Eddie and Patsy lunched at Patisserie Valerie, and decided to sit outside in the sunlight. Both were smoking and drinking coffee, though Patsy discreetly added vodka to her beverage before sipping it. Eddie looked troubled as she sat opposite, smoking profusely.
"I mean what is it darling, what are you up to?" she asked in a pained voice. "You haven't found anybody for your little chat show, have you?"
"No Eds, but the thing is –"
Patsy was interrupted by a short, bald man holding a clipboard and wearing a blue jacket. He approached the table shamelessly, but looked a little timid all the same, and stuck his pen out in Patsy's direction. "Edina Monsoon?" he asked.
"No, no that's…that's me…" Eddie said, grinning ghoulishly at the man and expanding her chest. "What is it? What've you got there?"
"Miss Monsoon said you'd be here," the man said, "so I've brought along some pamphlets and leaflets that I think might help you."
"Pamphlets? Pamphlets did he say, Pats?" Eddie said, looking perturbed. "Are you talking about Saffy, err…person?"
"That's right, Saffron Monsoon sent me here with these," the man said briskly, nodding his head. Eddie took the pamphlets and leaflets and stared down at them. They were designed, it seemed, to get people off cigarettes.
"What are they Eddie?" Patsy asked, allowing her cigarette to rest between her lips and taking one of the pamphlets for herself. Seeing its subject, she instantly dropped it onto the table and shrieked with disgust; she began to breathe heavily. "Get them away from me Eddie," she said huskily, clutching at her chest and smoking speedily. "That little spawn of satin's trying to kill us early."
"We don't want them! We don't want these! Get them away!" Eddie complained, pushing them off the table and back into the man's arms. "How dare you frighten my friend like that?"
"I was told to –" the man started.
"You don't fancy being on my talk show, do you?" Patsy asked suddenly, pulling down her sunglasses to get a better look at the stranger. "You'd make a great sob story, wouldn't he Eddie?"
"Yes, but darling he's not famous," Eddie reiterated. She waved her hands around dramatically again. "You need famous people – famous people, darling –"
"Alright, piss off then," Patsy said to the man. She waved him away without a moment's hesitation, not recognising her rudeness.
The man shook his head. "No wonder your daughter's so tired-looking," he said, striding off down the street.
"Well she doesn't get it from her Mother!" Eddie screamed after him.