Chapter 5: Too Much Love In The Air

"Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn't show up in x-rays, but you know it's there." –Gracie Allen

"I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I…like him," I sighed, letting the now petal-less fake flower fall to the floor. After staring at it, I stood up and began to jump on it furiously. "I don't like Derrick! I do not, and I never will...understand?"

After a few more jumps, I plopped down on my window's seat, a disappointed look on my face. "I don't like Derrick…"

You just liked the way he kissed you, a voice in my head said. I smacked my forehead. "Of course not!"

Remember what he said? the voice continued. I think I still like you.

I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head.

I think I still like you.

I began to slap my head, trying to keep out Derrick's confession. Why did he have to say that? He's about to get married to my sister, for goodness sake!

I looked out the window, sighing dejectedly. This last week I had dedicated it to avoiding Derrick, feeling guilty every time I talked to Massie, and at being at war with myself –one side of me liked Derrick in ways that I shouldn't, and the other hated him with a passion greater than ever.

"That idiot…telling me he likes me," I muttered, shaking my head. "Thanks to his foolishness, now I'm stuck here with a crush on my sister's fiancé. What? No, I do not have a crush on him…get a grip, Kristen!"

I began to bang my head against the windowsill, feeling like such a lunatic for fighting with myself. But you know what's the worst feeling of all? The guilt I feel for debating over the fact of liking or not liking Derrick. The real idiot in here isn't him –it's me. Massie trusts me with her life, how could I be having these kind of thoughts?

I know I have to tell her sooner or later if I want to stop feeling guilty. And it's not just the kiss that's got me so worried. It's what Derrick told me afterwards that's got me shaken up. How can I tell her that her future husband might have a crush on her sister? Is it even right to tell her that?

"Why did you have to say that, Derrick?" I lamented, punching my pillow. "Why were you so stupid? I am about to be your-"

"Help! Help! Somebody, help!"

I stopped, my fist mid-air.

All of a sudden, I heard a clatter of pans in the kitchen. I stood up, dropping the pillow as I ran downstairs.

Beside the fact that Josh would never scream for help if it weren't something serious, Todd's with him. Yeah, apparently Josh offered to babysit Todd. Don't ask me why…my guess is that they found common ground on old detective movies. That prediction is backed up by the fact that Todd brought a stack of DVDs when he arrived today.

"HELP!"

Just before entering, I grabbed a wooden vase from a table. Exhaling, I pushed the doors to the kitchen open…just to find Josh running around in circles while Todd stood there, swinging a pan in the air.

I sighed, annoyed. "Guys, what's going on?"

"Kristen! Thank God you're here," Josh said, running to hide behind me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I quickly ducked before Todd hit me with his pan.

"Sorry, Kristen. I was trying to hit the bee!" Todd apologized.

"Bee?" Oh…now I get it. Josh is terrified of bees. I don't know why, I don't know how his fear began…I just know that once he began to run around in the premiere of one of his movies because of a bee. Everybody loved it, though. They thought it was "adorable".

"Oh, Josh," I sighed. I was about to grab something to kill the bee, when it buzzed past me. I screeched, nearly falling on top of Josh.

Todd tried to hit it once more, nearly hitting me instead.

"Sorry again!"

Josh tried to run toward the door, but the bee flew in front of him. He grabbed a magazine and, after rolling it up, attempted to hit the bee.

All of a sudden the doors opened. Someone held up a box and somehow lured the bee into flying inside. After the person trapped the bee, we all looked up to see who our savior was.

Want to guess?

If you guessed Derrick, then…Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner.

Derrick smirked. "Geez, it's just a bee."

I stood frozen in place. When Derrick's gaze met mine, his smirk disappeared. I gulped, trying to look away, but I couldn't. After a few seconds, Derrick cleared his throat and I managed to turn away, my cheeks red. Josh was eyeing me suspiciously now, but Todd seemed oblivious to every thing.

"I-I'll see you guys later," I told them, before walking past Derrick and up to my room. I quickly opened the door to the attic and climbed up. Once I was safe near the window, I sighed, looking down to my hands.

The only way I could talk to Massie about what happened was if I talked to Derrick first. Now…how would I do that if I couldn't even look at him?

I leaned my forehead against the window, ignoring how cold the glass was. I had no idea what I was going to do now, and there was only a week and a half left for the wedding.

"I'm such a coward," I told myself, remembering how stunned I was back in the kitchen after seeing Derrick.

I opened a random box, trying to forget Derrick. The first thing I saw, though, was a picture of Massie and I in Disneyland. We were both laughing at the camera, Massie's face glowing with happiness. A small smile spread in my face as I remembered the day we took that picture.

For our entire lives, Massie and I have been slowly building a bond solely made of trust for each other. And I'm sitting up here ruining it by liking Derrick's kisses way more that a sister-in-law should.

Yes, I admit it. Even though I hate and shouldn't be saying this, I liked kissing Derrick. I can't help but remember the feeling of his lips on mine, or his thumb brushing my cheeks…I can't help but like the memories, either.

I looked at the picture of Massie and I once more, guilt overpowering every other feeling I felt in that instant.

Normally, in high school, I was always the girl who was able to solve problems. Not just from school, but from people who came up to me for advice. While Derrick was known as the smartest and most popular boy, I was known as the girl who would listen and solve problems.

Sadly, this time I can't find a way out of this mess.

I heard a faint giggle, which made me look out the window.

It was Massie…and Derrick.

They were sitting on the snow, talking to each other. Every now and then, Derrick would kiss Massie's hand or cheek, making her giggle and blush. They looked very much in love…like they should.

All of a sudden, Derrick threw a snowball at Massie. Massie swiftly avoided it, gasping loudly.

"You did not just do that!" she exclaimed.

Derrick shrugged, slowly standing up.

Massie began to furiously throw clumps of snow at Derrick, who just laughed as he got hit. They were both glowing with happiness, smiling with glee.

After a while, Massie walked up to him, lying down next to him.

"I love you, Derrick."

Derrick smiled, wrapping his arms around Massie. "I love you, too, Mass."

I looked down, flinching. Derrick's words repeated in my mind, I think I still like you.

It shouldn't matter to me so much. They were about to be married, after all. I looked up once more, just to see Derrick leaning down, kissing Massie softly.

I turning away, feeling a knot in my throat. I blinked back tears and rushed out of the attic.

I know I shouldn't be mad.

I know I shouldn't be crying.

And I know I shouldn't be wishing that it was me instead of Massie.

But I was.

I tried to feel the guilt and hatred I felt toward Derrick earlier, but I couldn't. I just wanted to curl in a ball and cry.

I dejectedly walked down the stairs, just to find Todd sitting down on the floor.

"Todd?" I sniffed, sitting next to him.

Todd smiled. "Hi…Kristen, are you crying?"

I chuckled. "Don't mind it. I'm just complicated."

Which is true.

Todd shrugged. "I think that you're okay just the way you are."

I smiled sadly, ruffling his red hair.

"And I think you're really adorable."

Todd blushed, before sighing and looking down.

"What's wrong, buddy?"

"Love," Todd murmured.

I sighed, slumping my shoulders. "Tell me about it."

"It's just that…I now like this really amazing girl, who I just found out my new best fried likes."

I nodded, patting his shoulders. "I think I know how you feel."

Todd shook his head. "Love sucks."

"Love shouldn't exist," I agreed, looking down as I remembered Derrick.

"What are you two sulking about?"

We looked up to find Josh holding a bowl of popcorn.

"The existence of love," Todd muttered, stomping toward the living room.

Josh turned to look at me, an amused smile on his face. I laughed softly as a tear slid down my cheek.

Josh's smile vanished once he saw my face. He kneeled down in front of me and wiped the tears away. He sighed. "Forget whatever's got you sad...we're having a movie marathon, after all. And I don't want you moping around."

He held up his hand and I took it, trying to smile before following him to the couch. Todd had already placed the movie we were going to watch and dimmed the lights.

"Hurry, you guys. It's about to start!" Todd urged us.

I tried to pay attention to the movie, but every now and then, Derrick's face popped up in my mind. How could he admit to liking me when he was in love with Massie? I shook my head, burying my face in my hands. A bunch of movies went by, and I still couldn't forget about that stupid Derrick. That idiot…

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked up to find Josh's concerned face. I nodded silently without looking at him in the eye.

"You know, you can tell me anything."

I shrugged, shaking my head. "There's nothing to tell."

"Oh really? How about telling me what's up with you and Derrick?"

I glanced at Todd, who was now asleep. Sighing, I lied, "Nothing."

Josh nodded. "Then what was that in the kitchen all about?"

I shook my head, looking away. "Seriously, nothing's going on."

I felt Josh place his arms around my shoulders, his hand rubbing my arm. "Your sister's about to get married…I'm sure she would hate it if she had been the one who found you crying in the staircase."

"I-I…"

Josh tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "It's okay. If you don't want to explain, then don't. Just remember that I'm always here for you, Kris."

I smiled truthfully for what seemed like the first time in days. I looked up at him. "You really are awesome."

Josh looked me into the eyes. Tonight, his hazel eyes were nice to look at –especially because they reflected happiness and comfort. As I stared at him longer, for some reason, I felt my cheeks turn red. Confused, I looked away.

After a while, Josh sighed.

What he said next really caught me off guard.

"I love you, Kristen."

Startled, I turned to look at him. What in the world had he just said? It couldn't be possible...

"You...you l-love me?" I asked, my eyes wide. After a while, I chuckled. "Oh…I get it. You love me in the way that best friends do."

Josh remained silent.

"I love you too, Josh," I said, as I leaned my head on his chest. "Now, good night."

I closed my eyes, ready to doze off. Before I was completely asleep, though, I felt Josh kiss my head.

"I didn't mean it in that way, Kris," Josh whispered.

a/n: Uh...hello.

It's been a while *giggles nervously*.

Alright, I'm sorry for not updating in such a long time! I've just been really really busy. Hopefully, you guys understand...anyways. I know there's no flashback in this chapter, but I couldn't think of one that went well with the situation. And I know this might be a pretty uneventful chapter, but I wrote it just to hint some future events in the story :)

rvp721: yeah, I'm sorry about that. I only noticed it until you mentioned it! PM's are enabled now, though.

Review telling me what you think! And if you've got any tips to share, they're gladly welcome :)