curiosity. He wondered if her sister realised that, whatever feelings she had for the red-mutant, Azazel's own were mutual. Charles watched sharply as Raven reached out a hand and rested it on Azazel's arm, a move that neither seemed uncomfortable with so they'd obviously been in each other's company a lot lately. The instinctual urge to protect his sister was quickly quenched when he quickly, subtly, gleaned the foremost thoughts of the red-mutants mind and he found respect, care, adoration and fascination mixed together.
And that was how Erik found the three of them a few minutes later; Charles standing next to the stove and the boiling kettle looking as though someone had poured hot water on his face, Raven and Azazel laughing their heads off at some little joke that only they were privy to.
It was all strangely domestic.
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Okay. I don't like this chapter. Well, that's a lie. I do like this chapter but at the same time I don't. It feels rushed to me (however, that being said, it's probably fine and not at all rushed but I'm sleepy right now so everything feels rushed :p).
In the heart of asking you lot to give me some psychoanalysis of the characters (you were so helpful with that guys... ;p) I've decided to include below my short analysis of Raven/Mystique. I actually had to write this when I couldn't figure out what to cover in this chapter, and how to cover it all. It helped immensely and if anyone wants to use it as a basis for their own Raven then go ahead (I don't mind honestly) or if you want to argue with me about something, then go ahead. I like to argue :p
Kasey
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Raven (Xavier?) Psychological Break-down
Name: Raven
Age:approximately 21 in '60/61 (I'm guessing here)
Gender: Female
Species: Mutated Human
Abilities:Shape-shifting (and the ability to be harder to write than the crazy metal-manipulator with anger issues...)
Low-Down:
* Was adopted by Charles Xavier around 15/16 (as per my little AU on the FC!verse) – approximately 10/11 (I'm bad with numbers right now alright)
* Obviously had issues with parental figures – probably 'cause her own abandoned her in an orphanage
* Trust-issues, she turns blue naturally and has had to look after herself on the streets. Trust-issues is probably an understatement
* Seems to have a fascination with Charles (in the film). Possibly because she's aging slowly and in the throes of evil puberty and thinks he's a sex God (which he is of course :p). Or possibly because she's developed some sort of dependency on his presence, has essentially fallen in love with him because he was the first person to accept her 'natural' form and not reject her
* Naturally will have great, emotional reactions to Charles being injured, threatened or in danger – stemming from previous point – and so will find it difficult to handle emotionally
* Reaction to flirtatious endeavours undertook by Charles suggests that she is possessive and 'wants' him to chase her instead of the other way around – stems from trust-issues and how Charles reacted to her initially
* Acts out in childish manners to try and gain Charles' attention – most likely because, when they were younger, she found he gave her more attention then and some part of her mind thinks that he'll pay attention to her more if she acts like a child
* Dislikes not knowing everything about Charles – certainly hates the idea that he can know everything about her and yet she can know hardly anything about him; this is the trust-issue and once again relates to her possessive nature (which will mean that she'll likely want to murder Erik at some point... lol)
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I suppose Raven is the type of girl who, after having lived how she did for a number of years (I'm guessing she ran away from the orphanage when she was around 7/8) she'd find Charles' kindness and charity to be so enamouring that she would naturally develop feelings for him. It's the equivalent of saving a strangers life one day when you're climbing a mountain and you have to care for them until the rescue 'chopper comes. Bad analogy but you get what I mean.
I'm sure that she'll eventually be happy that Charles has Erik to make him happy, but right now I am probably accurate in assuming that she'll be horrifically jealous of Erik and feeling betrayed by Charles. Her thought process will be something along the lines of "I love him so much, I've watched him try to control his powers for years, I've let him do whatever he wanted and I've listened to what he's said to me... so why doesn't he want me?"
The fact that Charles promised to never read her mind is even more problematic with the whole situation because, if he hadn't promised or if he had sneakily had a look earlier on, he could have dispelled her developing feelings for him. But he didn't. He was a gentleman and kept his word. And the damage is done.
But it can be fixed. If he tries really hard, talks to her and tries to help her as she helps him. They're still family afterall. So, it all comes to down to how he can fix what he's inadvertently broken...
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