VII. In Which There Are No Inappropriately Assigned Dialects, Outdated Metaphors For Affection, Or Blind Airship Pilots

ooo

The first thought in Sabin's mind as he felt his head smashed into the wall was about how unfair today had been. The blow was surprisingly light, considering the way he'd been jerked around, but it was enough to make him see stars for a moment. He barely cared enough to swing back, and as he turned he got a stinging slap on the jaw.

"Uh!"

"How DARE you!"

Sabin's halfhearted will to fight evaporated completely when he recognized the voice of his attacker. "E...Edgar?"

Edgar slapped him again. "You spineless cretin," he spat. "I knew you were oblivious, I knew you were a fool, but I never knew you were a coward!" Sabin's dumbfounded look so infuriated him that he very nearly went for a third swing. The only thing that stayed his hand was Sabin's piteous "Brother?"

"Yes, and if anyone else had so mistreated a woman I adore he would be picking his internal organs off the end of a chainsaw. But since you are indeed my brother, I'll give you five seconds to justify your behavior before I tear you apart myself."

It was a while until Sabin could muster a response. He could easily have thrown him into the next room, but the fact that Edgar was using any amount of physical force to begin with disturbed him. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Worry me? Is that why you think I'm angry? Because I've been slighted? You really are a clod. Here you have a chance to...to...to something," he said, wringing his hands, "and you decide the best course of action is to run away?"

Was there any point in trying to explain? "I'm---"

"Don't tell me you're stupid. You're insightful, intuitive and resourceful; I've never met anyone who can accurately assess a situation half as fast. You just don't think! If you ever applied half the information you pick up on you'd be a far better king than I." The anger had gone out of his face and become mild exasperation. Sabin relaxed somewhat.

"I thought a little distance would help me figure some stuff out."

"Aha. And did it?"

"No."

The one-word answer was as contrite and telling as any amount of heartfelt speeches. It was convenient, Edgar reflected, that a few smacks resonated louder than words. It was also convenient that Sabin was two hundred thirty pounds of solid muscle and that no number of punches from his older brother would faze him.

"Will you talk to her?"

"What, she's awake?"

"She's something of a night owl, you know that." The romantic in him was getting carried away, and he wanted to throw up his arms and shout "Go! Go to her!", perhaps with swelling violin music for greater effect. But Sabin had no sense of drama, timing, or subtlety, and it wouldn't help to terrify him. The honorable thing to do was stand aside.

All Sabin could think of was his impending doom. Now she had a legitimate reason to be angry, and while he hoped she wouldn't be, he really did deserve it. What was it about the passage of time that made everything so clear? Why did he want to leave at all?

He remembered how her smile had temporarily stunned him. How could somebody naturally have the kind of knee-knocking charm that Edgar had created over the course of decades?He knocked on the door, vaguely aware of her acknowledgment before letting himself in.

"Terra?"

She sat up in bed, knitting a scarf with frizzy red-grey wool. Her disarming "oh, hello!" made him feel even worse for having ever left. He took a seat by the bed to look on as she knitted, and finally summoned the mettle to say what he had known to be true all along:

"I'm an idiot."

"Don't say that," she chided. "How was your training?"

"Awful." And he proceeded to recount the whole misadventure, from the way he'd walked around in circles for upwards of three hours and how there hadn't been so much as a Mu he could catch and eat. Soon they were both laughing, less at the story itself and more out of weary relief. All their anxieties had amounted to nothing.

"It's too bad, then," Terra said, but she was smiling. "Setzer is coming to pick me up tomorrow---er, well, the day after. I had wanted to explore the desert, but since you..."

"No, that sounds great. We could spend all day out there if you want. It'll be my turn for a vacation." He paused. This was as good a time as any to get it over with. "I really should've told you I was leaving."

"Why? I don't mind."

"Doesn't make it right. I should've been more considerate."

She gave him a light smack on the head with her knitting needles. "Would you stop that? What about that time when Laurent was putting up such a fuss and you were the only one he'd talk to, and you spent four hours going back and forth communicating between him and us? What could be more considerate than that?"

"Eh, I have a lot of experience with stubborn little kids." He prodded at the stretch of wool, which was taking the shape of a hat. "Do you want to leave around breakfast time or later? If you don't want to be out there for long, that's fine."

"What about earlier? Please? This whole trip has gone by so fast. The longer we spend out there, the better! And we have to make up for today, don't we? We can get some fruit and vegetables and whatever else we need from the kitchen."

Her high spirits were irresistible. It was like the old days when she would go headfirst into the riskiest situations with a cry of "let's go help!". "You've really planned this out, haven't you?" he asked.

"Yes!"

"If that's what you want to do, it's fine with me. Hell, it sounds like fun. It'll be great to spend the whole day wandering with no Locke to get us lost 'cause he thinks every lumpy patch of ground has buried treasure in it."

"That's right. We can get lost all by ourselves!"

He laughed, said "I'll be back here at around six, then," and bid her goodnight as he left. Terra put her knitting aside and extinguished the candle by the bed, determined to go to sleep as fast as possible.

I'm glad he's all right. She didn't think anything had happened to him, of course, but that whole day she kept wondering if something was wrong. Why had he acted like that when he came to see her? Should she have thanked him again for taking care of her or apologized for clinging to him that way? He didn't complain, but...

She wiggled her toes under the blanket. I can't sleep. Tomorrow would be full of hot sand, desert springs, and the ancient castle to the west. She couldn't imagine a better guide than Sabin, who was so experienced and fun. He was kind of like Locke, now that she considered it. She had a tendency to compare all her friends to him. He was the first person she had ever really met, and as such had stuck as a kind of standard for what people should be. Everyone was degrees of being like Locke.

Sabin isn't that different from Locke. He's cheerful, honest, willing to talk about his pain...then again, he doesn't snarl at men who try to talk to me. The self-proclaimed "treasure hunter" hadn't been exaggerating when he said he'd protect her from any danger. She'd never really seen Setzer as a danger, but Locke had other ideas.

We'll have a nice time... She felt a funny twist at the base of her stomach. She shouldn't be bothered about anymore. Everything was fine.

Will he come to visit when I go home?

Why wouldn't he?

Why does it matter?

Everything's fine...

She wasn't sure it was, but she kept repeating it until she fell asleep.

ooo

Morning came a little too soon, but Terra was too excited to mind. She quickly showered and went to look for another colorful combination from the closet. What to wear? She had one last day with all the marvelous clothes Edgar had provided. In the end she settled on a short dress and thin stockings. It wasn't the best choice for traveling in the desert, but she'd grown accustomed to them. Her original outfit with its garish stockings had been picked out for her by Kefka---she distinctly recalled how he had cackled with glee as he modeled his "unique style"---but she'd refused to give it up. He had no right to taint her memories anymore.

Only I can choose what I like, she thought, and celebrated that freedom by taking out a pair of bright blue boots. When she at last found clothes that were appropriately uncoordinated she sat down in a chair to wait for Sabin.

Fifteen minutes passed without so much as a sound in the hallways, and Terra went to go find him on her own. It wasn't like him to be late. Then again, he did have a pretty bad memory. Had he gone out to train? No, he wouldn't do that.

She tapped quietly on his door. "Sabin? Sabin, are you there?"

"Uh-huh..."

Encouraged, Terra peered in. She didn't see so much as a sign of him anywhere until she noticed a bear-shaped lump on the bed. He's still asleep?! Sure enough, he was tangled up in the sheets and holding his pillow in both arms. He looked so content it almost would've been wrong to wake him up.

Almost. "Let's go!" When he just turned over, she reached down and pinched his cheeks. "Wake up!"

"Uhn...Terra? I..." It was fun to watch the awareness flash in his eyes. "Terra! Damn, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep in." He rolled out of bed so fast the mattress sprang up and sent Terra sprawling. "Sorry, gimme a minute..."

She'd never seen him so flustered before. "Take your time. There's no rush." But he dashed from the closet to the bathroom to the cabinets like the world was at stake. He didn't even bother with his customary sash.

"Okay, I'm ready. If we're lucky, they'll have started breakfast, so there might be some stuff prepared." She looked puzzled the extent of his enthusiasm. "I'm...really hungry, that's all."

The kitchen staff happily offered up baskets of fresh fruits and pastries. "You can take whatever you'd like and we'll still have a surplus," the head chef complained. "His Majesty said a traveling party would be stopping by this morning. Meanwhile, the guards say they haven't seen a thing, and we're stuck in here with twenty pounds of marzipan."

Edgar was one step ahead of them, as always. "Thank you very much," Terra said. Will I ever be able to tell him anything without him creating some elaborate plot? Together she and Sabin picked up as much as they could carry and set out of the castle into the early dawn.

"Where do you want to go first?" he asked.

"Can we get to Mount Koltz before sunrise? You always talk about how beautiful it is." She could still recall the first time she'd set foot on the mountain, and even in the blistering sun it had impressed her. The staggered cliffs and huge, smooth inclines seemed to reach all the way to the sky.

"I wish we could. The first round of earthquakes really broke up the northern continent. Mount Koltz went straight into the ground and formed a bunch of caverns. There's nothing left."

Sometimes in her darkest moments Terra considered everything they'd lost and questioned if their victory had come at too great a cost. Whole families, cities, mountains, all gone... It bothered her late at night, when she was alone. More than once she'd gone to the children's rooms and held them tight to reassure herself that it really had been worth it. No, we weren't wrong, not when so many people are depending on us to not give up. We weren't wrong. We weren't wrong.

But now, so far from Mobliz, she couldn't alleviate that stab of doubt. "Sabin?" she asked.

"Eh?" He was already heading towards the west.

"Do you think the world is worse now? Worse than before, I mean?"

"I don't think you can measure it like that," he said casually. "Harder, maybe, but I wouldn't say that means it's worse. It's just a different world than the one we grew up in, that's all." He turned to look at her. "Why? Do you think it's worse?"

"I don't really know," she admitted. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think."
"Think whatever you want. You're an adult."

The offhanded way he granted her that last elusive status stunned her. Was that all? She didn't have a big, important realization or newfound self-assuredness. All she had was Sabin's vote of confidence.

...is that enough for now?

There was a hissing at her ankles and Terra jumped out of the way of an impatient sand scorpion. It gave a low rattle, preparing to strike, but she quickly crushed it underfoot with a single stomp.

"Don't worry about me," she told Sabin, who was grinning. "I can take care of myself."

ooo

The western half of the desert was as dense and variegated as any forest. They were constantly encountering some incredible creature that had eked out a home in the harsh terrain, which of course meant they had to get down on their hands and knees and look at it. Terra was glad that being an adult didn't preclude a fascination with bugs.

They had walked the whole morning long, enjoying the fierce wilderness and their own isolation: the closest people were leagues away. Around noon they stopped to rest in a spotty grove of palm trees. Terra poked at the fat white-striped moths and their larvae while Sabin went to refill the canteens.

"So what's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?" he asked, scooping the water out of the spring. It was clearer and cooler than anything that came from the castle wells.

The moths were beginning to nibble at the sweat of Terra's skin. "Settle all the spats that happened while I was out, I guess. If I get a moment's peace I might even make a casserole. What about you? Are you going to stay here?"

"No, I don't really..." He trailed off, deciding the rest was better left unsaid. "I'm going to train with Master Duncan some more. This has been a break for me, too."

"Mm." She leaned back against a wide-boughed tree with ample shade. It was a relief to think of returning to Duane, Katarin and all the children, but what would she tell them about her trip? I talked to friends, pretended to be someone important, and danced with people who would tear down our home? The sun bore down on her and she closed her eyes, welcoming the slow surge of coming sleep.

Sabin must have noticed her drowsiness, because he sat down beside her and opened his backpack. "How about some lunch? It's probably easier to eat while we're here."

"Sure. What do we have?"

"Some rolls, sliced bread, carrots, grapefruit, canteloupe, and..." He blanched at something in the bottom of the bag. "Uh, that's it."

"It all sounds good to me." Terra ate a whole roll and half a piece of fruit until that same sluggish fog overtook her. What a stressful vacation. She needed real sleep. This whole week her mind had been in a million different places, but now she was calm enough to rest. She was so tired and the breeze was so warm.

"You still there? If you're that out of it we should get going."

Terra mumbled a protest. "Not yet."

"Yes, yet. C'mon." He brushed a persistent moth off her cheek, but she wouldn't sit up. "Don't you wanna go look around more? You need to stay moving so you'll be tired tonight."

"Soon, soon..." To her surprise, he didn't push it.She took advantage of his leniency and dozed off, hearing a ragged chorus of "Mama! Mama, where are we going?" as she faded away.

In her dreams the nobles came for Mobliz. They came up out of the water like frogs and rushed to the shore, waving stacks of bills and parchment. "Give up your land! Give up your home! This is for business!" Terra quickly gathered the children and what few belongings they had and rushed for the door.

The graying earl from Maranda stood with his arms outstretched over the doorframe. "How long will that land be arable, anyway?" he cackled. "Surely it would be no loss to raze the property and start over, don't you think?"

"That's right!" A crowd of corpses appeared behind him, their rotted faces accusing. "You burned our homes! You killed our children! What gives you the right to have either?"

"I didn't mean---" she began, but the earl had stepped aside to let the undead host take their revenge. They reached out greedily for her children, eager for retribution, and Terra screamed.

"You can't!" she cried. She was suddenly deep underwater and struggling to breathe. "You can't! You can't! You can't!"

"I can't what?"

The nightmare abruptly vanished and she was jolted back to the desert. There were no nobles, no bodies, and no dangers; just some sun-baked plants and several fluttering moths. All that was left of the horrible scene was a river of icy water dripping down her neck. "Wet...?"

"Better?" Sabin bent over her, tapping out the last drops from an empty canteen. "Edgar always did that to me when I had bad dreams. Well, that or hit me, and I didn't think that would go over well."

"I'm fine," she said unsteadily. The sensation of readjusting was like coming in from the cold. "I'd like to go see the ancient castle, if that's all right with you."

He helped her up but didn't let go of her hand. "Sure. I bet we can make it there in about two hours if we walk fast."

"All right." I'm fine. I'm just fine. She looked at his fingers wrapped around hers and wondered at it. When would he let go? Would he ever? Would they walk all the way home to Figaro Castle and explain themselves to Edgar? What was she supposed to do in a situation like this?

I don't mind. His familiar warmth and safety was comforting. Terra wanted to thank him, then realized how absurd it would sound and thought better of it. Instead she squeezed his hand, a shy gesture he readily returned. Thanks.

She could tell that he knew what she meant.

ooo

Sabin didn't have a reason to hold onto her except for it seeming like the right thing to do. Actions really were louder than words, even if he didn't necessarily know what they were saying.

The ground level path to the ancient castle was a series of tunnels on the western border. "Some scholars from Figaro and Corlingen are trying to excavate it," Sabin explained. "They're really interested in all those books in the library. Edgar's nuts about it, of course, 'cause they're paying him tons for the privilege and he always loves new research..."

Terra remembered the library and its countless stone shelves. Some years ago she'd stood there for hours, reading the story of the queen and her esper lover and looking over the last line again and again. To love a beast is certain peril...Did that mean her, too? "Right. There were a lot of books in there I wanted to read."

"Well, you'll have plenty of time now. We've still got five hours before we need to start heading back."

The short, sandy tunnels became increasingly humid as they went further below ground. Sabin glanced down and, seeing no discernable change underfoot, slid the rest of the way down. Terra waited until she heard a loud "thump" in the distance.

"Are you all right?" she called.

"It's fine. Go ahead."

She dropped to her knees and let gravity do the rest of the work. The rush of wind reminded her of when she had been able to fly, and even in the tight crawlspace the exhilarating feel of a force beyond her control was the same. She finally tumbled to a stop on damp stone.

"Nice landing."

"I did my best." She stood and wiped off her dress. "So, where do we start?"

Thousands of years later most of the castle had fallen to pieces, but the remains maintained an air of haughty grandeur. There was a kind of sanctity about the place, as though the sheer age of the ruins demanded piety. Terra admired the grotesques hunched over the entrance before going in to walk around. Their menace, like so much else, had been lost with the passage of time.

All the rooms was grim and spartan, a far cry from the resplendent opulence of the modern aristocracy. This had been a warrior's culture, where honor was valued above wealth. Even the royal chambers were almost wholly unadorned.

Sabin was tapping at a jar full of thin brown sticks."This is neat. Food must've been pretty scarce."
"What are those?"

"It's..." He caught a whiff of the rancid smell. "Geh! Tin pork, that's what Father called it. It's just dried and salted strips of meat. They don't have much nutrition, but it's enough to keep you from starving for a little while. You see a lot of it in poorer areas." It was also one of Edgar's favorite foods, even if he'd never admit to it. Sabin had often caught him indulging but his brother always insisted it was a temporary weakness.

Eventually they wandered down to the library. Although none of the foreign scholars were present, their looseleaf sketches and observations were still scattered all across the floor. Terra couldn't find the story of Odin amongst the mess and was relieved. For a while they just took books at random and read aloud passages that struck them as funny. Sabin found a lot of amusement in the coldly factual stories of court life.

"I tell you what, some things don't change. Politics is politics no matter what kind of society you live in."

Terra opened a large leatherbound volume that had been propped up against a chair. The pages were filled with complicated graphs, symbols and short lines of nonsensical poetry. For there are two rivers/Diverging from one source/The same, and yet not equal/Fate spares one, the other's doom is swift. "Is this...?" She flipped to another page, and this time the corresponding lines were about feathers. "Is this a book of predictions?"

He leaned down to read with her. "It doesn't make any sense, so probably, yeah. I can't think of anybody else who would draw a bunch of star charts."

"You're right. Here he goes on and on about the world's greatest leader, but there's just blank space at the bottom. I guess he didn't think he needed to give specifics."

"Well, we can fix that."

She immediately knew what he meant. "Yes, absolutely!...but isn't it wrong to write in a book?"

"Not if we're just adding information." His innocent grin won her over, and she grabbed a quill off one of the tables.

Unmatched throughout history

Of leaders the most eminent

His name is resounding,

His works are everlasting.

Behold, and remember God's chosen king:

Underneath in small curled script she wrote out Edgar R. Figaro.

ooo

"What a fantastic day!"

"Agreed."

It was just hours after sunset, but the sky already shimmered with countless stars. Castle Figaro was barely visible from a distance, little more than a shadow against the vast expanse.

Terra wiped sweat from her forehead. "That was exciting...strange, isn't it? We spend so long fighting for our lives, and now going out at all is an adventure."

"You miss the old days?"

"No!" She would never miss washing off the dried blood that caked under her fingernails, sleeping in three-hour shifts to stand guard, or having to kill any Imperial soldier that posed a danger. It had been a brutal, unforgiving way to live. "No, I don't," she continued, "but I still like to travel."

"Me too."

Without the benefit of sunlight the desert grew cold, and beside her Sabin had become a dim, hulking outline. She felt the same fearful solitude that preyed at her in her dreams. "I had a really nice time," she said, if only to be sure she wasn't truly alone. "This whole trip, I mean. You and Edgar have been so good to me. And for everything you've done...thank you."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried, I'm just glad. It means a lot."

"Sure thing," he said, and gave her ponytail an affectionate little flip.

"I..." Why do you believe in me when I'm still so weak? Terra pulled his arm to her chest and held it tight. She wasn't sure what she was doing or why she was doing it, but she knew it was very important she be close to him right then, even if words failed her.

It was a ridiculous, childish thing to do, but Sabin didn't object. He gingerly rested his chin atop her head and stood there with her.

Thank you for understanding, Sabin, even if I don't...

Against all expectations Setzer was waiting for her at the crack of dawn. Terra put on her old house dress and stumbled outside, shielding the sun from her eyes. Castle servants were carrying stacks of lumber into the Falcon while Setzer protested loudly. "What is this, legitimate business? What about my reputation?"

The twins laughed. Edgar was the first to notice Terra hovering apprehensively by the front gates. "Ah, meu doce! I don't know how I'll have the strength to face the day without you."

"You'll just have to manage," she smiled, hugging him tightly. It wasn't often the king was permitted to show sincere physical affection. "I'd be happy to help you again if you ever need me."

"No, no; I am in your debt. Permit me to repay the favor when the time comes." He gave her a last chaste, courtly kiss and released her. "Brother? Surely you have something to offer?"

Sabin shrugged, frowned, then scratched his head. "Uh, well, right. I'll see you around."

"Yes..." Terra turned away and looked up at Setzer. "Can we go?"

"Ready when you are," he said, raising an eyebrow. She avoided his suspicious gaze and hurried up the gangplank. She wanted to be home in Mobliz as soon as possible.

There's nothing more to say, is there?

It isn't as though it matters.

I'm going home, where I belong.

There's nothing more to say...

Setzer took his place behind the wheel and lifted off.

The End

(...of part one.)