"Just listen"
APH Spamano
Warnings: Romano's foul mouth, slight mention of sexy times…
Disclaimer: Hetalia still belongs to Himaruya
They say that actions speak better than words, but sometimes it is necessary to let those important to you know exactly why they are important, to tell them with your own voice how much you care and how much they mean in your life…
But when you are like me, letting all those things out your mouth can be more difficult than say, making my brother stop eating pasta. And trust me, making Feliciano stop eating pasta is very difficult, so difficult in fact that no one has even been able to do it and lived to tell the tale. So yeah, there is almost no way to make me say all the embarrassing and mushy shit you're supposed to tell the one person you love the most in the entire world…
What? I am capable of loving someone too! And shit me if I don't love that stupid grinning moron of a Spanish handsome lover of mine… I do, and he knows I do…
Or at least I think he does…
So why am I getting all philosophical about this telling people you love them and shit?
Well that's because… because…
Damn it because lately that idiotic bastard is been acting stupid g-getting depressed and moping around every time he… he tells me he loves me and I don't say it back…
And it's not like I don't want to… even though I don't want too… but ugh… look, I just I do sometimes want to tell him just that but every time I try it comes out in a very not so romantic way… like, I might be about to say "Damn it Antonio I love you too!" instead the words come out as "Damn it you idiot I… I don't hate you!" Or "You're a moron" "This paella is nasty" Etc etc…
You see my problem now? Every fucking time I try to say something nice it always comes out not nice at all… and…and that stupid sensitive-even-though-he-doesn't-know it Spaniard… well, I think… I fear that he might not really believe that… that I do love him and he might be thinking to… God help me, to give up on me.
So yeah I, well I needed to find a way to let him know, to make sure he believes me for the rest of his life that I fucking love him like I've never ever loved anyone else…
For Christs sake, I don't even know myself how I could not love him. What the fuck… but then I suppose he really can't read my mind… and he can be so, so fucking dense… even more than I… I mean not that I'm actually dense, shut up.
Anyway so let me tell you what I did to fix this problem… why? Because, beause it's fucking possible!
I had been thinking about it all night, tossing and turning in bed out of fucking excitement because I was gonna nail this problem so well it would never be a problem ever again, and not at all because the stupid lover of mine decided to spend the night over at his stupid frog face French fucking bastard friend instead of staying… staying here with me damn it.
So yeah ahem… I was thinking what I was gonna do and I had no idea yet what this plan of mine would be, but I just knew it was gonna be something so fucking amazing that I was gonna sweep that grinning idiot off his feet and he would… he would be so awestruck he wouldn't even be able to speak and I would have to fucking kiss him senseless just to make my point even clearer and then we… then I… we would have the… the best fucking love making session ever that would last all night long and neither of us would be able to get up the next morning.
Yeah it was gonna be epic, I was so gonna do it. Oh yes I was… I just needed to find a way… just some sort of hint on how to let my…my true feelings be known…
Yet three hours later and a headache the size of America and this miracle plan of mine still remained unknown to me…
Fuck… I was supposed to have come up with something already… I mean yeah I could have just straight up told him I fucking loved him more than my own pathetic existence… except I already knew I couldn't because my stupid mouth wouldn't allow it… and that was the reason why I needed to come up with a plan to begin with… yeah.
I could call my brother and ask him for advice… but… but his advice would probably involve something like, make him lots of pasta so he knows how much you love him veee~
And… and maybe I would cook dinner for him since… well he really likes it when I do… but he doesn't really like pasta that much… maybe I could make something Spanish?
Yeah… he would like that wouldn't he? And then he would be so delighted he would be all like:
"Lovi!~ You made all this wonderfully delicious food yourself? All of it? With your beautiful hands? Just for me? Aww Lovi you're so cute! I can't believe how stupid I was for thinking that you didn't love me when all this time I have been wrong!"
And then he would hug me and this time I'd let him without resisting that much and I'd hug him back and then he would kiss me and… and that would lead to other things and my dilema would be resolved!
Ok… maybe I did have a master plan… god I'm such a genius aren't I? Fucking yes I'm amazing!
And so with my master plan safely tucked in the back of my mind I was finally able to fall asleep… but I really shouldn't have… why?
Well because I didn't know fucking Anotnio was going to come knocking on my door at fucking four in the morning completely drunk and spewing all kinds of nonsense and I was gonna me grouchy from lack of sleep and would yell at him to get the fuck out and…
And god he actually listened to me! He fucking listened to me and left! What the fuck?
He fucking left and I was still so very shocked I didn't stop him and now here I was still standing like an idiot in the middle of and empty livingroom not having the slightest idea what the fuck I was supposed to do now.
Great, just great...
I decided I couldn't sleep anymore anyway so I did what I always do whenever I'm upset and can't sleep anymore and feel like I need to kill the world. Yes, I called Feliciano.
"Hello? Fratello? It's five in the morning…and I was cuddling with Luddy…and.."
"God shut the hell up and let me speak damn it!" Ok maybe that wasn't the best way to start a conversation with another drowsy and very grouchy Italian… but I was just that smart…
"Ok I guess you don't want to tell me your problems then so I'll just hang up and go back to cuddling with my boyfriend and let you sulking all alone like I suppose you are…"
Damn my stupid and evil brother….
"Wait no! Don't do that… I… I mean I… not that I care… no wait… I do… ugh, Feli just… damn it I'm sorry ok? Please don't hang up?
"Fine… let me just go out, I don't wanna wake up Ludwig, he is really tired form all the sex from last night… what? Just because you didn't get any doesn't mean I can't!"
Yeah he was definitely still mad at me… freaking bragging bastard… ugh.
I heard a door open and close softly and soon he was back on the phone.
"So what is it this time fratello? What did you do to brother Spain?"
"What? No I… I didn't! He… he fucking came to my house drunk and…and extremely late at night… or early… and yeah maybe I did sort of yell at him and told him to get out of my house… but I didn't mean it! You know I didn't! And and…and he fucking should know that I didn't mean it… but he stil left and…and I have no idea what to do…"
I wasn't crying damn it! I wasn't… I was just…. It was… Ok I was maybe crying a little but, but it was just the frustration and the tiredness getting to me… yeah…
"Ok… calm down, look fratello, maybe brother Spain was just too drunk to know you didn't mean what you said even though half the time I'm not even sure when you do or don't mean something… buuuut, just go to his house in the morning and make him some pasta and tell him you didn't mean it and have make up sex in the kitchen, ah come on! You know how much you like kitchen sex vee~ and then everything will be back to normal, Im sure! "
Why had I called my stupid brother again? Oh right, because I'm an idiot who lacks judgement… only sometimes fuck you!
"Right… um yeah, I'll uh… that… well thanks I suppose."
"No problem! You know I'd do anything for my fratello!~"
"No you still have to pay for crashing my Vespa Feli…"
"awww… well, it was worth a try, right? Well I'll go now, I don't want Ludwig to get cold and lonely like someone else, ciao fratello!"
And so he hung up after cunningly poking fun at my misfortune… Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who knows the monster that lives inside my supposedly sweet as pie younger brother…
Well, maybe I would follow his advice… just the part about going to Antonio's house damn it! I… I don't like kitchen sex! I don't!… not, not that much…. Ah why do you even care you fucking perverts!
But for now I was gonna try to get some more sleep, I was still tired after all…
I ended up sleeping more than I wanted and had fucking nightmares about…about pasta monsters that came to eat me because I was having amazing sex in the kitchen counter…da fuck? See? See what talking to Feliciano does to me?
The point is, I don't think I will be able to eat pasta in a while… but it's ok, I like pizza better anyway…
Moving on… so by the time I was fully awake and ready to head out to Spain's house it was already noon… yeah I really overslept… and I didn't even have time to eat breakfast.. Or lunch or whatever. Hopefully I would get to Anotnio's and be able to enjoy some of his very delicious tomatoes he grew with his own hands and sweat and love…
So I left my house and made sure to lock it… just in case…
And took Feli's car because my Vespa was still at the mechanic getting repaired… fucking Feliciano almost destroyed it… good thing his tank was full because I had no money to buy gas…
When I got to Spain's house I… well I was a little nervous and didn't know what to expect. I knocked the door, even though I usually don't… but um, yeah see? I was really nervous.
I waited but there was no response, so I knocked again… still no response. Finally I tried to open but the freaking door was locked! It was locked! And Antonio never locked his door, ever.
So maybe he wasn't home… I didn't know what to do but well I suppose the most sensible thing would have been for me to go home… but I didn't want to… for some reason I was… scared?
Yeah that was the cold feeling in my gut when I realized that something must be definitely wrong for Antonio either not being home and having his door locked, or being home and still having his door locked and not letting me in… although he didn't even know I was coming… or that it was me knocking on his door.
I facepalmed and decided to try again… maybe he was home but was still tired or… or maybe he felt so miserable he didn't want to see anybody… but he would let me in if he knew it was me, right? I- I really hoped so…
I knocked again calling out his name… well it went more like this…
Knock knock "Oi! Spain bastard! It's me! Open the door damn it!" knock some more then hit my head against the door at my inability to sound less… less like me…
I heard some noise and finally after fucking forever the door was slightly opened and a very disheveld Antnio poked his head out. He looked worse than I thought, he had huge bags under his rather dull green eyes and looked like he hadn't even showered and I could still smell the alcohol in his breath, I had to wrinkle my nose a bit… but just a little bit… I was more worried about his state than I care to admit…
"Uh Romano… what…what are doing here?"
He said in such a quiet voice I had to strain my ears to actually hear him, oh and did I mention that he still hadn't let me in? Well he hadn't, he wasn't even fully out the door!
"I… I'm… are you gonna let me in bas…Spain?"
He blinked a few times before stepping aside and opening the door for me to come in. His living room was in such a mess I didn't even know where to look. There were beer cans, beer for fuck sake! Litering the floor as well as a few empty wine and tequila bottles and glass shards from an unfortunate flower vase that must have been unlucky enough to cross Antonio in his drunken and surely angry state.
Suddenly I felt like the biggest asshole in the planet… wait no, scratch that, like the biggest asshole in the entire fucking universe and beyond….
"So… what are you doing here?" He repeated the question sounding so hurt it even hurt me just to hear it.
I wanted to answer, to say I'm sorry and to tell him what I had come here to say, but I couldn't, the words just wouldn't leave my mouth and it made me angry.
So instead of trying to speak and ruin whatever chance I might still have to fix the whole mess I'd put myself in I began picking up the trash from the floor being careful to avoid looking into his tired gaze. I wasn't sure I would be able to look at him and remain calm, and I needed to… I needed to stay calm and focused so I wouldn't mess up again.
I kept on cleaning up the mess while Antonio just stood still by the door looking at me without saying another word. It was all so very frightening… in all honesty I was kind of expecting him to say something, to… to say he was sorry or to start helping me out with the cleaning. I just wanted him to… to fucking react and be back to his senses!
My eyes must have begun to water because my vision got blurry all of sudden when I was picking up the glass shards and I ended up cutting myself… fuck it hurt!
I cursed aloud and was about to lick the wound on my finger when Antonio's hand took mine. I immediately looked up to see his worried look.
"You cut yourself"
"No shit I did…" I instantly regretted saying that because the look he gave me was just… damn he looked like a fucking kicked puppy. "I.. I mean… um… It's nothing…"
"I'm sorry" He sounded so pitiful I had to mentally kick myself for being so tactless…
"Look… it's not your fault damn it… I was, I was careless ok, and it's not even that bad.. I'll just go clean it and it will be fine."
"Let me… I'll clean it up for you, I promise I'll do my best not to hurt you again"
What? I had no idea what the hell he meant by that… so I just asked.
"What do you… I mean… it's just a cut, why are you saying that?" He looked at me and then looked away letting go of my hand and backing a few steps away from me.
"I just… no… nothing…"
What the fuck Antonio! This was starting to get annoying. I seriously needed to do something to reassure the stupid insecure moron that was the love of my fucking life that he was, in deed and word just that, the fucking love of my life!
I sighed deeply before walking up to him and holding his face between my hands. Yeah I might have stained his face with a bit of my blood but that didn't really matter to me at that moment.
"Listen Antonio" I gathered all my courage to do what I was about to do and stop my voice from trembling so bad… I was still nervous ok… and fuck you if you think you wouldn't have been as nervous as I was in this situation.
"Just… just listen ok" He nodded but I could see the fear in his eyes so before he or I could say anything else I pulled his head down to my chest and pressed his ear to my fast beating heart.
"Do you hear that Antonio? That, that's my heart beating… you know why it beats like that? Be-because it's saying I love you, I love you I love you. I-I love you Antonio. I do… even if I don't say it often… belive me, believe me because I do."
I let go of him and he straightened up and looked at me. His face was probably as red as mine and there were a few tears threatening to fall at any moment from the corner of his eyes.
"Lovino… you… I…" I didn't let him say whatever he was trying to say since I feared I might have not been clear enough so before he could muster another word I pulled him close again and kissed him as best as I could trying to put all my feelings into the kiss. I needed to make sure he believed me, I needed to make him feel what he always made me feel, like the luckiest, most loved bastard in the world.
I broke the kiss only after my lungs were practically screaming at me for need of oxygen but kept the closeness between our bodies, I didn't want to let go yet.
"Lovi" He spoke again, looking more alive than ever "I heard… your heart… it really spoke to me…"
"See?…" I said refusing to let my embarrassment make me look away from Antonio's beautiful loving eyes. "So… so don't give up on me, ok? Because… because if you do… who else is going to… who else is going to make my heart beat like that? And… and who else am I going to give this love to?"
Antonio's eyes looked into mine with shock as those words left my mouth.
"Lovi I would never give up on you!… if… if anything sometimes I… sometimes I feel like my love isn't enough… I.."
"Shut up!" I covered his mouth with one hand and then pulled him into a hug.
"It's not true you… you idiot, you love me… and that's all I care about it… because you do right? And… and I love you too so… so that's all that should matter… now stop saying such stupid shit and just… just… and just…"
"Let you love me?" He smiled into the hug, I could feel it and couldn't help smiling myself. Yes I can actually smile when I want to!
"yeah well… yes… but… you have to love me too… and…"
"And?" He said in his usual seductive voice as he ran a hand down my back slowly in a teasing way.
"And you have to take a fucking shower first… God you stink!" And I pushed him away flustered. Not that I didn't want to… you know… let him love me and all… but, I still had plans that included cooking for him… and having sweet desert in the kitchen…
Ice cream and churros! I mean Ice cream and churros! Fuck you people!
He chuckled a bit before smelling his fucking armpits and wrinkling his nose at his own stench.
"Wow… you're right, I do need a shower… but… ah Lovi! You're still bleeding! Come to the bathroom with me and let me fix that for you! I Don't want you to pass out on me or something for losing so much blood" With that he fucking dragged me with him to the bathroom and prepared his bath before carefully, and I mean really carefully, taking care of my finger… that idiot, it was just a smal cut, I wasn't really gonna bleed to death for that… but well… better safe than sorry, right? Right.
"Ah there you are! It's fixed" He said and placed a noisy kiss on my injured finger, of course I didn't blush or anything…
"Say Lovi… sorry for last night… I mean… for coming to your house drunk like that… it was… stupid haha"
"Um yeah… it was…. But… "
"Yes Lovi?"
I looked at him with the most serious expression I could muster and spoke the last couple of phrases that still needed to be said.
"I'm sorry too… I didn't mean it… and… I don't… I don't want you to leave me like that ever again, understood?
Antonio knelt before me as I was still sitting on the edge of the bath tub, and crossed his arms on my legs smiling warmly at me.
"Understood my love, it won't happen ever again, promise" He swore and placed a small kiss on my nose before getting up again.
"Good" I said also getting up and making my way to the door.
"Aww you're not coming in with me?" He asked faking disappointment all the while with a taunting smirk on his face, the bastard.
"As tempting as that sounds… No, I… I still have some… stuff to do… now hurry up and take your damn bath! I'm not going anywhere close to you again until you clean up you pig" Yes, I still went up to him and kissed him again before exiting the room to let him shower, shut the hell up I can contradict myself as many times as I want to because… because I fucking can!
After making sure he stayed in the bathroom taking the bath he really, really, really needed I went back to the living room and finished cleaning up making sure to keep my hands accident free this time, and then proceeded to carry out my master plan in the kitchen. By the time Antonio finally came in I was already done cooking and setting the table for the two of us… I had even gone out to his garden to pick out some of his best tomatoes maybe eating one or two of the smaller ones on the way back… maybe.
"Wow! Lovi, did you? Did you make all this yourself?"
Did I forget to mention I had prepared a couple of Antonio's favorite dishes for him, taken the bottle of red Italian wine I had brought with me and even put a vase full of red carnations in the center of the white clothed table? Like I said… when Antonio took a bath, he fucking took a bath… like… like a fucking woman kind of bath… so yes I really did have enough time to prepare everything… and besides, Antonio always had everything he or I needed to cook whenever we did.
"No… I had your fucking cook come and prepare everything"
"But Lovi! I don't even have a cook!"
I face palmed myself but decided that getting annoyed at Antonio's idiocy could wait, I was hungry after all… and not just that kind of hungry…
"Are you going to sit and eat with me or are you going to sexily stand there all day half naked?"
Did I also forget to mention Antonio was only wearing jeans and had a towel draped around his shoulders while his hair still dripped droplets of water that slid down his muscled toned body in the most fucking sexy way possible? Water could do that! It so could! It was doing it just now, see? See! Well of course you don't…. and I'm glad because that's just for me to see!
"Ah of course! I can't wait to taste what you cooked Lovi, you always make everything so delicious!" Yes he totally overlooked the fact that I just called him sexy… well fuck my life…
"And do you really think I look sexy just standing?" ….or don't?
"Ahaha Lovi you're blushing again like a….
"Tomato I know, so shut up and eat damn it!"
And eat he did. He must have been as hungry as I was because he literaly devoured everything on his plate and would have gone for a third round of shirmp paella if I hadn't told him about desert…
"You even made desert Lovi! I'm so happy!~ This has been the best day of all the best days I always have when Im with you!"
Damn the stupid idiot always coming up with mushy shit like that… I swear I don't know how he does it… but I suppose I was still under the mushy spell because I responded as mushily and fucking fluffily as he always did… No I will not repeat what I said so go cut yourselves if you want to.
"Awww Lovi you're so cute! So cute I'd like to have you for desert please!"
Well, he didn't even need to ask twice…
I got up and walked to kitchen asking him to help me get the desert winking… yes I fucking winked at him hoping to make it suggestively enough for the dense idiot… whether I managed it or not, I don't know but the point is he did follow.
I asked him to take the ice cream out the freezer for me and while he did as I said I sat on the counter undoing a couple of my buttons and taking a heart shaped churro on my hand putting it in my mouth and bitting it slowly as soon as he was facing me again.
His eyes went wide in surprise as he carefully watched my performance…
Needless to say, the churro wasn't the only thing I got to put in my mouth that day… and, we never did get to eat the ice cream as it ended up wasted on the floor when Antonio dropped it in favor of ravishing me with kisses and much, much more that you really don't need to hear… let me just say that…
While it might be true that actions speak louder than words… when you love someone it is necessary to let them know, with words, that you do.
As difficult as it might be, because well… everybody likes being told that they are loved!
And besides, if I was able to do it, so are you! So stop being a fucking coward and go tell that person you love and who loves you that you love them! There is no excuse…
But I will excuse myself now because… well, because there's a sexy and very naked Spaniard waiting for me in a warm bed to… oh, well I guess you really don't need to know…
See ya suckers!
~From Lovino, with…ah fuck it! With love!
I don't know OTL
This was written based on a picture by Amo-Siesta on DevianArt
But yeah, Anotnio seems OOC? Well I think he can't be happy 100% of the time, and y'know people do need to be told you love them
I guess in my head I think he does sometimes feels down when Lovino doesn't actually say "I love you"... but that's just me...
And I guess I just needed an excuse to write this LOL